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jamesraesimpson
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Reviews
Joker (2019)
Acting masterclass
I can't get over how impressive Joaquin Phoenix is in this movie. It's a chilling, visually outstanding film with a supreme level of tension throughout. Phoenix blows you away with his transformation from innocent, ignored and overlooked loner to confident and violent villain.
Amazing!
The Back-up Plan (2010)
Unbearable!
I can't believe it. I just couldn't manage it.
There is no humour, which is a shame. There was no romance as the characters weren't engaging enough to make it so.
What do you get when you make a romcom with no rom or com? This movie. And that is noooooooo good.
Old Dogs (2009)
Unbearable
Do not watch this movie! The trailer will be enough.
I LOVE bad movies, but I could not get through this. This is past the point of so bad it's good.
I would describe it as cringeworthy, but it doesn't even provoke the reaction of a cringe. Did they think just having John Travolta and Robin Williams 'there' would be enough?
Every scene is an attempt at a pathetic joke - and unlike countless kids movies, they all fall short.
I am a writer by trade, but it is hard to find the words to describe this one.
REPEAT: Do not watch this movie! The trailer will be enough.
The Godfather Part II (1974)
A must-watch movie - De Niro is the man
I saw someone say it's too good to be labelled a sequel to The Godfather, and instead should be seen as a companion piece. I completely agree.
Robert De Niro's performance (both his acting and the whole story of his character) might be the best I've ever seen. He is simply unbelievable.
Al Pacino is a different Michael Corleone from the first movie, but plays him to perfection. However, I do actually prefer that character from the first simply due to the way he changes over the course of it.
Regardless, it is a must-see, and I challenge anyone to find a better performance than De Niro in this.
Little Italy (2018)
Harmlessly bad
I say harmless because despite the outrageously bad stereotypes (Indian people, gay people, and Italian (?) people), it's just silly. It's all an attempt to be funny - and it doesn't pull it off. It's too bad.
It is a rom-com, sure. Not really much going on in the way of romance, certainly not much in terms of being funny.
The accents are crazy over the top, the story is predictable (every moment), the acting is not great, the football in the rain scene is weird, the final airport scene is cringeworthy (I guess it is supposed to be), it's all just so tame.
Probably not worth watching unless you have someone to talk about how bad it is with or you listen to 'How Did This Get Made?' after.
Burlesque (2010)
Not great
If you like Christina Aguilera, you will probably enjoy this movie. If you like movies, you probably won't enjoy this movie.
The issue is if you are looking at it objectively as film for watching, it's just not good. There is no drama, no depth, nothing to get you engaged or interested. But Aguilera is super talented - we know this - and I have chosen to factor her singing ability into this rating. Perhaps that isn't right, and instead I can just go and listen to her music separately to enjoy that.
Regardless of the music, I was bored. I didn't care for what was happening, what was coming next, and what might happen. And then when what happened happened, I just watched it happen with no reaction.
My suggestion: skim the in-between bits (the plot is so predictable it will be easy to pick up) and just listen to the Aguilera bits. Or probably better yet, just listen to the soundtrack.
Coco (2017)
I can't stop crying
I can't stop crying, and you won't be able to either. This is an emotional masterpiece. Visually perfect, with outstanding sounds to match.
Funny, entertaining, and stunningly sad. The music plays a major part and I will be affected for life. I will never be the same, because the moment I hear the words "remember me" tears fill my eyes.
I didn't know what to expect going in, but I was blown away. You have to see this movie.
The Godfather (1972)
A must-watch
It's everything I ever wanted it to be based on extremely high reviews and my expectation.
The acting is incredible. The character development is fascinating to watch. Twists, turns, amazing dialogue and memorable moments.
It might be long, but not at any point did I think of taking a break. Simply stunning.
The Dead Don't Die (2019)
A nothing movie
I sat there waiting, waiting, waiting for something to happen. Nothing happened.
If it was designed to be funny, it failed. If it was designed to be a horror, it failed. Sci-fi? No. Thoughtful? No. Meaningful? No. Engaging in any way at any point throughout the whole movie? No.
The acting was bad. The plot was bad. The fact the director made his actors namedrop himself - assuming the viewers know/care who he is - was cringeworthy at best.
What is the point? Why? Why do we bother? I don't know any more after watching this.
Plus, some kind of alien ship/UFO comes around late on. I just can't.
Please don't watch this - it doesn't even have 'bad movie' value.
Mother! (2017)
Absolute garbage
I originally watched this in the cinema. Through perhaps the first 30/45 minutes, it didn't appear to have much direction, but that's fine - it could be a slow builder. Then, the 'action' starts to happen. I wish I could have those two hours back. Nothing interesting, nothing meaningful, nothing happy, funny, sad, scary, just stuff that happens.
It is a disjointed, chaotic mess. I am well aware there are supposed to be 'hidden' meanings/symbols, but that doesn't make up for the fact the movie is simply terrible. The last 30 minutes is a joke of random symbolic scenes with no actual substance, no point, no nothing. I'm fuming. I'm angry.
Don't be fooled by anyone saying watch it because it is 'different' or 'unique'. Don't let anyone tell you you might not 'get it'. It's simply terrible.
Even worse, I decided to watch it again two years after the fact - after knowing the supposed meanings - to see if it made just a little more sense, and it was just as bad. Nay, it was worse. So much worse that I feel sick and I wish I could cancel the last two years of my life.
Don't watch it. Please, just don't bother.