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The Strays (2023)
6/10
Style overshadowed the substance
16 March 2024
Warning: Spoilers
Firstly, the ending took me by complete surprise. I commend the film for being daring and giving us an original plot and conflict.

The bad reviews seem to mostly dislike the portrayal of race... which isn't the point of a review. If you felt uncomfortable, that's the point. Cheryl (born again as Neve) is a sociopath who only cares about herself, so much so she abandons not only her first but second set of children.

There are many layers - it seems like the first pair of children seemed to remind her of her abusive ex, but there are hints to her being quite abusive too (belts and shoe beatings). Behind the facade of trying to be white; she never really changed.

I agree that a lot of the actions were irrational and the last act felt unatural and slightly frustrating. Although the very very last minute of the film is arguably a very satisfying piece of cinema.

The style is great, although it loses its direction as the film moves along, especially during the slower build ups. Like how many times do we have to see the same scene of her being stalked?

Overall, you won't regret watching it. I thought I did until the very end. This kind of filmmaking js becoming more popular with the likes of 'Barbarian' and 'Leave the world behind' with unconventional story structure.
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3/10
American Nightmare? More like Vallejo Inconvenience..
21 January 2024
Listen. You have have a compelling real life story and the corrupt tale of law enforcement and have a bad documentary. This doesn't haven't to be 3 episodes long - especially given that the mystery is solved at the end of episode 2 / start of 3, and the rest of the show is padding because Netflix asked the director to make it 3 episodes instead of 2.

I agree this story should spread, but I am judging this documentary on the basis of a documentary, not just it's subject matter - which in my opinion was handled with a childish and amateurish level of drama. The story spent so much time in Denise it failed to even explore the criminals motives or intentions. Forget about Aaron too, he's abandoned by the end of episode 1.

Don't waste your time with this series, you're better off reading the Wikipedia page for this case. At least the show put this case on people's radars - but listen, these 10/10 reviews have completely missed the point of IMDB. If this is a 10/10 DOCUMENTARY, then I don't know what isn't.

This isn't an American Nightmare. The amateur dramatisation comes in here when the smallest story elements are over dramatised to make it sound worse. "For my entire captivity" - it's just 2 days, there are more compelling kidnapping cases which are deserving of the 'nightmare' title. I'm not saying Denise's experience was horrible - it was - but I'm judging the directors and producers exploitation of this story.

It isn't a nightmare, it's a bore fest that leaves you wondering why they even bothered with this case in particular.
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Lift (I) (2024)
3/10
One of the movies of all time
12 January 2024
This movie is so... normal? It's so painfully average, I know I will have forgotten about this movie by tomorrow.

How does The Dark Knight tell a more compelling heist story in the first 10 minutes than this movie does in 90 minutes?

Don't get me wrong, the movie is charming. Fun scenario, action, characters. Everything works. It's just so - bland. They underutilise Kevin Hart - if you think it's a comedy, it isn't. Maybe he wants to find a place in more serious stories, but this film felt tonally lost. In some instances it's quirky and irreverent, and other times it's very serious and wants us to take it seriously.

Everything just works in the plot. Inexplainable technologies, ridiculous planning and a plot twist that sounds cool on paper but if you spend another 5 seconds thinking about - it doesn't really make sense in the context of the heist.

Unfortunately, they had the opportunity to tell a different take on the heist genre, and touch on it slightly with NFTs but forget about it. It's your everyday globe trotting family fun film you can watch but i find it hard to recommend because there are so many other movies that do all it's aspects better. Better heist films, better family comedies, better action films.

You can tell this took a lot of money to make. Truly one of the films of all time.
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Happiness (2021– )
3/10
Extremely slow paced and poor writing
31 December 2023
It takes 4 episodes (4 hours) for the zombies and quarantine to begin. The first 4 episodes have 0 character development, and it feels like there's 2 completely different stories - a zombie one and a romance one.

It's classic K-Drama writing where they assume the audience are stupid and write without any subtext.

The main actress is pretty but her character is really annoying. She's entitled, makes very poor decisions (like releasing a zombie into a public space after it's been contained) and more.

If I continue writing this, I would've put more effort into this than the writers of this show.

Think about it, many films can tell compelling, romantic, horror, thriller stories in 1h 30m. After 4 hours, it still gets no where.

Currently on episode 5 and similarly - nothing. I don't see what the 10/10 reviews mean. If this is 10/10, then I don't know what shows like Breaking Bad or Attack on Titan deserve.
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3/10
Plot Armour and extremely poor writing
30 December 2023
Warning: Spoilers
A great idea ruined by forced romance and bad writing. You should ignore the 10/10 reviews as they're written by K Drama stans and the actress's fans. I'm not saying it's a problem, but they wont give you an honest review.

Positives, one star for each:
  • Good premise: human experimentation and it's consequences with a scary evolving monster.


  • good setting: WW2 Korea when Japan is losing the war makes for an intriguing set up
  • monster design: the monster, while poor in CGI, can be compelling as it evolved and grows.


That's where the pros end. The rest is honestly downright insulting to viewers as the writer and director treat you like a child.

  • Flat characters: the main characters are extremely dull, especially the female protagonist. She cannot act, albeit for one emotional scene where she cries. I don't blame her - she has two emotions for 8 hours. Stoic or slightly sad. The characters with the most development are the Korean boy turned Japanese soldier, and the old caretaker of the golden house.


  • ZERO chemistry: the two main love interests have no chemistry. And no, having them accidentally fall into an intimate pose isn't good writing.


  • brain dead character decisions: if you dislike poor decisions, you have to skip this show. The Japanese Military are told to be this menacing force, but the way they're depicted make them look like a bunch of idiots and makes you question how Korea was occupied in the first place. You will come across several instances where the military can get rid of their issue but refuse to because of:


  • INSANE plot armour: After episode 3, all sense of tension is gone. Why? Because you will realise all the main characters will never get harmed. The Japanese army aren't a threat, and neither is the monster. The monster can slaughter a room full of soldiers in 5 seconds, but cannot catch our protagonists over 5 minutes. It suddenly loses its abilities with no explanation. The plot armour also comes in the forms of Japanese soldiers not being able to do their job, lucky timings and characters forgetting they're injured. For example, our main protagonist is stabbed in the stomach by thugs and this injury is shown to have an affect on his ability to move (and more importantly, make his love interest care for him). One episode later, that injury is long forgotten, which leads me to:


  • AWFUL continuity: injuries disappear, characters disappear with no explanation, entire firefights happen in corridors and other people in the hospital can't hear it, the police who visit the hospital vanish and the list goes on. One of the MAIN characters, Sachinoto (or something) disappears entirely after his plot line is resolved.


I can genuinely go on, but that would mean putting more effort into this review than the writers and script supervisors did on this tv show.

It's a shame because the premise is great. It's a shame because the setting is super interesting. They should've stuck to the horror element of the monster and explored it deeper. Instead they show us the full monster quite early and all the tension and fear is gone. Similarly, there is a throwaway line which suggests that the Japanese Army are desperate for men and therefore conscript Korean men. This means most of the army folks killed are Korean and this would've made for a great internal dilemma about soldiers who are just following orders from Japanese commanders. But we don't get any exploration.

Similarly, for an occupied city, it seems to be quite well off. We don't get to see the oppression - we're only told of it. Otherwise you're just surrounded by rich characters enjoying great luxuries. Schindlers List and the Pianist are great examples of how to show occupied oppression.

If you think you'll be on the edge of your seat wondering if a soldier or monster is in the next corridor of a spooky hospital - you'd be wrong. Our characters can fight hordes of enemy soldiers with guns and avoid the monster blindfolded.

And if you're a K drama fan, don't downvote this review just because you like the actress and actors. See the story and writing for what it is, and don't lie about the 10/10 ratings.

The characters are forgettable, the plot armour is laughable, and the writing is offensive to anyone who is looking for anything remotely thriller / drama.

What a shame, it could've been good. And what a shame for some of these misleading 10/10 reviews.
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Blood Vessel (2023)
3/10
Felt like two different directors.
26 December 2023
The first 15 minutes of the film and the last 10 minutes are quite spectacular. The middle part? Absolutely shocking. It felt like two directors were involved in this story, and even worse, Netflix meddling with the vision of the original director.

Acting is good, set up is great, and the plot is interesting. A home land ruined by oil and a young couple with forbidden love, ruined by a corny villain and slow as nails boat plot which has many holes.

The antagonist is so one dimensional, a 4th grader would've written it. A shame.

Skip the middle of the movie and you'll have a good short film with the start and finish.
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Locked In (V) (2023)
3/10
Unapologetically generic and... soulless
8 November 2023
Warning: Spoilers
There is a good story locked in somewhere. The first 4 minutes show tremendous potential with the POV view of a coma patient who blinks 'Murder'. This was a great start which was massively let down. That style of story telling is entirely forgotten after the 5 minute mark and we fall into genericism.

The pacing is jarring. There aren't any story beats and the cinematography only consists of close ups, which renders the pacing slow and off putting.

Show us the beautiful setting and let us in on the world these characters live in - but instead we get a nauseating assortment of close up after close up.

Then the characters. The main character is meant to be likeable? There isn't enough development that validates the actions she does. She cheats on her husband in a scene only few minutes after their marriage, and apparently in between those few minutes we're meant to believe the husband did something so awful? Just a few minutes earlier he seemed like a smart and bubbly child in the flashbacks.

I don't regret watching this film, but the director should feel regretful for squandering a cool premise. This would have been more interesting if it was told from the POV of the coma victim, or subvert our expectations if it's told through Lina's point of view.

Towards the end, Robert and Katherine chase Lina outside. Why? They already have Lina's diary which already makes her a suspect of her husbands murder. They chase her because 'we can't let her get to the police'. Why not? You have all the evidence against her.

Sigh, if I write anymore for this review, I would've put more effort into writing this than the writers of this movie. The first 3 minutes are great. The rest isn't.
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3/10
An original concept doesn't mean its a good film.
11 May 2023
Ben! Don't leave me Ben! Ben! Where are you Ben! Ben! Can you hear me Ben!

I wouldn't be surprised if half the script had the word Ben in it, or mentions of him. People praise the original concept, which I do agree is fresh - however there is NO reason for this film to take place underwater.

The 'haunting' is so generic that this entire movie can take place in a normal haunted house (like grave encounters). The setting is not used AT ALL. Every scene inside the house can be done without scuba gear and water, and this movie will show its true colours in being soulless. It has a 'charm' because it is underwater. Remove the water and you have nothing.

My point is, they could've done something incredibly clever with a haunted house in the water but it becomes a generic haunted house movie. The 'haunting' is not defined so their powers are wildly difference from time to time. Can they teleport? They can bend space time now? Oh now they can only make the light flicker? The evil force NEEDS to be defined, but in this case it was nothing.

The male lead cannot act. The dialogue between the characters is woefully awful - it's criminally amateur. It doesn't help that the line delivery is so poor. In a setting where the characters facial expressions are covered with a mask, how they act and how they speak become vital. Unfortunately, on top of the poor dialogue and delivery, the character actions were so annoying, dumb, and unpredictable.

So why did I give it a 3? Well it has its moments. The set up is interesting, and the initial discovery and unraveling of the house is done well. Unfortunately, it's predictable what happened in the house after the second clue but the movie thinks you're stupid and continues to put in clues pretending it's some horror reveal.

Overall, you can watch it if you want something different - if different is just bubbles floating around as two people with 0 chemistry deliver amateur lines in a haunted house that's so generic.

Shame - this could've been really good.
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The Colony (2021)
4/10
One of the sci-fi films ever made
16 April 2023
Warning: Spoilers
Acting is okay. Direction and cinematography is quite good. The plot is everything you've ever seen before + non sensical. I'm not mad at this film - just disappointed.

The biggest sin is that this movie is a "good guy vs bad guy" film, rather than an exploration of human civilisation two generations apart in a dystopian world. Main character realises that (wow what a shocker) that her side are actually the bad guys! Painfully obvious story without any layers or dimensions. Gibson, the main antagonist, is painted as an evil authoritarian with no angles, whilst Blake, our protag, is stone faced nobody that doesn't do anything but have the plot move her forward. Talking about the characters...

We don't see the characters so much to develop. Our main protagonist never smiles. We never see a moment of what makes her happy. Her stone face stoic attitude is boring and doesn't change once in the entire run time. The relationship between herself and her dad feel shallower than the mud plains the entire film is based on because we don't see them interact in any genuine father-daughter chemistry. Even in the flashbacks, she's dead pan serious, as is her dad.

The mud plains make for a very pretty set piece. However, if the entire film takes place on said mud plains, it becomes visual noise. The environment could easily become a character in a plot like this - but it isn't. Forget about all the plot holes for now - why are people living on a tidal plane anyways? It's further exacerbated by the endless fog that permeates the screen. The third act has more fog than it has story beats.

The plot holes. Positive reviews say ita forgivable but it really isn't. There's meant to be some level of believability to make the story stand on its own legs:

1. Landing ships without landing capabilities? These are interstellar travelling humans and they can't land a ship? The entire film would be over if they landed anywhere but the sea and sent communication back.

2. Landing into a body of water; and your ship sinks instead of floats. Space pods can land on water and float. Our great pods in this film sink...

3. They mention data monitoring and communication buoys relaying information of earth. These things can't/don't even collect information outside of the weather...

This is a sci fi film for the first 10 minutes. Then it isn't anymore - so this isn't really for sci fi fans.

I'd like to spend more time reviewing this film but that would mean putting more effort into this than the writers did in trying to make a cohesive and compelling story.

Trust me when I say I really wanted this to be good. The premise is deeply interesting and the it starts off with a bang.

Unfortunately it ends in a whimper.
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The Maus (2017)
2/10
The Maus is shocking. Shocking on how it became a film.
27 December 2022
Warning: Spoilers
The Maus? More like "Close-ups + depth of field" the Movie. Irritating protagonist, non-sensical actions, offensive directing.

A Muslim amulet causes a mysterious force to emerge from a forest in Bosnia and Herzegovina and terrorize a young couple. This is the description. And this film has NOTHING to do with it.

Let's dive right in.

The plot follows a couple who are stranded in the woods who run into 2 suspicious men who's true intentions are unknown. They must fight their way out.

Directing: What directing? If directing is just pointing a camera at the back of someones head or face in a close-up, this film will win an Oscar. We know more about the characters face and neck than we do their personality. Because of said close ups, we know NOTHING about the environment (will explore this soon). If you're not in the forest, you're in a bunker underground with excruciatingly long takes in the dark. I know its low budget, but you can be creative with it. This isn't. Story has no pacing, there are no arcs, no phases. This film is, in reality, only 5 minutes long if you remove the needless long takes and dark scenes. If you want long takes, watch Children of Men or Roma. That's how you do it. Also a shallow depth of field doesn't mean its cinema. 2/10.

Characters: How can you root for a character if their entire personality is the :( emoji. From the start till the end, there is no character development because there is no starting point. Tbf, you end up feeling for the protagonists boyfriend because he has to deal with her, and that is character development. I won't continue this section otherwise I'd have put more effort into looking into their characters than the script did. 2/10

Story: The forest is an important part of the story. It is where the protagonist's family were murdered and then found as part of a war crime. This is very interesting. Do we get to explore the forest more? Nope. Like above, you can count the number of hairs on the back of their necks rather than learn more about the forest. They had the best opportunity to make the forest into a character itself. Perhaps it manifests into the creatures/aliens we see later? We know they're just manifestations of the protagonist, but its the most lazy, shoved in attempt to make this into a "creature" film. (The amulet is supposed to summon them? This is never touched on) The backdrop of the Bosnian war is fascinating - and this film is an insult to that history. Pacing is wack too. 1/10

Overall: Usually I'd go into more details like the writing, visual effects etc. But then I'd put more effort into this review than they did this movie. Which is a real shame - the trailer and poster do sell it. But in a world of rushed Netflix originals, its a sad reality of a good premise being rushed only to be forgotten soon after, its gravestone found amongst the Netflix catalogues.
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The Beach House (II) (2019)
3/10
Don't let the good reviews fool you.
26 August 2022
Warning: Spoilers
It's not a 'genre film'. It's not a 'you don't get it' film. It's a film with an interesting promise that blue balls you for 55 minutes before the 'action' starts, only for for its mundanity to continue for another 40 mins.

A couple gets interrupted on their coastal romantic getaway by old family friends and they decide to chill together. There is something ominous brewing in the ocean. Firstly - the couple have 0 chemistry. They never smile, or share any emotion between the two that isn't exposition dumping. See Vivarium (2019) for better couple writing. So from the get go, there is no emotional pull into the protagonists.

Let's start with the good. The shot compositions are great, especially with the ocean and its serenity. The practical gore effects and body horror are top notch - cringe inducing and well done. The atmosphere is alright, there is a good build up - but what's the point of build up if there is no release. That's about it.

The rest is disappointing. I will be touching into spoiler territory here. Firstly, the 'contagion'. What is it? It's never explained, and appears out of no where, similar to the bird invasion in Birdemic: Shock and terror. I don't mind subtlety, but this is just lazy writing.

Secondly, the character decisions are downright bizarre, especially after the 55 min mark. Our main protagonist sees the family friend walk into the ocean and vanish (never explained why, and no other characters share this trait), so she screams for him and steps on a parasitic ocean creature which writhes into her foot. How did she not see these giant sacs of goo on the beach? When a deadly fog oozes into the mainland, and you're advised to close all windows - THEY DON'T.

Doesn't help that the last third of the film takes place in complete darkness.

The film is too long. It's not a slow burner. Watch Bone Tomahawk for a good horror slow burn. It's not cosmic horror either - you're better off watching Aniara or Event Horizon. Ignore any review over 6/10 - they're just pretending to be smarter than you because 'you just don't get it.

TL;DR: Good premise, Good acting, good building - boring everything. I'd rather have a bad film than a forgettable one - and unfortunately in their quest to make a sleek, cosmic, ocean horror flick, they've missed all the marks to make it barely memorable.
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Vivarium (2019)
4/10
Trying to be too smart
22 June 2022
Warning: Spoilers
Great premise. Interesting build up. Then what? Nothing happens after the first act. There is no second act.

Things just happen so quickly (yet slow, somehow) in the sense that we don't see anything progress. How fast is the kid growing? They allude to this but we don't see the couple react to it seamlessly. Why are they sick? Why do they get sick? That felt incredibly sudden.

You can tell the director was so happy about the ending given how clever it was - but it isn't. The moment the kid grows up you instantly know there's some sort of loop going on here. Even worse, the couple BARELY investigate what's going on. They explore for 2 days then give up. Isn't the TV program weird? Don't you realize the kid is copying your movements and speech? What about the cryptic book?

This movie has good cinematography and acting but the sound is bizarre, although this may be intentional.

Giving it a 4 because the acting is good, Chemistry is believable but the end product is a needlessly long, intellectually offensive nothing fest that doesn't capitalize on such a unique concept.

It was definitely meant to be a short film. And no, the ending isn't as clever or 'gotcha' moment the director intended. Shame, the trailer looked great.
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2/10
How did they mess this up?
22 June 2022
Interesting premise. Great build up. Then it becomes your average subterranean monster flick with random character building towards the very very end. (Doesn't help that it's shot in complete darkness for half the time)

The conversation characters have at the start is an interesting conflict of what actually lays under - is it an actual hell? Or just tectonic plates grinding?

We get an answer that's very undeserving of the building up. Sad.
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