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James Felix
Reviews
X-Men: The Last Stand (2006)
What an unbelievable hunk of crap
I'll be brief. This is an action movie without action, a character study without characters, a movie that fails spectacularly at every goal it sets for itself. It's a mere 97 minutes long and still manages to bore the crap out of you. Unsatisfied with mere disrespect for its source material it goes for full blown contempt instead. It has plot holes big enough to drive a convoy of trucks through and cannot even maintain its own internal, comic-book logic.
On its own merits, compared to the comics or compared to the prior two movies this is a very, very poor film. It makes "The Hulk", "Daredevil" and "Elektra" look like masterpieces. As sequels go it is down there with "Exorcist II: the Heretic" and "Jaws 4: the Revenge".
Batman Begins (2005)
The Schumacher Stain is cleansed
This movie is perfectly executed. Perfectly cast, perfectly written, perfectly directed and all the performances are spot on. Extremely faithful to the source material without being hamstrung by the kind of literal-mindedness that ruined the Daredevil movie.
The production design is incredible. Gotham is a perfectly believable dystopia, sort of like New York under a re-elected David Dinkins. The Batmobile deserves special mention too. By far the coolest version in the vehicles 60-year history, I promise you that what you've seen in the previews doesn't do justice to the actual chase scenes.
This isn't a great comic-book movie. It's a great movie, period. We can finally put the horror of the Schumacher films behind us.
The Star Wars Holiday Special (1978)
Yeah, it's pretty painful....
...but to be fair it really isn't much worse than Episode I or II, and it's not like they do anything stupid in it like have Greedo shoot first. Plus it didn't cost over $100 million to make. Any Star Wars fan should get a bootleg and check it out, if only to say you've done it.
The Twilight Zone (2002)
A lazy, half hearted effort
I got nothing but complaints about the opening episode of this one.
First of all, if I see the ending coming after the first 3 minutes it hardly qualifies as a "twist".
Second, and more importantly, do they have professional plagarists writing this show? The first story was a lame fusion of "1984" and "To Serve Man" and the second one was a complete and total rip off of "On a Pale Horse" by Piers Anthony.
I suppose if you're too young or illiterate to recognize the rip offs this might be an ok show.
Signs (2002)
I really wanted to like this, but....
SPOILERS GALORE--SPOILERS GALORE---LOTS AND LOTS OF SPOILERS HERE!!
Ok, I really like M.Night Shymalan. I loved "the Sixth Sense", I loved "Unbreakable" and I really wanted to like "Signs".
Unfortunately, too many utter implausabilities and failings of internal logic piled up for me to be able to do so. A brief list of them reads like this: How did the aliens, advanced enough to have mastered interstellar travel, NOT realize that the element covering 75% of our planet was so violently toxic to them? Why are they walking around stark naked? I mean, even a simple raincoat would have gone a long way towards facilitating their missions success, a full environment suit would have ensured it. For that matter, why crop circles? Again, they master interstellar travel but this is the most efficient navigational aid they come up with? The aliens must surely have realized that we have (and are inclined to use) weapons far deadlier than the baseball bat that causes them such trouble, why walk around unarmed? And speaking of being unarmed, Mel Gibsons rural Pennsylvania farmhouse doesn't have so much as a single shot 12 guage in it? Come on now! I really could go on but I'm sure you get the point.
Now, I fully understand that at it's heart this isn't a sci-fi movie, or even a horror movie. I know he's trying to make a point about the nature of God and faith and what have you. But the total of the glaring errors simply created too much disbelief to suspend.
On the upside, "Signs" IS perfectly directed, with good performances turned in by everyone (even that Culkin kid). Overall though, I'd say Mr. Shymalan dropped his batting average to .660 with this one.
Judge Dredd (1995)
This is a Darn Shame
Judge Dredd is one of the greatest comic heroes of all time, who sadly never got his due in this country because he wasn't in the stable of the Big Two (Marvel & DC). Although DC did finally publish a version of him for a while in the 90's, it was a half hearted effort. Further injustice was heaped on this great character by this movie. Although I give them credit for trying to get small details right, the overall film is just bad. Short, mush mouthed Sly Stallone is mis-cast as the titular hero and Rob Schneider as his "sidekick" was ill advised. An underutilized Diane Lane, on the other hand, did a fine job.
Hardcore Stallone fans may like it, but comic fans are advised to look elsewhere for their fix. I'd rank this up there with Dolph Lundgrens "The Punisher" on my list of worst comic adaptations.
The Kids in the Hall (1988)
Funny, Funny, Funny
I'll be brief and to the point: The Kids in the Hall are the most consistantly hilarious sketch comedy artists of all time. Inspired, wickedly funny skits filled with memorable characters. Only the top 1% of SNL stuff can even compare to this, and they hold up well even in comparison to Monty Python.
Batman & Robin (1997)
Someone Arrest Joel Schumacher....
...and make him stand trial for murdering what had been a decent movie franchise. This movie is utter crap. You want good Batman? Check out any of the 1990's animated episodes. The worst of them is 10,000% better than this steaming heap of celluloid feces.
Mad About You (1992)
A really great show, BUT....
I think the first four seasons of this show are among the best stuff network TV has ever done. But they really, really should have stopped there. Starting with season five everyone involved seems to have let the praise go to their heads, and the show started to take itself WAY too seriously. As a result they pretty much stripped away everything that made the show fun to watch.
Best Defense (1984)
Would have ended the career of a lesser performer
As near as I can tell, some producers attempted to capitalize on Eddie Murphy's (then) new popularity by having him film some scenes to be badly edited into an existing Dudley Moore film. I say this because the two stars never share a scene, and their respective storylines really do play like two completely different and unrelated films. The end result is a film so monstrously bad as to be unwatchable. That Eddie Murphy's career could survive this cow patty of a film shows how funny and appealing a performer he is.
Spider-Man (2002)
OH MY GOD
I've been reading comics for 30 years now, and Spider-Man is not the best comic-book based film I've ever seen. It's the best film I've ever seen, PERIOD. It may not win an Oscar, it may not be Citizen Kane, but it is the hands down most fun I've ever, ever had in a theater, and isn't that what we all pay our eight bucks for?
Lots of people directed lots of criticism towards Sam Raimi as rumor after rumor surfaced during production. Well, Mr. Raimi has just delivered the perfect comeback to anything his detractors have to say, and that is a magnificent film. Managing to be both modern and faithful to it's 40 year old source material, it is solid fun from start to finish. I simply cannot say enough good things about this film.
Goodfellas (1990)
Definitive
Although many people will disagree and claim this status for "The Godfather", I believe that "Goodfellas" is the best gangster movie ever made. Unflinchingly realistic, this film is not content to simply glamorize the criminal lifestyle but also shows what violent sociopaths choose to live it. More important, it shows the downfall and bad end that most such people can expect to eventually come to. If nothing else the sheer number of imitators this movie has spawned should be a testimony to it's brilliance. A must see, no two ways about it.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1992)
Gotta take it for what it is
The film "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", taken on its own merits, is the sort of mediocre film one watches on cable TV on weekends when nothing else is on. It's totally inoffensive, occasionally funny and Kristy Swanson is certainly easy to look at. However, just under the surface you can see the foundation for what would be one of the most brilliant tv shows of the 90's, if not of all time. Looked at as a testing ground for Joss Wheadon to flesh out his backstory and ideas the film takes on greater significance. Bottom line: if you haven't seen it already keep an eye out for it on TNT, it's worth a look.
Inside Schwartz (2001)
Awful. Just Awful.
For some reason I sat through the entire first episode of this show, and I submit its airing as an argument against the existence of a merciful God. This show stands shoulder to shoulder with "The Single Guy" in the pantheon of all time worst sitcoms in history. It's badly written, unfunny, and performed by a cast so physically unattractive they make Archie Bunkers living room look like a copy of "Vogue". The imaginary sports commentator gag stopped being funny when...well, it was never funny. This show is to be avoided like the plague. You're better off tuning in to a test pattern.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Movie (1996)
Utterly, utterly brilliant
Without belaboring the specifics of this movie, I'd like to add that the guys at Best Brains stand right beside Monty Python atop the pantheon of comic brilliance. This particular installment may not be the best one for first time MST3K viewers (for that I'd recommend any of the tapes now published by Rhino) but for even the most casual viewer of the TV series this is simply a must see.