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JusticeTalion
Reviews
Blind Injustice (2005)
The blind leading the blind
I am not a big fan of most Lifetime movies and this is another reason why. They tend to be so contrived that they suck. This one is no different.
*SPOILERS!!!*
Blind chick gets attacked and puts the guy away. Oops wrong guy. They let him go and he and the blind chick get chummy (big boobs overcome righteous outrage, I guess). Bad guy escapes jail and goes to teach the blind chick a lesson (even though it was he who blabbed he had raped her). Cop goes to warn her bad guy is loose and gets whacked. Bad guy attacks blind chick who proceeds to kick the crap out of him just as the police arrive. She threatens to cut his throat only to use the oldest line in the "I ain't gonna do it" book, "You're not worth it" stabbing the knife into the ground beside his head then she walks away leaving him with said knife and still conscious. Cops bust bad guy before he goes postal again and uses the knife she left him. Wronged guy comes rushing up getting chummy with the blind chick and they retire to the house to live happily ever after.
Waste your time with this dreck or rent a really fine, taut thriller called "Wait Until Dark" with the always lovely Audrey Hepburn and a very creepy Alan Arkin. She is a blind woman whose husband receives a doll that Arkin wants back very badly. You won't be disappointed with this one.
'Salem's Lot (2004)
Be very afraid! (Of this movie)
***SPOILERS!!!***
Oh dear. Where do I start with this horrific remake offering of the 1979 classic based upon Stephen King's 1975 novel 'Salem's Lot? I guess the beginning is good enough.
I have read 'Salem's Lot more than a dozen times and it has never failed to draw me in and entertain me. It has never been a "scary" book for me, the only one of King's books that drew me in enough for that was The Shining, but I always enjoy the images that it conjures. I enjoyed the original 'Salem's Lot with David Soul, Bonnie Bedelia, Lew Ayers, James Mason, et al, very much. It had a good script, was well paced for the most part, well chosen actors who could actually act, scares, good FX and suspense. It strayed from the book but was close enough that the omissions were a minor distraction one only looked for to nitpick. Overall, I would give it a B+ and that was well deserved for four years after the novel hit the shelves.
When this mini-series started on TV I had to wonder if I actually was watching the right movie. The beginning is so foreign to the book and the original movie that it doesn't even register as 'Salem's Lot until Ben Mears' name is mentioned. In the book the writer and the boy are in Los Zapatos, Mexico trying to recover from their ordeal in Jerusalem's Lot. The movie begins with Ben trying to kill the priest. Give me a break! The priest, Father Callahan lives and shows up in The Dark Tower VII: The Dark Tower for crying out loud. And that is only the first glaring deviation from the novel, but certainly not the last, that dooms this movie from the start.
The most outrageous character change is Matt Burke. In the novel he is an elderly teacher at the local high school. In the original movie he is played admirably by Lew Ayres but in this remake he is a black man and that would be an acceptable politically correct nod to our time but what was up with the "alternative lifestyle" (read: gay) garbage? The narrative by Lowe states he is accepted as long as he stays in the closet. Being gay adds nothing to the story or his character but was deemed important enough to tell us about. Who cares? Certainly not me.
So many other characters were butchered so badly it would take forever to name them all but Father Callahan must be mentioned. In the novel he loses his faith and does succumb to Barlow's ministrations but he runs away from Barlow and his parish. He DOES NOT become Barlow's new familiar. This seemingly explains the opening of the movie although this revelation is left for the last 15 minutes and leaves one wondering about the opening for the entire movie. And that is the crux of this worthless mini-series' problem. Someone suggested it was paced too fast but I don't think that is it. Continuity is.
You might find this movie mildly entertaining if you've never read the novel or seen the original movie however it isn't marketed towards newbies. It is made to generate interest from established King fans and fails miserably. In the mini-series Ben Mears is said to have found Birdie Martsten in the bathroom of the Marsten house and then witnesses Hubert Marsten hang himself. In the novel Marsten kills his wife in THE KITCHEN and hangs himself in 1939. Ben enters the house, being nine years old, and sees Hubert hanging in an upstairs bedroom a full 12 years AFTER the deed. It is not until he is in his 30's that he returns to Jerusalem's Lot to confront his demons.
Things like this were explained in the original movie but were embellished for the mini-series to no good end. I never once felt terror for anyone in the movie. In fact, the "scariest" moment came when Mark is in the boarding house kitchen, appropriate music is playing to denote suspense and burnt toast pops up out of the toaster. There is nothing before that to draw a person in to such a point that a "gotcha" like that might work and that pretty much explains why this movie bites nothing but the big one. (pun intended).
I am not a big fan of remaking movies or reworking characters into today's world. The one notable exception was the remake of the ghastly 1980 Stanley Kubrick vehicle 'The Shining'. Don't get me wrong Jack Nicholson is a great actor and Shelley Duvall may be the penultimate Olive Oyl but Wendy Torrance she ain't. The mini-series had the time to let us all know that Jack Torrance was ALREADY crazy when he entered the Overlook. The hotel just helped him walk a little farther down that road. 'Salem's Lot did absolutely nothing to explain, enhance or improve upon the original movie. Save the three hours of your life this thing consumes and read the book. If you can't do that then watch The Shining mini-series instead. You will be spending your time wisely compared to watching this dreck.
Iron Thunder (1998)
Save your money.
Richard Hatch and a catchy title do not a movie make.
Iron Thunder was obviously made on the budget one usually reserves for porno movies. Super secret next generation tanks that rattle and squeak like an old Sherman? Hatch in a green jumpsuit sporting a pot belly to rival anything seen at the family picnic and effects that were just plain laughable. Add to this dialogue that was totally inappropriate for the story ("Language, people.", whenever anyone used a cuss word), plot lines that seem totally ridiculous (Hatch wires a tank shell that kills a guy by causing the blood in his head to leak into the helmet he is wearing instead of exploding and killing everyone in the tank...go figure) and just a general lameness that pervades this movie in spades.
If you've got money to burn and need a cure for insomnia then by all means buy this movie and watch to your heart's content. My aunt does. She puts it on and three minutes into it I am left to agonize over it as she has already fallen asleep.
If not then might I suggest the excellent "Blue Thunder" instead. It packs more bang for the buck and has a cool chopper too. Who knows? You just might become a JAFO too (watch the movie and find out).