Change Your Image
brolsen-98886
Reviews
The Beekeeper (2024)
I want a second but with new writers
So I rated this higher than it has a right to be rated but I don't want to take away from what could've been and what could be if there is a sequel.
This clandestine organization known as the Beekeepers is really compelling. I love the idea of this movie. However, the only good thing about this was Jason Statham and Jeremy Irons. The supporting actors were horrible and cartoonish. It went from being prospectively a terrific movie in the beginning, to just comical and not in a good B-movie (no pun intended) type of way.
The thing that destroyed this movie was the character writing. Statham's character didn't have much background and was an easy write as a typical elite action hero. Even so, they gave him some cheesy dialogue at times. Jeremy Irons was the only realistic character. Everyone else, especially the money folks, were like goofy caricatures of cartoon villains. His FBI tail, being his neighbor's (that he is avenging) daughter, had the most unrealistic plot line and character development you can imagine. She had zero grief nor internal conflict displayed. If they had gone a more serious direction, this movie would've been knockout. They should make a sequel with better writing.
The Last of Us (2023)
Finally
I did play the games. I'm very happy that they finally made a game franchise that sticks to what made it populate to begin with. There are some differences but overall they work and there is no major deviation that changes the course of the story. I thoroughly enjoy it. At first, I was worried about the casting but the actors are portraying their characters well. They have gotten better throughout the series in my opinion. Go into this show knowing that everything is morally gray. In fact, morals lean more on the bad side. There are no heroes and right vs wrong depends on your perspective as a viewer. It is a dark and unfortunately conceivable look into human nature when society collapses.
Barbarian (2022)
superhuman, inbred, night dwelling, malnourished, unwashed human with super strength and lactating prosthetic breast glands.
There is no possible way that this movie is anywhere in the vicinity of a 7.1. I don't even want to dignify it by explaining why it is bad. There absolutely has to be a campaign to rate it high.
It was one of the worst horror movies I've ever seen. The beginning was a decent set up. Then it turned into a comedy. There was a renovated house in a neighborhood that looked like a war went through it with a secret door in the basement opened by a giant rope sticking out of the wall that the contractors must've missed.
Every character made the wrong choice every time and dropped everything possible in key moments. The plot is filled with holes and unanswered questions. The writing and acting is comical. The effects look to be made by grade schoolers. There is an inbred person with superhuman powers that can survive any blunt force trauma but not gunshot wounds and a main character with no powers that can survive any blunt force trauma AND also gunshot wounds. Every other character cannot survive blunt for trauma nor gunshot wounds. Most get easily ripped apart by the superhuman, night dwelling, malnourished, unwashed, inbred human with her super strength and lactating prosthetic breast glands.
I am entertained by good and bad horror movies. I am not entertained by terrible ones. Something is up with the rating on this one.
Prey (2022)
Best sequel yet
I really enjoyed this. The film was beautifully shot with some iconic frames. The predator had some cool gadgets and had some awesome fight scenes. I have two issues in which I took a star off for each. The lead character had a little too much plot armor with deus ex machina tropes like 3-4 times in the movie, which I didn't think was necessary. Secondly, the CGI was lacking at parts. I'd probably rate it a 7.5 so I'll round up here.
Spiderhead (2022)
The stars came from the acting
Somehow they managed to get great actors/actresses with such a terrible script. They obviously didn't talk to a single scientist. The scientific method was never even a factor with this evil genius/mad scientist character. It's so far fetched that you can no longer suspend disbelief for the sake of entertainment. Not in a fun crazy way either.
They also somehow managed to drag out scene after scene with the intent to character build, but were unable to create deep characters. That made this movie feel like a big waste of time. They wasted so much time building using mainly clichés attached to these characters, that they all became generic. I can't even begin to list the plot holes and ridiculous decisions characters made for the sake of progressing the poor script.
These actors and actresses should fire their agents for letting them participate in this. This movie just feels played out from the start and turned out to be a disappointment. It was way too big for its britches and failed to hit its target. It isn't deep nor smart nor entertaining.
Old (2021)
Feels like a made for TV movie from some far off nation
It's really a bad movie honestly. I love a lot of B list movies but this ain't it. The acting/casting is awful. M. Night Shyamalan Has lost it his mojo. It's a unique plot that is poorly executed. Everyone knows there are twists in his movies and this one is no exception. The twist is lame though. The characters are all uninspired and as shallow as can be. I really don't have a good thing to say about the film. I'm not giving any extra points for a unique plot because I think of weird plots just laying in bed; but that doesn't mean they'll work in a movie. It might've been an ok show if done right.
American Sicario (2021)
Absolutely awful
I typically find redeeming qualities in bad movies. I watch many bad movies and still find entertainment. There is not a thing this movie has to offer. It is terrible. The 6.3 it has right now has to be a sham. There is no way anyone thinks this is worthy of that. The acting is awful and the dialogue is worse. The plot was written terribly as well. This movie is a waste of time. Oh and they tried to hop on the Sicario bandwagon despite not a single American acting as a sicario. The title doesn't even fit the film, that's how bad it is.
Children of Men (2006)
One of the few genuine 10/10 films
This movie is amazing. Clive Owen is often wasted in Hollywood but he is a top notch actor. This movie is fresh and unique. It has an interesting pseudo-sci-fi/dystopian plot that is carried out amazingly. The acting all around is fantastic and the pacing is just right. Towards the end there is a scene that is just so iconic too. You'll know it when you see it.
Pig (2021)
This movie has no business being as good as it is
I went into it with low expectations because I sometimes watch bad Nic Cage movies to blow off steam. This movie is so raw and emotional and reminded me that Nic Cage is actually a phenomenal actor. The premise is absurd and you'd expect it to be either like John Wick or some sort of silly comedy but what you get is a raw emotional drama with existential and grief handling tones. It's a beautiful movie and I'm utterly shocked that it unfolded the way it did. The supporting actor, Wolff, did a tremendous job as well.
The fight club scene was out of place with the rest of the movie so I'm taking off a couple of stars. For some, it would definitely be too slow and it does lack a bit of resolution on certain matters. If you are looking for something fast paced or action driven, this is not for you. It is somewhat slow and melancholy.
The Patrick Star Show (2021)
Horrible
I don't really just give out 1 stars because I usually find something redeeming. This is the first time I couldn't. Patrick Star is an energetic, sporadic, fourth wall breaking host. The original Spongebob had dumb jokes that just worked with the show, but the dialogue here is beyond moronic. The show is much more fast paced which is not a good thing, especially when you take into account that Patrick is a slow, lazy starfish in the original. It's honestly just not good at all. My 5 year old didn't even get a cheap laugh out of it either and she laughs at most shows I put on for her.
The Hateful Eight (2015)
one plot point ruined it for me
This movie was very ok. The plot, once it unfolds, is just not up to par with the pacing of the movie. The thing that really brought my rating down was that there was just Channing Tatum hidden in the floorboards the whole time. That felt like a very lazy plot device to force the direction forward. They spent the whole movie building backstory and then the unmentioned brother just appears in the freezing basement at the end of a 3 hour movie to shoot a phallus off. That's really a low blow to the audience, pun intended.
I'm a fan of working with the characters that you developed. Plus even going that horrible route, why wait until Jackson's character monologues and shoots your gang members before intervening? Keep your gang alive and shoot him before he starts picking them off (because the only people lined up execution style were in the gang). Poor Bob fell victim to a horrible boss. Jackson was the only one armed before he teamed up with the confederate dude. It was all just very sloppy in my opinion. But I was on the route for a much better rating before that happened.
The Mitchells vs the Machines (2021)
Hilarious for all ages
This movie manages to mash up cutsie humor that my 5 year old laughs at and surprisingly dark humor for my wife and I. They refreshed the whole AI wants to get rid of humans plot in a hilarious and well thought out way. It is definitely worth a watch.