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Reviews
Fortress (2012)
Video game-like CGI and mediocre acting
Found this movie on Roku. Like everyone else, I've enjoyed "Masters of the Air" so I rolled the dice on this one. It was terrible
I'm not here to nitpick historical or technical accuracy - this film is what it is, low budget and obscure and that's fine. But the script, dialogue and plot was cliched and boring, almost like these guys had the dream of recreating the camaraderie of Band of Brothers on an overexposed, poorly-lit sandy airfield. "Fortress" boils down - bizarre moonshine reference intended - as a drinking movie interrupted by combat sequences that resemble video game cut scenes
The aircraft CGI is decent or good at times and cringeworthy at others. Happy to pretend we're looking at a real B-17 here - obviously borderline impossible to film with a real one, even for a major Hollywood studio - but a lot of the surrounding stuff just takes you out of the immersive experience. At one point toward the end, they're flying several feet above water and it looks like some PS2 graphics. The banter is unoriginal and forgettable, as are the characters - I can't even remember their names. They bicker about nonsense, peeing on tent poles, drinking, eating, fixing engines, etc.
There's zero character development or depth. Some crew members get shot and seemingly explode and vanish into a cloud of blood. The acting in general is crummy. The uniforms looked pretty decent, to me. The digital rendering of the B-17s looked pretty good
How about the music in this one? What the heck? A WWII film about American airmen in North Africa flying over Italy with ... Irish folk music? Huh? I thought the music alone sunk this project. There's a scene early on where they're all drinking in a tent, dancing to this Irish fiddle song. It sounded like the producers looked for a royalty-free musical score to save money and settled on something that feels more at home in "Outlander." It was neither period correct or appropriate for the genre
I thought the plot was weak too. What's this film about? I dunno? Some dudes who argue in front of tents and then fly bombing missions and try to stay alive? Half their missions are scrubbed due to error or mechanical failure - about as exciting as my daily commute to Manhattan by train.
The War I Knew (2014)
A boring, low budget mess
Let me stop you right here: if you're considering watching this or just turned it on and pulled up IMDb, this is your warning. Don't waste the next 90 minutes of your day.
"The War I Knew" also titled "D-Day Survivor" doesn't depict D-Day at all, as far as the viewer can tell. It's often cringeworthy with its acting, script, soundtrack and cinematography. The music may be the worst element of this project - it alternates between famous classical songs (perhaps so old they're public domain and were free to use in this super-low-budget film) and completely out of place whimsical-type background music. The music alone ruins this movie.
But there's plenty of other terrible stuff going on. A cartoonish bully of a British paratrooper who randomly attempts to rape a fellow soldier was probably the low point. A similarly cartoonish German SS officer who speaks three languages and isn't believable in any of them. A comically brain damaged sidekick. Slow-motion black-and-white action sequences, as if it's supposed to crank up the suspense. Grenades that look like toys. An American soldier who gets shot in the helmet, and instead of them actually puncturing a hole in his helmet, they literally just took some paint or a marker and drew a dark circle on the front lol Seriously. And despite getting shot in the forehead, he wakes up without a blemish
A British soldier shoots a German and than celebrates, shouting and pumping his hands in the air like he's a Tusken Raider in Star Wars
This film is supposedly based on a true story. I've found no evidence that George Summers, the American paratrooper, ever existed (there was a US soldier with the same name but in the Army Air Force). The main character, Jonny, transforms literally overnight from a terrified private to the leader of a dysfunctional group of allied soldiers; he wanders aimlessly through open fields in bright sunshine, supposedly in Normandy on D-Day +1, never hearing any gunshots, explosions, planes, ships or anything else reminiscent of the invasion. He eventually joins a small group who stumbles their way toward allied forces. The English countryside used for filming looks nothing like Normandy. In one scene, they drive a Jeep down a road littered with German mines - the same road a German officer is driving on without concern
Let's look at the American character for a moment. Based on his uniform and helmet, he's part of Easy Company, 2nd Battalion, the famed "Band of Brothers" 101st Airborne unit. Pretty ballsy of the producers to go there. Easy landed around Ste. Mère-Église on June 6, which is about 50 miles north of where the group in this film end up (Champ-du Boult, according to a sign in one scene). His uniform shows no signs of overnight combat and yet he's inexplicably comatose for much of the film despite the 506th's years of intense training.
The best part of this movie is probably the uniforms and Sophie Skelton - I'm biased because I'd be content watching Sophie Skelton read a phone book. That being said, seeing her here isn't worth watching the entire film. They could have easily, even with a low budget, found an actual French actress to play her part. The best scene is probably when the main character encounters a similarly overwhelmed German soldier early on. The film goes downhill from there.
SEAL Team: Low-Impact (2022)
Brutal and emotional
A brutally raw episode of SEAL Team that is really a roller coaster from the moment it begins, picking up from the previous season finale and pushing viewers into a nightmarish scene that unfolds in real time. I wasn't ready for what unfolded. The directing and depiction of battlefield trauma was noticeably more graphic, intense and difficult to watch than probably any previous episode of SEAL Team - certainly beyond what CBS would have approved if this had aired pre-Paramount+. That's commendable, even if it's hard to see as a viewer.
The scenes with Clay are absolutely brutal to watch. For a show that has (sometimes to its detriment) manufactured an enormous amount of personal character drama in previous seasons, this episode was jarring in how real and genuinely damaging it felt to both the characters and the viewer; for the most part, we're there with Bravo, waiting for that helicopter, waiting for a nurse, waiting for the phone to ring.
Alona Tal (Stella) brings one of her best performances of this series in this episode, from immediate reaction to later handling a FaceTime call. You can feel her overwhelming anxiety. Same for AJ Buckley (Sonny), who takes his character to places we haven't really seen before.
Pathfinders: In the Company of Strangers (2011)
Amateurish and disappointing
The many faults of this movie have been well documented in the disproportionate amount of reviews here on IMDb, which is kind of the most interesting part of this movie: it's so crummy that it inspires viewers to come here and vent about it. Being surfaced to people on Amazon is probably how we (WWII enthusiasts) all got here.
I don't want to restate those problems, but I did make it through to the end of this movie (somehow); The first half is absolutely brutal. The sound quality of dialogue in the first scene is a major red flag that'll immediately make you question if you should keep watching this project. It sounded like they were filming this with a 2007 iPhone.
The second part - when they finally arrive in France and start running around in circles shooting Germans - is borderline watchable. The best part of "Pathfinders" is the aircrafts and WWII vehicles they somehow managed to acquire for filming. As many others have said, the acting, sound quality, lighting, cinematography, directing, script, dialogue, abundance of super-close-up shots, lack of character development and authenticity make this whole project a mess. Someone else here said the actors were unpaid re-enactors with a passion for the story - I'd believe that. The uniforms and props were all excellent.
The combat mission was set at night, but the filmmakers clearly have giant, bright outdoor lights on set to illuminate everything. I get it's low budget, but the lighting was comical
As a narrative, I don't think I recognized or knew the names of any characters from beginning to end. That's bad. The banter between characters was cringy. The random, irrelevant attempt to force some romantic subplot was cringy. There's one scene where the paratroopers hear German soldiers whispering, obviously just feet away from their position - and then moments later, one of the Americans stands up and starts yelling orders! Even the core narrative of the mission was muddy and confusing. The sort of highlight reel montage at the very end was a literal caricature of the film itself.
SEAL Team: Kill or Cure (2019)
Jason was overdue for therapy
Jason seeing a therapist might not be the high-level action viewers expect but considering everything the writers have done to this guy, it wasn't just inevitable, it was overdue. And even then, he generally refuses to approach therapy in a meaningful, open way - Jason has become an all-around miserable person but giving him space to process his many nightmares is a good start for his character. I hope we see more scenes of him there rather than the usual bar scenes of him drinking away his problems.
However Jason kissing his *other* therapist at the end was both predictable and ridiculous. She more than anyone recently has seen what a negative attitude this guy has toward basically everything and everyone, including her and her job, and she gets firsthand experience with how difficult he is to deal with but sure enough, she's running off with him into a beach sunset. Predictably lazy writing after some surprisingly meaty therapy scenes.
The mission portion of this episode felt generic and forgettable. Mandy is dropped into this mission for no reason other than to give her screen time and then Clay barks at her for no reason.
The Davis sisters diner scene was uncomfortable and her getting arrested at the bar was more lazy writing. There just happens to be a cop at this bar and he throws her in jail for defending herself from some goons? Sure. I'm guessing next episode her sister shows up to bail her out.
This was another episode where the "other" Bravo team guys are invisible, discarded extras. They don't speak at briefings, they don't communicate via the radio, they have no dialogue otherwise.
Jason is cleared for missions 3 weeks after surgery? The internet says recovery for a torn labrum is more like 3-4 months. "Most patients begin returning to sports-specific activities around 3-4 months after surgery; Most patients return to full sports activity around 4-6 months." Jason rode a stationary bike for 2-3 weeks and he's ready for war?
SEAL Team: Danger Crossing (2019)
More of the same drama
The storylines in this show have become very very repetitive and the writers really commit to hitting viewers over the head with the narratives: Jason is strong but needs help, Sonny craves affection but has to be a tough guy, Clay is never satisfied with anything in his life. OK, we get it. What's become exhausting with SEAL Team after 2+ seasons is the unbelievable amount of constant drama these characters are in - they're all enormous drama queens, all the time, every episode - but, oh, the phone is buzzing, time to go fight.
It's all led to most of these characters becoming increasingly unlikable now midway through season 3. Jason is a mess and the show depicts him as having literally no life or extended family or friends or hobbies or interests outside of that one bar in town, and shooting people. To the extent he has nobody to call, no one to talk to about his hip surgery in 308 except this conveniently-placed attractive woman he's suddenly, begrudgingly paired with at the office. I thought the daughter nagging him for some paperwork was barely plausible considering he's typically never home. And the writers have told us Jason is trying to be a better father, but here he won't even tell his kids he's getting surgery? He's such a miserable, stubborn, unpleasant guy most of the time now, I think in contrast to season 1.
In Iran, the Navy's hands are tied when it comes to engaging Iran but also, they have a team on the ground in Iran shooting at Iranian helicopters? And Sonny is surrounded by dozens of uniformed soldiers crouched next to a rock but never gets hit. We don't even see how the team exfils, they're just suddenly back home cooking up fresh relationship drama.
Clay gets picked up by some beautiful woman at a damn funeral and now he's at dinner, whining to her about a medal and reminiscing about the personality of an ambassador he never actually knew. Ray means well but he's a chronic liar and doesn't seem to have any real feelings or connection with his wife and kid - in season 2 he's effectively dating some other woman in the Guam storyline and now suddenly he's home and dedicated to financially supporting his family.
Wouldn't a U. S. fighter jet getting shot down by Iran, plus a missing pilot, be a gigantic national / global headline?
This is also another typical episode in which the "other" members of Bravo team are neglected and have no lines or scenes or roles beyond just being extras in camo. Can you even name the other Seals in this show? Guy with the dog... guy with sunglasses... new guy? At least one of them got some screen time in the previous Paris sniping plot but they are consistently ignored. They're part of this team, and the team means everything in the world to Jason and Clay and Sonny, but also nobody talks or drinks or fights or laughs with half the team members. Minimizing them is intentional, but why? We're 3 seasons in, can we get an episode about them?
Is it the only bar in Virginia Beach? Every character just drives over there in their free time every day and runs into each other?
Hawaii Five-0: Hoa Pili (2013)
Why isn't the brother charged with arson?
The shark tour owner admits to setting Kawika's house on fire -- he even leaves behind the gas can he used -- after Steve shows him the evidence, yet he's not arrested and charged with arson or attempted murder. Not only isn't he charged, but Steve and Kono swing by toward the end of the episode to help this same crazy guy clean up his burnt boat. What? First Five-O is telling the guy he could have set a house full of children and otherwise innocent people on fire and faced life in prison in his thirst for revenge, and then they're giving him a hand with his damaged boat? While Danny and Chin are at that same moment down the road helping Kawika fix up his burnt house? This was a rare, weird plot hole for this series. Plus I'm sure that guy had insurance to cover the repairs on his boat, which was a business asset, anyway.
I found the overall plot of this episode a little confusing and hard to follow as well, connecting all the dots and motives although I enjoyed the change of scenery to the North Shore. The DEA has been tracking a Taiwanese drug cartel's smuggling operation in Oahu for almost two years and Five-O has no knowledge of it?
And how about Kono's container-dropping move at the dock? None of the drug cartel goons heard or noticed this gigantic industrial shipyard crane swinging around with a huge metal shipping container above their heads? And Kono kind of jokingly says she's never operated a crane before? Nevermind the legality of her crushing all these guys to death - wouldn't that warrant some kind of administrative leave in reality? It was a great scene but also silly.
What about the love triangle drama at the beginning? Those characters not only disappear but we don't even see them questioned about the explosion they were the lone witnesses to. Or the random FBI agents that just happened to be lurking a block away in their van later on?
The Marine (2006)
Ridiculouslyet humorously awful
What a joke. Horrendous acting, unoriginal, clichéd plot. Predictable at every turn.
Girls in tight jeans, a roided cartooish hero, car chases, inept cops, sensationalized overly dramatic music.
Cena doesn't even sweat in this movie. I'll make a conservative guess that over 1,000 bullets are fired at him in the car chase, and the guy comes away from it like he just walked out of a day spa.
This movie is basically would you'd expect a WWE-produced flick to look like (at least the men are not wearing thongs) Cena is punched repeatedly, drives off a cliff in an exploding, bullet-ridden car, speeds through traffic, gets hit in the face with a fire extinguisher, survives an exploding gas station, gets hit in the head by a huge plank of wood, drives through a gasoline fire, gets hit with a metal pipe twice, gets hit with a metal sledge hammer, is choked by a metal chain, is shot at with military automatic weapons, is handcuffed, strapped into a chair and beaten, nearly stabbed, elbowed, kicked, nearly sliced in half by a chainsaw -- and that is in addition to him jumping, diving and leaping from various explosions. Try and grasp that if you can -- the guy's shirt isn't even stained.
The corny pep-talk from his security guard friend? Ironically being on TV after fighting with some guys? Wow The explosions are a little much, even for WWE.
If you have no attention span and are easily entertained by fire or shiny objects, by all means, check it out on HBO.
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning (2006)
A predictable prequel to the remake
'The Beginning' mirrors many aspects of the Chainsaw remake of a few years ago, and unfolds somewhat predictably -- we all know whats coming, and its actually presented almost the same as it was in the first Chainsaw, (which was excellent and, for me, more enjoyable).
That said, if you enjoyed the first one, you'll probably like this one. Considering the similarities, this one just bumps up the gore and torture a bit more, as is the norm of the current 'horror' atmosphere.
But, I'm not sure this movie qualifies as a true horror movie. I saw someone make an earlier post on this film's boards about this movie not being any different than old-time horrors of the 1930's.
Well, for one, those movies tended to have plots and such. This isn't a condemnation of this film -- I enjoyed it to some degree -- but I feel like this movie was less a classic scary movie and more of a contest for how much torture/blood/slicing/cringing they could pack into an hour and a half surrounding the idea of this chainsaw myth.
Does this film even have a script? Let's be honest, after the first 20 minutes, the movie is basically torture/killing scenes strung together by screaming. To be fair, people don't watch these types of movies for the scripting.
And that's fine -- there is clearly a well-established audience for such films and they are doing an excellent job of catering to those movie fans. It did its job in that regard, and combined with Ermey's performance, I rated it as such.
But this movie lacked a lot of those jump-from-your-seat, give you nightmares-type scenes (typical horror?) -- it was a thin storyline of these kids being killed, which you knew was going to happen to begin with. You either watch these films to squirm and cover your face and cringe, or you laugh and enjoy the over-the-top carnage it provides.
R. Lee Ermey was insane in this one -- I think viewers wanted more of him after the first film, and he really delivered in 'The Beginning.' He's scarier than leatherface, who more or less makes cameo murder appearances and is secondary. Perhaps that was the aim, to have it more about his family. We're not shown or told why he necessarily does the things he becomes accustomed to doing though -- what makes him such a sick nutjob? Ermey barking at him? Its deeper than that, I'd think.
From a money-making aspect, Hollywood has clearly embraced this type of torture genre, but I don't think its anything close to true, older horror movies, and thus, less enjoyable. Are you scared after watching this, or do you feel uncomfortably disgusted? There's a difference.
Light It Up (1999)
Clichéd, far-fetched and dumb
I've seen worse, which is a backhanded way of saying how crummy this film was. The plot is ridiculous: a student shoots a police officer and five more take him hostage? In a dimly-lit, smoky New York school -- and somehow this clichéd hostage situation takes 24 hours to resolve? Are you serious? A day-long hostage situation -- with a wounded NYPD officer no less, takes all day? I realize this film was made pre-9/11, but still. I looked at the clock and wondered how they could possibly drag this overdone plot on for another hour and 10 minutes.
The acting was mediocre at best all-around, and the characters were seemingly thought up by 7th graders. The child-abuse kid, the pregnant scared girl, the violent gang wannabe, a confused unfortunate victim, the wise-cracking white guy. Please.
Trying to make this hostage situation into a mission for "more textbooks" and better school conditions? Please -- this is a weak attempt to justify writing a movie about a kid who shoots a cop. They're confused, ignorant idiots who get involved in a dumb -- far-fetched -- situation. Don't try and paint them, suddenly, as noble, The most laughable is Ziggy, who lives in the school's attic and admires Michaelangelo so much so that he paints these striking scenes on the walls. You've got to be kidding me.
The "no racism" signs in the protesting crowd? A black kid shoots a black cop and a black negotiator tries to patch it all up. This is a random message.
I understand the overall message, which was poorly portrayed, albeit by some actors who have gone on to respectable careers.
This was a joke though the red sniper lasers on the roof? The worst scene was the kid, fake snow falling, dying in the arms of his buddy on the roof, "promise me" etc. How original.
The epilogue of "I went to prison but now I'm pre-law at XYZ University" ... a fitting way to end a joke of a movie.