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Reviews
Angry Video Game Nerd: The Movie (2014)
Needlessly Long, Convoluted, Self-Indulgent, and only Sporadically Funny. Contains Minor Spoilers
I have seen his new film and I have to say I wasn't very impressed. In retrospect I wasn't expecting James to create an award-worthy contender, but a fun and intriguing premise centered around the long delayed review of E.T. on Atari 2600. The thought of the Nerd character going on a cross-country trip to New Mexico, fighting evil, and exposing the biggest secrets of AREA 51 would, at the very least, be great escapist entertainment. The Nerd's flashback to getting E.T. the video game as a Christmas gift and realizing how uninspired it was pretty much sums up my level of disappointment of this film.
The biggest pitfall(no pun intended) is taking a 10-20 minute internet video and expanding it to a 1 hr 54 min movie. If you don't have a great story with a strong hook, or not enough laughs to cover the film's run time, you won't keep your audience entertained for very long. I sure as hell wanted this to be over by the 55 min mark. If James scaled this film back to 70 min, I might have been more forgiving.
Another major problem was the casting. The Nerd has a sidekick named Cooper with no formal introduction. He just sort of appears unannounced in the film and follows the Nerd everywhere as his cameraman/assistant gamer/manager/etc. I wouldn't mind the new guy so much if James made him a great comic foil to the Nerd with opposite character traits. But no they are both game reviewers, both work at a video game store, both are skeptical, and both try to take charge of situations. Where's the comedy? where's the banter? Why was it necessary to bring in a new actor rather than have it be Mike Matei?
Then there's the female sidekick Mandy. She works for the game developer to the forthcoming E.T. game sequel that she believes his bad publicity of the predecessor will drive up the sales of the new game. There's not much growth and development of her character to talk about. She just goes from being a non-gaming businesswoman to being more appreciative of gaming culture by the end. And James doesn't even bother putting in a romantic spark between the two to further her character. What a waste!
Once they get to New Mexico there are some good character bits and some funny jokes. The nerd's conversations with a tiny green alien puppet is a hoot. A scientist who pops up looking like Rick Grimes and sounding like Malcolm McDowell is very humorous. But alarmingly little of the story concerns actual video games. Even James's trademark gross- out humor and filthy wordplay is significantly downplayed. And the climax involving a giant rampaging Japanese hell-demon out-right fails to go out with a bang.
One last gripe I had was the prominent presence of AVGN fans. They pop up at the game store, desert, and a few montages. It's fine to put them in brief montages, but eventually if felt like James was just glorifying his own ego. Couldn't he have put the Nerd in a computer illiterate environment where no one knows who he is? That would have been a clever plot twist. Be sure to watch his review during the end credits.
I'm still a fan of James's work and I'm looking forward to seeing what's in store in the future. But should he ever make another film 8 years later, he should trim it down, keep it simple, and try to take more creative risks.
Monsters vs. Aliens (2013)
The absolute worst movie inspired cartoon show I have ever witnessed!
I really enjoyed the film Monsters vs Aliens, and when I heard a cartoon series based on the film was in the works I was thrilled. I thought this could be a very Hellboy-esque show where the monsters fight alongside the government against more evil aliens, and a brand new mythology could have been built from the ground up.
Four years of waiting and this is the best they could come up with!
The jokes are lazy, the animation is cheap, the perilous situations are half baked, the aliens are lame (ones that just sit around and do nothing in area 50-something), the stakes are non-existent, but worst of all is it's NOT FUNNY!
I could go on and on about Ginormica not being giant-sized, opting instead for a size shifting ability, thus making everything that made her very endearing in the first place is now completely irrelevant, but there's so much wrong that that's only a minor problem.
No my biggest problem is that the episodes are two back to back 11 minute episodes, which is not nearly enough time for an action-comedy premise to unfold. Those half-baked perilous situations (i.e. the base blowing up, Earth blowing up, etc.) is usually caused by the monsters own stupidity. And the threat of destruction is quickly averted by the lamest of solutions. In other words the episodes are over just as they started building momentum.
Another downside is that the stories are self-contained. There is little to no ongoing narrative, so watch them in any order you want. So no consequences, no repercussions, are you having a blast yet?
But wait it gets worse. Eventually the show stopped airing two new back to back episodes, and then started rerunning old episodes from last week after the first new episode. WHO DOES THAT!? No show ever did that! Especially in its first season! Either give your audience full half hour episodes, or double order and give them two new episodes back to back. Don't do this half new/ half rerun bull crap.
Boycott the hell out of this show. Let Dreamworks know that this is 2013, We hold cartoons to a much higher standard then we did long ago.
Apocalypse, CA (2011)
I wanted to like this movie, but in the end I only admired it.
Spoiler-Free
"Apocalypse, CA" is not a bad film, it's actually quite good, but it's only good on your first viewing. Once you've seen it and you know all the surprises, you're likely to grow less enthusiastic on subsequent viewings.
The plot of the film is very interesting. If you combine "Deep Impact" with "Freaky Friday," "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas," "Cloverfield" (wink, wink, nudge, nudge), and a small nod to "Attack of the 50 ft Woman," you have "Apocalypse, CA." There are five days left to the end of the world, where a massive asteroid will strike the earth. There is a small group of twenty or thirty-somethings trying to gain their last pleasures out of life before they die--with sex and drugs. Apparently when it's five days till doomsday people will completely forget that bomb shelters exist.
The biggest hurtle for me to get over is the main characters aren't very likable. They do change and develop over the course of the film, mind you, but for some the damage may already be done.
There is a subplot revolving around a 300 foot woman on a rampage in downtown Las Angeles. She has no dialogue and we never see her face. She isn't on screen for very long, which is unfortunate, because I wanted the filmmakers to expand her screen time and show us firsthand what she's going through. It would have been fascinating and maybe even poignant if they went in that direction. I guess the director Chad Peter wanted it a mystery till the end of the film, but with a cast of characters this small you can easily predict who the giantess is.
I must say the visual effects while sparse are very impressive, even by indie film standards. They feel three-dimensional and they stay consistent throughout. The effect for blowing up that woman to 300 feet tall is particularly good.
I have mixed feelings about the ending. Without spoiling it there is another surprise out of left field. Chad Peter does give us a tiny element of foreshadowing, but it's told in passive conversation that you'd think it was irrelevant the first time around. You'll have to make up your mind for yourself. Overall a decent film for a first time director.
Captain America (1990)
This Film is Living Proof That "Batman and Robin" is No Longer The Worst Superhero Movie Ever!
(Many Spoilers). I know that "Batman and Robin" was a pitifully bad film. I regret to have wasted time and money seeing that film. "Captain America" on the other hand, I wasted no money by watching it free on Hulu.com and it was completely deprived of anything that could make a superhero movie enjoyable. Huge waste of time, talent, and film.
I mean wow! this film was horribly scripted, cheaply filmed, and awfully directed. The cheesy set pieces, special effects, costumes, make-up, and poor photography makes the film look like it came out at the 70's. Unfortunately it came out in the 90's!
Some people have defended this film because of the film's star Matt Salinger, giving a serious performance. He is of course the son of author J.D. Salinger, which means nothing because...
MATT SALINGER CAN'T ACT! HIS PERFORMANCE WAS A LOAD OF CRAP!!
In this film Salinger wore only two facial expressions the whole time. 1. Exhaustion, like he's been overworked and sleep deprived. 2. Vacancy, like he's stupid and confused. He looks like he's about to say, "Duh, I have no idea what I'm supposed to do or say, somebody give me direction!" He even sounds like he's reciting his lines without conviction. He could have been reading cue cards for all I know.
There are many plot holes, but the biggest one I can't stand is that after Salinger is given the Super-Soldier Serum (At the beginning) transforming into Captain America, he becomes a lousy superhero up until the end for no reason. Throughout the rest of the film Captain America loses in a fist fight with Red Skull, gets tied to a rocket, fakes car sickness to steal his friends' vehicles, learns about world history he missed while he was frozen for 5 decades, flees from henchmen, hides, and lays low. That's right a superhero who saves no one and only fights well at the climax! lays low!
Final Note: The only reason why anyone would see this film is for the fight scenes. Sadly these fight scenes are boring, choppy, and repetitive, the editing and cutting of each fight is so fast and phony that viewers have no idea what the hell is going on.
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009)
It's Exactly What You'd Expect From a Summer Blockbuster. 8/10!
There are several spoilers. Read Carefully.
Forget about what the critics say, everyone has their own expectations. Summer movies are meant to entertain. Not all of them are meant to score for plot or characterization. That's the case with Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. This isn't a bad film, rather it's a good film that delivers what it promises. The visual effects, cool cars, sexy girls, and intense action sequences are the main assets that make this movie fun and action-packed. The Oscar films that play during the fall and winter are what win over critics and drives away action movie buffs.
Now about the film. Sam leaves his girlfriend Mikaela to go off to college, on the other side of the U.S.Once there he meets Leo Spitz a conspiracy theorist, and Alice a hot girl who preys on him. Meanwhile Optimus Prime (again brilliantly voiced by Peter Cullen) and all the other Autobots team up with the military to hunt down and destroy the Decepticons. In the sequel, the Autobots truly know how to fight. I'm not kidding, Decepticons fall left and right: three of which are killed by Optimus Prime. An old nemesis returns, and an ancient one called "The Fallen" returns to earth with the intent to conquer and destroy.
There are two reasons(one for each star) why I award this film 8/10 stars. With a much larger budget it seems the transformers are the main characters and the humans are reduced to supporting roles, including Shia Laboeuf. While I am glad that there are more character moments for the Decepticons, it defeats the purpose of making this a live action movie. The other reason is that director Michael Bay's attempts at humor don't always work. In fact they can be painful to watch at times. Such as Sam's mother getting high from eating marijuana at his school. Also there's the Autobot twins Mudflap and Skids. With their street gang accents they can be funny one moment and annoying the next. All in all, it's worth a viewing. Just don't expect anything ground-breaking, thought-provoking, or original. But It's a real treat for kids, action and science fiction buffs, and Generation one Fanboys. Long Live Optimus Prime!!
Soul Men (2008)
Lacks a Heart, But Delivers Laughter, Good Music, and a Cheerful Soul.
*Does Contain Spoilers, Be Careful*
Just to clear things up I am not scoring this high because of Bernie Mac's last performance. This is a very well written story about two former musicians who travel from California to New York to do a reunion concert after their former band leader split up with them and died years later. I couldn't stop laughing and neither could the 12 people in the theater. Mac now a retiree and Samuel L. Jackson an auto mechanic reluctantly agree to travel together doing performances across the country. They haven't performed together in 30 years.
Both actors have terrific singing voices and its hard not to laugh at the vulgar dialogue that comes courtesy of Samuel L. Jackson. He sounds like his past characters in "Jackie Brown" and "Pulp Fiction." Mac and Jackson who although swear a lot, are portrayed as sympathetic characters. They are estranged because of a woman they both fought over years ago in Memphis, Tennessee. The twenty-something daughter of that woman soon joins their tour after her abusive and dimwitted boyfriend forces her out. He was one silly character who may have stayed in the film 15 minutes too long. Plus a low level talent agent who becomes Mac and Jackson's manager while on the road. There is at least one distasteful scene where Mac takes an aged bar woman (Jennifer Coolidge) into his hotel room. Trouble awaits him the next morning while meeting Jackson with a different woman.
If the director didn't aim at such gratuitous gags, and F-Bombs every 5 seconds it might have been a comedy with a heart. There is one scene where the duo dance to the car radio and sing a song called "I'm Your Puppet." The last scene is the last stage performance which closes the show with just a few text captions saying what happens subsequently. I won't spoil it. Make sure to catch Isacc Hayes in voice and person in the film's second half. The only real heart the film displays is a memorial tribute to Hayes and Mac. It shows during the end credits, Mac giving an interview of his life and ambitions, blooper reel, Mac doing a Stand-up routine, voice work in the sound booth, and a nice photo of Mac and Hayes with the words "Dedicated to Bernie Mac and Isacc Hayes." Both of them shall be dearly missed.
The X Files: I Want to Believe (2008)
Not what it used to be; but still an entertaining, thoughtful, and scary sequel.
*SPOILER ALERT!!*
I want to believe this film will get a cult status and a lot of money. That way an "X-Files 3" can be made to truly cap the series. Unfortunately this film is flawed and has received lackluster reviews from fans, critics, and movie-goers alike. Die-hard fans of the TV show and the first film will have high expectations, while average moviegoers have limited patience for a bloodless horror story.
I was a fan of the show a decade ago, even when Mulder was abducted I still watched the show. I just want to point out that Mulder believes his abducted sister is still alive, but not once does he refer to the time he was abducted. It was a great science fiction series about the paranormal and other worldly beings. Each episode would draw closer to the truth about extra terrestrials. But when evidence is found, the aliens vanish from sight, and the U.S. government tends to cover it up.
Now there is an "X-Files" sequel that pushes the science fiction elements aside in favor of the horror and mystery elements. That didn't bother me, but what did is the action scenes and the climax are cut way too short.
The film reunites Mulder and Sculley and fellow FBI agents. Including two new agents played by Xzibit and Amanda Peet, to solve a new case in West Virginia. A female agent was abducted and the FBI wants to find her before its too late. The team is guided by a psychic named Father Joe (Bill Connelly) who can sense a crime scene and the current state of the missing agent. She happens to be part of a forced body transplant by a Russian organ harvest ring. They want to put a dying man's head on her body to help him live longer. Why they think it will save him is not adequately explained.
As disturbing as it sounds that's not the center of conflict. The real conflict is whether or not Mulder and Sculley can continue to uncover the truth. Sculley is now a surgeon at a catholic hospital. She's trying to save a terminally ill boy. Mulder on the other hand, is no longer an agent, and is now an outlaw since he escaped the death penalty in the series finale.
The "Frankenstein"-like horror tale is similar to the Boris Karloff movie because of the tone. In "X-Files 2" you will not see any monsters, CGI, grisly violence, or explosions. The way I felt fear is by the surroundings (beautifully shot in Vancouver), the gruesome discoveries of severed limbs, and the creepy music score. It is a different approach than just having monsters and serial killers pray on the helpless in very gory, bloody manner.
It's a good story to watch, just don't wear your expectations too high. I was slightly letdown by a chase on foot that ended before we even see the suspect make his getaway. In addition, the climax is shortened when Mulder confronts the Russian surgeons at the science lab. He is drugged and almost killed. But this time Sculley and Skinner come to his rescue, exact opposite of the first film's climax. After Skinner forces the surgeons outside the lab, it's over. I expected the suspects to get rounded up by the authorities, as well as the knowledge of the captive agent's health. While the ending parallels the first film with yet another cover up story by the government, I don't regret watching this unique horror story. It stays afloat by the chemistry of the stars and its well structured script.
The Dark Knight (2008)
Batman Triumphant!! The Caped Crusader soars above and beyond all its predecessors!
Warning!! ( Many spoilers)
First Tim Burton directed two films opening the legacy. Next, Joel Schumacher continued two more films, but for lesser quality. Now Chris Nolan has made "Batman Begins" and "The Dark Knight," something to treasure forever.
There are three things that won me over with this movie. First, this film pushes the envelope to a near R-Rating. There so much gunfire, explosions, and gruesome images that I felt tensed of what would happen next. I love movies that take risks because if more movies exercised play-safe techniques, we would be watching "Batman and Robin" all over again. Second is Heath Ledger's brilliant performance. Although less comical, ledger's character is realistic, menacing, and truly horrifying. A true psychopath, which Ledger brings so much realism. Even if there is no posthumous Oscar nomination, Ledger will most definitely live on as a movie legend. Not a single online hater complaining about the film's length, darkness, or complex story can take away Ledger's status. Finally the third thing is the film has first-rate storytelling. There is a surprise twist and a nail-biting action sequence at every corner. The action is also evenly balanced with the plot and characterization. Its more than just a good v.s. evil film. There is real conflict and real turmoil that plays on both sides of law enforcers and law violators.
The film concerns Batman/Bruce Wayne trying to make the city a better place. while crooks and copycat vigilantes run amok, the Joker associates himself with powerful crime bosses. Through countless terrorist attacks, the Joker commands the citizens of Gotham to do whatever he wants as long as he controls their fears and emotions. Sometimes there is no clear motive or explanation about the Joker's past, but he wants to unmask Batman and try to make him appear villainous in the face of Gotham. The Joker is anything but a two-dimensional villain. He had a conflicted childhood just like Bruce, but he uses his angst, his rage, and his emotions to hurt others rather than protect them. Bruce Wayne on the other hand soon wants to hang up his Batman suit and settle with his love Rachel Dawes, since DA Harvey Dent is leading a revolution against all citywide crime. That is until later, when Harvey Dent makes a transformation into the monstrous Two-Face. Who is just as scary and sinister as the Joker. From that moment onward its a crazy roller coaster ride of thrills, unpredictability, and tragedy.
Although the movie is long, there is sharp editing, outstanding performances, great stunt work, a superb script, and enough memorable moments to make the 2.5 hours zip by. A MOVIE MASTERPIECE.
Hellboy II: The Golden Army (2008)
An Extraordinary "Monster Movie," Full of Action, Humor, and Imagination.
*MANY SPOILERS AHEAD*
"Hellboy 2 The Golden Army" is action-packed fun, and in my opinion better than the original. Director Guillermo Del Toro who did "Pan's Labyrinth" throws at the audience the old stars we loved (Hellboy, Abe, and Liz). As well as a ton of creatures, who are anything but ordinary.
The story begins when a 10 year old Hellboy being told a story by his adoptive father Trevor Broom. He tells Hellboy that there once was a king named Balor, with a son named Nuada and a daughter named Nuala. The king has a mythical creatures build him an army of 70 mechanical soldiers. All of which are controlled by a gold crown. After a time of warfare, the Golden Army is put to rest and the crown is divided by the fairytale creatures and the human race. Now the prince wants to reclaim their land which was taken by the humans. Such as lands created into "parking lots" and "shopping malls".
After a piece of the crown is stolen from an auction Hellboy, Liz, and Abe investigate. Soon they are accompanied by the comical and intelligent John Krauss, (Voiced by Seth McFarlane). A Gaseous person inside an old-fashioned Scuba suit with a gas helmet. He has the power to animate and control non-living objects. The heroes battle a swarm of tooth fairies, a 10 foot troll, a giant plant monster, the prince, and the best scene of all The Golden Army. Although some of the action sequences run together, possibly to save time and money. There is never a boring moment. The director also balances the action with a heart too. Abe Sapien falls for Princess Nuala, while Hellboy is struggling to get along with Liz. Abe finds out early in the film that Liz is pregnant, and they hide the truth from Hellboy later on. The love builds up to Hellboy and Abe drinking beer and singing Barry Manilow. A scene that I thought was oddly funny.
This is a fun movie-going experience and the hour and 50 minute running time just flies right by. Go see this movie it's a rare comic book movie that is beautiful to look at. Of course, "The Dark Knight" looks better than this, but people who have less patience watching a movie well over two hours long, will find Hellboy 2 a real treat.
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008)
Despite some flaws Indiana Jones 4 is a triumph
*Beware Spoilers Ahead*
It's incredible that several Hollywood veterans are able to reprise roles they played twenty years ago. First there was Bruce Willis who returned as John McLane. Next, there was Sylvester Stallone who returned a fourth time as John Rambo. But they pale in comparison to Harrison Ford who triumphantly returns as Indiana Jones a fourth time. Ford is still fighting old age, with great acting, a sharp wit, and a strong physical performance.
First I shall say the "GOOD NEWS."
Ford still has the charm and heroism from all those past Indy films.
Ford also has a lot of help from a superb supporting cast as well. There's Karen Allen returning as Marion Ravenwood from "Raiders of the Lost Ark". She is pretty funny and full of charm in this one. Shia Labeouf delights as Mutt, a greaser with an attitude. Plus there's veteran John Hurt as professor Oxley, who also delivers some laughs and knowledge for the film. He goes insane looking for the skull and tells Indiana how to find the temple through speaking riddles. Cate Blanchett as Russian Agent Irina Spalko makes a cool villain, if kind of hollow- looking. She reminds me a lot of SPECTRE agent Rosa Klebb in the 007 film "From Russia With Love."
Finally the action sequences are very well staged from the opening at the warehouse, to the car chase in the rain forest. A lot of it is really quite a fun ride
Now the "BAD NEWS."
At the height of Steven Spielberg and George Lucas's careers you would think they would pull off yet another movie classic. These are two of Hollywood's greatest visionaries who created Indiana Jones, Jurassic Park, E.T., and Star Wars.
Now in an unprecedented 3rd sequel they made a 4th Indy film that might not meet the fans expectations. For instance, Spielberg said the CGI would only be used at a minimum, only where it really counts. Well in the opening there are CGI Prairie dogs that are kind of silly. So are some outlandish car stunts. In a John Williams interview, he said the film is like a "live-action cartoon" which probably means it was made for young audiences.
The story may also be a little far-fetched. Anyone who knows the history of the crystal skulls, there are 8 out of 13 crystal skulls unearthed by Archaeologists. They are the perfect size and shape of a human skull believed to be created by the Mayans. But because the craftsmanship seems too perfect to be done by hand, others believe that the 13 skulls were done by artisans from Atlantis. Others also believed the creators were aliens from another planet. Going in the direction of aliens for the story is somewhat unbelievable. It also gets confusing once the climax comes into play.
What bothered me the most is that the film's PG-13 rating is an exaggeration. Other that occasional obscenities, the film's violence is pretty mild. It only gets ugly when Indy beats up the bad guys. But when bad guys kill good guys (usually with guns) they kill them off screen, Seeing that "Live Free or Die Hard" worked well as PG-13 with gun violence and little or no blood and gore; Spielberg could've taken the violence to the next level.
It is possible that Lucas and Spielberg only wanted to entertain audiences both young and old rather than live up to the life-long fans expectations. I am a big fan of Indiana Jones but I love the action/adventure genre as a whole. Like "The Lost World: Jurassic Park," it was far from perfect but I enjoyed watching it from start to finish, as I also did with Indy 4.
If your a fan don't expect "Crystal Skull" to equal "Raiders of the lost Ark" because it won't. Just sit back and enjoy the ride. While your at it, try spotting nods to earlier Spielberg/Lucas films.
Knocked Up (2007)
over-rated, overdone, and overly profane
-Lots of spoilers-
Have you ever seen such a tacky, vulgar, and mind-numbing comedy? I swear this could have been made 20 years ago and for a fraction of the budget. "Knocked Up" is about as lame as "Porky's" and "Teen Wolf" (Both 80's comedies) that trade Sex for film-making skills.
I watched this movie on DVD expecting to laugh myself to death. Others also recommended it to me. Honestly I only got two chuckles out of this film. Which is also why I award this film only two stars. First gag was when Seth Rogen defined the word "Prick" to a young girl. I can't even say the one-word definition for it. The second gag was during the birth scene when one of Seth's friends enters the delivery room and Katharine Heigel screams "Get Out!!"
Not only is this film too long, but its also too profane. The basic story is that Rogen and Heigel can't seem to act like reasonable, intelligent adults. If they both were mature enough, the conflict would be resolved in minutes and there wouldn't be a movie. I can't even stress enough on how many times I've heard every curse word in the book. Try putting that movie on TBS. Everyone curses so much its as if they all have tourette's syndrome and have no control of what they say. Heigel who plays a Hollywood reporter on "E" interviews some celebrities. There is briefly Ryan Secreast who swears the moment the cameras stop rolling. Absolutely no reaction from me. Plus she interviews Steve Carrell on the red carpet. Why she would accidentally call him an a@#hole on camera is not well explained. Even in the most public places where swearing would be inappropriate and a civil disturbance, the characters still curse just to test the audience. The language did at least work for Superbad because Rogen was being sincere about high school dialogue. In his youth he did swear on a regular basis.
The story in a nutshell is about two people who get drunk in a bar, and then go home for sex. After Heigel gets impatient with Rogen trying to tear open a rubber, they do it anyway without a condom. Big mistake. Several weeks later Heigel finds out she's pregnant and meets up with Rogen, so the two can make plans for the next 7-8 months. Obviously Heigel has never heard of the morning after pill. If she did she would not even worry about the absence of a condom. Silly Heigel, male condoms aren't even that effective, they can break. For the remainder of it's 2 hours 10 minutes it's uninterrupted swearing, gross out humor, and pot smoking with Rogen and all his stoner room-mates. What's worse than having a long running time is too many characters. There are dumb stoners living with Rogen, especially Jonah Hill basically being himself, an uninvolving subplot with Paul Rudd and Leslie Mann who are a not-so-happily wedded couple, and Heigel's coworkers at her job who only get a little screen time. Comedic actor Harold Ramis highlights the film while also cursing a lot, sadly though he is underused as Rogen's father. Take out all those characters and the film would be a smooth 97 minutes.
If this movie was meant to be a romantic comedy, it failed. With curse words, toilet humor, and a blah blah ending with no surprises, it is neither funny, nor heartwarming. Avoid it!
Iron Man (2008)
Iron Man is Pure Gold *several spoilers*
Who would have known that Iron Man would be such a hit commercially and critically? This is not just a great movie, it's a milestone for the legacy of Marvel. The film brilliantly blends action, special effects, a top-notch cast, and smart dialogue all in a two-hour film.
Robert Downey Jr. gives a very charismatic and energetic performance as Tony Stark/ Iron Man. Even though Iron Man is heavily computer generated, Robert Downey Jr. somehow manages to stay at the forefront of all the explosions and CGI. For once the CGI does not overwhelm or disintegrate the story or characterization. Terrence Howard, Gweneth Paltrow, and Jeff bridges are also equally impressive.
The story begins with Tony Stark billionaire, playboy, inventor, and superhero. While traveling in Afghanistan he gets captured by terrorists who want him to build one of his own missiles. He has shrapnel caught in his chest from an explosion and he needs an electromagnet to keep him from dying. On his life mission to end war and violence he strives to build unbeatable weapons. He soon creates an early metal suit and breaks free of his captors. Back home he wants to get rid of missiles and other nuclear weapons to try a new approach. He builds himself the famous Iron Man suit and then the story kicks into high gear. Little does he know that some of his friends oppose his new plans for world peace. Especially his top adviser Jeff Bridges who has other plans.
Iron Man is the perfect film to start off the summer season. It reminded me a lot about Robocop which dealt with a robotic human being who served justice, battled an internal conflict with himself, and saved the day with notoriety. GO SEE IT!!!
Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay (2008)
Terrific Film
*TONS OF SPOILERS*
The sequel "Harold and Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay" picks up only a few hours where the first film left off. After a 4 year span between the two movies it's incredible the stars don't change a bit. They still, look the same, act the same, and continue their misadventures while encountering strange people.
Is this film a rehash of "White Castle?" NO. Does the hilarity and cleverness equal the first movie? Hell yes!! If you enjoyed the first movie, you're in for a real treat in the second one. But beware, for the raunchy jokes come rapid-fire and nonstop. If you have a weak stomach you might not want to eat when you see this. I felt queasy mostly when Kumar took a big, loud dump while Harold was in the shower. Eating dozens of white castle hamburgers can do that. Later in the film there is the "bottomless" pool party. I wouldn't go too much into detail. Finally there were KKK members urinating on Harold and Kumar.
Harold and Kumar decide to go to Amsterdam, for Harold to be reunited with his love interest Maria. But they are mistaken for terrorists and then imprisoned in Guantanamo Bay by a blundering special agent (Rob Corrdry). Note: I couldn't stop laughing when he interrogated witnesses who although told the truth he thought they lied. He bribed people with items associating to racial stereotypes. They break out of prison easily, but now the hard part is getting to a friend in Texas who has a high position in the govt. He's the only one who can clear their name. While on their adventure they meet members of the KKK, meet a cyclops-like offspring of a brother and sister, meet the president, stop a wedding in Texas, and go to a brothel with Neil Patrick Harris who also comes for his share of laughs. John Cho and Kal Penn are more appealing now than they were in the prequel. Especially Kal Penn who has achieved fame through past films, House, and the internet. This is a laugh-out loud comedy not to be missed.
Superhero Movie (2008)
A funny and entertaining spoof with a few small exceptions
*Beware of some spoilers*
You can probably remember "Epic movie" and "Date movie" were unfunny spoofs, both had incoherent story lines. Honestly, every scene is one non-sequitur after another. In other words, each new scene has no relation to the one before it. With mostly humor that aims directly between 6 and 15 year old kids. Well this new "Movie" has humor, cleverness, and coherence from start to finish. There is a wide range of gags from slapstick to bathroom humor. The charismatic cast from the "scary movie" franchise also helps. Drake Bell is funny and fit in more ways than one for the role of a superhero. While Christopher McDonald looks like he's having a ball as the super-villain.
The story focuses on the plot from spider-man with other superhero movies tied in just right. Rick Ricker gets bitten by a dragonfly and has the powers of super strength, wall climbing and flight. He lives with his Aunt Lucille (Marion Ross) and his Uncle Albert (Leslie Nielson, whose hard not to laugh at) and with the help of his friend Kevin Hart, he vows to save the world and win the girl of his dreams Jill (Sarah Paxton). With the help of Producer David Zucker there are laughs and special effects to keep you smiling through its very short running time. The the only real drawback, is the shortness of other big name parts. The movie poster is clearly false advertising. Such as Pamela Anderson as the invisible girl. I myself would want to see her as DC super villainess "Giganta", then you could easily poke fun at the "Lit" music video where she eats the band. She's only there for about a minute. There's Craig Beirko from Scary movie 4 as Wolverine for only 2 seconds, and Simon Rex as Human Torch for only about a minute. Regina Hall and Tracey Morgan only stick around for about 6 minutes as Mr. and Mrs. Xavier. Would have been funnier if Regina Hall would play "Storm" instead, then they could have a super power fight or something. but this isn't their movie, its Drake's. So I say see it laughs and satisfaction is a guarantee.
10,000 BC (2008)
A watchable nostalgic adventure, but it gets boring at the end
*MANY SPOILERS*
I actually give it 5.5 out of 10 stars because I still found it entertaining up until the climax. Roland Emmerich who directed Godzilla, Independence Day, and the Day After Tomorrow, scores yet another box office blockbuster. But do the Visual Effects overpower the other crucial elements?
The answer is a definite yes. Although the CGI is impressive it is greatly overdone. I had no idea there were ships and giant stone structures built during 10,000 B.C. And I found it very peculiar that the climate and terrain kept changing as the adventure continued. One minute the cavemen are in the snowy mountains, another there in a tropical jungle getting chased by ostrich-like creatures, and finally they appear in a wide desert where there are rivers and a whole other civilization. There is briefly a saber-tooth tiger but he is made toothless by the director, so no suspense there. The heroes speak English while their enemies speak an unknown language. Still it does work to know who's who.
On the plus side the acting is good with charismatic performances by Steven Strait as D'leh, and Camille Belle as Evolet. Even for a dirty cave woman Evolet still looks like a gorgeous modern-day teenager. The most impressive part of the production is probably the stampede of mammoths and the panoramic shots in Australia. Plus the film is at a good pace so it won't drag on too long. It ended happily with the bad guys defeated, and D'leh and Evolet living happily ever after. But I got lost before the end, because an elderly woman back at camp was spiritually communicating with them and even feeling each others pain. You may go and see it if you liked One Million Years B.C. with Raquel Welch in a fur bikini. But don't expect anything innovative or coherent from 10,000 B.C. Even though both films are historically inaccurate.
No Country for Old Men (2007)
A great film with the exception of the ending. Many spoilers!
The Coen Brothers have crafted quite a film. It has terrific performances, great photography, and a good deal of suspense. Fortunately I was able to see this movie on Sunday before the Oscars, later that night they were announced the winners for screenplay, directing, supporting actor, and picture. So why does this movie fall short of a masterpiece?
Well it has a blend of action and drama. Josh Brolin finds a suitcase of drug money. After being chased by dealers and a murderous psychopath, He runs away to Mexico with his wife at his mother's house. Moving from motel room to motel room, Josh Brolin encounters several life and death situations. Just when it gets good Josh Brolin's character gets killed off-screen at the start of the third act. So I was let down that the man to root for was killed off, but what also contaminated the ending was that the bad guy didn't die. Sure he gets hurt in a car crash and then limps away. But that's it, we don't know if Brolin's wife was murdered, and it looks like their ending is left open for a sequel. A sheriff played by Tommy Lee Jones searches for Brolin. After failing to save him and catch the bad guy he gives up. Making it one ending anti-climatic ending.
So while this movie is not on par with "Raising Arizona," I still believe this was a top notch effort with Bardem, Brolin, and Jones perfectly cast. Hope the Coen brothers have better work to come.
AVPR: Aliens vs Predator - Requiem (2007)
Good entertainment to pass the time, but the direction is routine and clumsy.
*TONS OF SPOILERS* This is the fourth predator film and the sixth Alien film. In my opinion the Strause Brothers wisely released it as Rated-R because it gives the film the look of earlier graphic novels of the two franchises. There's people blood, Predator blood and Alien/acid blood spilling all over the place. I liked the action sequences, the predator's new toys, and the pred-alien which was very impressive even though you may not get a good look at it. But the most fatal flaw the directors did was get carried away with their monsters on-screen. The predator can be seen on-screen more than any other character in the whole movie, making it look like it's his movie and not the humans'. The humans by the way were hollow, bland, and with no real character development. But that's okay because everyone knows the monsters will come to claim them in a matter of minutes. Just like predator 2 but it was a good movie still. Plus you can hear that beat sound reused again from earlier predator films.
In a small town in Colorado The predator's ship crashes in the woods and the aliens escape and spread throughout the town. The last predator goes to earth to seek vengeance upon the aliens. Armed with lots of weapons, the predator kills everyone and everything he sees. But wait, before the predator leaves on his mission we get a glimpse of his face. Plus his multiple fangs barely move at all while he screams an unfamiliar screech. What made the first predator film so compelling is that the filmmakers tantalize the audience with how much of the predator they reveal. First you see through the eyes of the predator in the infrared vision. Second you see his silhouette only while invisibility is turned on. Third is with invisibility off and you see his full physical form. And finally you see the mask come off and realize he is "one ugly mother f**ker." But at the end of this movie where he pulls off the mask to face his final opponent, no surprises there.
Strause brothers deliver tons of violence and terrifying moments. Something Paul Anderson failed to do. But it's as if they were competing against Stephen Hopkins, James Cameron, and Paul Anderson as to who could make the goriest sci-fi film. Most of the killings and chests explosions get tiresome after a while. The acting from a cast of unknowns is decent and I could sympathize for them since they're just playing regular people and not idiotic foreigners and geologists, those characters were all push-overs to the alien and the predator in the previous film.
All in all, it wasn't as bad as AVP1, but don't get your hopes up. The ending to this film isn't a big surprise like the last film. In fact as soon as the credits roll you'll say "okay what just happened?"
The Golden Compass (2007)
Rushed but an entertaining and magical adventure nonetheless
*SOME SPOILERS AHEAD* "The golden compass" was a very engaging novel. And most of what made the story so compelling has successfully transferred on the big screen. Dakota Blue Richards makes a charming young Lyra, as well as the supporting cast behind her such as Nichole Kidman, Daniel Craig, Ian Mckellan, and Sam Elliot. Plus the scenery and special effects are awe-inspiring which make the film more enjoying. Not that it overwhelms the humanity of the film but it does add some texture to the film such. Like when Lyra asks the compass a question and golden dust shows images of people that express the answers. Plus the talking ice bears look life like if not normal sized.
At an hour and fifty-three minutes the film is fast paced which can bring good and bad news. The good news is that it doesn't bore the audience with long conversations and it keeps the audience involved if there's a change of setting every minute. Unlike The Da Vinci Code which I had two leave off twice of viewing because it was extremely boring. Plus it doesn't take long for the suspense and battle scenes (Which are very well staged) to come into play. The bad news on the other hand is that some crucial scenes in the book are overlooked or taken out of chronological order. Such as their quest for Bolvangar and Svalbard which have been mixed the other way around, and the secret of Lyra's parents are told by someone else. They don't explain in much detail who the witch's lover is. Of course you see him on screen but he isn't formally introduced for you to understand. Finally the ending is changed by omission which can also have good and bad news of it's own but it flows better for time reasons and because the original ending fell as a cliffhanger. Which I didn't mind in the movie because there were different endings for the books and movies of "The Lord of the Rings."
To sum it all up: DEFINITELY SEE THIS MOVIE JUST DON'T LET YOUR HIGH EXPECTATIONS GET THE BEST OF YOU.
Beowulf (2007)
The future of action and fantasy films as we know it, 8/10
*CONTAINS SOME SPOILERS*
Just like the director's previous films "Who Framed Roger Rabbit," and "Back to the Future." "Beowulf" is a movie both entertaining and visually spectacular. And it's been a very long time for an animated movie to debut strictly for adults. Ray Winestone is wonderful as Beowulf and so is Crispin Glover as the grotesque and violent Grendel. The two actors are probably the ones with the most body tweaking through the CGI process. Still they display great voice work. Anthony Hopkins, Angelina Jolie, Robin Wright Penn, Brendan Gleeson, and John Malkovich are all nice touches too.
The plot has monumental differences from the epic poems. But this film could have taken a whole step backwards by having violence cleaned up as if this was a Disney film. Which it is not. And if you are unwise to compare this movie to a video game you'd better take a look at the cut scenes in parts you don't play. Obviously the video sequences are afterthoughts. Video game designers don't really care about face expressions, lip movements, or body language, only the actual game play. Unlike "Beowulf" which is computer animation at its best. Sometimes you can mistake it for being a live action movie. With lifelike violence and male and female nudity. Of course, we will see more of this film-making in the future, because when "Beowulf" is talking in one scene and fighting a dragon in another, that character would need a CGI double for that action scene. But if Winestone is already rendered in CGI, there is no doubling!! People can believe that the "actor" can clearly be seen in every shot. Do yourself a favor and see this film. I made the mistake of seeing it on the normal screen when it should really be seen in 3-D. Incredible characters, action scenes, scenery, monsters, and storytelling.
Epic Movie (2007)
A slight improvement on "Date Movie," but the directors have a VERY LONG way to go.
*REVEALS SPOILERS TO BOTH "EPIC" AND "DATE" MOVIES"*
I saw it with my younger brother. We laugh at just about anything. But for this "movie" spoof, we rarely laughed at all. Sure we thought Kal Penn with top-billing would be a nice touch. But it's only a touched, Because the real star is the idiotic Adam Campbell with second billing. He not only has more scenes then Kal Penn, but the story revolves Campbell because he's the leader. Not helping either are the two female leads who I've never heard of and probably won't remember.
"Date Movie" was far much worse, starting with opening credits of a fat chick dancing to a lame song. At least there were no opening credits to have the audience sit in agony. Plus it's a spoof on romantic comedies only your parents have seen. Are we supposed to be entertained by movies that came out so many years ago? Like with the "Lord of the Rings" joke for instance. Which wasn't funny. The saga ended in 2003 and we see this film in 2006. Don't these film-makers have any sense of cultural relevance? In this new spoof of very recent Hollywood blockbusters, the only highlights are a training montage at Hogwarts, Carmen Electra as Mystique, and Crispin Glover as a rightfully creepy Wonka. That's it! No other laughs, no coherent storyline, No climax, no clever dialogue, no decent acting. No fun
If I could give career advice to these two directors it would be two pages long. But I guess I'll have to condense it into one paragraph. 2 of the 6 writers of "Scary Movie." If you want your future films to be funny here's what you do. Remove fat jokes because they aren't funny, avoid cheesy celebrity impressions from semi look-alikes. Put in some more flashy special effects and not ones stolen from other films. Negotiate a few big stars to be in the lead. Minimize dance and rap moves. They only work in concerts. And above all, try screening your films to tests audiences. That way you know what works and what doesn't. Nows your chance to emulate the Wayans brothers since they've recently made bad films. I suggest you take that rare opportunity. And I hope you the viewers and the film-makers will find this information useful.
The Mist (2007)
A Mist-erious and scary thrill ride 9/10
-Warning: DO NOT READ UNLESS YOU'VE ALREADY SEEN THE FILM!!!-
"The Mist" is the best horror film since "Saw." It delivers scares, laughs and cheers. Yes cheers. Everyone in the audience cheered when the female villain met her demise in the film. A group of people seek shelter inside a grocery store when an eerie mist surrounds the area. Then without warning ferocious creatures from another world come to devour people. when the audience is caught off guard, tentacles appear, followed by large insects, arachnids, and pterodactyl-like creatures. They don't go much into detail as to where these creatures came from, but no need to, because the story centers around the refugees.
If you believe "The Mist" is a rip-off of "The Fog" you are badly mistaken. This horror film based on a story by Stephen King, is suspenseful and full of impressive special effects. Plus the film doesn't feel long, like Director Frank Darabont's 3 hour film "The Green Mile." It's at a good pace with occasional fade ins and outs to give the story an episodic feel.
I give this film 9/10 because it was superbly written, directed, and acted. The only reason why it doesn't get 10 is, well, most horror films deserve a sad ending. But Darabont somewhat goofed when it came to credibility. Which is kind of what brought down "Children of Men" from being a flawless movie because of the ending. Most of the survivors die at the end only two minutes before help arrives and the mist clears away instantly. Plus it was also out-of-character for some people acted differently in intense situations. If only that help arrived earlier there would be more survivors. Oh well. While some classics like "Dawn of the Dead" and "28 Days later," were wise to cut out their original endings. "The Mist" is still a horror film that will be remembered years from now as a scary film with big-budgeted special effects and a clever character study of the grocery store survivors.
Resident Evil: Extinction (2007)
The least bad among the three, don't get your hopes up too much
-may contain spoilers on all three films-
Resident evil extinction is that kind of movie where you know what's going to happen but it's still has its moments and satisfactory plot twists. However, it gets tiresome after a while because when you've seen three movies featuring zombies, mutant dogs, and a freak of nature you've seen it all.
Milla Jovovich and Oded Fehr do a fine job reprising their roles as Alice and Carlos. With plenty of new faces to be disposed by the zombies. In addition, a change of scenery, and plot line helps to make this watchable. Another plus for the film is a good balance of character moments and sequences of violence. That way the audience can find time to relax and catch their breath after feeling the adrenaline rush of a zombie attack.
I didn't like the first film because the pacing was slow, there were no solid characters to root for, and the plot twist made very little sense to me. The second movie was all non-stop violence with major plot holes at the beginning and end. I scratched my head as to the exposition of Alice.
This third entry is entertaining with great horror special effects, but it's ultimately just another teaser for yet another sequel. In the meantime watch out for the killer crow sequence. It's a nail biter.
Transformers (2007)
2007 live action Transformers is no 1986 cartoon Transformers, Thankfully!!!
-Very few spoilers.-
If it weren't for the talents of Shia LaBeouf and Peter Cullen, and the inventiveness of Bay and Spielberg, it would probably be yet another flop. Transformers is truly astonishing. An action-packed and downright fun film that seamlessly blends live action footage with computer animation.
I didn't grow up watching the original cartoons but I did spend a good deal of my childhood watching the "Beast Wars" saga in the Transformers franchise. That particular computer animation was also neat but not as fiercely pitched as the movie. Obviously, when was the last time you saw a vehicle speeding and transforming and the same time.
The 1986 cartoon movie was blatantly a "fans only" film, Which I didn't see at the time. As I saw that on DVD I was very disappointed. Not only did it have a convoluted plot, but also deaths of major characters in less than the first half of the film. As the film went on my interest grew less. The 2007 movie, however, kept me interested and smiling from start to finish. Full of action, style, and humor. Die hard fans of the original cartoon might think this update was stupid. For everyone else they will be excited to see 2 sequels in a not so distant future. And at a current worldwide box office gross higher than 600 million dollars. The dream of seeing more "Transformers" is not far from being a reality. Well done Michael Bay! You've conquered the 1986 Transformers as expected!