That's it. That's all you need to know about this movie. It's just the same story as Alien, but with no depth, bland characters, inferior set pieces, humour that doesn't work, and at points, it's completely devoid of horror. On paper, it's absolute garbage. But it's worth watching. And it's worth watching because of the ending. I'm not going to spoil anything, but the ending just changes the film completely into something else. You're still not sure what, but it's definitely not a cheap rip-off of Alien anymore. Not only does the ending give the movie new themes, but it's also the only scene that could scare you.
Reviews
18 Reviews
Ride Along 2
(2016)
Much better than the first
12 August 2023
The first Ride Along movie was a boring, generic, soulless affair, an action comedy that lacked in both action and comedy. So when they made a sequel, I thought it would be even worse. It was on the TV the other day and it came on in the background, but I found myself eventually actually watching it and finding out that it's actually not bad. The action is a little better, the script is a little funnier and we now have Chow from The Hangover joining us, who is always legendary.
But mainly, both Ice Cube and Kevin Hart are not annoying like they were in the first movie, so I'll give this a 6/10 as opposed to a 5 (I gave the first one a generous 2).
It obviously has it's bad points. It's still nowhere near as entertaining as an action comedy should be, the story is still garbage (but a bit better than the first), and once again, some of the action scenes are paused at random moments to make them look awful.
But the important thing to take away is, this one isn't terrible.
But mainly, both Ice Cube and Kevin Hart are not annoying like they were in the first movie, so I'll give this a 6/10 as opposed to a 5 (I gave the first one a generous 2).
It obviously has it's bad points. It's still nowhere near as entertaining as an action comedy should be, the story is still garbage (but a bit better than the first), and once again, some of the action scenes are paused at random moments to make them look awful.
But the important thing to take away is, this one isn't terrible.
Strange Hill High
(2013–2014)
Should have gone on for much longer and distributed on the main BBC rather than children's BBC
27 October 2022
At first this might seem like another kids' show, but adults will also enjoy it due to certain references and parodies, some genuine laugh out loud moments, and also the show basically being a parody of The Twilight Zone. Some episodes are directly taken from that show, a few others are just terrible, but the rest are good and original. The show also has Richard Ayoade and Doc Brown voicing the main characters, who are brilliant.
All in all, this show needs to be revived on the main BBC channels with a bit more adult content to draw people in, and it will probably go on for years if that happens. Give what we got a chance, and it just might happen.
All in all, this show needs to be revived on the main BBC channels with a bit more adult content to draw people in, and it will probably go on for years if that happens. Give what we got a chance, and it just might happen.
All Pride And Prejudice, no zombies
17 August 2022
I looked forward to this because I hate those stupid movies like Pride And Prejudice that I'm forces to watch with my girlfriend. I found this and told her it'd be a great compromise to watch. She could have her movie like that (even though she also likes action/thriller/horror content) and I had the knowledge that there'd be some zombie mayhem to break up the tedious old romantic crap. But where were those zombies when I needed them? There was hardly any! And when they were there, the sequences were awful, not scary, not exciting, not bloody or gory in the slightest. Even my girlfriend, who watched it for the Pride And Prejudice part as well as the zombies part, felt what I was feeling, that I'd been fooled by seeing that there were zombies inserted into the dullest story of all time. Sadly, I got a duller story instead of another Shaun Of The Dead. For anyone who was interested in watching this, I highly recommend Shaun Of The Dead. It is exactly the sort of thing you were expecting to get out of this awful movie, and is tons of fun, with a bit of everything.
The Matrix Resurrections
(I) (2021)
First half is brilliant, then it stabs you in the back
6 June 2022
When I saw this film, I was really liking what I was seeing. I had low expectations due to other "legacy sequels" to our beloved classics that were all lazy, half-arsed, copy-and-pasted major downgrades of the original film. And surprisingly, despite what you may initially think, The Matrix Resurrections is not that. The first half builds up the story, introducing what's new in the matrix, why Neo is apparently alive, so many other questions that need answering, with a fantastic joke inserted in there as well, blatantly poking fun at the downgrades Matrix 2 and 3 had compared to the original and Warner Brothers' production issues, and the joke itself also comments on everything that made the original film so great. It's amazing.
Then the story unfolds as Neo finally takes the red pill once more, begins to remember everything etc and... The story is a farce. The action is barely mediocre. It's almost impossible to like the new characters, or even the older ones returning. It turns mindless. Everything The Matrix shouldn't be. I have a strong feeling they had different writers doing the first and second halves of this film, with the second half people not having a clue how great the first half people were, and completely mucking it up. Sort of like when they substitute the best players in a football team for the newer, much less experienced ones, who instantly lose the team the match because the best players are no longer there, and the new ones can't fill their shoes because they've just joined the team (and usually their career as a football player) and have no clue about the effort the better players put in to the game. That's the situation with this film. I don't think the second half writers even saw the first Matrix. What a disappointment. Also way too long, so you're watching your disappointment form in slow motion. I gave it 5/10 as it's a 10/10 first half followed by a 0/10 second half.
Then the story unfolds as Neo finally takes the red pill once more, begins to remember everything etc and... The story is a farce. The action is barely mediocre. It's almost impossible to like the new characters, or even the older ones returning. It turns mindless. Everything The Matrix shouldn't be. I have a strong feeling they had different writers doing the first and second halves of this film, with the second half people not having a clue how great the first half people were, and completely mucking it up. Sort of like when they substitute the best players in a football team for the newer, much less experienced ones, who instantly lose the team the match because the best players are no longer there, and the new ones can't fill their shoes because they've just joined the team (and usually their career as a football player) and have no clue about the effort the better players put in to the game. That's the situation with this film. I don't think the second half writers even saw the first Matrix. What a disappointment. Also way too long, so you're watching your disappointment form in slow motion. I gave it 5/10 as it's a 10/10 first half followed by a 0/10 second half.
Skyfall
(2012)
Best Bond film ever
15 February 2022
After Casino Royale's brilliant, gritty, ultraviolent origin story, Quantum Of Solace happened and while it was good, it definitely wasn't Bond at all. But then we finally got the Bond we all knew and loved, but improved, with this movie. While we didn't get that in the next two films, this still remains the best in the rebooted series, and has everything you'd want in a Bond movie. Nuff said.
Quantum of Solace
(2008)
Good, intense thrill ride, but not Bond
15 February 2022
Quantum Of Solace is a pretty good action flick. It's very riveting, action-packed and gritty, but nothing about it screams Bond to me. It can therefore seem soulless and disappointing sometimes, but it's good if you want a short, albeit generic thrill ride.
4 for the action and cameos, everything else is woeful
23 January 2022
This is one of the worst things that has happened to the movie industry, and definitely doesn't live up to the original. Nuff said. I will admit, though, there's nice action scenes and proton weapons that the OG gang would have looked fantastic using. And speaking of the OG gang, they all cameo in the movie in the best ways possible, which I really liked. And one scene with Chris Hemsworth's character is hilarious, but apart from the cameos from the OGs, it's the only funny scene in the movie.
Overall this is a terrible movie, but the cameos and final battle scenes are definitely worth a watch on YouTube. Just stay away from watching the entire movie.
Overall this is a terrible movie, but the cameos and final battle scenes are definitely worth a watch on YouTube. Just stay away from watching the entire movie.
Edge of Tomorrow
(2014)
Brilliant, definitely recommend, but it's that ending...
13 January 2022
That prevents me from giving this film a 10/10. It's a brilliant film up until that point, where the ending spoils what could have been an absolute masterpiece.
This film has a bit of everything. Mainly, it's a high-stakes, action-packed sci-fi thriller about a naïve Tom Cruise as an army officer who would never want to go out on the battlefield, is forced to, and ends up getting his face melted by alien blood within minutes, but this actually turns out to make him immortal, and the fate of humanity relies on him. But due to Cruise being naïve instead of his typical badass role in these sorts of films, this one is injected with a good dose of humour, surprisingly hilarious, but thankfully it's used in the right way so that it doesn't lower the intensity of the action. It's also got a great story, a minor romantic subplot so your girl can appreciate it (just in case Emily Blunt's character alone wasn't enough for her to like this film), two or three terrifying moments, and stunning visuals and battle scenes.
But the ending is something we need to talk about. I'm not going to spoil it, but the ending is way too happy for a film like this. They had to change the original ending from the manga because it was supposedly too dark, but that sort of thing is what makes the film a lot more powerful and memorable. They did the same thing with The Woman In Black, and they had to do the same thing with this. Honestly, when will these people learn? If something ain't broke, don't fix it. The ending of the Woman In Black book was very bleak but impactful. The film's ending was soft and sappy because they didn't want to upset the kiddies because the film was PG-13 (despite showing Tom Cruise getting his face melted off, a blood transfusion, a bloody death underwater and a couple of similar moments of violence). The solution is obvious. Give it an R rating.
I know I've just ranted about the ending, but it is actually a very good film apart from that. And at least it's not as sappy as The Woman In Black was. It's like I Am Legend. That was a fantastic movie overall, but the ending (in fact, both endings) was just horrendous.
If you want a smart, riveting, action packed sci-fi blockbuster, then this is easily one of the best.
This film has a bit of everything. Mainly, it's a high-stakes, action-packed sci-fi thriller about a naïve Tom Cruise as an army officer who would never want to go out on the battlefield, is forced to, and ends up getting his face melted by alien blood within minutes, but this actually turns out to make him immortal, and the fate of humanity relies on him. But due to Cruise being naïve instead of his typical badass role in these sorts of films, this one is injected with a good dose of humour, surprisingly hilarious, but thankfully it's used in the right way so that it doesn't lower the intensity of the action. It's also got a great story, a minor romantic subplot so your girl can appreciate it (just in case Emily Blunt's character alone wasn't enough for her to like this film), two or three terrifying moments, and stunning visuals and battle scenes.
But the ending is something we need to talk about. I'm not going to spoil it, but the ending is way too happy for a film like this. They had to change the original ending from the manga because it was supposedly too dark, but that sort of thing is what makes the film a lot more powerful and memorable. They did the same thing with The Woman In Black, and they had to do the same thing with this. Honestly, when will these people learn? If something ain't broke, don't fix it. The ending of the Woman In Black book was very bleak but impactful. The film's ending was soft and sappy because they didn't want to upset the kiddies because the film was PG-13 (despite showing Tom Cruise getting his face melted off, a blood transfusion, a bloody death underwater and a couple of similar moments of violence). The solution is obvious. Give it an R rating.
I know I've just ranted about the ending, but it is actually a very good film apart from that. And at least it's not as sappy as The Woman In Black was. It's like I Am Legend. That was a fantastic movie overall, but the ending (in fact, both endings) was just horrendous.
If you want a smart, riveting, action packed sci-fi blockbuster, then this is easily one of the best.
First one was infinitely better
9 December 2021
This one is definitely funny and a somewhat worthy sequel, but nowhere near the first one. Carrey is excellent as always with these types of roles. But this one was a "more of the same" type movie that isn't as good. Which is actually the best thing they could have done, to be fair, the first one definitely shouldn't have been "fixed". Watch it if you liked the first, which you probably did.
Mulan
(2020)
Disney hardly ever makes something good, but this is damn good, but with some flaws.
28 September 2021
I'm not much of a Disney fan, but my sister is a massive Disney fan, so I sometimes get dragged along to watch something that's only worth it for the memes that come out of it. But this time, my sister was completely shocked when I was the one telling her we should watch Disney's latest movie, Mulan. I mainly wanted to watch it for Donnie Yen, and the fact that they actually got a Chinese cast, and the fact they removed all musical numbers and general Disney cringe from the awful cartoon.
So I watched it, and at first I wasn't impressed due to the weirdly incorrect representation of Chinese culture, amongst other similar things, but then I stopped being a critic, and instead actually watched the film, noticing its great action scenes (as I'd expect due to Yen being in the cast, plus a nice surprise appearance from Jet Li.), music and cast (not just Yen, apparently.). Overall it's worth a watch, if you want to see the latest rare occasion that Disney makes a proper film, albeit with weird version of Chinese culture around every corner.
So I watched it, and at first I wasn't impressed due to the weirdly incorrect representation of Chinese culture, amongst other similar things, but then I stopped being a critic, and instead actually watched the film, noticing its great action scenes (as I'd expect due to Yen being in the cast, plus a nice surprise appearance from Jet Li.), music and cast (not just Yen, apparently.). Overall it's worth a watch, if you want to see the latest rare occasion that Disney makes a proper film, albeit with weird version of Chinese culture around every corner.
Nowhere near as funny as you'd want it to be
18 September 2021
I'm known quite well for having a dark sense of humour. Those Doom/Mortal Kombat finishing moves (dubbed Fatalities in the latter), the Corto Maltese beach opening scene in The Suicide Squad (2021) and similar things all have me rolling on the floor laughing my head off. These sorts of things don't have to have extreme gore or other things that would disturb or haunt other people for weeks like the things above, and I also enjoy lighthearted stuff just as much.
Recently, I realised I'd actually been cutting myself off from a whole subgenre of dark comedies: children's horror films. I don't know why I didn't realise this sooner. I recently rewatched Gremlins (it's been 9 years since I saw it for the first time in my youth) and I couldn't believe I'd forgotten how funny it was. And then it just hit me: what if there are other children's horror films that are just as funny when watching through the eyes of an adult, and simultaneously scare kids to death, like Gremlins did? And turns out, there are. Shortly after, I watched a few other children's horror films. These included Jaws, Miss Peregrine's Home For Peculiar Children and Coraline, which were all very funny and would definitely watch again for a laugh. Then I watched the theatrical cut of Little Shop Of Horrors for the first time, which wasn't that good. It actually had a happy ending, unlike the superior Director's Cut which I had previously seen countless times. But it was a lot better than this film, which I had watched after for a laugh. I ended up walking away disappointed and thought that it was a waste of time. Jim Carrey was wasted as much as he was in The Mask. I beg you, if you have black humour, do not watch this for a laugh. Don't watch it to scare your kids either, nothing about it will. Watch the couple of films I mentioned above instead.
Recently, I realised I'd actually been cutting myself off from a whole subgenre of dark comedies: children's horror films. I don't know why I didn't realise this sooner. I recently rewatched Gremlins (it's been 9 years since I saw it for the first time in my youth) and I couldn't believe I'd forgotten how funny it was. And then it just hit me: what if there are other children's horror films that are just as funny when watching through the eyes of an adult, and simultaneously scare kids to death, like Gremlins did? And turns out, there are. Shortly after, I watched a few other children's horror films. These included Jaws, Miss Peregrine's Home For Peculiar Children and Coraline, which were all very funny and would definitely watch again for a laugh. Then I watched the theatrical cut of Little Shop Of Horrors for the first time, which wasn't that good. It actually had a happy ending, unlike the superior Director's Cut which I had previously seen countless times. But it was a lot better than this film, which I had watched after for a laugh. I ended up walking away disappointed and thought that it was a waste of time. Jim Carrey was wasted as much as he was in The Mask. I beg you, if you have black humour, do not watch this for a laugh. Don't watch it to scare your kids either, nothing about it will. Watch the couple of films I mentioned above instead.
The Mechanic
(2011)
Statham's best
1 September 2021
Yes I know we've had things like Snatch, Lock Stock, Furious 7 and Expendables 2, but this is the best film that has Statham as the main character. If you call yourself a fan of Statham and haven't seen this movie, you should be ashamed of yourself.
What happened to this series?
24 August 2021
Sherlock Holmes
(2009)
Entertaining but slightly disappointing Sherlock
1 March 2021
RDJ is definitely no Benedict Cumberbatch, however, if you're able to get past his horrible and confusing British accent, he plays Sherlock pretty well. Jude Law's performance is much stronger as Watson, except he's no Martin Freeman either. The movie's story is great and entertaining, there is some humourous moments, some impressive action set pieces (which are unnecessary for a Sherlock Holmes movie but still fun and somehow work) and a great performance from Mark Strong (but that's hardly a positive about this movie, as Strong is great at everything he does).
Ultimately, if you're a massive fan of the TV show, then lower your expectations, it's nowhere near as good but still entertaining. But if you haven't seen the TV show or aren't a huge fan of it (which is highly unlikely as the show is one of the greatest ever made), then you'll love this movie. I will say, if you felt a bit disappointed, still watch the sequel, A Game Of Shadows. It's about 10 times better.
Sonic the Hedgehog
(2020)
Disappointing and stupid
19 February 2021
This film's strengths and weaknesses are very obvious, so I'll put them in a list.
I have kept it as spoiler free as possible, but there are details which would normally be considered spoilers, but since this is an adaptation, these are things you would expect to happen.
The positives are: Sonic's design looks great (massive improvement from the original abomination)
Special effects are enjoyable
Jim Carrey is great
Jim Carrey is trying his hardest to save the movie
Can't really think of any more positives. Other than me babbling about Jim Carrey being pretty much the only good part of the movie. The negatives of this movie are:
The movie is very childish. No one over 10 will appreciate this movie. There are a ton of stupid kiddy tropes and fart jokes that stand out in a bad way.
James Marsden is the stupidest, gayest, most idiotic living meme after Tom Allen. He's a pain to watch for even one minute of the movie. No wonder this Sonic chooses to spy on him. And no wonder he hasn't been in any major motion picture until this.
While the design of Sonic is great, the design of Super Sonic is very lazy. It's just Sonic with small blue electricity that people can barely see around him. At least make him yellow. He's yellow.
No other Sonic character is in this other than Sonic, Eggman and one cameo from Tails in an end-credits scene. We need these characters to have main roles. Who did we get instead? Weird, stupid, human characters that are completely irrelevant. Literally just there so that James Marsden can get money.
The movie sets itself up for a sequel. Let's hope there isn't one. It's awful.
It's fun and kids will love it. But only kids will love it. It's an awful adaptation that's almost as bad as the street fighter movie.
The positives are: Sonic's design looks great (massive improvement from the original abomination)
Special effects are enjoyable
Jim Carrey is great
Jim Carrey is trying his hardest to save the movie
Can't really think of any more positives. Other than me babbling about Jim Carrey being pretty much the only good part of the movie. The negatives of this movie are:
The movie is very childish. No one over 10 will appreciate this movie. There are a ton of stupid kiddy tropes and fart jokes that stand out in a bad way.
James Marsden is the stupidest, gayest, most idiotic living meme after Tom Allen. He's a pain to watch for even one minute of the movie. No wonder this Sonic chooses to spy on him. And no wonder he hasn't been in any major motion picture until this.
While the design of Sonic is great, the design of Super Sonic is very lazy. It's just Sonic with small blue electricity that people can barely see around him. At least make him yellow. He's yellow.
No other Sonic character is in this other than Sonic, Eggman and one cameo from Tails in an end-credits scene. We need these characters to have main roles. Who did we get instead? Weird, stupid, human characters that are completely irrelevant. Literally just there so that James Marsden can get money.
The movie sets itself up for a sequel. Let's hope there isn't one. It's awful.
It's fun and kids will love it. But only kids will love it. It's an awful adaptation that's almost as bad as the street fighter movie.
The Mask
(1994)
Nothing like The Mask
23 January 2021
Nothing like The Mask at all. This Mask is a hero, not an extremely scary and brutal psychopath. Jim Carrey would have been a great actor to play the ACTUAL Mask, but he makes him goofy and comedic. The Mask is put to shame with this. There isn't even a Kathy Matthews, Mitch Kellaway doesn't do much, and Stanley doesn't turn into a psychopath as soon as he puts the Mask on. And he doesn't die at the end. Knock off. Hated it.
Descendants
(2015 TV Movie)
I know this is Disney, but this film needs to be much darker
2 June 2020
Warning: Spoilers
I'm pretty certain that when we heard we were getting a movie about the children (descendants) of Disney's iconic heroes and villains, people were a little bit excited to see this movie. Then we heard that the villain descendants were going to be the protagonists of the film, and I'm sure people were thinking "Nice! We're getting an antihero movie! This is going to be an epic movie!", myself included. Then we heard that the film was going to be a musical, and then I was very disappointed. And when I saw the film, it was even worse than I thought.
Let's get things straight: Antihero and musical are two words that don't belong. Antihero and family friendly are also two words that don't belong. Disney made a movie that was destined to become an antihero movie and it ended up being no different from your typical kid friendly Disney movie.
And that's just one of it's flaws. It's many others include:
Ben should have been the bad guy in the film. He's the one who let the villains into his kingdom in the first place. Also, he needed to be able to turn into a Beast to make him more menacing and threatening. Then near to the end of the film, there's a plot twist that Ben actually didn't invite the villains into the kingdom, but was being possessed by Maleficent, the film's real antagonist. By this point, Mal has started to fall in love with Ben for real, partly because he was neither good or bad. At one point, she should have talked to him about joining the initial four Descendants and becoming evil.
All of the Descendants should have been focused on equally, not just Mal and Ben. The other Descendants were equally as relevant, but it was clear that Mal was the single main character of the film. My initial suggestion was to make Jay the single main character, but that wouldn't fix the actual flaw.
Jay should have the ability to use magic. His father was a sorcerer then he went on to being the most powerful being in the universe. Surely some of that would have been passed on to Jay (see the flaw below).
The film needed to explain how all the villains got onto that prison island in the first place. For the original four Descendants, I think it should be set after the events of Aladdin and 101 Dalmatians (Cruella De Vil is dead, Jafar has been transformed back to human form. He is still a sorcerer, but he is weak and the magical prison walls counters every ability the villains have), but before/during the others.
Dude the dog should have been a Descendant. I have a good feeling that the Lady and the Tramp were his parents.
And now, the two MASSIVE flaws of this movie (I literally can't decide which is worse!):
The villain Descendants should not have turned good at the end of the film. They were brought up a certain way and now believe it's wrong, but they were just starting to get respected by the descendants of heroes. So what's the point in stopping being yourself if you're already appreciated for who you really are (they now do some good and some evil things, which would class them as antiheroes, not heroes)?
The film should have been R-Rated. I know this is Disney and you'd probably think Disney's never going to go down that route. Little do you know, they already have. Some examples of R-Rated Disney films include Air Force One, The Fifth Estate, Good Morning Vietnam, Con Air, Starship Troopers and Stuber. Descendants needs a remake more than any other movie. It had so much potential as an antihero movie and Disney missed their chance at doing that. Any good antihero movie needs graphic violence. That's why Suicide Squad was unsuccessful (besides Jared Leto). And an R-Rated reboot of this movie will deliver just that. All the potential ideas I've mentioned on here are part of my idea for an R-Rated reboot of this movie. An R-Rated reboot will also stay as far away as possible from musical numbers and campy fights, and include actual fights and darker themes. Well, actually they can leave one song in the reboot. The one where Ben is drugged and forces him to sing and declare that his "love" for Mal. The drug forces him to sing and it would make sense to leave that in. They should also make sure that the villain Descendants aren't actually innocent. They should commit multiple crimes on the island, being villains, and as I mentioned before, they SHOULD NOT turn good at the end, but they should stop being evil (this doesn't mean the same thing).
Overall, this movie sucks. Avoid it at all costs.
Overall, this movie sucks. Avoid it at all costs.
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