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NinjaChampion
Reviews
Step Into the Third Dimension (1989)
Most Entertaining instructional video for a camera ever.
This was one of Vincent Price's last works, but the creative spirit which he brings to his acting is still evident. Despite the fact that this film is really an instructional video for a Mishika camera, it is still enjoyable to watch, mainly because Mr. Price is so darn creepy. After all, in what other instructional video are you going to find Vincent Price addressing your average suburban family on camera instructions? Although there are occasional times when it is obvious Mr. Price is reading from cue cards, the occasional references to his other films are entertaining for the die-hard Price fan. Especially recommended is the opening and ending sequence, both taking place on a set resembling the "House of Wax" movie set.
If you somehow find this film, I highly recommend you watch it. It will remind you what a talented actor Price was, though it isn't itself the most thrilling thing he has ever done.
Fushigi na koala Blinky (1984)
My First Anime
May have spoilers, although its been so long now I can't remember what is and isn't a spoiler.
When I got in to anime, I always felt it was strangely familiar. Looking back on all the cartoons I considered "good" as a kid, now I see why. I had really been watching it for years.
From what I remember, the plot of this show revolved around a girl whose father was missing. He had gone missing in an expidition to Australia. Later, a ship is found, and in this ship is a package containing a stuffed koala he meant to send to his daughter. His daughter, now 12 and living with her mother (or grandmother, can't remember), gets it. However....
Its not a normal stuffed toy! Its really a REAL koala. A real, talking koala. This talking koala also has a little sister, and they're both from a paralell australia-like demension. The girl's father is trapped there.
The rest of the show consists of her adventures trying to rescue her father from being imprisoned in another dimension, and everything her and the koalas do back home.
Wow, deep plot for a kids show, huh? I'm glad I watched it before I got old enough to realize it was to complicated. Had I watched it when I understood logical thought, the show NEVER would have made sense.
It was great stuff though. Watch it if you can. It is a standard "kid has amazing powers/secrets/friends" thing you often see in anime, but the memories of childhood alone are enough incentive to watch it.
Kôkaku kidôtai (1995)
I honestly have to say, its a tad over-rated in every area.
I'll be blunt. In my opinion, ghost in the shell is one of the most over-rated of all over-rated anime, and unlike other over-rated anime like Gundam and Dragonball, it doesn't even have any fun parts that make it enjoyable even if you can't stand the plot! The problem is, apparently, those that made ghost in the shell thought that by having the movie try to be everything, it would make up for the fact that none of its attributes were all that spectacular.
You want to see weird philosophical anime? Watch "Serial Experiments laine," at least that presents a few semi-original points here and there. You want big gun martial arts action? See a Chow Yun-fat movie, or any action oriented anime that does it right (robotech, gun smith cats, cowboy bebop, etc.)
The other major problem, I found, was that the movie was WAY to much like William Gibson's "Neuromancer." While I realize that all cyberpunk stories are going to sound like neuromancer until somebody does something to get it a bit more mainstream, I still wish cyberpunk movies like this would do a bit more to be original.
Instead of watching this, watch Cowboy Bebop or Serial Experiments Laine. You'll be glad you did.
Ninja Terminator (1986)
I am still...ninja champion!
Possible Spoilers. You've Been Warned. I'll always have a soft spot for this movie, it was my first "Just add Ninja" film. A "Just add Ninja" film is a movie which takes an UNFINISHED Asian film, hires a number of European actors in ninja uniforms, and cleverly re-dubs the whole affair into something that can be sold on video in the United States. Movie Plot A follows the intrepid Jaguar Wong ("Hey, show them jaguar skills!"), a secret agent for something or other, attempting to save a girl. Movie Plot B, the far superior plot, has Agent Gordon Anderson (or Richard, or something. The character is the same in every movie, the name just changes slightly), and he is trying to get a ninja statue. The statue is a samurai, you say? Ah, clearly you've watched this film to carefuly...
The highlight of the movie is the ending. After Gordon declares himself "Ninja Champion" and walks off with the statue, the other survivng ninja, disgraces, wills himself to spontaneously combust. This talent is never truly explained, but the look on Gordon's face as he turns around and shrugs afterwards definately belongs in a mentos commercial.
If you're in to bad action movies, see this film. If you like ninjas, see this film. If you like hillariously bad dubbing, see this film. If you have any respect for accuracy or common sense, avoid this like the plague.
Satomi hakken-den (1983)
If you play videogames, you've already seen this movie. See it again anyway!
Every once and awhile (Normally among the younger generation, such as myself) you will see a movie and think "Wow, every movie I have ever SEEN has stolen ideas from this!" You will probably be overjoyed, having finally found that one adrenaline pounding action flick that you've always searched for. Thats how I felt when I first saw "Yojimbo" anyway. "BUT!", you say, "this isn't about "Yojimbo"! You need to explain the "Legend of the Eight Samurai"!" And indeed I do, but first, the comparison has to be made. If "Yojimbo" is the movie that every martial arts director has in some way emulated, "Legend of the Eight Samurai" ("LOTES") is the movie that every Japanese made videogame has, in some way, borrowed from. Stop reading if you want to be surprised, but I will present the partial list of comparisons between this film and classic videgames.
Plot Summary: There are a group of warriors (Almost any videogame) who possess Eight Glowing Crystals (The original final fantasy, other crystal-heavy games) which must save a Princess (Mario, Zelda, Lolo, etc.) from an Evil Evil Demonically Resurrected Warlord With Weird Magic Monster Stuff (Castlevania, Final Fantasy, etc.). Along the way, an unlikely hero (almost every videogame ever) will enlist the help of a Ninja Assassin (any videogame from the 80's), the One Bad Guy Who Turns Good at the Last Minute(any Final Fantasy Game), the One Guy Who Can Somehow Use Gunpowder(any Fantasy Setting Game), the Young Boy(every game from Pokemon to Zelda). In the course of the movie, the heroes will fight a giant centipede (everything from Abraxis to Zelda), miracously cure all of their wounds with only One Night of Sleep (EVERY game). Actually defeating the final badguy requires the life sacrifice of many characters (Most games), one Ultimate Powerful Bow and Arrow that was forged by good for, well, I don't really know (Zelda), and the ending has the credits roll while a confusingly translated Japanese Pop song plays.
Now, that may have sounded funky, but you REALLY have to see this. If you aren't convinced already, here's one more incentive: it has Sonny Chiba! If you've never heard of Chiba, you should look into his work. The goriness (and hillarity!) cannot be done with more attention to detail than in a Chiba movie.
I started watching this movie because of Chiba. I kept watching because of the Big Freaking Centipede. In the end, I felt like I understood the source of every videogame and anime plot since 1975. You should see this movie even if you don't play videogames. At the least, you'll find it entertaining for the action sequences and the occasionally (And suprisingly well translated) bits of dialogue.
Manos: The Hands of Fate (1966)
I am Torgo!
Before I review this, I would like to warn everybody who doesn't want the plot ruined for them to please stop reading now.
Still reading? Well, thats too bad, because the plot is ruined for you when you find it. This movie amounts to a family riding around Texas for half and hour, then checking in to a creepy house run by "Torgo". Torgo himself is beyond description. You must see Manos the Hands of Fate to understand Torgo. Anyway, the family checks in, and you're treated to a fun filled romp with a crazy cultleader who worships "Manos." For those of you who don't know elemetary spanish, Manos means "Hands." The guy even has a big pair of hands on his robe! Ah! Spooky!
But I digress. Throughout the movie, you'll be treated to a horrible(in all the wrong ways) romp through this cheese-bucket of a movie. You'll leave feeling sick, and your dreams will be haunted by the four note, always repeated theme of Torgo...