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bottsworth
Reviews
Ghost Dog: The Way of the Samurai (1999)
Maybe I missed the point, but who cares?
This movie was pure torture! Where do I begin? Well, let's see. The plot was okay, but it was way too long for the amount of story being told. And what was with that scene of Forest Whittaker driving with the music playing for like 15 minutes!? What was the point? We were subjected to that dull pointless scene not once, but twice! Wow.
And why was the Mafia portrayed as a bunch of senior citizens in sweatsuits? Sure, there's probably a lot of old guys like that in the mob, but every single one of these guys qualified for the Grand Slam discount at Denny's. Where are all the aspiring young wise guys?
Here's one to think about: the Mafia is going after Ghost Dog, and they know he's a black samurai who lives on the roof of a building and hangs out with trained pigeons. They go after him and kill the wrong guy! How many black samurais living on roofs with trained pigeons are there?
But, oh man, the best part is the fact that Ghost Dog, the samurai, never even kills anyone with his sword! He just shoots them! But the little move he pulls with his gun everytime... man, that's gut-busting hilarious. It's worth the price of the rental just to see that guy swing his gun around everytime he shoots it. What a riot.
I think "Ghost Dog" is supposed to be an artsy kind of movie. Maybe I just didn't get it because I was too tired when I watched it. But I sure got a kick out of it. It was pretty awful, and because of that, I think it's worth watching. Sometimes, you just need a really good bad movie to watch with your friends.
The Wonderful Ice Cream Suit (1998)
Diet Awful Movie
Like you probably did, when I saw the cover to this movie at Blockbuster with my buddies, I knew that was the movie we were watching that night. I mean, c'mon-- four guys all fawning over this other guy in a bright white suit? It's pure gold!
Well, we were all a little disappointed. I concluded that "The Wonderful Ice Cream Suit" had been written as a play and then they made a movie, because it looked like we were just watching a stinkin' play on TV. The acting, the music, the whole story... it just felt like a play. And it's kind of weird, too. I love to watch bad movies, but this one just wasn't fun like "Slumber Party Massacre II" or "Black Spring Break" are. The salon scene was pretty cool (worth rewinding and watching over and over). It's definitely not the best bad movie I've ever seen, but the 77 minute runtime makes it kind of easy. You know, a light viewing for you and your friends when you've had a heavy helping of awful movies.
Slumber Party Massacre II (1987)
So bad it's good!
Here's a gem. Can anyone tell me what the hell is going on here? I had so many questions at the end of this movie. Like how come at first the killer was only in Courtney's dreams, and then all of a sudden he was real? How did that fool kill all those kids without anyone being able to stop him? Why won't Blockbuster refund my money for this junk?
Overall, though, this movie rocks because it's so atrocious. The characters are all so lame that you end up rooting for the killer because he's the coolest guy in the movie! He's also got some sweet lines that should never be said anywhere unless you don't like having friends, because they're so corny. If you love bad-- and I mean really bad-- movies, rent this turd. It's an entertaining 90 minutes of your life that you can never have back.
The Last House on the Left (1972)
Ask Blockbuster for your money back
You know those horror movies that aren't scary but are so horrible, they're fun to watch? Like "Slumber Party Massacre 2." Well, this isn't one of them. Utterly the worst movie ever created. Not only is it not even remotely frightening, but the plot doesn't seem to go anywhere! The entire story could have been told in fifteen minutes, but for some reason they tried to drag it out to an hour and a half. And I think the choice of music for the soundtrack is supposed to be eerily ironic, but it just adds to the stupidness of this film.
Why is it called "Last House on the Left" anyway? There's no allusion of a house on the left at anytime. The only cool thing about this movie is its title. Too bad it doesn't have anything to do with the movie, though. Disappointing for a Wes Craven film. Trust me-- from a guy who always seems to enjoy a movie in some way, don't rent this piece of junk. You're better off with the direct-to-video bad horror "Uncle Sam." At least it's got Isaac Hayes.