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japanman8913
Reviews
Heavy Metal 2000 (2000)
A disgrace to a cult classic
Heavy Metal 2000...what a waste of life. The acting was abysmal, the writing was atrocious, the plot was simplistic, the animation was atrocious and a waste of production, the whole movie lacked in every respect. I had great hopes for Heavy Metal 2000, when I saw the original Heavy Metal a year or so ago, but when I finally set eyes upon the film, I I was disgusted...they could have done so much more (or less in some areas). I also felt that Heavy Metal 2000 was filthy in all the wrong places and for all the wrong reasons. I respect them for making this film Rated R, but for fu*ks sake, do it the right way, don't just throw some filth in a scene that doesn't need it. I'd give this film a 1/10, making the worst piece of more adult animation I have ever seen. A disgrace to the original "Heavy Metal". Excuse me while I go burn this atrocity. I got it for free and I feel cheated.
Cow and Chicken (1997)
Its just not funny anymore
Cow and Chicken is one of the worst pieces of animation of its time. But later ones are much worse. The plot structure is abysmal, and the characters are annoying and just...I don't know, not so much weird, just unexplainably strange and obnoxious at the same time, in a non-good way. The episodes never really varied from the same gross out jokes and its a miracle this show lasted on cartoon network. I'm not a big fan of animation anymore, nor kids shows, because this is what they've become...Actually in that sense Cow and Chicken was actually alright, they did push limits, unlike the crap from today, but the show still lacked creativity, because the humor was all he same. And the red guy, you see him bouncing on his butt, and ten minutes later hes still bouncing on his butt, its just not funny anymore.
Spring Break (1983)
Spring Break? More like Spring Sh*t
I recently watched this movie, and let me start by saying it is a step up from Talledega Nights, but a step down from Jolly Roger, simply because it just wasn't funny. The movie had no real plot, well maybe it did, but it was one of the most base, and typical teen comedies to date. Although it did have a rather contrived sub-plot which was even worse than the already almost non existent one. Plot aside, the acting was abysmal, but better than some movies I've seen in the past (some actors were worse than others). But overall this movie was abysmal, and was just one step below "Private Resort", simply because Private Resort had Johnny Depp (who went on to do great things), I'm afraid this cant be said for this movie. Spring Break 1/10...and it doesn't deserve a DVD release. It deserves to be cast into the fiery anals of hell. I got it for free and I feel cheated.
Jolly Roger: Massacre at Cutter's Cove (2005)
Who needs John Basedow when you got Jolly Roger: Massacre at Cutter's Cove?
I stayed up late one night watching this peutrid, abysmal piece of rotting, maggot filled, roadkill, movie. The acting for short, was abysmal, the plot...non existent...the character development...pssh...the editing looked like it was dragged through a cow's @$$...for short...to spare your eyes, this movie was one of the worst I have seen, but not the worst, I have that spot reserved for Talledega Nights. Although I have to say, this is a great weight loss plan, or abb workout, if you will. I laughed non stop at the sheer stupidity of every line and every movement of every character, and by the end of the flick, I had six pack abbs, a fine plan. Jolly Roger: Massacre at Cutter's Cove 1/10, and I'm being generous. But if you think spending several hundred- several thousand dollars on an abb workout machine, just stop and think...Jolly Roger: Massacre at Cutter's Cove is just a video store away...if the store employees have not already discarded it, due to the fact that it has contaminated every other flick on the shelf. and rotted through the shelf itself.