Reviews

What came first the chicken or the egg? What came first brutal oppression by western powers or Islamic suicide bombers? It takes two to tango and this movie delves into the murky line that is blurred by career politicians controlling a populace via fear of a bogeyman and very real bombings and murders taking civilian lives. I've seen a lot of junk movies covering terrorism that are nothing more than propaganda and what I loved about this movie is not only the fantastic action scenes but the even handed treatment of terrorism, and where it originates from. Several scenes cover the topics of misguided Arabs youth looking for a violent solution to western oppression. At the same time the idea of a terrorist cell is covered in a realistic manner.

In the middle of all this mess is our hero trying to track down terrorists and render them harmless with extreme prejudice. The plot is fast paced and full of great action and the script is intelligent and realistic, much more true to life than many of the pieces of trash I've suffered through from Hollywood that are nothing more than government propaganda so a population can feel good about being at war with innocent people while decrying their resistance as the reason for invasion.

I love Joan Jett, I had the Runaways bootleg live album, one of the first albums I ever bought, back in the days of Vinyl and real rock and roll. While the Runaways birthed Joan Jett and The Blackhearts this movie doesn't really touch on that until the last 30 seconds of the movie and of course, that's the most interesting part of the story. This movie would have been better if they got rid of the fat chick from Arrested Development, who had no place in the movie at all. There's so many amazing stories from being on the road, but this movie is flat, and boring, and confusingly, about a bunch of underage chicks on the road in a rock band.. I mean.. come ON. This script is tame, and as such retarded since it doesn't emphasize the most interesting thing about the Runaways, Joan Jett, or Lita Ford for crissakes! Don't do a movie about rock and roll if you don't have the balls to show the scenes of what it's all about. I will say the casting for Lita and Joan Jett was pretty darn good and OK for Cherry.

This is a good date movie, and that's pretty much why it sucks too. The comedy is a consistent cute, sort of just enough to make you smile and get half a chuckle, but never really over the top hilarious. This is very obvious target marketing at work to give a couple something to watch so they can chit chat lightly after and then go have dinner. The entire movie is held up by the lead character.. it's basically him muttering over the heads of whoever is in the room in an amusing manner.

PLOT: ghosts are trapped on earth, wishing they could let their loved ones get on with their lives but it's unfinished business and they need some help. They get help from one of the living in an unusual and cutesy awww isn't that sweet manner. Our lead character is a dentist and his love interest has a connection to the ghosts as well. This is cotton candy for a first date or something, it's not a legitimate movie, it's a vehicle to sell a ticket and get someone to say.. yeh, it's OK, and the girl chimes in "I thought it was funny".. and off you go.. they could have done a lot better, but that's target marketing for ya.

There's a lot of movies out there that try to be clever clever with their plot twists and it becomes very obvious that the people who wrote those twists must be shooting at a dart board in between doing lines and heavy drinking.

This is not that sort of movie. This script is smart, tight and very interesting to see unfold.

The plot vehicle of the schizophrenic sociopath being represented as a second actor is very effective, and the plot itself plays out very much like a chess match in high speed. Our character thinks 3 or 4 sometimes 5 moves ahead. I've seen lots of movies try to attempt what this movie achieves... and it's gold.

PLOT: The man of the year in an Oregon town has a little bit of a dark secret.. he has an addiction that he can't seem to give up, mainly due to his other personality egging him on.. he likes to... well..that would be telling now wouldn't it? Let's just say that his addiction is deadly, and he wants to stop.. his cry for help is answered, but does he really want to stop? He's not sure. Two side plots keep the action clicking along and the whole movie seems to pass very quickly as a result. This is one of the only movies you are going to see Dane Cook not looking and acting like he is bisexual overdosing on lip gloss and sad attempts to be cute to 13 year old girls.. his character is actually watchable for a change in Dane's usual acting style, what a relief that is. Demi Moore plays a cop and she looks as good as she did in St. Elmo's fire, and that's after kids.. she has one hell of a surgeon and a line on some good botox I guess, but however she does it, she still looks great and her role suits her.

If you love this movie as much as I did you will probably also like American Psycho and Clay Pigeons that carry some similar themes.

This is a VERY messed up movie, and the script is VERY LA.. about midway through the movie I realized they were trying to pretend they were New Jersey inhabitants... /facepalm for that fail. If you ignore that stupid detail the movie is a number of different stories tied to together by one dinner table/family in search of "Happiness" in relationships, but since they are so very very messed up in the head, they tend to attract what they are.

Some of the thematic elements are going to sicken or disturb sensitive viewers, so don't watch it if you are easily offended.. there's nothing visually graphic, but the topics are a bit icky.

I especially enjoyed Jon Lovitz's speech at the restaurant.. that was pretty epic. This is a drama, not an action flick, and it's not a good date movie since it covers the failure of relationships.

This is a movie with basically one set, and one main actor with the voice of Kevin Spacey as a computer that will remind anyone that saw 2001 a Space Odyssey of a sane version of HAL. The moon is now used to harvest Helium 3, it's mainly automated, with one man overseeing the operation with the assistance of the base computer/robot. Themes you will notice borrowed come from Outland, Blade Runner, 2001, but they manage to put a spin on the plot that is unique and that keeps it interesting.

This is a psychological drama, it is not an action movie, it is not a date movie, this is the sort of movie you probably will get the most out of if you watch it in the dark by yourself without interruptions. The mood needs to build in order to get the full effect of the script. Suffice it to say that all is not what it seems on base, and our main character starts to feel a bit stranded on the moon, wondering what will become of him. He gets help from the most unexpected of places, but is it too late? You can't really describe this movie without giving away essential plot elements that are better left discovered by the viewer by watching it... which is what you should do, this is a great movie.

This is a reasonably slick looking movie that falls flat on it's stupid face, as the movie starts it seems to hold promise, we obviously know there's a deception of some kind going on, but it's not quite clear what kind of setup it will be. By the time you see the end scene you will want to take whatever media the movie is on and smash it to bits for being so incredibly and utterly, ridiculously, pathetically STUPID.

Whoever wrote this script was borrowing heavily from a MUCH better movie. SKIP this movie, go watch the movie it ripped off:

The Spanish Prisoner.

PLOT: a charismatic new friend introduces a bored/boring accountant to some women that would normally be out of his league, it all seems to good to be true, then comes the gotchya. Unfortunately you will see it coming a mile away, and the end of the movie is so stupid, and so terrible you will really regret watching this dog. If they cut this movie in half and decided to re-shoot it with a believable ending, it might have been a 5, but this movie is a solid 1 because of the low IQ of the plot.

The Spanish Prisoner with Steve Martin is a thousand times better than this stupid dog, that ripped of that script and added some scantily clad women as window dressing and a completely unrealistic "love" interest.

This movie is a reasonable amount of fun, I was put off a bit by Jesse Eisenberg acting like a complete ripoff of Michael Cera in this movie for an obvious attempt at some coat tail fame. However, the Michael Cera style of comedic delivery is still fun even when it's a ripoff. This movie has Jesse and Woody teamed up to try and survive. This is generally a dorky comedy with a reasonable level of intellect and creativity. They could have been a bit more edgy but as far as marketability to the unjaded non-sentient masses this movie should be a big homerun.

We've seen the plot several times before - Zombie Apocalypse.. this is a lighter/funnier but equally gory handling of the topic.

Loses a point for being a Michael Cera comedy style ripoff.

This movie had a lot of potential I think we will need to wait until Tarantino does this genre before we get a really good one. This movie tackles the task of making fun of blaxploitation films of the 60s and 70s without actually winding up being that funny. It uses some skin, but is way too sanitized in the T&A department- they really missed the boat on what exploitation is all about: decadence and lots of hedonism, to the max. The bell bottom pants were not authentic, there were many scenes that were OK but, they were just OK, not great. The main actor is perfect for the role, he does all the kung fu kicks, etc required and has the good ol super-afro with handlebar mustache, even sequin outfits at times.

The problem with this movie is it is presenting something inherently offensive to blacks and trying to make it palatable and humorous.. why bother? That's what was fun about it in the first place!!!!! What we are left with is a sanitized attempt at tongue and cheek which winds up being a tongue in a cotton mouth of dryness, tameness and overall unfunny script.

A director with some balls needs to take on this sort of script and give us the laughs AND what we came for- some good old blacksploitation 70s funkiness that has an AUTHENTIC feel, instead of some loser in LA's ripoff hack job.

Go see UNDERCOVER BROTHER first, it's a lot funnier. If you want the real deal of what this is making fun of, check out the SuperFly TNT series and Dolemite.

This is a generally stupid and boring movie, with some reasonably pretty supporting female roles surrounding two brothers who have a rich uncle. The two brothers have a boat, called Cassandra's dream, and it's symbolic of the hope in their lives for a better tomorrow and is used as a vehicle for irony. The uncle needs a favor, and it seems like it might be a path to a secured future, but what about the risk? Therein lies the rub.

Colin Farrel doesn't really act in this movie since he's playing a confused slightly retarded effeminate momma's boy, I doubt it was much of a stretch for him to play that role. Ewan plays his brother and works a lot harder at actually acting in the movie and does a fair job, but you still are left with sort of a schlock tongue-in-cheek treatment to the script. When the movie ends you will most assuredly be saying to yourself, "That's it? Well, thank god it's over."

Better movies by Woody Allen:

Vicki Cristina Barcelona, New York Stories, Sleeper, Annie Hall, Bananas

Hoo Boy, what a stinker, but so bad it's good in parts. I love David Lynch and his various works, but that couldn't keep me from realizing this is a piece of poorly thought out trash. It's the sort of sloppy movie-making where they aren't 100% sure what everything in the script means either so they use the art of confusing imagery to try and distract you from the ever creeping realization that this is a really boring movie.

PLOT: an actress married to a jealous husband gets a leading part in a movie with supposedly hunky leading man. Friction ensues, and the actress can't help noticing the script is starting to resemble her life.. is the script cursed? Brace yourself for continual attempts at dream sequences without any special effects other than lighting and location. The movie is forgiven somewhat for having ubiquitous D list T&A strewn throughout the movie for no apparent reason other than it's awfully nice to look at. Unfortunately it's all PG and no real skin.

FAILURE: this movie fails due to a very low budget feel, intentionally wooden acting, and completely confused attempts at being mysterious without really ever having an interesting mystery to speak of. It basically infers that the script is a portal of some kind but the special effects used to get that point across are so bad that it takes a lot of strength to sit through this whole thing.

This movie revolves around psychiatric theories about a man with amnesia that may or may not be linked to a murder, the psychiatric part is extremely clumsy and laughable at times. The thing that holds it all together is a young Ingrid Bergman looking absolutely delightful and fierce playing her role with a good amount of fire. When nothing else is happening, at least their is Ingrid.. meow! Ingrid plays the role of a murder suspect's therapist trying to uncover the truth about his involvement in the murder of another psychiatrist and clear his name before the cops get wise and track them down. This movie is very dated, but it's also very enjoyable if you watch it within the context of the limitations of the period.

I had a lot of fun watching this movie, it has a decent plot without getting too complicated, a good enemy with some fun action scenes and the female lead Antje Traue is pretty damn hot. This is not really that deep of a movie but it does present the title rather well through the script- Pandorum- a psychosis related to deep space travel making the victim hallucinate and make bad judgments. Action is balanced and the fight scenes are intense. The bad guys are rather voracious and reminiscent of the beasts in "The Descent" but more advanced. MMA star Cung Le makes a minor role appearance as a non-English speaking sidekick along for the slaughter.

THE PLOT: a man awakes on his spaceship but no one is around when he awakes, he was supposed to have a relief crew wake him.. what's going on? Where is everybody? How long has he been asleep? What's that scurrying noise? Oh god, no...

OK, for all you teen drunk girls out there that got your idea of what a vampire is from anything but a properly written book will eat this up like mana from the gods.

But if you actually know what a vampire is from the old legends when people would actually be killed for being a vampire or they would lock up villages in fear of them- this is no vampire movie.

This movie basically turns the entire vampire legend and any logic or authenticity whatsoever spills on the floor like entrails.

This is teen drama from start to finish, with no research or logical plot writing. For instance- multi- century old vampires still being petty and talking as much as they do or getting upset over small things. That just doesn't make any sense. This script is obviously written by mentally impaired people FOR mentally impaired people, that think they are clever with TWISTS instead of logical story telling that grips you with a suspension of disbelief.

If you don't look too deep into this and enjoy a teen drama you might enjoy this. If you are looking for a smart, interesting vampire movie- which is what stupid people will try to sell this as- this is NOT IT.

This movie really is a huge pathetic let down and a testament to the continual pandering instead of art.

PLOT: I'm in highschool and I'm in love with a vampire. Oh snap, the drama of it all, nobody understands our forbidden love wah. Oh he might eat me too. Yeah- fat girls that love harlequin novels will LOVE THIS JUNK.

This is a decent romantic comedy that touches on several differences between American (lack of) culture and Indian culture (the correct term is actually offshored- outsourcing was historically an American stealing your job by undercutting the fee) a newly offshored manager flies to India to train his replacements and discovers Indian culture and living conditions, their insight on marriage and family and of course some blunders with customary practices in India. This stars one of the most sexy actresses around and that makes this very easy to watch even if our central character is bit light in the loafers to make convincing chemistry with such an Asian fox.

What is unfortunate about this movie is that it is, in the end, irresponsible propaganda to make light of the most disastrous thing happening to Americans today- they are losing their jobs because politicians have been bribed to look the other way or worse create new legislation that makes it easier for scumbag corporations to live in America, manufacture outside of it, and still charge similar prices as if it was produced by American labor, and they destroy local economies in the process by removing all wealth from the community via offshoring their jobs to India or china. I think after watching this movie it is required viewing to go watch "Walmart- the high cost of low prices" and the documentary "Corporation" to help balance the viewpoints. Offshoring is no laughing matter and it's looking like only bloody revolution is going to stop it. Remember- Americans have a constitutional right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Corporations intentionally removing their jobs to create a higher profit margins for themselves(robber barons) and reap the benefits of American citizenship need to be stamped out- they are a direct threat to the guarantees of the constitution and a disgrace to their fellow Americans.

This has some very surreal images to it as it shows a chase going on inside people's heads as they dream. One particular theme gets repetitive, especially since it is very silly looking and is supposed to be terrifying.. a parade of toys.. it looks really cool the first 30 times you see it, but then it gets kind of repetitive. Our main character is Paprika, a girl that can enter people's dreams to help them but does she really exist? We aren't sure of that or how she exists for most of the movie. What's missing from this movie is exciting violence and explicit sex, some "spice" for a movie named after a hot spice would be nice now wouldn't it? But it's bland in that area, relying instead on the Japanese fetish of menacing people with cute giant toys instead.

This movie reminded me of The Cell a bit, the animation is very very good, with thought put into the artwork and sets, but the repetitive scenes of the parade is an obvious cheat to cut down on the amount of animation work per frame. Overall this is definitely a charming movie if you are watching under the influence and in the mood for something surreal. Just don't hold your breath for anything sexy or violent, it's more of a dream mystery whodunnit.

I liked this movie because it was over the top goth/glam with it's costuming, fun with its gore, and the storyline was a good foil for all the characters to play off of. There's lots of corny moments followed by gory moments followed by great singing and some so-so singing. The plot revolves around Shiloh, a little goth girl with a blood disease kept inside all the time by her father- they are connected to an evil megacorp called Geneco that repossesses organs and upgrades if they are not paid for. This is a nice darkly themed movie with goofy twisted characters. It's campy and tongue in cheek and generally pretty fun. I never thought I would see a flick with Paris Hilton in it and like it. The main singing role goes to the blind singer Blind Mag... who has some serious pipes- played by Opera Diva Sarah Brightman! Lots of women with black lipstick singing opera revolving around a dark gory storyline. Twisted fun.

First off let me say the animation and art quality of both of these movies is pathetic in the extreme. The level of work that went into creating these movies is pretty low and it shows big time. Shading is sloppy, figures are unrealistic/not in perspective, bad physics, etc.. if you have ever seen some of the art in the actual comics you know what a downgrade watching these hastily made poorly drawn movies are. Then comes the dialog which is overacted and unconvincing/bad casting. Wolverine was bland, Thor was even more bland. Then take attention to storyline- most of the little details about these famous characters are left out making them all come off very bland and boring. A terrible boring script with absolutely wretched art quality- you have a double feature of stink.

I hope the trend of doing this sort of pathetic animation dies the death it deserves so we can make way for some artists with some TALENT.

This is a reasonably funny and campy horror movie that starts off as a bunch of blokes on a road trip to cheer up their recently divorced mate. Since the gathering was sudden and unplanned they catch a lot of crap from their women for leaving on the trip- hence being in the doghouse. They are on their way to a lovely town where the women outnumber the men 4 to 1.. there's women EVERYWHERE! Too bad that winds up not being such a good thing for them. LOL!! If you like a couple of jokes in between killing lots of female zombies, this is your movie, there is some decent creativity with the zombies, just remember the whole thing is tongue in zombie cheek.

Firefly the series is similar to Andromeda the series yet it manages to keep it's own unique flavor- but being a fan of both series I can't help but see a ton of similarities. Serenity is the movie based on the Firefly series- about an ex-soldier turned captain after the battle of Serenity Valley lost the war against the alliance and made him live on the run, taking jobs as he can using his spaceship to transport cargo and the occasional unusual passenger.

PLOT: two of the passengers he picks up are a doctor and his sister(who was worked on by the Alliances' Mengele- style doctors which resulted in turning her into a psychic with battle skills that can pop out at any time- the rest of the time she's a bipolar weepy wisp of a girl).

The alliance is after them, they want their weapon(her) back.. and in between all of that, they need to pay their bills by running criminal jobs using their space ship and their warrior skill as their main tools.

This is a space adventure, with plenty of planet-side action and a dash of romance here and there.

For people that know the series: All the characters are pretty much the same but Kaylee the Engineer is 20 pounds lighter, so she doesn't have that same farm-girl sexiness she had in the series.

The alliance assassin is played by a new actor, and the fight scenes are pretty good.. not top notch but reasonable.

This has your typical made-for-television quasi-medieval fantasy realm crap where swordfights never draw blood and the stunts are generally CGI or very simple run-of-the-mill boring stuff. This is a good kids movie but for adults it's just to inane, boring and bland to really stand out as anything worth watching. This is basically a director trying to jump on board the Harry Potter craze using a Television Show Movie budget.. you see the usual television quality CGI effects, a derivative script and bland actors and actresses who have no idea who their character is. The only acting that occurs in this movie is two people- the Head Magus and the Head Nun of the order that watches the unnamed ones. Other than that it's a bunch of drug addicts that just woke up blandly reading their lines and assuming their costume will make up for them not working very hard at the job of suspending disbelief. Isabella Rosellini has been taking more matronly looking roles these days, but she is still a classic beauty of the sort that drove artists insane during the renaissance- the movie is worth watching just to see her. If you want to see this legendary woman in a real movie- watch BLUE VELVET- a very harsh and brutal flick when she was at the height of her epic beauty- she burns into the screen like a fever vision in that one! In this movie she is pudgy, pasty, yet you can still tell she's completely gorgeous beneath it, a very good casting choice for her role as the head nun.

As far as suspending disbelief... There's a lot to disbelieve in this movie- like.. disbelieve you should watch it!!

PLOT: The son of a blacksmith's mother died when he was a child- he was raised by his father, a blacksmith, and an old witch that his mother saved from the sea long ago- as such he has magical powers- powers that he wants to develop so off he goes to hogwartz.. oh wait this isn't harry potter- but it sort of IS!! The rip-offs are many but the movie is saved a little bit by several good looking women to watch and a little bit of bearable CGI effects.. sometimes this movie is OK, but then the direction comes back in and ruins it completely- making it a bland, boring affair lacking in imagination and budget to convey a story worth telling in a format worth seeing.

If you want to see what this movie was shooting for I think you would watch a Harry Potter movie followed by Willow followed by Dungeons and Dragons(which was terrible).

Our main character is a chubby black man that wants to die now that he has lost his wife and is trying to pay various random people to kill him, one of the people he asks to kill him is part of another movie running alongside his dumb deathwish- the other half of the movie is about a disturbing looking geeky dweeb who finds a stripper's dog- and since every stripper has a heart of gold- they hit it off when they meet/return it because he was so sensitive to take care of her puppy wuppy *sigh*. Take two hard to swallow yet still -totally boring- stories and begin to tell the other one as soon as the first gets boring to keep your mind off the fact that they are BOTH stupid AND boring plots with dopey actors. This movie sucks and uses a popular editing trick to try and make it seem like it doesn't by continually changing the focus of the movie.. sort of like a retarded attempt at being slick I guess. It fails, this movie fails.

Wow, what a bunch of hype this movie had and then finally to see it.. it's a joke. Don't get me wrong- this is watchable but it's a dumb girls version of a horror movie- not any real contribution to occult or horror genre in any way shape or form. PLOT: Our heroine is a loan seller at a bank and doesn't give a particular person a renewal on their loan so they seek revenge in the form of something evil that will drag her to hell. The scenes are light on gore and blood and tend towards shock via editing instead of content. This is why I call this a girl's horror movie- there's nothing really horrific or scary to report- just about 10 gotchya scenes using editing.. which.. is lame in many ways. I would have liked to seen a hotter actress with more penchant for brutal gore, and a demon worth seeing. The special effect on this movie are about on par with Stephen King's Poltergeist.. they are a bit behind the curve on script writing and special effects, with casting that could be improved- but then... it would be a real horror film and not just one for girls. This is a relatively fun movie but it doesn't stand up to any close scrutiny.. it's a bit of a joke really.