Reviews

OK all your pessimistic movie haters!! Paparazzi was one of the most vivid films of recent memory, mainly due to the razor-sharp thespianism of Tom Sizemore. Maybe he should call himself Tom Actmore, because that's what he does compared to other sluffs like Tom Hanks and Beyonce. I had to "go" when I got in the theater, but wound up holding it the entire movie because I was glued to my seat by the riveting plot twists and jaw-smashing action. Only a true American hero could appreciate the fine nature of this film. The problem is, the only people who see these films are punk kids with their Tivos and microwavable burritos. They don't know the kind of gut-tear it is to have your family picked on or harassed - or to have your life put on the line hiding in some foxhole pinned under enemy fire. There are several requirements to being a patriot (the kind of person who would enjoy this film), and I will mention a few here for your educational advancement. You are a patriot if: 1. You have at least one hand-knitted blanket or quilt from your grandma.

2. You drive an all-American car like an Escort or Cimmaron.

3. You love the flag. 4. You've eaten your cake before supper on more than one occasion. 5. You like rootbeer and salami sticks. 6. You know all the words to Blue Velvet and When Johnny Comes Marching Home. 7. You fear the man. If you haven't seen this film yet, go see it! Also, ask for extra butter on your popcorn - they're putting less and less on these days.

Here is a couple of rhetorical questions: What do you get when you mix together olive oil, rancid butter, green tomatoes, mildew from your shower floor and burt bacon? C.R.A.P. What do you get when you add a predictable plot, bad character development, unecessary scenes, obvious and egregious product placement and the lack of Billy Drago together? S.W.A.T. This film stinks like an evicerated hog laying in the hot sun. First of all, the story doesn't even make an attempt to seem realistic or make any sense at all. Everyone comments on how violent and gory this film is - in my head I imagined a Blackhawk Down-esque blood and gore fest (all-American style). Instead you get some yuppy commie crap gun battles and some rediculous tactics that no one in their right mind would ever use in real life. In fact, even if Billy Drago was cast to play Gambit (or Gamble or whatever his name was) I doubt if this film could have earned a positive review. Then there's the question of product placement. If you want to engage your brain a little more while you watch this movie, try to see how many Dr. Pepper cans you can count. Or the McDonalds bag which seems to have a spotlight on it for about 5 whole minutes of the film. This film is nothing more than an over-hyped poor excuse for a summer blockbuster. It lacks the intelligence of almost any action film of the past and if this is an indication of what it takes to get massive audiences into a theater, then the film industry is in pretty sore shape. There are so many plot/technical blunders it isn't even funny. If you liked this film, chances are you also: 1. Are very indecisive at the makeup counter. 2. Played competitive frisbee in college. 3. Order a double-quarter pounder with cheese, a super-size fries and a Diet Coke at McDonalds and think you are saving yourself calories by drinking a diet beverage. 4. Are proud of the fact that you beat Tetris after using all the cheat codes. 5. Think that after someone goes to trial, they also have an error. I can go on and on, but to put it simply, this movie was just plain bad. Please revolt and rent a Billy Drago movie like Delta Force 2 instead. 2 out of 10.

I need someone to X-splain to me the purpose of this sequel. I don't usually go to see these new-aged sci-fi flicks, but I was taking care of my nephew Romel so I took him to see it. Now I'm a hardcore all-American who has seen a fire fight or two in his life, and I have to say that the action scenes in this film were terribly done. They were worse than making Mac-N-Cheese without milk or butter. What this film needed was a clear goal. I'm American so I believe in goals, apple pie, and that Tasha Yar should have never died on Star Track, because she was a true patriot. This film was a poor mix of crappy one-line jokes, action scenes that were not nearly gory enough, and cheesy X-plosions for X-citement. In my opinion, the director of this film should have designed the movie for an NC-17 rating and then went to work...instead of making it fit for all the kiddies out there. In addition, the casting was inX-scusable. Billy Drago should have been cast as Xavier, period. Chuck Norris and Rutger Hauer would have added the needed thespian punch. Instead you get a sour mix of second-rate actors that resemble that five-year old MGD sitting in your garage. All in all, I give this movie a 2 out of 10. BOOO!

The first movie in the Turbulence Trilogy is a gem. Ray Liota delivers a powerful and tear-jerking performance as a serial murderer or whatever he was. I didn't expect the same level of artistry from the ensemble cast in T3, but I wes refreshingly surprised by their ability to step up to the plate and deliver a memorable performance for the third movie in this series. The protaganist is uncovered about half way through the movie, leaving the audience on the edge of their seats. Slade Craven (the protaganist)is a poetic mix between Trent Reznor, Ziggy Stardust, Iggy Pop, Julie Andrews and and that guy who works at the gas station near my apartment with the huge hands (he can grasp a cantelope with just one hand). His epic battle against his evil twin in the movie stirs many a battlefield memory in my bottom. And for the babes..whoa...20 out of 10. Add to all that the demonic co-pilot, and the terrorized fans on the plane, and you have the award-winning Good Housekeeping recipe for a successful thriller movie. Call your congressperson today and tell them to pressure the DVD industry to release the Turbulence Trilogy as a box set today! You won't be sorry. 9 out of 10 for the movie. 20 out of 10 for babes.

I watched this movie with an old Army buddy of mine and my wife's uncle. I'm sure glad we had the depends on ol' uncle Ray because this movie really scared the crap out of us. This isn't as good as Hero and the Terror from a suspense standpoint, but it still delivers a lot of boo for the $.99 rental fee. Leelee plays a good spoiled brat, the kind not educated about the sacrifices we brave soldiers have had to go through to defend this great nation. She is personally responsible for the 11 out of 10 babe factor I give this film. 6 out of 10 for the movie. Would have been better with some award winning actors like Billy Drago though.

I've never laughed so long and hard at a movie in all my life. This film is a great comedy, except for the part where the five sisters kill themselves. While there is that tiny sprinkle of tragedy, this film brings more laughs than a pack of high school cheerleaders trying to get an A on a physics test. I had to look at the credits several times, as I was sure that Billy Drago had directed this film. Only he could achieve such mastery. If it's a rainy day and you need a rollicking comedy to pass the time, check out The Virgin Suicides.

Ray Liota offers up a god-like performance in this high-altitude thriller! The big R is simply amazing as the creepy Ryan Weaver. Why this movie was never in contention for some serious awards I will never know. This classic good vs. evil film is the type of movie that any good red-blooded American should love. It has the big R, babes, and a classic, yet unpredictable plot. I've flew in quite a few military aircraft during my service to our great nation, but my favorite has always been a 747 cargo conversion. They are such sweet planes - how they gracefully fly through the sky like honey across hot toast. This makes the 747 the ideal choice for a mid-air terror flick. Lauren Holly sizzles in this epic as the sultry flight attendant, and the other supporting superstars such as Jeffrey Joseph leave their mark on this incredible epic as well. Chances are, if you like this movie you also: 1. Love beer and cheese-filled hot dogs. 2. Use a small black comb to comb your hair instead of a brush with one of those comfort-grip handles. 3. Own a patriotic dog like a Pharaoh Hound or Golden Retriever. 4. Don't care if your vehicle only gets 9 mpg. 5. Know all the words to every Whitesnake song ever released. 6. Hate turkey bacon and salmon cakes. 7. Don't spend a long time looking for a perfectly clean public restroom when you have to go. 8. Would rather have noodles than rice. 9. Can bring yourself to believe that Britney Spears is not actually as talented as everyone says she is. And last... 10. Attend patriotic services on memorial day. This movie is an American experience. Billy Drago might have been able to improve this movie but only if he pulled out all the stops and gave his very finest performance.

Director Michael Cristofer really outdid himself on his Sophmore project. This project is commonly known as "Body Shots." This movie brings together Hollywood's most dynamic young stars and starlets and caters to the educated crowd with a sexy punch. On the surface, this movie appears to chronicle a night out on the town with a group of young, sexy singles. In reality, Cristofer has succeeded in delivering to the public a modern day accounting of "The Four Ages" poem by the classical poet Ovid. For those of you unfamiliar, Ovid is actually short for Publius Ovidius Naso, a poet born shortly after the death of Julius Caesar and raised in the fertile hills about 90 miles east of Rome. This fact brings an eery similarity to the modern day fertile hills of California. The movie takes viewers through four distinct "ages"...standin around, clubbin, sexin' it up, and stuff. Each of these "ages" are directly connected to the four ages of Ovid's poem: The Golden Age, the Silver Age, the Bronze age and the Iron Age. To best illustrate this, I shall use some quotes from an original 1954 translation of Ovid's "Metamorphoses." The Golden Age: "...a time that cherished of its own will, justice and right; no law. fearfulness was quite unknown, and the bronze tablets held no legal threatening..." When you see the movie, it is clear to see how this relates directly to the plot. The Silver Age: "Jove made the springtime shorter...(I will give this one to you - this passage refers to the wait in the club line being much shorter than usual, due to the powerful connections one of the babes has with the doorman) The woodland thickets, and the bark-bound shelters no longer served; and the seeds of grain were planted in the long furrows." The Age of Bronze: "...agressive instincts, quick to arm, yet not entirely evil." Notice how this very concise wording fits exactly with the plot of the movie. Agressive sexual instincts, not entirely bad. I will leave the examples from the Iron Age out, as I want all of you to experience first hand the beauty of this film. 10 out of 10 for the babe factor, 9 out of 10 for the film. Bravo, bravissimo!!!!!

How could this movie be worse than it already was? Simple: cast Ronald McDonald as the captain and Tara Reid as a sultry waitress to make the movie even more unbelievable. Simply put, the directors of this film managed to get almost every aspect of the story wrong. Events are transposed, and most of them are portrayed wrongly anyway. Harrison Ford trying to do a Russian accent is like a cheap pimp trying to sell auto insurance to the elderly in a small Montana town: it just doesn't work. In real life, Liam Neeson's character wasn't even supposed to be on the sub, but in the movie, he's there to give the cast that Shakspearian edge I guess. This has to be one of the worst war movies ever made, even worse than Braveheart. Not even Billy Drago could have saved this submarine movie from sinking to the bottom in a raging fireball. 0 out of 10.

Broken arrow has been critisized by some as being corny, boring and stupid. In order to understand a deep and compelling movie like this, you have to be a

seasoned movie viewer and a consumate film guru. This film does not have

cheesy special effects: it is merely shot like an old fashioned opera - where the effects on stage are clearly not meant to be realistic in any way. What this

provides is a chance to savor the acting talents of Travolta and Slater. Their development in this movie is a fine example of a pair of actors who have

reached their peak. One could easily compare this masterpiece to one of the

highest rated movies of all time...The Battleship Potemkin. I've seen this movie several times, but each time I am still brought to tears at the end of the movie. Such a heroic ending to such a sadistic plot. Being in the military for most of my life, I can appreciate the inner struggles that Travolta and Slater no doubt had to go through to play their roles effectively in this masterpiece. The score adds to the tension and drama in this movie as well. If you want a good action flick, throw away Saving Private Ryan and all those other duds, pick up a DVD of

Broken Arrow and prepare to go on an emotional and physical rollercoaster ride that if your're not careful, could leave you in a fiery, catatonic state. Wow!! 10 out of 10 for Travolta/Slater, 9 out of 10 for the flick. Bravo !

Being in the military for several years myself, I have to say that this is the most accurate depiction of what life as a soldier can be like. At times it kills you with sheer terror, at other times it can kill you with sheer unrest and boredom. Some people think that movies like The Rock and Sum of All Fears are supposed to be realistic war/combat movies. This is all a bunch of crap. Das Boot is the best submarine movie ever (and can never be topped), and show what kind of hell being a grunt is really like. The men on U-96, as well as other German subs, were all honorable warriors. They didn't fight for their cause as much as they fought for their survival. This is depicted accurately in the movie as well. The only way this movie could have been better would have been to cast Billy Drago as the captain. His icy demeanor could have added just a touch of spice to the film. A solid 10 out of 10.

First of all, I've spent a good portion of my life in the armed forces, and I can tell you that the type of decisions about life and death begin made by Ed Harris in this movie are overglorified as hell. He leads a cast of annoying, underachieving actors who play this goofy marine outfit who has decided they want to bring

justice to the world again. True, they were portrayed as having some great

injustice done to them in the past, but you don't try to get revenge like some Iron Curtain Communist. Nick Cage is your typical bad actor in this movie, and one has to wonder what ever convinced Sean Connery to go along for the ride on

this movie. Cage is like that shaky trigger finger I had towards the end of my military career...you kinda get used to it but you wish it would go the hell away. To add to the shame, the action is contrived and the plot is udderly rediculous. Some people say the car chase is the best they've ever seen in a movie. Hello! Have you ever gotten out of bed people? I've had more interesting car chases

on my way to the grocery store in my 85 Tempo. Then we get to the part about

the SEAL team. I've come to know a few elite soldiers in my life time, and none of them would be so stupid as to get caught in a shower room at a gross

disadvantage. The whole access to the island is rediculous, crawling through

tunnels of fire and mysterious moving parts that are supposed to look like they have some function in the world. This movie is a horrid depiction of soldiers. Then there's the background music. It sounds like Dean Martin crossed with

really bad John Williams. If they were alive, real composers like Brahms, Mahler, Shostakovich and Hindemith would love to line up as the firing squad to shoot rotten eggs at the people who wrote the score to this movie. You might think this is a negative review, but I actually give this movie a 9 out of 10, for the comedy factor. This is the perfect movie to kick back with a case of beer, and laugh out loud at with your best friends.

I walked out of this movie feeling like I was born again with new skin. As it looks now, this may be the only movie actually worth going to this summer. Al Pacino is a true American patriot in this movie. Robin Williams plays an excellent bad guy - kinda like the garbage man who always used to spend more time at your garbage than anyone elses, and you thought he was looking through your wife's underwear or something. This movie is set in the most beautiful and patriotic of states, Alaska, and Hilary Swank contributes to this movie's higher-than-average babe factor. If you liked this movie, like I did, chances are you: 1. Love natural-skin hotdogs, 2. Know the words to taps, 3. Have served your country gallantly, 4. Are a god-fearing patriotic American citizen. I give this film a 9 out of 10.

I went to this movie thinking that this was going to be a drama or something, but it turned out to be another one of those snotty-nosed teenager toilet-humor

movies! I think I want to quit my job as a truck washer and make movies instead. All I'd have to do is go to the local K-Mart where all the high school kids

congregate at night and film them throwing frisbees and drinking pop and

someone out there would sit in a theater and laugh. This movie was even worse than Van Wilder and really shows how much of a loser you can really be in life. If popular movies like this suggest where our society is going, then maybe Darwin was right. How about we just put a pack of cheerleaders in charge of our great nation and then we can all get shorter work days because we need an hour to

blow dry our hair every morning. My suggestion is to go out and rent Happy

Gilmore instead, its funnier and at least Sandler isn't a communist. 1 out of 10.

First of all, I'm a traditional American who doesn't really go for all this space hocus pocus. That Star Track with Dr. Spock and Mr. Kirk really doesn't appeal to me either. I'm a good, god-fearing citizen who enjoys a cold beer and a

hotdog as much as I would racing around in some stupid pod racer with a bunch of green men. I really didn't see how this story fit at all into the Star Wars saga. What ever happened to Luke? Did he just dissapear in this film or what? Also, I want the hoards of plastic-suited guys back. They were so cool when they

marched around and zapped people. I haven't seen anything as rediculous as

that since the time we had a tennis tournament on the deck of the U.S.S.

Enterprise. We lost like 10 sleeves of ball in the damn ocean before we decided just to kick back and enjoy some burgers and sodas. Yea, those were the

days...I want Bob Solo and Dark Veder back..

I'm really getting sick of all these teeny-blooper movies about

gross sex jokes and fake college life. People who go to college

and act like the kids in this movie are losers and have no clue

what it's like to be a real person. If you really liked this movie

chances are you : 1. Have a poster of Chris Farley on your wall. 2.

Learned to play guitar by buying the sheet music to "Nevermind"

and were really impressed when you were able to play "Polly

want's a cracker." 3. Have never sacrificed anything for our great

nation. 4. Drove your car into a pole on purpose. 5. Think that DVD

porn is going to be really cool... Ok, I could go on and on, but the

point is that this movie is just plain bad. The only real benefit to

this flick is the higher-than-heck babe factor. Overall I would give

this movie a 1 out of 10

It was there, in that plush representation of a vintage chair that I glided into a mid-afternoon slumber, as images of two dorks floundering in a flowery meadow and riding a elephant-beetle-beast-thing flashed infront of my closed eyelids. I thought Episode II was a complete disaster, even worse than the first one. Lucas blew several opportunities to display graphic violence for scenes of lush meadows and stormy seas. What this movie needed was an edge, and only the type of edge that the monumental and legendary actor Billy Drago can deliver. At least he could have saved the film. This movie isn't dark because it is negative and warlike, it is dark because everyone falls asleep while watching it. Episode III better well be violent as hell (because of this supposed war that is supposed to be happening) or else I will be forced to finally conclude that Lucas is catering to all the little Kiddies out there in theater land. Why can't he make movies like Episode IV, where Spock dies and Robert or whatever his name is has to go and save him from the hideous, flame-throwing monster?

What do you get when you combine Stacy Keach and Cinthia Rothrock? An explosive combination of martial arts and fine acting talent. Stacy Keach is one of my favorite actors and is a true diplomat of the art of good film making. Cinthia is the type of sweet and sassy babe perfect for her role in this movie. I myself have always been afraid of shopping malls, and this movie really played on my greatest fears in life. All I have to say is wow.

Chad McQueen is perhaps one of Hollywood's most underappreciated actors. While his performance in Martial Law is not his best, it is one of the most tender, in that he plays a street-hardened cop torn by the death of his brother. McQueen brings together a fine blend of toe-jamming action and heart-wrenching drama. His sexy co-star Cynthia Rothrock, also comes from the "west coast" drama scene. An accomplished actress through out college and beyond, she lends her acting talents to this fine film. If you've never seen her in the off-Broadway production of "Hair" you haven't lived yet. This movie is a powerful blend of action and drama.

For movie go-ers these days there isn't much of a variety to choose from. You have the stupid Julia Roberts love stories, the stupid antics of Jackie Chan who's trying to be a funny Chuck Norris, and then the stupid action flicks with no plot. Every once and awhile you will find a movie that makes you think a little bit about society or whatever its subject happens to be. On the surface Fast and the Furious appears to be a stupid action flick with a retarded plot with awesome actions scenes as its only saving grace. Well, this is mostly true. The plot is bland and doesn't make any sense, a bunch of low down dead beats who appear to have no real jobs who can afford a bunch of crappy foreign cars. I'll take my Chevy K-5 any day thank you very much. But on to business. This movie actually has a deeper meaning than is inherently visible. This movie is actually a reversal of several biblical stories woven into a nice finish at the end. The director of this movie, Rob Colen, and Gary Scott Thomsen, adaptor of the screen story, bothattended King's College at Cambridge and this influence is once again present in this work. While studying at Cambridge both men were entranced by the works of C.S. Lewis and other great classics such as Homer's Odyssey and the bible. This story is not about car racing, love or any other stupid themes like that. What Thomsen and Colen have done here is reverse the outcome of several biblical and mythological stories. One that weighs heavily here is the Tower of Babel. "The shadow of that Hyddeous Strength, Sax Myle and more it is of length." This popular quote from the Welsh poet Sir David Lyndsay from his work entitled Ane Dialog, describes the tower of babel as observed in reference to the Fischer King mythology. The Tower of Babel crumbled from a lack of communication according to the myth. That could just as well happen in this representation of the system, but the undercover cop learns to communicate on a spiritual level with the racers, thus learing the importance for maintaining the honor of the racing world, and protecting the true protaganists at the end of the movie. Colen and Thomsen also appear to have taken elements from Greek mythology in the making of this movie as well. Consider these lines from Homer's Odyssey. "Stand beside me, Athena, fire me with daring, fierce as the day we ripped Troy's glittering crown of towers down....Surely I will stand beside you, not forget you, not when the day arrives for us to do our work..." Doesn't this sound familiar to you from the movie? The conversations held before the night street race, before the big finale. Yes, Colen and Thomsen have not only made references in this film to biblical and mythological works but succeeded in blending them together seamlessly. The only thing they forgot was to include Billy Drago in their brilliant cast of actors. This movie has a deep meaning for today's society, as we crumble due to communication barriers all over the world. But people still can stand side by side with others and accomplish great things. I know, I was in the field as a soldier for many years and can tell you that brotherhood can still run strong in this fading world. If every movie was as inspiring as this one, no one would ever want to leave the theater again. In other words... "Fe astudiodd gerddoriaeth gyda'i dad, oedd yn arweinydd seindorf yn, ac yna ym Mhrifysgol Ial. Ei gyfansoddiadau fe fyddai..."

I see that the reviews for this film are somewhat mixed. Some like it and some hate it. I am one who likes this film, especially from an acting standpoint. Kostner is great, Connery is spectacular, but Billy Drago blows us audience away again. Movie after movie he has delivered stunning performances like the one in Delta Force 2, Operation Stranglehold. Drago's lines in this movie are finely crafted, and the only people who can say that he does a bad job are people who have tried to act like Drago and can't. These gealous idiots have no idea what a real actor is, and Drago comes through a true hero in this movie. Drago's costume is also very appropriate in this film. He is dressed as the fallen white angel, described by the Sardis and Philadelphia Dispensations in the latter part of the Hebrew Testament. Anyone else who tried to play this character would have failed. Drago delivers once again. 10 out of 10 for Drago. 7 out of 10 for the movie. Bravo.

Ok, this movie is about the second most rotten film I have ever seen. Let me describe to all of you the type of low life anit-American scum bag that likes this type of movie. 1. They got a scholarship to college to play football 2. Don't know the difference between Nam and Korea 3. Think they are smart when they get a C on a phy ed test. 4. Hits on girls by asking them stupid questions in class like "Who was the third president again?" 5. Is severely brain damaged. 6. Thinks that drinking a beer is foreplay. 7. Is a communist. 7. Works as a yuppie in some corporate office fixing fax machines all day. 8. Is un-American. 9. Is just plain stupid. Chris Farley is an idiot's idiot. This movie is more stupid than a pack of high school cheerleaders in a war tactics game. If you liked this movie, chances are you should have been donated to some science foundation to have some tests done on your brain.

First...I was totally lost during this whole film? Are you supposed to be able to get some meaning out of this thing? Why did the marine kill Spacey? I'm totally distraught here! I like intelligent films..I'm a fan of Billy Drago, the best actor ever, but this film totally lost me. I thought the whole film was supposed to be through Ricky's camera. Jane and Tom didn't make any sense either. Hell, even Mena wasn't very good in this flick. She just didn't make sense. At least they could have put a raunchy sex scene in this flick. This film was even worse than showgirls. Is this supposed to be real life? There wasn't one explosion even! C'mon get real people, this film was worse than showgirls!!!

This film was much more than just your run of the mill porn flick. The scenes were well acted and well directed. This movie gets at underlying themes in our society relating to computer fraud and fears. Not only is this movie a hot raunchfest, it has a very socio-political plot. 10 out of 10.

I fell asleep during this movie twice, not to mention almost being tempted to leave the theater and chuck my corn at the screen. Tom Hanks is horrible in this film. He doesn't act seriously and comes across more as a comedian than a soldier. Steven Spielberg is a horrible director and couldn't direct a porn flick. This doesn't even compare with real war movies like Missing in Action. Hell, the landscapes in the movie didn't even look real. It looked like the characters were walking around in Ohio or something. This was definitely a waste of 5 dollars. Even Billy Drago couldn't have saved this disaster.