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Reviews
Cats (2019)
If you don't get it, that's okay.
A guide to the movie Cats:
-If you need a guide then this movie is not going to be the right choice for you.
-You may want to have a cat or like cats.
-If you did not have a chance to see the fourth longest running Broadway musical of all time...again this movie is not going to be the right choice for you.
-If you want to embrace the film (good or bad) with a group of your most awesome friends then by all means sacrifice the 110 minutes.
-You may want to grasp the concept of a character study beforehand. Have you seen The Breakfast Club? That was a character study. A character study is not a plot or a story and if you expect either one then you are going to be sad.
Now...if you have read T.S. Eliot's Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats and/or seen the fourth longest running musical in Broadway history then it's going to be a real treat for you to see Dame Judi Dench as Old Deuteronomy, Sir Ian McKellen as Gus the Theater Cat and Jennifer Hudson as Grizabella and it's going to be because (just like the Broadway show) they don't dance.
You still get all of the same songs that you love and it will be cute to see the actors you do know as the rest of the cast. Except for what they had to do with Macavity in order for that character to make sense on screen. That was a little weird.
Sadly, the dancing and even the movement is completely lost and replaced with CGI weirdness, which is a huge part of why people loved it on the stage.
At the end of the day cats are still going to win. All things feline and the billions of dollars associated with them will always be worth more than your space fantasy franchise, your comicon and your superhero movies. Sorry Jason Momoa if it's between you and Grumpy Cat, he's going to get more views than you ever will and he died last year.
When you're done scrolling through this little review along with the hundreds of cat videos, memes and photos in your newsfeed you don't have to admit it out loud.
Entourage (2015)
Violence Against Women is Cool!
"We wanted to make sure there wasn't a 'Natalie Wood' situation that needed covering up" says Kevin Dillon after boarding a yacht to meet his recently married friend. Movie was turned off and a request for a refund has been sent to Time Warner. If it hasn't already been pointed out, everyone associated with that statement from who wrote it to who directed it to who spoke it to who else was in the scene needs to understand just how disgusting they are. I will never see anything associated with these people again. It's not hard to cross reference people associated with this kind of crap before we decide to see a film. Insulting the memory of a Hollywood icon and promoting violence against women all in less than ten minutes. Nice work.
Mad Max: Fury Road (2015)
Jumps the Shark
Not even the talent of Tom Hardy or Charlize Theron could save this movie. My mistake for expecting anything beyond recycled garbage from yet one more post-apocalyptic, done to death plot that offers nothing but a new low in pubescent trash covering every base from drugs to misogyny. So many ways this could have been done and Miller went with the bottom of the barrel. The acting is great, what little you see of it but it is wasted in a sea of gratuitous crap. Only morbid curiosity would make me want to entertain a sequel but the only thing left is a warlord taking a dump on a dune buggy at 110mph. If you're a 13-year-old boy or WWF fan then by all means knock yourself out.
Sergeant Slaughter, My Big Brother (2011)
Tom Hardy, who else?
Paydirt is about three minutes in. *wide grin* I actually got more out of the trailer than the film but that could have been due to the fact that I couldn't concentrate after that waggle.
Pity I'm not more of a critic here...or not. The man is incredible in Wuthering Heights and Lawless to name a few. Just a movie goer here but to me he has that gift of physically disappearing into a character. Especially that voice! No, it is NOT altered as Bane in Batman. Proud to say I first saw Daniel Day Lewis in My Left Foot and I will be proud to say I saw this man early on. Be safe, Mr. Hardy. Looking forward to many more years of incredible work.
I Am Legend (2007)
Recycled Zombie Movie
It's a plot that needs to die, yet it keeps coming back. Just like those darn zombies! It's all been done before. Last person on earth, so it seems, (it's in the trailer, so it's not a spoiler), except for the zombies who survived, blah, blah, blah.
The plot was such a ripoff that whoever wrote the screenplay didn't seem to care how they contradicted themselves. Now THAT'S a new achievement, ripping off a plot line older than dirt and managing to screw it up.
What the goal appeared to be is to take a plot that was "in the bag" and dress it up with Will Smith and special effects. No care taken to any sort of accuracy in the sub-plot line or dialog. It's sad because this movie could have gone a whole other direction and it is simply recycled crap.
Will Smith turns in an exceptional performance. It's a shame the writers didn't do the same.
One last thing, if you are going to simulate medical procedures in a film, try watching a few episodes of ER. At least they get it right. Just one more insult to the viewer this movie throws on the pile.
At least I'll get the parodies on SNL and Southpark.
El laberinto del fauno (2006)
What Labyrinth?
First of all, I would like my $14.00 back. After watching what possibly could have been the most boring, drool-ridden spy movie of all time (The Good Shepherd), I read a review about Pan's Labyrinth and it's "fantasy wonderland". Wanting to make things up to my wife for last week, I told her of this magical adult fairy-tale film. I now regret not allowing my wife the time to research the ratings on this site. Here's an idea, if your going to have a labyrinth, HAVE A LABYRINTH!! I got the idea that old pops was an evil-doer (Thanks, W) within the first few SUBTITLES. That's right folks, still hearing it from the wife on that one! When we finally got to the underground fantasy I thought things were looking up, but it gets worse! There's a guy with no eyeballs and drenched in flour with grapes that have been down there for Lord knows how long but she eats them anyway! But wait! Back to the war, (Why? We still don't know or care at this point). Don't see it, the chick dies anyway.
The Good Shepherd (2006)
How can you screw up with so many Oscar winners?
Well they found a way. No plot whatsoever. You never knew what one scene had to do with the next. It was two excruciating hours of trying to figure out what on earth the movie was about. It's not that it's over anyone's head, it just never had a purpose or a point! I want those two hours of my life back. Getting into the specifics of why the movie was so pointless would have to include spoiling some of the scenes in the film, not the plot, because there was none. It's like the movie only made sense to the people who made it. Just a lot of cloak and dagger crap that may have been interesting 20 years ago but is just silly now.