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Reviews
Rock of Ages (2012)
Yuck of Ages
Rock of Ages was one of the best Broadway musicals to hit the stage in a very long time. However, much like the film adaptation of Rent in 2005 this was a bastardization of a great story. The changes made to the story, i.e.: the removal of Hertz & Franz, the father & son morality duo, taking the character of Regina and turning her into some groupie reporter, the change in score etc., were horrible. The cast were more like a second rate summer stock crew of high schoolers. Tom Cruise was the perhaps the worst of it. His portrayal of self-obsessed rocker Stacee Jaxx was way off mark. The two leads were untalented and borderline annoying. Julianne Hough and Diego Boneta were little more than eye candy. Hough really can't sing. Her voice is tinny and abrasive. Boneta tried but he had so little to work with he drowned in bad material. Baldwin and Brad struggled with the same problem. Two amazing comedians wasted on cinematic dreck. The one saving grace was the under used talent of Mary J Blige. She amazes whenever on screen but she was not it enough. Poor script, poor direction, poor acting, poor movie. What the show such a hit was the sheer abandon and passion of it's amazing cast. I cannot understand why on earth they would not utilize the original cast. Mitchell Jarvis, who played the original Lonny, was really the heart and soul. His narration not only helped move the story but provided much of the humor. This movie took itself too seriously and lost any sense of humor and\or irony. Shame on them. Shame on the Hollywood machine for subjecting the public to such an abusing movie. And no, a monkey called "Heyman" is NOT funny.
Men with Brooms (2002)
Funny film with lots of heart
This was one of those movies that I caught on cable at like one in the morning. But to my surprise I actually loved it. It was very funny and very sweet. Paul Gross and Leslie Neilsen always play so well off each other, much like they did in Due South. The supporting cast, with the exception of Molly Parker, were really funny as well. She whined her way through the role. The script was filled with great one liners and amazing heart. The acting, particularly by the 3 leads, was good for the most part. They all seemed very comfortable with each other and you believed they were friends. Scenes like the beaver road block and Peter Outerbridge's sex scene with the biker made me laugh so hard. My family is from the Newfoundland area of Canada and to be honest I saw a lot of them in this movie. To those who have said this movie was awful and told others not to watch it, I disagree. If you are looking for a movie to make you laugh and has a lot of heart, I recommend this one.
The Vampire Diaries (2009)
Bloodsucker Show just Sucks
It happened on Sunday, September 13th 2009. We thought we were safe. We thought they were gone. But we were wrong. So very wrong. For now, every Sunday, they will descend upon us. Its
its
Teen Angst!!! The CW's adaptation of L.J. Smith's teen vampire saga "The Vampire Diaries" is awful. I have never read her books so I can not say they are necessarily bad, but as a television show it should canceled. The problems with this show are endless so will just explain the weakest areas.
The bad acting is scarier than any vampire. Our lead actress is some unknown Degrassi High reject named Nina Dobrev who handles her role as the emotionally stunted Elena with the subtlety of a dump truck. Her acting is reminiscent of a bad high school play. I kept waiting for her to turn to the camera and wave to her mom and dad. The other two leads, Ian Somerhalder and Paul Wesley, allow all their Soap Opera training to shine. That's not a compliment so stop smiling. Somerhalder reminds me of a less talented Rob Lowe and poor Wesley is more boy band than bloodsucker. The surrounding cast is all pretty much the same. So pretty, so hot, so untalented and vapid. Even the characters that are meant to have soul are annoying and whiny. It's like the producers said how many EMO kids can we fit in a scene? Of course all the blame can't be put on these poor kids. Look at the writing they have to work with. With stellar lines like "I predict the dark times are over" and "Pete Wentz wants his nail polish back" how could this show not win an Emmy award. Again, not a compliment, being sarcastic. Kevin Williamson took all his powers of channeling teen angst and shoved some fangs on it and is trying to make us eat it. Well screw that, I'm ordering pizza. The show has no reality behind at all. I've heard that when doing fantasy that's over the top, then you have to go all the away. Williamson stops half way. He wants us to see real teens with fantasy creatures. Real teens? Are kidding me? This is just bunch of twenty-something's playing teenagers who drink, smoke, party and have wild sex. Teens that are all allowed coffee for breakfast. Teens that all look like the cover of Seventeen magazine. Teens who party with beer and drugs at some unguarded landmark. And where are all the adults? The only adults are a teacher who pops in now and again to "school" the kids on the town's mysterious history and an Aunt who looks like she's the same age as the school kids. It's like watching One Dawson's Party of Five Creek Hill. With a bit of Vampire tossed in. The storyline of Elena's parents dying and she and her brother now being "raised" by her Aunt is cliché. The only thing that makes it a worse plot line is that Stefan is touting the exact same sob story. You kind of get the feeling that Williamson said "look how popular it is to have Vampires I need to have some too". If Vampire's are the new it accessory for writers then this show is like a designer knockoff bought on Canal Street.
Now as I said I have not read the books by Smith so I am not sure if she really wrote her characters like this. I did however do a bit of cliffs notes style research and found many discrepancies. For example the town is actually called Fell's Church, a name which is very important I understand plot wise. But the show is Mystic Falls, cheese factor of 100. From what I gather Elena, who by the way is a blonde blue eyed cheerleader type in the book but a brown haired sad girl on the show, is the one who chases Stefan. He refuses for most of the first book. The show has them together by episode one. I do not know the reason for these changes, but I feel they have contributed to the many reasons this show is bad.
Usually in my reviews I look for at least one redeeming quality in the show or movie. Sadly I have none. I have hopes for the rest of the fall line-up but this show is definitely strike one.
No Stars
Warehouse 13 (2009)
Restock Warehouse Character and you could save this show
I am generally a fan of the Sy-Fy series like Eureka so naturally I was interested in the show Warehouse 13. Imagine my disappointment after the only the first episode. The premise was great. It played out like a fun buddy movie. Good banter. Eddie McClintock is charming and funny and it's great to see Saul Rubinek on the screen again. However, it is the fact that each time I see Joanne Kelly's face on my TV I want to throw my shoe at the screen. She is berating, stuffy and completely unlikable. She has no chemistry with Eddie McClintock. She reminds of Patricia Heaton's character on "Everybody loves Raymond". She belittles McClintock at every turn and doesn't allow any growth for the character's relationship him. I am sorry but if this show is going to last get rid of Kelly and replace her with a more likable actress. She has been the kiss of death for many great shows. "Jeremiah" – canceled, "Vanished" – canceled, "The Dresden Files" – canceled. The S.S. Kelly leaves quite a wake. Don't let her sink yet another good show.
Hell Ride (2008)
Bad Biker Movie Forces U-Turn out of the Theater
When a movie called Hell Ride comes out you expect a certain amount of biker cliché. With character names like "Pistolero", "Comanche" and "The Gent" I braced myself for the worse and was punch in the face by just that. The dialogue, soundtrack and shooting style are standard for biker movies. Dusty desert blurred from the heat as bikes coming tearing down the road while "CC Rider" plays and they talk about sex and violence. Yawn! The three leads were just ridiculous and unbelievable. Seeing old men like Bishop and Madsen (in a freaking ruffled shirt) riding down a dusty strip of desert highway reminded me of two men trying desperately to relive their youth. Poor Eric Balfour tried his best but with such poor material it got lost. Even an appearance by Dennis Hopper in full Easy Rider swing, couldn't save it. And let's talk about the store bought tans shall we? Many have compared this to Tarantino's work. It is not even close. What makes Tarantino's work so brilliant is he knows it's over the top so he just goes balls out and takes it as far over the top as possible. Bishop took this film so seriously that it became nothing more than a poor copy of the exploitation genre.
Kettle of Fish (2006)
Throw the fish back
This is one of those movies that appears on cable at like two in the afternoon to entertain bored housewives while they iron. The acting is second rate. Poor Mathew Modine seems to sleepwalk through the whole film. And god help Gina Gershon. Her accent is too over the top. It sounds nothing like an true English woman. It sounds forced and phony, much like her acting. She should stick to what she does best, lesbian showgirl con-artist who plays in a rock & roll band and has a drug problem. The other characters are no better. They are two dimensional. empty, vapid and silly. How are we to supposed to care about these people. At one point Christy Scott Cashman get's lost in Central Park. Really? It's not that hard to navigate Central Park. Just follow any path out. Not only did I not care about ANY of the characters,I downright hated them. The only reason I even stayed with this train-wreck of a film was Fisher Stevens. Even his brilliant humor couldn't save this dying Fish. Each scene is typical romantic comedy fare and nothing is left to surprise us. The script was awful as was the acting. If you catch this Fish throw it back!
Across the Universe (2007)
One of this years best
So when I heard there would be a musical using Beatles songs and Taymor's visions I immediately began waiting for a masterpiece. I was not let down by any means. I have enjoyed Taymor's work from the time I had seen "Titus", her take on Shakepeare's bloodiest play. She is always entertaining and a joy to all the senses. This is no exception. It is both visually stunning and lyrical. First I have to mention the amazing covers of the Beatles songs. From the slowed down "Hold your hand" to the trippy "Dear Prudence" they never let you down. Even the instrumental score is wonderful. But when you take those songs and allow some of Hollywood's brightest to get their hands on them you have cinematic genius. Which leads me into the cast. Jim Sturgess is someone to watch for. His performance was sweet and endearing and the boy can sing. Another to watch is Joe Anderson, the charismatic Max, Jude's best friend. Throw in a slew of other Beatles characters (i.e. Sadie, Prudence and even Lovely Rita Meter Maid) as well as surprise visits from veteran rockers Bono and Joe Cocker and even a surprise visit from Eddie Izzard and you have something very special. There was one downfall however. Why is Evan Rachel Wood even in this? She was flimsy and completely out of place as Max's sister and Jude's love Lucy. She has a few songs, all of which are delivered with a bad opera impression. I'm not sure "Blackbird" will ever be the same for me. I won't deny that she looked beautiful but there was much more required of this lead than a pretty face. When you put her against the other players she pales in talent on every scale. She is out sung by the supporting females, particularly Dana Fuchs who's show stopping cover of "oh darling'" made me wonder why she hasn't been heard of before, and out acted by EVERYONE. I would normally take one point away for her boring and vapid performance but because everything else was truly cinematic genius I am forced to give it a full 5 stars. However, studios need to rethink casting Wood is these kinds of roles. Perhaps she should stick to annoying, disobedient, drug-seeking whorish teenagers. All in all: * * * * *