Reviews

Even as a fan of really, really bad movies, this is too much. The Robot Ninja is neither a robot or a ninja. There's a lame Mike Meyers joke in there somewhere.

The movie couldn't have cost more than like $20, and honestly, my friend and some kids he knew in high school came up with a vastly superior film over the course of a summer in rural Massachusetts.Regardless, its worse than <i> Matrix Revolutions</i> but not so bad as <i> House of the Dead</i>.

1.5 out of 10.372 on the secret Calculando Calrissian scale. (That isn't good)

As a huge X-Men fan (read: dork) I was somewhat underwhelmed by the mediocre generica of the first X-Men movie (X1?). Not expecting much badassery from the fancy dude from Cabaret as Nightcrawler, I was glad to see a well developed, cool character with a great deal of substance. The acting, especially from the "ringers" (McKellen and Stewart) was really good and the story had plenty of "nerd" moments (Is that Hank McCoy?). Now, the one caveat of the film is Wolverine. Jackman did a good job of playing his character, he just isn't Wolverine. Wolverine is a badass by nature, and he should brawl and get torn up, but the guy in this movie is basically a monkey with knives glued to his hands. Wolverine is a damn samurai, he shouldn't lose ANY fight, let alone every single one (with a major character anyway). Wolverine is considered one of the most dangerous men in the world in the comic version, but in the films, he relies on his healing far, far too much. On powers alone, Wolverine is strictly B-grade, but its the intangibles, the "Batman factor" that makes him one of the elites. Maybe I'm just bitter, the movie was pretty awesome.

I don't know why, but I think myself and my associates Jon and Trevor are the only people in the world who enjoyed this movie. We all individually came to the conclusion that this was one of the finest movies of all time. I really, really liked it, and I am anything but a fan of the musical stylings of Mr. Zombie. I thought it was refreshing that there weren't 30,000 gallons of blood, and I really liked the confusing, slap-dash pace of the film. True, I did enter the theatre expecting something esoteric and looney, but I think that was the whole point. No character was uninteresting, and the dialogue had no cringingly bad exchanges, a phenomenon to which I am extremely succeptable.

This movie is so incomprehensibly bad, it hurts to think about... Coming from a fan of crappy action/horror movies this is the stupidest film ever released. The fact that the version I saw was a screener with the name of the company responsible for this atrocity running across the bottom burned the words "Artisan is satan" into my brain, FOREVER. also there was no plot and nothing that seemed to want to further the plot in any portion of the damn thing...weak, just utterly weak.

I am going to start my comments with a simple sentence:

I Love Star Wars

OK on to the important stuff. As I'm sure you already knew, Yoda and Mace Windu are probably the baddest mother****ers EVER and they show this in the movie. The action scenes, in the series that basically invented kickass action sequences, are great, the cgi was probably the best i've seen in a movie, not as distracting as it often is. The acting is hokey, as it should be, and the love story is odd and out of place, but thats what young love is. Now, nobody whose job it is to overanalyze movies seems to like AOTC. even critics who liked The Phantom Menace, the most unfairly hated film EVER. It almost seems that these people have lost their sense of childlike wonder, something key to star wars. Its scary, kinda, that people who do for a living what the rest of us do for fun can be that jaded. Maybe I love star wars too much, maybe I'm too easily entertained, but hell, I loved the thing.