Reviews

A 6.0? Are You People all MORONS? This movie was crap. Let's review: Crap script - check! Crap directing - check! Crap acting - check! Anyone else see a pattern here? Crap crap, double crap! Ugh - the love story between Mr. Fantastic and the Invisible Girl was less believable than the one about Tom Cruise and Katie Homes. The horrid story drags along for over an hour, then suddenly picks up speed and wraps up all in about 20 minutes. On top of every other bit of ridiculous nonsense that happens in this terd, the plot-line where Ben is "cured" of his hideous affliction, but then goes and ChOoSeS to be an ugly giant rock seals this movie's fate as a piece of garbage.

Awful awful awful. I guess fans have to pretend to love it in hopes that a sequel will be better. It couldn't be worse.

America's fascination with all things Sandler proves there is a devil, and Satan purchased this lame comedian's soul about 10 years ago.

Granted, Sandler's performance in 'Punch Drunk Love' was charmingly off-beat. However, his nuanced delivery was more the work of director Paul T. Anderson, who knew to keep Sandler under a tight reign, rather than any innate talent.

What we have here is a single joke (and I use the term 'joke' extremely loosely) 'comedy' that grows tired before the opening credits finish rolling. The very premise of the film, that Sandler essentially ignores ALL responsibilities (including earning a living) for several months to set up an elaborate scheme to restore Barrymore's memory, is purely idiotic. A lot of less-than-brilliant people seem to find this movie romantic, but if this is what passes for 'romance' these days, we are all doomed.

The secondary-characters are caricatures of people that were never entertaining to begin with. In fact, there is not one single thing in this movie that makes it worth recommending -- it's not funny, the plot is stupid, there is not one memorable quote and the characters are all boring, lacking coherent motivation.

Even the ending scene, meant to be endearing, is just plain moronic. SPOILER: Barrymore has a child with a guy that she 'meets' for the first time every single day? Their daughter is going to have some remarkable life with a mother that forgets giving birth daily. Just like the rest of this movie, this theme is pathetic and stupid.

Fortunately for me (and hopefully a few other sane people remaining on this planet), I avoided Satan's command to 'love Sandler no matter what garbage he gets paid $20,000,000 to do.'

If you have an IQ in the double digits, avoid this turd. 2/10

There isn't much left to say about this painful rendition of the classic story: boy meets girl, boy loses girl, girl realizes she loves boy and they live forever happily, retold in this disastrous crap-fest.

This quickly produced tragedy; designed to capitalize on the success of television's 'American Idol' (probably the worst concept in history) was universally panned and tumbled to #8 on IMDb's bottom 100. And rightfully so.

MINOR SPOILERS:

From the agonizing opening scenes that attempt to establish a 'party' attitude, setting the tone for a 'fun' spring break, to the awful songs (imagine the writers of "Grease" went insane), to the insipid use of the word "party" to mean "dance like morons" (i.e., "Let's party!!"), this film just fails on every conceivable level. The leads can't act, the supporting cast is horrendous, the dance numbers are absurd and the direction aimless.

But, despite these shortcomings, this film ROCKS!!! It is SO BAD that you can't help but love it for it's sheer crapulence! Chubby ingénues Kelly Clarkson will have you chuckling during every scene with her pointless and flat delivery. The director's lame attempts to make Justin Timberlake, resembling Side-Show Bob from "The Simpsons", seem party-boy suave will have you keeling over in laughter.

The final confrontation between Kelly and her friend who finally admits that she only made a play for Justin out of jealousy is so gut-wrenchingly awful that you can't help but laugh hysterically. Most scenes are not allowed to build up any momentum because the characters' conversations are frequently interrupted by some dork in a bathing suit yelling the afore stated, "Let's Party." And these kids are such a bunch of losers, they listen to this d**k and start dancing in unison! Clearly, the writers didn't have the time and/or talent to draft full scenes, so they just inserted a lot of bad dance numbers to fill in the gaps.

Listen, it's easy to make a bad movie. But you really need utter disdain for humanity to subject audiences to this steaming terd. For that reason alone this is a must see!!

MINOR SPOILERS:

I saw 'Alfie' weeks before it opened and wasn't going to comment on it. As a single Manhattanite in my early 30's (and a bit of a wanna-be amateur womanizer), I found it engaging, fascinating, sometimes uplifting and ultimately very real. I just assumed it would get great buzz and open very well. I was subsequently shocked by the mixed reviews because my compass is generally pretty good when it comes to predicting audience reaction -- had I seen a different movie?

Then I realized, I had . . from a certain point of view. I unwittingly empathized with Alfie's failed efforts to obtain personal fulfillment through female 'conquests' and recognized the pitfalls and risks of Alfie's behavior. But, as in most cases, by the time you understand that trusting someone can bring happiness, the opportunity to do so could be gone.

Jude Law is fantastic as Alfie. He is charismatic, handsome and tips his hand to the audience JUST enough to keep from being smarmy. Law assures us that Alfie is essentially a good person with simple wants, but he is clueless as to the tremendous impact his actions have on those around him. Because of this blindness, he carelessly romps through life, casting aside all reason and consequence so he can enjoy each moment free of guilt or worry.

Of course, the bubble can only get so big before it bursts. Alfie's brushes with testicular cancer, abortion, betrayal and true love finally force him to confront, and question, the way he lives his life. What is it all about? Alfie asks the question that never gets answered. But I think we are meant to infer from everything Alfie goes through, that life is about whatever we want it to be. The trick is deciding what that is, before it is too late.

Remake? WHO CARES?? Through my eyes, a nearly perfect film. 9/10.

First, I am a fan of the Star Wars series. 'A New Hope' being the second movie I ever saw (when I was 6), I really did not have much of a choice. However, I am not a fan of biblical proportions. For example, although I know the Millennium Falcon will do .5 past light speed, I have never made myself up like Darth Maul. Nor do I have any delusions about the time-line inconsistencies of 'Empire' or the emotional emptiness and overuse of matte backdrops in 'Jedi'. I was also strikingly disappointed in 'Menace,' partly because it has several glaring inconsistencies with the events to come, but mostly because, despite its dazzling visuals, it was flat, with dialogue aimed at a 2nd grader, (i.e., - "Coriscant, the entire planet is one big city," told to us as we are looking at the one big city. Lucas did not trust us enough to see the train when it was 2 feet in front of our noses and felt he had to clue us in on the obvious - insulting).

(MINOR SPOILERS) Yet for all this we have forgiven him, because 'Clones' is a fast paced, visually spectacular, with a wonderful story and dialogue that, while not 'Glen Gary Glen Ross' is never embarrassing, nor out of step with the characters. Hayden Christensen IS Anakin Skywalker. I have read several critics who felt he was emotionally vapid and unable to display the facade of a Jedi with the core of a Sith. Obviously, critics no longer have to know a thing about acting to find work, because Christensen's deep seething, intense gaze and impulsive outbursts are Vader's core. You feel you are actually watching the man underneath Vader's cowl and know that this boy is on the path to evil. Christensen does a fantastic job with his difficult task and deserves accolades. The rest of the cast is also top notch and tight, obviously having a lot of fun, now that the actors have had time to get comfortable in their character's skins. The only misstep is actually Portman. She is gorgeous as Padme and can be quite the action heroine (though her nanosecond recovery from a high fall from a moving gun ship was laughable). However, she never exhibits more than a cute likability, and not enough heat to convince the audience that she is so taken with Anakin, she is willing to overlook his dark nature. Surely, the movie has its silly moments. C-3PO's mishap at the battle droid factory is simply absurd and should have been cut. Actually, the whole factory sequence has a strange incongruity to it, because there's too much going on with no visible means of management or structure. R2's sudden ability to fly also seems an afterthought to solve a minor plot problem. Another weakness is that Lucas is so concerned with visuals, he is willing to sacrifice character development. Anakin had been dreaming about his mother for months, and his delay in acting on his feelings causes him to find her just 10 seconds before she dies - too absurd by any standard. At least there are none of 'Menace's' 4-second scenes with just 1 line of stupid dialogue. However these minor quibbles still do not defeat the story's epic quality or beautifully orchestrated action sequences, which are enough to convert anyone to the Jedi Order. The story has a sweeping feel to it and a grandeur of presence that may not fit with the rest of the series, but on its own, is just fantastic. The plot unfolds to us in pieces sandwiched between glorious battles. I have also read many critics were unhappy with the political exposition. Again, I often agree with critical assessment, but here, they just DID NOT GET IT. The politics of a Republic becoming an Empire IS the plot of the series, just as important as Anakin's turn to Vader and essential to propel the story. If the Republic needs an army, do we not need to see why? Fortunately, Lucas handles these scenes quickly and smartly and they last just long enough for the audience to catch its breath before the next action sequence unfolds. All well done, and great to watch.

The grand finale that finally shows the audience why Yoda is the head of the Jedi Council, will send you spinning. It also sets up the rest of the series and gives away some future secrets. The worst thing about this movie is that it is the next to last one. My score - 8 Congratulations Mr. Lucas, you have done it. May the Force be With You.