BettyChampagne's Reviews

Meet Dave (2008)

1/10

30 August 2008

This movie might be Eddie's worst movie to date... YES, it's even worse then Norbit and Poluto Nash!

The premise for the movie was good, but the script was so bad I think my 5 year old nephew could've written funny jokes. The special effect aren't that special and the acting is so lame and dismal it was unbearable. But lets not stop there... how about those stereotypes, weren't they clever! I just love how the space crew embraces every known stereo type and even then, they can't come up with a funny joke! Instead the movie just becomes insulting to every black, white, gay and straight person on the face of the planet.

Isn't it about time for someone to meet "Eddie" and escort him to the nearest freeway on-ramp leading out of Hollywood.

~Betty

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Mother of Tears (2007)

10/10

most memorable movie of the year

30 August 2008

I hated this movie when I first saw it. It was a gross, violent and kind of stupid mess of a film... yet I couldn't take my eyes off the screen.

When the film let out, I turned to my friend and chided him that i would get him back for dragging me to this schlock, but the next day all i could think about was the movie... and three months later it's still the most intriguing movie i've seen all year! In particular, there is a scene in the movie where the lead actress walks through every floor in an abandoned building and all you can hear is the sound of her stiletto's echoing down the empty halls. The entire scene is shot in one take without a camera/film cut. The camera follows her up and down every stair and pans around her as she walk through each room... It has got to be one of the best scene's on film to-date! It was suspenseful, creepy and hauntingly beautiful.

If you're in the mood for an Italian horror movie(filmed in English) reminiscent of the cheap horror movies of the 70's, then this is the pic for you. Frankly, it was pretty cool!

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Sex and the City (2008)

1/10

Is this a joke?... because i'm not laughing!!!

29 August 2008

I wasn't the biggest fan of Sex and the City when it aired on HBO, however i did catch an episode from time to time and i could see how the show was a popular hit.

I wasn't expecting much from the new big screen movie, other then maybe a trip down memory lane with the girls... boy oh boy was I in for a disappointing ride!

This movie plays like a parody of itself, which is unfortunate because that is usually when a series (or story) should come to it's timely end. This movie really felt like nothing more then an excuse for those involved to collect a paycheck! That alone can be forgivable, but when you factor in the hammy dialog and uninspired acting, it become down-right annoying!

It was all I could do not to walk out on this flick, and i actually did leave the theater for 10 minutes during the "bridal gown" scene... it was and mind numbingly stupid!!!

If you've just awoken from a coma and have missed out on the past 10 years, you might find this drivel entertaining, but I for one found it excruciating painful test on my nerves!

~ Luv Betty

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Fringe (2008–2013)

8/10

CSI meets The X Files

3 July 2008

Just caught the pilot episode tonight. It was pretty good for a scifi/drama.

The acting was decent, the direction was top-notch and the special effect were pretty good. I was really caught up in the story line and on the edge of my seat for MOST of the show... however, there are few scenes that could have done with a bit of editing and some of the dialog was straight from the "how-to write a script, for dummies" hand book!

Overall the suspense and mystery carried the story along and I'm looking forward to seeing more episodes this fall. The audience for this show won't be on the fringe for long!

Cheers,

Betty

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The Ruins (2008)

4/10

Not as bad as expected

24 June 2008

It's not the Excorsit or anything, but it was pretty good for a silly, low-budget horror movie.

The story line was interesting, and the action was believable (but a little slow) and I actually found the characters tolerable, which is a first for a teenage targeted horror flick.

It's actually an interesting movie... i won't give anything away, but the plot is sort of similar to the Happening, a movie with quadruple the budget but only half the talent! I wouldn't buy the DVD, but i'd recommend checking this movie out on cable or pay-per view when available.

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The Happening (2008)

1/10

It Didn't Really Happen For Me

24 June 2008

Warning: Spoilers

sigh... one of the nice things about M. Night movies is that there is always intrigue and mystery with a stunning "i didn't see that coming" reveal at the end of the movie... read on!

SPOILER: In one of the opening scene's, Marky-Mark gives a lecture on the declining bee population and a hypothesis that it is because nature has chosen to selectively kill-off a species... wow, i wonder where this is going?

If you don't figure it out the mystery of the Happening in the third scene, then I have a bridge in Brooklyn i would like to sell you! The movie just goes down hill from there, and as for the "R" rating, well that probably the biggest mystery about this movie as it was easily a PG13.

sigh... sadly I think M. Night has lost his touch for story telling, because his movies just ain't "happenin'" anymore!

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Semi-Pro (2008)

9/10

Pretty Darn Funny

13 June 2008

I really can't stand the site of Will Farrell, and I usually find him anything but funny. I hated Ron Burgundy and thought Elf was trite, but i have to say I pretty much laughed my way throughout this entire movie.

It was made as a comedy, which it excels at being, but it is also a really good period piece on the 70's (love the fro's). The story was also really good, a bit predictable but well done - I found myself caring about the characters and the out come of the story.

I was entertained throughout this entire movie, and i would add this movie amongst other American comedy classics such as Family Vacation, Uncle Buck or even Planes, Trains and Automobiles... all very different movies, but ones that made us laugh and kept us smiling.

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What Happens in Vegas (2008)

1/10

Steaming Pile Of Kutcher

13 June 2008

This pile of Kutcher is so bad I would give it a minus rating if it were possible! This movie is horrid like a long, unfunny SNL skit! I would say that Ashton Kutcher acts like a buffoon throughout the entire movie, but that would imply he had some acting ability... which he clearly doesn't!

Rob Corddry plays the balding, over-aged, sexually frustrated buddy that can't get l@!d to save his life! Lake Bell plays Diaz's sassy, wise-cracking b!&ch of a friend, but after her first two lines you just want to smack her about and kick her down the stairs backward! Dennis Miller plays the wise but cantankerous Judge that presides over the ensuing legal case, but he clearly looks about as thrilled with being in this movie as I was with watching it. Queen Latifah I can't comment on her performance because she doesn't really give one, if I'm not mistaken she is played be a cardboard cutout that they propped in the corner of the room! Everybody else is just as pathetic, including Treat Williams and Dennis Farina, both of which whose talents are wasted in this movie.

Diaz's performance is the only worthy thing in this entire movie (even the music sucks). She is her usual charming self and she actually pulled off some of the emotional scenes she has in the movie. But her performance just isn't enough to save this steaming pile of Kutcher!

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Wieners (2008)

1/10

Tough To Swallow!

13 June 2008

Where's the mustard where's the relish where's the wieners!!!

This "movie" is a really lame attempt at a buddy/road trip movie in the vein of National Lampoon comedies. There are a few laughs, all of which come courtesy of Kenan Thompson, but it's easy to be funny when you are firing off jokes every three seconds literally!!!

I like Kenan's work on SNL, but unfortunately his character is not interesting enough to fix this broken Wiener. His character is very annoying and he shoots almost every line in the movie like he's trying to reach the back row of a live audience. Some of his jokes do hit the mark, but suffice it to say a little Kenan goes a long way!

The rest of the film is just okay, but there are a few gross-out scenes that drag down my rating i.e. who needs to see someone pick their butts, belly buttons, etc and the "spit" scene - YUCK!

I'm sure there's an audience for this sophomoric attempt at comedy, but I think even the most juvenile of audiences won't find much to laugh at with this wienie attempt of a movie.

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Meet the Spartans (2008)

1/10

Demand Your Money Back!

6 June 2008

If you haven't figured it out yet, this movie sucks! A friend brought over a copy last night and after watching what felt like the longest 40 minutes my life, I couldn't take it anymore and had to turn it off. I usually make fun of bad movies, but this was so bad that I am actually angry and insulted that it was ever made.

There is not one redeeming quality about this entire movie. They drag every joke premise out for about 10 minutes. It was torturous to watch!!! I implore everyone who reads this to return your DVD to the store and demand your money back!!! Why should you be doped into paying for what amount to a $19.00 drink coaster.

My sister purchased a copy of Date Movie from a bargain-bin at Block Buster. It was so bad, she went back to the store the next day and INSISTTED on a refund. They gave her a hard time, but finally agreed to a store credit. If we all take her lead and insist that the store manager refund out money, then maybe, just maybe Hollywood will take notice and start requiring some standard from their film makers.

And don't be afraid or intimidated, we pay a lot of money to be entertained, what right do they have to keep our money if they can't deliver on the goods! Sometime it's not that hard to get your money back. I walked out of Mary Rielly in 1996 and asked to see the theater manager, before I could finish explaining why i was walking out, he just offered up two theater vouchers for another movie.

Stick to your guns and DEMAND your refund!!!

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Fool's Gold (I) (2008)

1/10

It's worse then people are saying!!!

6 June 2008

Warning: Spoilers

If I was stranded on a deserted island in the middle of the Bahama's with nothing but a DVD player and a copy of this movie... I would drown the DVD player and then use the DVD itself to dig dirt or cut coconuts or maybe even as toilet paper... anything to prevent myself from having to sit though this movie again!

There was only one redeeming factor in this entire movie, and that was the return of Malcolm-Jamal Warner. It was entertaining to see a fat, bearded Theo slothing through his scene's like a lost Cosby child... his presence alone, made my laugh, but unfortunately Bill must have found out he had gotten work and ordered him assassinated because he is unceremoniously killed halfway through the film! It was as if his agent watched the daily's and threatened to sue the studio if they didn't get him out of his contract!!!

Excuse me for not going into any detail regarding the actual movie... it's not worth the key strokes to type about how annoying Kate Hudson's character is or for that matter how annoying Mathew McNugget's character is as well. I think he only made the movie because it was a paid vacation to the Bahama's... way to go McNugget, you screwed us again!!!

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Be Kind Rewind (2008)

1/10

Jack Black Does NOT Rock!!!

6 June 2008

This movie was so bad it was painful to watch! I think there was one small chuckle in the first thirty minutes and then it's all down-hill from there.

The plot synopsis was a good idea for a "zanny" mad-cap movie, which this is not! It's a long drawn out movie with a "heart" that takes a failed stab at comedy!

I heard/read review that said the "Ghost Busters" parody was "hilarious"... what planet did they watch this movie on, because here on Earth, it was terrible!!! It was actually the worst scene in the entire movie!

Jack Black should be re-named Jack Crack, because he's about as talented and annoying as a strung-out druggie! He fumbles through every scene he's in but he never misses an opportunity to dazzle us with his shtick... the buffoon bit has got-to-go!!! And what's up with Mos-Def's mumbling? I've heard real Deaf ppl that speak clearer then him! It's annoying to watch him act. He ruined 16 Blocks and he's not helping much here either!

I found myself watching the clock more then the movie... it was all I could do to sit through to the very predictable ending!

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The Andromeda Strain (2008)

1/10

Warning: Anti-Psychotics Required Before Viewing This Program

28 May 2008

If you are going to watch this version of the Andromeda Strain, i highly recommend you take a massive does of Benzodiazepine about 10 minutes before it starts... you're going to need it!

This movie is so bad it should be renamed the "Idiot Strain" or how about the "This Is the Best They Can Do? Strain" or better yet, "I Have To Find A Toilet And Take A Huge Strain!" It's bad folk!

The acting was second rate, the special effect were shoddy and the script (if you can call it that) was so melodramatic i half expected the cast of General Hospital to walk onto the set! I knew i was in trouble in the first two minutes when the satellite whizzed by the screen like a rocket ship and then two teenager decide to haul it into town... i know rednecks are stupid, but give me a break!

The acting is so bad you really do think you're watching a daytime soap. But what do you expect with a cast like Benjimen Bratt and Ricky Schroder... could that have scraped the bottom of barrel a little harder? The casting was so bad the only person missing was Wilford Brimley... maybe Andromeda would have cured his "Dia-beetus"

The script was so melodramatic it really did feel like i was watching a daytime soap. They should have cast Luke & Larra in the lead, at least that would have been entertaining!

I have to confess, i couldn't muster up enough patients to sit through the second half of this so called movie. I know that's not fair, but they already took two hours of my life and i was sincerely concerned for my own sanity if i had to sit through another two hours of this stink-fest!

I'm telling folks, If you're going to watch this piece of crap - take some drugs or get pass-out drunk first!

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War, Inc. (2008)

1/10

Dan Aykroyd pooping... need i say more?!?!?

26 May 2008

War, Inc. is a loosely made follow up movie to Gross Point Bank; however it differs from Gross Point in one very big way. it totally SUCKS!!! The leading acting in this movie is spot on perfect. Cusack is in top form, Tomei hasn't been more charming, and it's always a pleasure to see Joan Cusack on the screen.

However the other lead in this movie is Ben Kingsley. He's one of the best actors on the face of planet and he turns in his worst performance ever!!! He plays a "Texas" accent that is forced and stupid. It's actually painful to watch him on screen and I think I cringed during most of his scenes.

His performance alone is almost a good enough reason to skip this movie, but oddly he's not the worst thing in this film.

Unfortunately, this movie is like watching a speeding train full of toxic radiation run off the tracks, roll down a ravine and explode into a green mushroom cloud of poisonous gas that rolls up and chokes the funny right out of you There is one bizarre unrelated scene after another that really don't relate to the movie at all, and they only seem to be there for "comedy" relief but none of them are funny! In fact, a lot of scene's are uncomfortable and offensive, i.e. the Marine that deliver the dry cleaning or the first time we see Dan Aykroyd, relieving his bowels on the pot YUCK!!!! Also, the plot is just about as over wrought and preposterous as it gets. frankly, the writers of this script should have their fingers broken and be forced to write their next scripts by blowing through a tube like Steven Hawkins. At least that might buy us a few years before we are assaulted with another one of their opuses again!

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Border Lost (2008)

2/10

Border Lost, and so am I

25 May 2008

I haven't seen anything this awful since a got cable! this movie blows!! It looks like it was filmed with a hand held camcorder for about $50. The acting is just dreadful and the directing is a complete mess! I have to be honest, this movie is so bad it's almost a comedy!!!!!!!! I actually found myself laughing so hard i almost lost a lung! It's spoken in Spanish, but they hard-coded the subtitles onto the film. Whoever did the subtitles must have dropped acid before sitting down at the computer.

The subtitles move and jump all over the screen... there is a scene in the opening sequence, when you see the subtitles in a million different shapes and sizes! We even get treated to seeing a subtitle float out of a characters mouth! It was actually pretty funny. Maybe this is a comedy, because i'm LMAO just thinking about it!

come to think of it, this movie is actually pretty f'n hysterical. It certainly has more laughs then "What Happens In Vegas", therefore i'm giving it a whopping 2 stars for bringing me to tears of joy... literally!

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The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian (2008)

2/10

Great for children under 5

25 May 2008

I never read the Narnia books, but after seeing the second Narnia movie this weekend, I don't think i will ever see another Narnia movie again.

I was not a big fan of the first movie, the elf creature was creepy and the talking beavers just put me right off (beavers meant to be seen, not heard), but after suffering through Caspian this weekend, i now feel the first movie is a masterpiece!

Caspian starts out interestingly enough. After the children arrive back in Narnia, there are a few scenes that invoke wonderment and awe as we see the current state of things in Narnia. However the the wonderment wheres off quickly as the movie plods along and the story unfolds.

I won't spoil the story (or lack of one), but i will say that the plot is unoriginal and uninspiring. The acting ranges from campy over acting (such as the taking mouse/rat) to statedly incompetent (as in all four of the children).

Towards the end the movie actually goes a little haywire and the plot twist is ridiculous at best... As a matter of fact, if someone had just taken a ride into the woods, this movie could have been ended in the first 15 minutes.

The FX aren't that special. The dialog is lame, the plot is stupid and the acting is brutal!!! This is one Caspian that should be suck to the bottom of the sea... wink:)

PS/ did i mention that Prince Caspian has some kind of flirtatious relationship with Susan... the fat, bitchy sister! talk about a boner killer! She goes through the entire movie looking uncomfortable and constipated... come to think of it, i never did see any indoor plumbing in Narnia! Does a bear crap in the woods? well it does if Susan's in town!

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Iron Man (2008)

10/10

Perfect Summer Fun

25 May 2008

I love this movie! it's fun. it's intelligent. it's suspenseful. it's intriguing. it's sharply acted. it's clever. it has good FX. it kept my interest. i like this movie... it's fun. it is good... it is fun... it is good... it is funny... it is cool...I love this movie! it's fun. it's intelligent. it's suspenseful. it's intriguing. it's sharply acted. it's clever. it has good FX. it kept my interest. i like this movie... it's fun. it is good... it is fun... it is good... it is funny... it is cool...love this movie! it's fun. it's intelligent. it's suspenseful. it's intriguing. it's sharply acted. it's clever. it has good FX. it kept my interest. i like this movie... it's fun. it is good... it is fun... it is good... it is funny... it is cool...I love this movie! it's fun. it's intelligent. it's suspenseful. it's intriguing. it's sharply acted. it's clever. it has good FX. it kept my interest. i like this movie... it's fun. it is good... it is fun... it is good... it is funny... it is cool...

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The Oxford Murders (2008)

2/10

Unwittingly Unwity!!!!

25 May 2008

Warning: Spoilers

This film tries so hard to be clever and witty that it has unwittingly outwitted itself into witlessness. Everybody talks like they're the wittiest person on earth. There is so much wit going around that the characters begin to drown in it!!! unfortunately, with all this focus on clever dialog we end up getting no realist character interactions throughout the entire film, i.e. there is a scene when Elijah meets his roommate for the first time. The roommate is sitting at his desk studying while Elijah heatedly packs his bags, after a minute of packing his bags, the roommate looks up and says "you must be Martin?" and then he goes on with some more lame one-line "witty" remarks about Elijah bag-packing WTF? He didn't notice "Martin" enter the room two minutes earlier??? Wouldn't they have spoken too each other when they first met and not two minutes later! It was creepy and felt like another excuse for the director to show us (the audience) just how clever he was for setting up more "witty" banter.

The entire movie is like this! No one actually talk to each other throughout the entire movie. All the characters talk "at" each other, like a bunch of strangers in a coffee shop. It's weird and a bit uncomfortable. More importantly, it's completely UNBELIEVABLE!!! Other then that, it's just a fair murder mystery. Actually, it was a little boring and difficult to sit through! I was going to give it 5 stars for the beautiful cinematography, but the acting and directing deserve a big fat zero! Overall, I'll give it 2 stars for effort.

PS / I was sincerely looking forward to this movie if for no other reason then to see Elijah Woods back on the silver screen. What a disappointment! The biggest death in this movie, might be that of his career :(

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The Signal (2007)

1/10

Red Light Ahead!!!

25 May 2008

Warning: Spoilers

This is one of the longest, most drawn-out horror movies I've seen in a longlong long time.

Problem 1) The story is told through a series of flashback (i.e. Memento), only problem is that we are already up to speed on the characters and the flashbacks just become monotonous after the third or fourth or fifth time!!! Problem 2) Halfway through the film, the oh-so clever director tries to trick us into thinking we're watching a zombie movie, if for no other reason then to add an extra excuse to bring on the gore. It's NOT a zombie movie, that might have actually helped this pointless film. Problem 3). The entire movie hinges upon this mysterious "signal", but there is absolutely no explanation to what or why it is. The biggest and most annoying problem with this movie is that we never learn what the signal is! If you're going to have a movie, give it a point. I guess keeping us in the dark was supposed to be another clever plot twist be the film maker, and that sometime can be a good thing, but at least give us a hint. There really isn't enough plot or story line in this movie to justify keeping the audience in the dark as to the characters motivations

Without knowing the meaning behind the signal, this film becomes nothing more then an excuse for glorified violence on film.

This movie is as a total and annoying waste of time and money. It's just a big pile of art-school crap You've been warned!

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Meet the Browns (2008)

1/10

I want my 90 minutes back!

29 March 2008

i had this misfortune of being dragged to this movie by my aunt Flo... She thought it would cheer her up after losing her pet Pomeranian to a pack of wild coyotes.

This movie is about what you would expect from a light hearted romantic comedy, with one exception - it stars Tyler Perry!!! let's just cut to the chase, knowing that Tyler Perry was playing the part of "Medina" was disturbing to say the least. Apparently Tyler Perry enjoys dressing like and old woman and running around in support hose tossing out one-lines and acting like a fool... but for the rest of us, it's shear torture!!!! Tyler Perry as Medina is to comedy as a pack of coyotes is to a Pomeranian... i don't know what that means, but it's still funnier then this movie!

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The Mist (2007)

9/10

Classic King

29 March 2008

It gets a 9 for having one of the best endings I've seen in a block-buster in a long, long time. It's a classic Stephen King ending!!!

You really don't know how to except what's happening, you really don't know where this story is taking you, and you really don't see the ending coming. I was on the edge of my seat for most of the movie and was breathless for the last 10 minutes. It's a great movie all the way up to the end credits.

Acting is good/great, the musical score is stunning, the special effects are very effective and the suspense is nail biting! For what could have easily been a "B" rated movie, this movie gets an "A+"

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BettyChampagne

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