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mroccolo
Reviews
The Twilight Zone: You Drive (1964)
To drive, or not to drive
Although the message is commendable, the episode itself is a rather boring and lackluster one. A hit-and-run driver, Edward Andrews, is hounded by his own car. When the car manifests signs of possessing a moral conscience, Andrews gasps and pants every time the car honks, flashes, and plays loud music. This repeats itself and drags on the entire show. The most disturbing aspect of this episode is the actress, who plays Andrews's wife. With a 'nail through the brain' twang, she chides Andrews throughout: "Ollie, Ollie! What's wrong, Ollie?!" "Ollie? What's that sound, Ollie?!" "Ollie? Aren't you going to do something, Ollie?!" Yeech! That alone would have made me walk off of a building. Definitely not one of the more haunting episodes.
88 Minutes (2007)
Pacino's hair outperforms him
Pacino is one of the greater actors; but in this movie, he's in a perpetual and dopey wide eyed biden-esque stupor. His face looks half frozen, and he barely has any interest in what he says or does throughout the entire movie. Add to that, a parade of fawning young women who fling themselves at the somewhat creepy looking Pacino (sorry), nonsensical car explosions, endless cell calls, an unnecessary and gruesome torture scene, and a lame script. Yeech! You've got the makings for a dog flop of a movie. The script meanders all over the place, and everyone the camera focuses on is a suspect. If all of that isn't bad enough, Pacino's age defying acrobatics come off as cartoonish.
Trog (1970)
Crawford's vocal lacerations are ear deafening......
.....And the movie is so bad, my eyes are burning. Crawford tries to scare straight a guy in a rubber halloween mask (Trog). Poor misunderstood Trog, an ancient caveman, runs, flails his arms, screeches, sighs, and hides. Naturally, old Trog only responds positively and cooperatively to old Crawford (anthropologist). It's a certainty that was written into her contract. As usual, she offers her terrible overdone acting. And, her roaring bellow rivals Trog's screech. Without the insanely high camp factor, the movie would be ridiculously boring.
The Mirror Has Two Faces (1996)
Highly improbable
Not even the skill of Jeff Bridges could make this sappy drivel believable. In this absurdly improbable and circular storyline, Babs tries to convince her audience that an average looking woman can transform into..........an average looking woman and still appeal to an even less than dispassionate guy. Love starved Streisand wants to fall in love with a good looking guy, but is too homely to attract any interest. The irony is someone (Pendleton) DOES have interest, but she isn't attracted to his looks. The onscreen chemistry between Bridges and Streisand is nonexistent, and the scenes in which the two are involved leave you feeling flat. And, Rogers is miscast as Streisand's "beautiful" sister. Becall gives a solid performance as the emotionally distant mother. It's also obvious the self-serving and compulsive Streisand, as the director, got in her own way by pinching, tweaking, and modifying the movie and cast of characters to death. If movie making is an art form and to be seen as a live painting, it's wise to take the advice of some painters: 'Get in and get out.'
The Mirror Has Two Faces (1996)
Highly improbable
Not even the skill of Jeff Bridges could make this sappy drivel believable. In this absurdly improbable and circular storyline, Babs tries to convince her audience that an average looking woman can transform into..........an average looking woman and still appeal to an even less than dispassionate guy. Love starved Streisand wants to fall in love with a good looking guy, but is too homely to attract any interest. The irony is someone (Pendleton) DOES have interest, but she isn't attracted to his looks. The onscreen chemistry between Bridges and Streisand is nonexistent, and the scenes in which the two are involved leave you feeling flat. And, Rogers is miscast as Streisand's "beautiful" sister. Becall gives a solid performance as the emotionally distant mother. It's also obvious the self-serving and compulsive Streisand, as the director, got in her own way by pinching, tweaking, and modifying the movie and cast of characters to death. If movie making is an art form and to be seen as a live painting, it's wise to take the advice of some painters: 'Get in and get out.'
The Call (2013)
'The Call' Ha! Ha! Ha!
One of the worst "thriller" movies I've ever seen. The characters are cardboard-like and underdeveloped, and the ending is unreasonable with some of the most laughable dialogue. At some point in the movie, reference is made to the psycho's dead sister. But it's just left hanging in the air, like bad fish. The script didn't flesh out the correlation between the sister and the psycho's behavior. This guy is supposedly smart, experienced, and controlled. But he has a disorganized mess of a breakdown in the middle of the freeway in broad daylight. HUH??? Then there's the matter of his bunker and an unexplained blood splattered bed. He spends time screeching at a wig, or is it a scalp? Berry is supposed to be a highly trained and expert 911 operator, but makes terrible amateurish decisions that would make a Navy Seal fret. And the ending, with its laughable dialogue, leaves you wondering about the integrity and mental stability of the 'expert' 911 operator.
Berserk (1967)
Frightened? I'm furious!
I think this movie was more of a vanity project for Crawford. In Crawford's deluded mind, she thought she could pull off playing a 'sexy' seductress; and, she probably wanted to show the world how "strong" she was (eye roll). Although, the comical aspect of Crawford as a 'sexy' temptress in a circus environment didn't get lost on me. Having said that, the movie is a fun watch, and has a good mix of suspense, campy drama, and a couple of gory scenes.
After a couple of gruesome but oddball murders on Crawford's circus territory, the circus employees become jittery and paranoid. Crawford suddenly finds she needs to hire a high wire guy. So she hires Frank (Ty Hardin), who's supposed to be one of the best top wire guys in the business. Never mind that he's got a bad case of noodle arms and hilariously flails them over his head when he performs his high wire routine. In a weak, disturbing, and implausible subplot, Frank falls head over heels for Crawford and becomes 'involved' with her. Yeow! With her seemingly greenish skin tone, rough mannerisms, and old face, she rebuffs him. Even in the softest flickering candlelight, Crawford has all the appeal of a crocodile. Yet, he still pursues her. And one of the circus members (Diana Dors) is the ringleader of throwing accusations against Crawford as being the murderer. Some big laughs come from watching dors and crawford trade dirty looks and barbs. Then Judy Geeson as the daughter enters the plot. Geeson lends good acting to the movie, and dilutes some of Crawford's campiness. The murders continue, even with a detective on the circus camp. After one final inconceivable murder, the killer bungee jumps out from behind a curtain and the movie comes to a shrill end.
Crawford's awfulness combined with the talents of the other actors make this campy horror flick an amusing laugh riot.