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Reviews
Silent Hill (2006)
Great monsters, awesome set, pretty fine plot - shame about the dialogue
As a devotee of "creepy small town" stories, the story outline on the back of the DVD for this one was well-nigh irresistible. In many ways, I'm glad to say, Silent Hill does not disappoint. The town is, indeed marvellously creepy: ash drifting down from sinister coal fires, harsh sirens announcing the onset of "the Dark" and some fantastically rendered monsters.
However, the film is sadly let down by its very pedestrian dialogue. There's far too much yelling of "Sharon!" and "Rose!" at the beginning. Rose also keeps coming up with the most bleeding obvious there's-something-bad-about-this-type comments that you want to yell "Duh!" at the screen. There's also lots of awful cod-religious nonsense spouted by the leader of the cult in the church, who even, occasionally, has the decency to look embarrassed by the cheesy lines she has been given.
However, despite the atrocious dialogue, you do start to feel for the characters. Sean Bean plays Sharon's father in a pleasantly understated way and I felt genuinely sorry when the honourable female cop had to die. No good deed goes unpunished, I suppose. In fact, I felt that the cop's death was rather unnecessary and damn all gratitude she gets from Rose after all she did for her either.
The plot is clever enough; it features some interesting oriental ideas about people's dark and light sides and different levels of reality. Do Rose and Sharon die, or do they just ascend to a different plane? Though I occasionally lost patience with some over-long running-around scenes in the middle of the film, it's worth sticking out for the twists in the story, the excellent monsters and gore and the genuinely intriguing ending. Still feel sorry for that cop though.
The Long Weekend (2005)
Truly, truly awful sex "comedy"
There are some great sex comedies out there but this sure as hell isn't one of them. This is a mean-spirited, unpalatable, grotesque and deeply unfunny movie.
Normally I am happy to spend 90 minutes or so in the company of Chris Klein. I recently enjoyed seeing him in "Just Friends". What was he thinking when he saw the script to this stinker? The plot mainly deals with the two protagonists' efforts to find sex over the eponymous long weekend. Not a great premise for a movie, admittedly, but in the right hands it might have been fun.
Not in these hands though. The jokes, if that is what they are supposed to have been, are either idiotic, unhealthily misogynistic or utterly revolting. The action is interspersed with a variety of truly repulsive video clips (which have some vague relevance to the plot), mainly of animals eating their own crap and the like.
It's rare that I actually give up on a movie, but after 45 minutes or so I had to rip that sucker out of my DVD player as it was turning my stomach. There are doubtless some morons out there who'll enjoy wallowing in the unbelievable crassness that is The Long Weekend, but I would advise most of us to avoid avoid a-void this one.
Frankenfish (2004)
Better than it had any right to be
To my surprise, this actually turned out to be a rather amusing B-Movie. The characters, handsome cop, brainy female scientist, unpleasant young lawyer, taciturn Vietnam vet (how many Vietnam vets in the movies are ever eloquent conversationalists?) and superstitious Voodoo lady are so much cut-out cardboard, but the actors make the best with what they have to work with. Even the fish look like they are enjoying themselves.
There is the odd witty line, some great low-key action sequences and the Frankenfish themselves are great - chewing up most of the cast with great gusto and not without some excellent black humour.
There are some genuine surprises and a couple of unexpected deaths amid the usual B-Movie clichés. There's plenty of gore and plenty of fun. Not a bad way to spend an idle hour or so.
V for Vendetta (2005)
OK, but not nearly as good as everyone seems to think it is
Amazing! Best film of 2005! Must see! Utterly cool! Greatest film I have ever seen! Steady, people, who are we kidding here? This entertaining nonsense was just average at best.
That terrible, terrible Benny Hill comedy routine? Natalie Portman's laughable "romantic" scene where she kisses V's mask? Periodic outbreaks of appallingly stilted dialogue and wooden acting? That laboured "we must explain in words of one syllable to the Yanks who Guy Fawkes was" sequence at the beginning? Silly Matrix homages which hang, draw and quarter your disbelief: e.g. V's sword-fighting scene with the cops? Plot holes you could lose, well, the Houses of Parliament in? A totally pants revolution where everyone just dresses up like plonkers and gawks at fireworks? Film of the year? Really? Come on.
Worst of all, how does blowing up the beautiful Houses of Parliament (the "Mother of Parliaments" no less) strike a blow for freedom? The bad guys were all dead - all someone had to do was walk in the front door and retake the old H's of P in the name of the people.
Answer: narrative imperative - you gotta blow 'em up, otherwise what would have been the point of all that Guy Fawkes stuff? And, let's admit it, it was rather fun. Heaven knows how many times Hollywood has blown up the White House on screen - so it made a change.
The trouble is the bad guys just aren't bad and oppressive enough and V is a pretentious, prissy arse. John Hurt (as the "chancellor") is more pitiful than evil and all the people you see in the retirement homes, family houses and so on all look remarkably well fed, clean, disease-free and unoppressed.
Sure, there is the odd truly frightening moment when you see how good the film could have been. For example, the abduction of Stephen Fry's character by the secret police was particularly striking. However, most of the supposedly "shocking" scenes (such as that ridiculous persecuted-lesbian story) that we're supposed to recoil at seem so out of place, and are so in your face isn't-it-just-terrible-darling, that they soon become mawkish and even rather comical.
It has to be said that the plot was quite sophisticated and had some good twists - and some ridiculous ones. I haven't read the graphic novel, but I get the impression that much of the story was close enough to the original to satisfy most fans. The ever-watchable Stephen Rea somehow managed to keep a straight face though it all and the film was just absorbing enough for me to see it through to the end, though I nearly gave up a couple of times.
People, if you really want to see a couple of "amazing, must see" films that really bring home the terror and the absurdity of totalitarianism, watch the astonishing 1984 made in 1984 (also starring John Hurt) or try Terry Gilliam's masterpiece, Brazil.