Reviews

I understand that this film was created solely to make a point, through the medium of comedy. But this could actually be the quintessential and most Amityville-ish Amityville movie there is yet.

This film was created by Michael Stone (whose moviemaking career I will be watching VERY closely from here on), as a parody of the low-budget in-name-only surfeit of Amityville titles. But in parodying all the Amityville titles, it acts as a focus of all the Amityville titles before it. Where most of the Amityville movies do not acknowledge the events of the other titles, this is the film that ties together all the other titles by recognising them, and in doing so, affirming a shared Amityville universe. No other Amityville title builds the canon so effectively. It is the End Game of Amityville movies.

Also, let's discuss the comedy aspect. There have been plenty of movies that rely on fart jokes, but this title sets itself above all the others in its dedication to the fart joke - does any other movie not just pivot on fart humour, but can claim to be nothing but a one long fart joke? A one hour twenty plus minute fart joke? That takes commitment and dedication to the art of the fart. It succeeds where "Sausage Party" and other double-entendre movies fail.

If I may be permitted some spoilers (although after the first 15 seconds of this film where Stone opens the focal paperback book which is, very appropriately, the novel "The Amityville Horror" - there is little more of the movie beyond this that can be spoiled), the plot of the movie is Stone reading a paperback copy of the book that started it all - the foundation stone of the entire franchise. It could easily be passed off as another attempt at a self-indulgent arthouse movie, in the same vein as Warhol's "Sleep" (1964). But this is so much more than that. Without speaking a single word, Stone gives us an insightful and contemplative perspective of independent film, while simultaneously laughing along with the audience through fart comedy. "Amityville: Gas Chamber" is one of the few films that directly converses with the audience, and it does this through ingenious Pop-Up Video style discourse and factoids. The factoids not only break the fourth wall by engaging the audience through one-way conversation, but also teach the audience interesting facts relating to the Amityville ouevre, as well as other quite random information. You will walk away knowing more about camel's milk and burrito existentialism than you ever anticipated. It also introduces secondary characters Sylas and Styx, introduced so briefly and, with the same brevity, so quickly forgotten, much like Claudette's cancer diagnosis in "The Room." Many viewers will be expecting a follow-up Amityville movie with a greater performance from Sylas and Styx.

This is not just recommended viewing, it is essential viewing. It encompasses the Amityville universe, and provides the audience with a succinct and fitting metaphor for that universe by way of 80+ minutes of fart sounds. And it does it on a budget of less than what I spent on all the alcoholic beverages I drank while watching the film. Move over Lynch, go away Spielberg, get lost Cameron, because Michael Stone is the next big actor/writer/director/producer/film editor, and I hope that there are many more titles from this legend in the future.

Cheesy story about a group of kids looking for the Castle of Bathory, meet a vampire along the way (not that they are aware of it), one of them falls in love with the vampire. It felt like a bit of a throwback to many old Hammer Horror films and gothic vampire films of the 60s and 70s, but with a modern cast (and a similarly low budget).

It's not a bad production for such a cheesy tale. The sort of movie you can play in the background and peek up at from time to time and still know what's going on, which means it's simple enough to follow with just a modicum of attention.

The acting wasn't bad either, for what they had to work with. I felt the main stars had chemistry, even if they did have to recite some pretty cheesy lines.

This won't appeal to anyone who wants a high-production spectacle, but the low budget connoisseurs should appreciate it.

But I wasn't disappointed because it was a bad movie, which it was. I was expecting a lot worse, and I didn't get it. I enjoy watching movies that are so pathetic that you can only laugh at them. I watched this movie because the girl from Troll 2 is in it, although she has like one line (and no dance moves - shame).

The story is recycled garbage (secret scientific experiments, regular creature gets mutated, the head scientist wants them 'captured' but they really just need to die, etc). The acting is atrocious, however the look of fright on most of the characters was believable. Sadly, the spiders did look pretty 'gnarly' for poorly done CGI, and for that level of adequacy alone I am disappointed. There are scares and tension, which is well done considering the entire movie took place during the day. Ever notice that things are scarier at night? The props were pretty good, like the webs and the dead carcasses and the spider in the box.

In conclusion: it didn't completely fail, so I'm disappointed. I give it 7 stars, and that in my books is an insult. If you want to please me and get my coveted one-star rating, aim a lot lower next time.

'kay, it's like this... Grandpa Seth comes back from the dead to tell his grandson Joshua Waites a bedtime story about goblins, which is really lucky because Josh and his family are going to spend a vacation in the deceptively-named town of Nilbog, in some other family's house. Along the way they sing mom's favorite song "Row Row Row Your Boat" and Josh gets out to pee but ends up talking to a homeless man instead, who is Grandpa Seth in disguise. His family have no problem with this. They are also followed by Holly's boyfriend Elliott and his two mates, who sleep in the same bed without their shirts on.

Grandpa Seth stops time so Joshua can pee on their food. Sadly that's all the food left for them and they didn't bring any, so dad and Josh have to go into town the next day to buy some. Joshua accidentally stumbles into a church where the goblins look like people and try to make him eat ice-cream. Elliott's mate is pursued by goblins but because they are NOT people-shaped they can't catch him so they throw a spear at him. He enters the house of Frankenfurter's understudy Creedence Leonore Gielgud, who turns him into a tree. The other friend gets sick off vitamin A enriched milk and stumbles into Creedence's house but he can't move the pot his friend is in so she drowns him in popcorn by eating a corn cob with him. Or something - I'm going by memory and I didn't concentrate hard enough while I was watching this.

Meanwhile the townsfolk (in people suits again) stand and stare at the Waites menacingly until they barricade themselves into the house. They try coaxing them out again by throwing sandwiches on the porch in a threatening manner. Joshua takes charge by performing a séance (he must have done a few of them) which involves lighting every candle they could find. The goblins chase them into Creedence's house where a rock from Stonehenge has somehow materialized. I think I've skipped bits. Do you care? Grandpa Seth returns from the dead one last time to give Joshua a triple-decker bologna sandwich which makes the goblins scream in agony when they watch him eat it. The Waites family kill Creedence and the goblins by concentrating on Stonehenge with their hands. Elliott becomes part of the family just for being there. There's a surprise twist at the end, because nobody expects something random to happen at the end of THIS movie. Academy Award nominations, sadly, did not follow.