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Reviews
Road House (1989)
1980's at it's finest
When I first saw this movie, this type of movie was probably at it's zenith. The strong silent type who was unbelievably intelligent and philosophical, but when pushed out of his peace loving ways would kick the crap out of you. That pretty much sums up Patrick Swayze's character, Dalton the world's best bouncer. I liked the movie in 1989, but now after all of these years, it sure looks lame.
The biggest problem I have is with the whole premise. Now, I can suspend my disbelief long enough to handle a bar owner hiring a bouncer to fight off the crime boss of the town. However, Ben Gazzara's character is so over the top, who can really believe it. I mean, it might be believable if he is some sinister mafia boss protected by layers and layers of corruption, but when he openly orders wholesale destruction of property? How does that not get notice from higher authorities or the media? Devoid of a believable antagonist, the rest of the movie really just breaks down. There is absolutely no suspense on how it will turn out, nor is there enough action. It is funny how time changes your perspective on something. In 1989 it seemed like a really cool action film. In 2006, it is just a really mediocre film with a mediocre cast.
The 40 Year Old Virgin (2005)
A very funny movie.....even if it is a tad too long
I did not get to see this movie in the theater, so my opinion is based on the DVD "director's cut". My wife and I watched this movie together and we both laughed out loud at quite a few scenes. Overall, this movie took what could have been a very tasteless subject and treated it pretty well. The script while absurd, said a lot about men and their sexual needs. In that manner is was surprisingly insightful and was pretty good-natured.
The profanity and the brief nudity was to be expected, so I would question why anyone would go into this type of movie and be surprised. If I had to make a criticism of the movie was it's length. I remember specifically asking my wife what the DVD counter stated at what stage we were at in the movie, and I was shocked that we were only at the 90 minutes mark! I chalk some of this up to the fact that it was the extended version. But still, by the end, we were both commenting about how the joke was starting to run out of steam. I compare it to one of the SNL skits that start off strong, but the writer doesn't know when or how to end it. In this case I think that the writers had so many ideas in their head, they felt like they had to get them all in the picture.
I would recommend this movie to most people that I know, so as long as they avoid the extended version.
The Land That Time Forgot (1974)
My seven year old loved it!
I guess the summary of my comment says it all. We watched this the other day on cable TV and my son being an expert on the subject of dinosaurs found it to be very satisfying. Most kids will be be entertained by the dinosaurs (even if they do look lame by today's standard) the adults might find certain parts hard to sit through.
The plot slows down a bunch in certain spots, but they work in enough action so that it is not a completely terrible movie. I was surprised to see that there was actually a sequel, so it must have done decent box office.
If you are seeking some harmless fun and see a bunch of people get munched by long lost dinosaurs, then this is the movie for you.
Frosty Returns (1992)
Why does this re-air every holiday season?
I do not understand the decisions that television networks make about their programming. It makes perfect sense to have a Frosty sequel, but to make one with absolutely nothing resembling the original is mind boggling.
I challenge anyone to show me a "holiday" special with a more insipid plot or music. The song "Let there be snow" or whatever it is called might be the single worse song I have ever heard. It has terrible lyrics and it sounds like it was created fifteen minutes before airing. God I could go on and on. Please show me there is a Santa Claus and have every single copy of this show BURNED.
Dawn of the Dead (2004)
It was OK....but
First I want to point out that I have never seen the original Dawn of the Dead. The main reason for this is that zombie movies just are not my thing. I don't have anything against them, I just think that if you seen one you seen them all. Now I will give kudos to this movie for having one of the best opening acts that I can remember. The first ten minutes of the movie are excellent. Fast paced and shocking, it really gets you on the edge of your seat.
However, we get past that and start introducing characters. I like Ving Rhames and you knew what you were going to get out of his character. Sarah Polley does a good job and Jake Weber is OK. But the other characters are annoying. In fact this is one of the main weaknesses of the movie. Not only are there too many characters, there are too many that you really could care less about. They are not only unbelievable(the character of CJ the most glaring) but they actually seem to drag the rest down with them.
The second weakness is the middle of the movie. After a frantic first ten minutes, the movie grinds to a halt. Instead of using this down time to provide us with some exposition that actually would advance the movie's plot, we get a sequence of scenes of the cast frolicking in the mall. What happened to everyone? What was the government or military response? And frankly this leads to some unintentional plot holes. Am I to believe that a handful of common people can hole up in a mall seemingly indefinitely, while the highly skilled and trained military gets wiped out in a matter of days? And the much maligned baby scene/scenario is just pointless. What did the father think they were going to do? Keep a zombie and zombie baby around for them to munch on them? Speaking of that, aren't zombie supposed to be flesh eaters? If this is the case why are there so many. Surely some zombies were eating one another.
Finally, the end of the movie is kind of a let down. Suddenly, though somewhat understandably they decide they need to escape to an island via a boat. And they decide to convert a couple of buses into tanks. OK so far. But then we decide we need to get the character across the street some food? Why not just wait until you make a run for it in the armored buses. And why does that dumb girl go and get the dog? And then why in the world do they feel compelled to rescue her? And how does CJ suddenly become one of the gang? I could go on and on. But the single most annoying part of the ending is what happens afterward embedded in the closing credits. After spending two hours mildly rooting for annoying people, I am rewarded for my time investment to discover that they get zombified anyway? What was the point then?
In summary, a really good opening sequence is followed by a lot of yakking and pointless plot threads. The closing chase scene is OK, but by this time who cared. And the "ending" of the movie was just plain over the top. I was left with the feeling of why I bothered. If I ever see it on again I will make certain I catch the opening act, but will do something else with the next 90 minutes of my life.
Telefon (1977)
A decent spy thriller
Charles Bronson plays a KGB agent with a mission to stop deranged (whatelse?) Donald Pleasence from setting off a group of terrorists attacks by activating brain-washed agents via the telephone. It is certainly not the worst way to spend a couple of hours. The plot is a little shaky and ultimately the ending leaves a little bit to be desired, but Bronson is believable enough. Lee Remick plays his secret agent partner. Remick was always a very underrated actress in my opinion, so it was nice to see one of her movies. Pleasence is exactly what you would expect out of him in his later years. The CIA agents are throwaways, even with super-smart computer whiz Tyne Daly on their side. All in all it is not the most memorable of the cold war spy thrillers, but a long cry from the worst.
Category 7: The End of the World (2005)
What?!!
I love disaster movies. They are cheesy, clichéd, and above all a simple passing of time. Most are populated with characters that we never really get to know, much less care about. But this one, it has so many characters, I couldn't even keep track of who belonged to whom.
Now, I knew going into this that there would be some half-baked global warming cause for these terrible storms. Fine, I can live with that. But shutting down the storm by turning off some electrical power! And just in the nick of time? What caused these storms to gain in intensity over unpopulated areas in the first place. Rapid City South Dakota isn't exactly thermal warming central.
We got to the point of making a lot of fun over the script. The actors who "died" must have been relieved when their role in this mess was over. The camera work was dreadful. Please tell someone over at CBS a good script makes us care about a character or situation, not cheesy freeze frame or slow motion effects.
I am not hard to please on a Sunday evening. Just don't completely insult my intelligence.
Death Wish V: The Face of Death (1994)
Worse than bad....it was incredibly dull
I didn't expect much out of this film. I was only looking for some mindless action where Bronson gets all worked up and kills some bad guys. It seems like FOREVER for it to get going, and when it finally does it is completely unremarkable. The whole step-daughter plot seems to be thrown into the mix for no apparent reason and never seems to go anywhere except to get Bronson and baddies in the same building. The bad guys are clichéd and so over the top one wonders how it is possible that the cops couldn't catch these guys. There is nothing worse than a bad action movie, and that is a boring action movie. It is very sad to read that this was Bronson's last cinema venture. He deserved better.
Panic in the Skies! (1996)
As bad as I was hoping
I watched this movie the other night on Lifetime Network only because I was expecting a classically bad made for TV movie. And I was not disappointed! Nothing in the movie makes a lick of sense and every possible disaster in air cliché is employed. Some of the scenes were just mind-numbing like the finale when the plane comes in to land. Whats with all of the emergency equipment lined up directly in the line of the landing! If you are looking for a good hoot like I was, then watch this movie. If not, then don't waste two hours of your life. One casting note. The best character was Erik Estrada playing an action movie matinée idol. What a hoot.