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April 9th (2015)
8/10
A must see for war and history buffs
3 April 2021
Warning: Spoilers
This movie covers the day-long war between Denmark and Nazy Germany, and focuses on something rarely even mentioned in equivalent films: bicycle and motorcycle troops. These unsung heroes filled a niche usually covered by cavalry or armoured vehicles, but were cheaper, and thusly fit the unfortunately minimal budget for the brave but underequipped Danes.

The movie covers the topic beautifully. Almost everything is authentic and well researched. The viewer feels the hopelessness of the platoon's mission. Every bullet is counted and valued. The invading Germans are a terrifying and inevitable tide rolling in, and these men have the impossible task of holding them back. Even without knowing the history, you already know the ending. You just don't know how many will make it to the end of this very long day.
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Night Skies (2007)
4/10
"Unique" alien portrayal
6 March 2021
Warning: Spoilers
The majority of this movie is typical of the genre. Humans that don't act human, with self inflicted misfortunes independent of any alien/monster/murderer etc. Then the aliens come in for the mercy kill. What makes the movie notable is the last 15 minutes, well worth the watch. Gone are any notions of hyper futuristic mechanical technology. Instead, the aliens go the biotech route, building their apparent space ships out of overcooked fettuccine and scrambled eggs, all covered with cheese (naturally). Moreover, aliens do not need anal probes or surgical tools, relying instead on some form of magical bengay to perform their heinous tortures. And none other than Sean Connery's son is up to the task of crawling naked through this italian restaurant/booger in a vain attempt to escape. Watch the movie for this scene. If you don't, then you are an alien spy, and we are coming to get you. And we have bengay.
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Monsterquest (2007– )
8/10
Science for Entertainment
31 January 2021
First of all, I am not here to comment on the "IfAndOrButs" of the paranormal; this is a review for a show, placed on a media reviewing site. Wannabe scientists would do well to acknowledge this, and seek attention elsewhere.

The show attempts to entertain viewers by providing stories of the unexplained, via legends and stories, and the firsthand accounts of purported witnesses. Many of these shows do this, however, Monsterquest is unique in that it also attempts to add a scientific aspect to this, by analyzing dna samples, confirming witness truthfulness, and making short expeditions to the localities where the alleged events take place. Naturally, they return largely empty handed, or you would have seen it on the news, they would stop calling it "paranormal", and supposed "know-it-alls" would actively avoid the spotlight. These scientific exploits are for tv; they have a small budget, and limited time, since they only have to cover perhaps half an hour of screentime, leaving the rest for stories and interviews and whatnot. What the show accomplishes, in my opinion, is it's true goal, which is entertainment. Creepy atmosphere, scary campfire stories, and, ultimately, satisfaction of people's desire to face their fear of the unknown, as well as, perhaps, the hope that there is still segments of our world left undiscovered, and that, since most of us cannot quit our lives to go gallivanting around searching for answers, we can do so vicariously through shows like this, taking us with them on their hunt for the interesting, if admittedly unlikely, unexplained phenomenon we seek.

Watch this show for the entertainment, that's what it's made for.
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In Extremis (2017)
5/10
Genre Confused
5 September 2020
This movie is not a horror movie. A semi-thriller, perhaps, but not a horror. It might be easier to categorize segments of the movie instead, starting with drama, then moving to disaster movie, then psychological thriller, and then ending with tear jerking drama, with a somewhat ambiguous message at the end. Each segment comes together in an attempt to tell a story about loss, in all its stages, using a lot of heavy subject matter in the process. Ultimately, while I can't really say I enjoyed it, I also can't recommend avoiding it either, as it may speak to everyone differently. I do however, feel it bears repeating that this is not a horror movie. It may be grouped with horror movies, but does not belong with them, so look elsewhere for frights.
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After Earth (2013)
3/10
Horrors of bad cell service graphically depicted.
19 June 2020
Warning: Spoilers
Set against a futuristic sci-fi backdrop, this story follows a perpetually terrified teenager and his wooden father as they search for a cell signal on Earth. Additionally, a giant, blind, multi-limbed, naked mole rat that can smell fear desperately seeks the boy with the soiled pants, presumably out of boredom, as this is also the driving force of father Pinocchio. Now the mysteries of whether the soggy boy becomes a man, whether the escaped mole rat monster finds a hobby, or whether the father becomes a real boy, I will leave for you to discover yourself. But the biggest mystery, why this film was made, is known only to the Illuminati, and that is, perhaps, for the best.
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