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tripbeetle
Reviews
Jack the Giant Slayer (2013)
Visceral fun
Jack the Giant Slayer is the first movie I have seen for a long time that actually made me feel frightened! I have seen so much tragedy and horror depicted on the screen that I considered myself well and truly jaded until I saw this movie.
Sure, the story is simple, but it's expertly told, and the special effects were as remarkable as I've seen in any film, eliciting unstinting belief and viewer involvement.
This movie's forte has to be the giants, whose visages and voices I found more close-up scary than any spook, zombie or psychopath. For being thoroughly entertaining, supremely well produced, and putting the fear of God into me, this movie is one of the few deserving an all-out 10.
Horsemen (2009)
Watched it to the end only because it was nearly bedtime and I was too tired to do anything else
The start of this movie gave me hope I was on to something OK. There was some artistry in it, and the opening twist was promising. (But why does the bloody graffiti, i.e. "Come and see," have to be written in such phony, perfect handwriting?) That was all lost in an instant when Ziyi Zhang's character suddenly revealed herself for "what she was" - in the process suddenly going from normal middle class immigrant girl to ludicrous, evil, wry, hissing, (awkwardly) seductive, bloken engrish Oriental villainess. Cringe! I felt embarrassed on behalf of her and the producer.
I should have done what I wanted to do and gone straight to bed. But (deadbeat) curiosity got the better of me. However, I found everything else went downhill, too.
Particularly repulsive (and it takes a lot in a movie to actively repulse me) was the virtual rubber stamp this movie gave to homophobia. One of the "horsemen" as a gay character with a big brother so redneck and devoid of familial feeling that it almost went beyond belief, and who the gay character ended up disemboweling himself in front of because of his brother's rejection.
That plays on so many nasty old preconceptions, myths, and prejudices about homosexuality ("Homosexuals are never happy," "They bring it on themselves," "'Real' men can never feel comfortable with gay men" etc. etc.) that it's hard to believe this movie was made in the 21st century.
And as for the "revelation" (excuse the pun) at the end about who the fourth horseman was - puh-leeze, give me some credit. Saw it coming from way back.
Predictable, poorly acted, out-of-touch pantomime.
Klimt (2006)
Refrigerated froth
The only thing that kept me in my seat after 20-30 minutes of watching 'Klimt' was that I was too near the middle of the row to leave without making a fuss. However, a quick look around me revealed more dozers, whisperers, shufflers and people with either stupefied or plain bored faces than I have ever seen.
Why? In a few words, this film is pretentiousness trying to play sophistication, clog-footed hamminess trying to play world weariness, gaucheness trying to play 'shocking', quirky 'cleverness' trying to play depth. John Malkovich's role was about as three-dimensional as a flake of peeled varnish. Was Klimt really a dead-eyed deadpan wimp who finished every sentence by showing 'bunny teeth', and who felt the need to overcompensate for being pathetic through occasional bouts of utterly hammy laughable violence (on streets ankle deep in salt) and endless humorless sexual encounters? (Perhaps the only understanding the producer showed of the audience is their profound disinclination to have to witness someone as fundamentally unsexy engaged in such.) Don't expect to get any insights into Klimt past what you could read on Wikipedia. About the only thing that warrants the use of the artist's name as the title is the occasional appearance of gold leaf, egg whites, lips and black lace. Apart from that it may as well be called 'Let's Go Loony with a Bland Old F**kwit'.
The delivery was stilted, the acting was twee, and some of the devices used, e.g. spinning the camera round and round the subject to create a dizzying background vortex, were way too conscious - not to mention simply annoying. There were many scenes where you really felt as if your sensibilities (not in the prudish sense, just as in what passes score and what doesn't) as well as intelligence were being roundly assaulted in a totally crass and meaningless way. Two examples that come to mind are the ranting, dribbling raver and Klimt's ludicrously distressed mother and "Ooh, mom's at it - s'pose I'd better join in too" sister. It was like watching a town hall production by people who don't get out enough.
Shame on everyone involved in this movie. I have never been more disappointed at the cinema. It lacked any humanity; it was wooden and unconvincing. It is pernicious as a credible plea for censorship. I gave it a 2 instead of a 1 because, if nothing else, to a certain extent you have to admire gall.
So do not waste your money on this film ... and whatever you do - DO NOT TAKE A DATE!