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Reviews
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003)
Real Bad
The movie is a single blemish. I watched it, fast-forwarded it, and regretted having wasted my time on this dilettantish piece of work. I have never heard of the director before, and probably never will again. It's just amazing that seemingly everyone gets to direct a movie.
None of the characters is likeable. In fact, I wanted them to be slaughtered. The dialogue is rudimentary and annoying and becomes practically nonexistent in the second half of the movie when the constant screams and chases take over. Even the gore that is indicated in the title is left to be desired. Pulp Fiction had more violence in it.
The film fails to create a dark atmosphere, if it ever intended to do that. It just drags on from scene to scene without consistency. The 'Inspired By A True Story' tag only shows how low the filmmakers needed to get to increase attraction. Such a thing never happened.
Admittedly, Jessica Biel is smoking hot in this flick, but she kept distracting me with her tight outfit even when she was screaming for her life. In a scene you get to see her nipples through a wet shirt. Now if that's not ingenious filmmaking...
It was so unnecessary to do this remake...
C'est arrivé près de chez vous (1992)
LOGICAL CONTROVERSY
MINOR POSSIBLE SPOILERS AHEAD
I'm aware of many people disapproving of, and even hating, this movie for being so utterly black, controversial and repugnant. I understand such reactions but I don't share them. I neither liked nor disliked this movie. For me, it's just one of many. I admit that, while watching 'Man Bites Dog' for the first time without prior knowledge about it, I did not expect the child murder scene or the repulsive rape scene but they seemed to be - and don't get me wrong here - logical in terms, and ONLY in terms, of making a cheap movie!!! How many modern movies do you know that were filmed in black and white? On a minimum scale with almost no budget? With a handheld camera? With no famous actors? Face it, this movie needed or even depended on some shocking and disturbing scenes. And the louder people complain about a movie the more they are likely to induce others to watch it. Nobody would even know about the existence of this movie if it wasn't for the controversial content.
My guess is that one day there will be another film of that category and it will cross another certain line. It will present us with even more disgusting images and spark more controversy. And after a time there will be yet another film to shock us even more and then... (etc.)
That's the circle of film evolution. Accept it. You can't change it, and if you genuinely believe you can, then do something...
Legion of the Dead (2001)
INCREDIBLY DISSATISFYING
I rented this video already knowing that it was some kind of "From Dusk Till Dawn" copy. After having watched this flick I was pretty angry for having wasted my precious time with this film. Actually, there were many scenes I forwarded because they were so imbecile. There's no logic at all. For instance, these two hit-men were nothing but annoying. In one of the first scenes they are about to execute this fat man. They blather and blather (if it at least was funny, okay) for quite a long time. I mean, if I had to recruit as many people as possible for an army I wouldn't let my victims steal my time by narrating their anecdotes. Besides, isn't it a great coincidence they meet a man who killed their parents decades ago? The absence of logic is pervasive throughout the whole flick.
Furthermore, the screenwriter tries too hard to let his movie live from dialogues, like many Tarantino movies do. Well, he fails miserably since his writing-skills do not even come close to those Quentin Tarantino has.
Admittedly, in a visual aspect the German director does a great work. The feature is highly stylized, the nicely choreographed fight scenes are fun to watch, the splatter effects are pretty likeable. Nonetheless, this is not enough to make a movie be a GOOD movie. Take my advice and stay away from this one.
The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001)
No milestone of filmhistory!
This movie is getting too much hype. The special effects may be awesome but that's about it. The story develops too slowly. I already felt uncomfortable after the first ten minutes as Frodo and Gandalf blathered about the good ol' times. The script is poor, the dialogues are even poorer, the movie doesn't create an eerie atmosphere, the movie lacks suspense, the humor is average, the end is appaling etc.
You have to wait more than an hour to see a great battle including the showdown with this big Goblin or whatever it was. Unfortunately, the movie can't keep its pace afterwards. This was the single highlight!
Don't listen to people who try to convince you that LOTR is a fantastic movie. It's a simple mainstream movie and nothing more...