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Pitfall! (1982)
My original favorite game for Atari 2600
I used to play it for about 15 hours a day when I was 5-7. I could never figure out how to beat it because there is no end.
You are just a guy running around in the woods, collecting treasures and avoiding death. There are deadly scorpions, poisonous snakes, killer crocs, pits of death, and pools of water and tar. There are also logs on the ground and for some dumb reason, when you hit them, you die? What the hell is that all about?
I recommend this game to anyone who can find an Atari 2600 in working order. Get a handle of Rum and play it until you destroy your house by taping a butcher knife onto the end of a mesh bat and carving your lamps into oblivion. It is a great game and it led me into a life of misery. Thank you for your time!
Baseball (1983)
bad game
Terrible, awful, lousy, very bad, dreadful, apalling, horrible. Avoid this like the Plague
This game has got to be the worst ever created, or at least close.
Hmmmmmm, I want to be team J and you be O. That is so funny
Mike Tyson's Punch-Out!! (1987)
Better than Pro Wrestling
OK, so you have Kid Dynamite from the 80s as the ultimate Bout. What is better is the cast you have to go through to get there:
Glass Joe Von Kaiser Piston Honda (twice) Don Flamenco (twice) King Hippo Great Tiger Bald Bull (twice) Soda Popinski Mr. Sandman Super Macho Man Kid Dynamite
All of these are capable contenders with some super tough moves. They all have their own little tricks to try to knock Little Mac over. Of course, in the arcade, Mac was a green graph and in this game you (Mac) have on green shorts and a black wife-beater.
Mac should always listen to his manager, the colorful Doc Brown, who always has good advice such as "join the nintendo fun club today, mac".
Also, be sure to utilize star punches at key times, like when an enemy is stunned or just rises from the canvas. Try not to throw too many punches or you will get fatigued and lose heart power. Also, always counter punch after dodging.
The code to go straight to Tyson is: 007-373-5963 Use this only after a thorough training episode that encompasses all other enemies. If you can not beat everyone else very easily, you will have no chance against N. Tyson. Good luck and remember to join the Nintendo fun club ASAP!!!
Superman IV: The Quest for Peace (1987)
not as good as I-III, but a decent laugh
This is definitely not what the Superman Saga should be remembered for. However, it is a decent idea and it does bring back Hackman as Lex Luther which is good to see. However, his sidekick, Otisburg, must have read the script and opted not to audition!
The movie is inspired by Iran-Contra (Oliver North 80s) and the Cold War of the middle and late 80s. Nuclear war is something that Superman opposes and he decides to rid the planet of all nuclear warheads. As he is tossing the missiles into the sun like they are toothpicks, Luther has been secretely formulating a plan to use Superman's own DNA against him. He steals a piece of Superman's hair (over his ears) from a museum and makes a potion that will react with solar energy to form Nuclear Man. The concoction is fastened to a missile and when Superman throws it into the sun, Nuclear Man pops out and heads over to the moon (where Superman happens to be) and they have a brief battle.
Nuclear Man, controlled by Luther, decides to hit up earth and goes to visit his master. Luther can control Nuclear Man by shutting the curtains and blocking the sun. He gets his energy from the sun, not from eating hot dogs and Doritos in a bowl like humans.
Anyways, they have their usual battles and Superman almost is carved to death, but returns and throws Nuclear Man into a nuclear power plant which gives unlimited energy for 1,000 years. Great ending!
This is all, I seriously doubt there will be another sequel given Superman's (Reeve's) current condition of handicapped circus sideshow!
Superman III (1983)
Pryor steals show with perm afro and molester stache
***SPOILERS*** ***SPOILERS*** This has to be the best performance that we have seen out of Pryor. He is as Agustus "Gus" Gorman, not to be confused with the 60s Don Knotts movie, Gus, about the field goal kicking donkey.
Pryor starts the movie as a bum in a rut, but unemployment services place him in a job as a computer programmer. He soon realizes that he has a talent for hacking. He writes over small portions of money into his account, hoping that no one will ever notice. Not to be, Ross Webster (Robert Vaughn), who is the millionaire executive in charge of the company, realizes that Gus has been embezzling corporate funds.
In a bind, Gus agrees to help catch Superman and he tries to produce Kryptonite, but only has 95% of the ingredients identified. He decides to simply put tobacco tar in the recipe and he delivers Superman the tar-laden kryptonite in a military jeep at some convention. Superman claims that the gift is nice, but has no clue what the hell it could be.
Gorman's special mix created a reaction that caused Superman to become a vile gangster. It didn't kill him, as he and Webster had hoped, but it did spin off a Superman who got drunk, got laid, straightened the Leaning Tower of Pisa, and blew out the Olympic torch, all just for fun. He also fought himself as Kent vs. bad Superman in a junk yard and had tires all over him and then Kent crushed him in the end. Oh, Superman as the gangster also tore open a crude oil vessel in the Pacific to attempt to cause massive ecological damage.
In the end, peace is restored and Gorman ends up saving Superman from the super computer that is created to help Webster rule the planet Houston. Pryor skis down a skyscraper and has a good pube afro and stache.
It is a great movie and I recommend it to any fan of the Superman concept.
Dragnet (1987)
Good performance by O'Halloran, as always
This movie is worth viewing for only one reason: EMIL MUZZ!!!!!!! Jack O'Halloran is great in this 80s classic. I could watch this movie 12 times a day if I could stay up that long, but I am usually watching other 80s like Alf, Teenwolf, anything Moranis or Levy, etc.
Back to Dragnet, Jack O'Halloran from Dragnet is just pleasing to the ear. I love his porn stache and his nice beret. He is great as always
ALF (1986)
Best ever 80s
This is in my top 3 80s artworks. I like Alf, he is sooooooo cool. This is one of the more realistic shows to come out of 86. I always ask myself why stuff like this was only thought of in the 80s. Was there some unknown hallucinogins going around Hollywood that made aliens in suburbia and teenage werewolfs popular. Where is the talent today? We are forced to watch well written, well acted, and well directed movies with talented professionals in them. I would rather have more ALF, Teenwolf, Vice Versa, ETC. Trash acting with terrible plots and bad production, that's entertainment. OK, watch Nickelodeon for ALF. I watched it twice last night. It is as great as I remember it when I had my feathered hair and mesh hat in '86.
Redneck Zombies (1989)
Good Redneck Haters
A mullet redneck takes a lost radioactive barrel of toxic waste, forcing the army guy to leave without it, and is then robbed of it by more white trash making a new alcohol still. Yet, the infamous Ellie May--if you've seen this, you know who it is--drops the barrel and the radioactive stuff goes into their still. They leave it, though, and are impressed with their moonshine.
Meanwhile, a group of campers are out looking for their campsite ("And it has a pond to p**s in!"), unaware of the carnage about to unfold.
I think we can all guess what happens next. The moonshine is distributed around town, turning everyone who drinks it into a flesheating zombie with a mullet! No one's safe--especially not the campers, who find themselves attacked and killed off with no mercy, all leading up to the bloody climax.
Take special note of all of the hair in this movie. You will see some extremely trashy people from Arkansas who probably think it is still the 80s.
Who's the Boss? (1984)
Pintauro Steals show
This show has it all: from Tony Danza's feathered hair to Danny Pintauro's hair over his ears, this screams 80s like nothing ever has before. Pintauro is the most under-rated actor of the 80s. He is much better than Jeremy Miller, Kirk Cameron, and Fred Savage combined. The Bower agency is one of the best agencies ever and I think it is up there with Microsoft and General Motors at the top of the Fortune 500. Alyssa Milano should have stuck to the 80s. She is pretty hot, but has now resorted to 1-800-Collect commercials. The same thing happened to Mr. T and Arsenio Hall! The 80s just produces a bunch of losers. However, Pintauro is better than life itself. He is like a God. I have worshiped him since the mid 80s and will continue to support his hairstyle forever
Marble Madness (1984)
Dumb
Ok, I can see that no one has ever commented on this, probably a reason for that, the game is a joke. It takes 3 minutes to beat and there is a lame ending. You are just a ball and you roll around for a few minutes and the game is over. It should have never been created and it fails to present any challenge. I would rather play Bocce than be forced to beat this. It sucks big time, but can be fun if you're tanked playing it
Hikari shinwa: Parutena no kagami (1986)
my top 5 nintendo games of the 80s
This is one of the best games ever made. I beat it frequently and just love the cast of monsters in it. My favorite is the Hairy Nose Room where the song "Hairy Noses Galore" plays and adds to the drama of Pit trying to conquer Hyrule. There are also 3 bosses who have the Hairy Nose music when you are beating them. This is a comparable game to Metroid in '86 and I will continue to beat this until the Nintendo stops working. I wish Nintendo would make a movie Kid Icarus, or at least put out the Hairy Nose song on a CD or something. We could have a Nintendo greatest music CD and Kid Icarus would for sure be a feature
Airplane! (1980)
ZAZ at the best
This may be the funniest flick of the 80s. It is between this, Teen Wolf Too, Pee Wee's Big Adventure, Armed and Dangerous, and Midnight Madness. Ted Stryker is the best ever and Stack is great as Captain Rex Kramer. There are so many one-liners in this film, that I could use one a day for the rest of my life and never repeat myself. One of my favourite parts is when the niggaz are on the plane speaking Ebonics and June Cleaver from Leave it to Beaver is able to understand their Afrikan Jive language. It is a great reference to how colored people speak and whites can not understand their illiterate asses. Of course, this is not true, but it adds to the comic impression of the movie. Those jigaboos are great for the role here, good casting all around. It is in my Top 10 80s movies
Golf (1984)
Pizza the hut vs. Dwarf on golf
This is the worst game in Nintendo, I hate it and the graphic are bad too. One thing about it is that the water is OB and you hit all the shots with annoying sound effects and they are bad shots too. The game is easy to beat and if you go on a tree it is OB. This game should be burned at the stake.
Zombie Hunger (1984)
Great Title, Lousy Flick
Dick Kern is brilliance in this terrible 80s flick. I mean, this writer/director/joke would be better off killing himself with a guillotine than making anymore movies. His audience would be happier if he just put his head in a vice and tightened it a few cranks. I recommend this movie to no one who appreciates life or no one who doesn't appreciate it. No one should ever see this again. It is terrible.
Armed and Dangerous (1986)
Fun Flick, Good Hair
Let's talk a bit about Eugene Levy's hair in the mid 80s, was it just a perm? No, I think it was borderline mesh. What's worse is that I have recently discovered via Mesh Sweats that Levy had a molester moustache in the late 70s. This is fascinating, perm over the ears and a porn stache. Where did our sense of style ever go? If I had lived in the 80s and been in my prime, I would have lived as Gene Wilder's hair or Eugene Levy's hair. Either way, it is one fine species, with style, girth, and attitude. Of course, there's always Kurt Rambis hair, stache, and glasses if we must talk basketball, not bad there either. I wish Rambis was on the waiver wire.......Feb 21 2001 7:17PM
Caddyshack II (1988)
very stupid, but hilarious flick
This move is incredibly stupid, but I find it very amusing to watch. It is an 80s movie, so it is off to a bad start before the first scene! The best part in this is definitely played by Dan Aykroyd as Captain Tom Everett. He is trying to bash a gopher's head into oblivion. He also is hired to blow up a golfer because Robert Stack as Chandler Young wants to win a golf match. During the course of the film, Aykroyd as Everett blows up a Rolls Royce, drives an RV with a hot dog stand attached to be in-cognito, shoots himself in the tailpipe with a poisonous arrow and hits an explosive golf ball at a watermelon in a noose! What the hell kind of script does this sound like? Yes, a terrible 80s script, but the movie is very funny. Another good part is when Todd is sliding down a water slide and trying to show off for a chick. How the hell can you show off by going down a slide, you just go down it, right? He claims "Yeah! Oh Yeah! and is pumping his fists as he slides down a waterless slide and burns his ass. An entertaining movie with a very stupid plot, what else would we expect from the 80s!?
Teen Wolf Too (1987)
great as usual
This is another great 80s piece of garbage. The best role here is Chubby (Mark Holton), who is back from the original. In my opinion, he is one of the best actors of the 80s and should have won an Oscar for Buxton in Pee Wee Big Adventure. When you add a fat slob like Holton to a great, highly realistic script, bad hair, porn moustaches and feathers, and mesh hats, what more can you say than this movie is funny. It is not funny because it's good, but because it is so bad, and yet so realistic. I feel like doing handstands on cargo vans after this flick. Please, watch this and take special note of Holton as Chubby and then rent Pee Wees Big Adventure, then kill yourself because you obviously are an idiot! Mark Holton rocks!
Jem (1985)
More 80s Trash
Jem! I used to love this stuff when I was a child. I had a Jem Lunchbox, the Jem microphone, all the Jem dolls and any other Jem! contraband that I could get my greasy hands on. I actually wanted to be Jem for a brief period of time when I was in rehab in tha late 80s. Jem could out rock anyone in music right now and she was just animated. I hope Jem will soon be syndicated and appear on cable again. I will always have a special love for Jem! and what she did for me. I love you Jem, you are my hero
Friday the 13th Part 2 (1981)
Kristin Baker totally nude ~!!!
If you are coming here to see a very hot nude chick, this is the place. Baker is fantastic and has quite a bush. She has pretty small breasts, but makes up for it with a dynamite bod. Look for her as a blonde in Midnight Madness. She is not nude in this, but is hot and should be in porn
Spaceballs (1987)
Fun stuff
This is a fun flick, good dumb comedy, if you're into that kind of thing. Pizza the Hut is a great idea, as is Lone Star and Spaceball 1 going plaid. A must see for everyone who has any appreciation for slapstick comedy. This is one 80s movie that I am proud to own and to view
Teen Wolf (1985)
This is a terrible but likeable flick
Let's see what we have here--A terrible idea for a movie but yet I continue to watch it. I watched it twice in 9 hours last weekend on TBS or TNT or something. The all time best part is when Scott Howard's dad says, "unless that was another werewolf doing a handstand on Stiles' Wolfmobile!" I personally didn't know that living organisms play better basketball as canines than as human beings. This movie can teach you a thing or two about life. I also didn't know that the hottest chicks at school were interested in wolf love. Now I know why "doggystyle" is so popular! This is a great flick to watch solely to make fun of. If you bring up a good Teenwolf conversation and someone knows what you're talking about, you might want to take heed though, it really isn't too cool. What kind of writer would ever even attempt such a joke of a movie. I give it 10 stars because I think it is funny and entertaining, although it is terrible
Superman II (1980)
Best threesome ever created attack Superman!!!
Jack O'Halloran, Sarah Douglas, and Terence Stamp produce very underrated results from this stellar film. Terence Stamp as General Zod, O'Halloran as Non, and Douglas as Ursa join together upon their release from the Phantom Zone to wreak havok on Superman, who happens to be the son of their jailor, Jourell. They realize they have spectacular power and move quickly over to earth to rule it as they had tried to on Krypton. Superman has some key moves in this film. He eye-beams a souffle for Lois to feast on and he also eye beams a branch to save Lois from Niagara Falls' rapids. The man of steel becomes a mortal and all else seems to be going fine when Zod (Stamp) moves in and starts finger and eye beaming everyone and their mothers. Ursa eye beams a snake and Non tries to eye beam the snake, but is too retarded and fails miserably. This film is full of good quotes, mostly all from the mouth of Zod. He claims, (to Superman)"The son of Jourell will be my slave....forever! If you refuse, the millions of earthlings you protect will pay for your defiance!" Kneel before Zod!!!!! The closer we get to an atmosphere with only 1 sun, a yellow sun, the more our molecular density gives us unlimited powers! There are all kinds of other classics, but I will let you discover them on your own. Go find this film right now for an experience that will change your life forever. I used to skip college classes to sit at home in my room with a few cold ones and watch this film over, and over, and over and over. It never gets old and it never makes me cease laughing. I think Jack O'Halloran, Douglas, and Stamp should have won Oscars for the film, it is that good.
Midnight Madness (1980)
Great Fun Flick of the early 80s (MJ Fox, Reubens star)
This is a great movie for any person from any generation. It has all of the classic protagonist-antagonist relationships. The blue team is hilarious. Harold is a fat, rich, spoiled slob and he tries to win by cheating with his computer. The yellow team is full of honest, likeable people including Michael J Fox, who helps to solve a vital clue near the end. The green team is full of stereotypical jocks. They are college football players and they fall out of contention when beer and chicks are presented. The white team is a bunch of dorks and they are harassed by the jocks and eventually hook up with the red team, who is led by a real hottie (for the time). This movie makes me laugh every time I watch it and I have seen it dozens of times. I highly recommend it as an interesting, underrated comedy of the early 80s. Watch for Paul Reubens appear in the arcade. He is great in this film, although his stage time is short.