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Reviews
Sledge Hammer! (1986)
A shame it only lasted two seasons
I had never heard of this show until the DVD was released, and shortly thereafter a friend told me how much he loved this show when he was a kid. Based on his recommendation, I decided to give the DVD a whirl and boy, was it worth it! If you like humor in the style of "Airplane!" or "The Naked Gun", then this is without a doubt a show for you. Mocking "Dirty Harry" as well as 1970s cop shows, it doesn't go over the top with slapstick humor (in fact there's next to none), and the dialog is very clever. It's a worthwhile parody show that works because all the actors play it straight and the writing is particularly well-done (look for some episodes written by future "Simpsons" and "The Critic" writers Al Jean & Mike Reiss). David Rasche's performance as Detective Sledge Hammer is on the money. Looking a little bit like a deranged Clint Eastwood, he nails the part with expert comic timing as well as dramatic sensibility. Throw in great supporting performances from Harrison Page and Anne-Marie Martin and a top-notch theme by Danny Elfman, and you've got a hit on your hands. The four disc "Sledge Hammer!" Season One DVD is well worth the meager $25 asking price.
Lying Lips (1939)
Terrible acting make it unwatchable
Words cannot describe how horrendous the acting in this movie was. The methods of actors have, over the years, improved by leaps and bounds. Now I'm not one of those people who can't stand all actors form the first half of the century. Even I know that back in the 1930s and 40s there were people who understood the craft. However, Edna Mae Harris is not one of those people. She gives a performance so atrocious, it baffles me that she ever worked again. Not only her, but every other actor who appears on screen (with the exception of Robert Earl Jones) couldn't act themself out of a paper bag. In addition to the bad acting, the film is also marred by sloppy editing and poor direction. Considering the other cinematic achievements of Oscar Micheaux, one would expect more from him. "Lying Lips" was easily one of the hardest movies I've ever had the misfortune of sitting through.
FINAL VERDICT: 1/10
Garfield: The Movie (2004)
Blatant Product Placement at its Worst
I've been a Garfield fan my entire life, so when I first heard of a Garfield movie, I swore I'd be first in line to buy a ticket. I never made it to theaters, but I managed to get my hands on a preview copy of the disc from 20th Century Fox. My first thought upon the start of the movie was that the CGI Garfield looked bad, but I was willing to get past it so long as all the characters came to life on the big screen. The only thing is...they don't. None of the characters act as they would in the classic comic strip. Jon's no longer a boring nerd who organizes his socks for fun on a Friday night. He's now just a regular Joe with no direction whatsoever. The once hilarious Liz the vet, who used to shoo of Jon's advances with deadpan humor, is now the one making advances on Jon...wha? At least Garfield showed some promise, that is, until he started dancing along with music videos and surfing down a banister on a food tray. Bill Murray's performance is only noteworthy half the time. Sometimes it's good, other times it's as if he's reading his lines off the back of his paycheck. On top of all this, we're treated to some of the most blatant product placement in the history of cinema: Wendy's, Pepridge Farm, Wal-Mart, Olive Garden, Kellogg's...and that's just in the first twenty minutes. I recommend this movie only for Garfield fans or children under the age of ten. If you do insist on a viewing, do what I did and pour yourself a beer before you watch it. And yeah, the kids might need one, too. In all seriousness, check out the "Garfield & Friends" DVDs. The animated characters on that program show far more life that any of the live actors in this mess.
Fool for Love (1985)
Nowhere near as good as the play
After reading Fool For Love in a Drama class of mine, I was looking forward to seeing how Sam Shepard's wonderful play would be translated to the screen. Much to my dismay, it was nowhere near as entertaining as the play. The film seemed to drag, the music was inappropriate for the tone of the movie, and all the raw energy of the play seemed to have been sucked out of this film version. It's a shame to see this come out this way even with Shepard's involvement, playing the role of Eddie. Do yourselves a favor...see the play next time it's being performed in your area or simply read the book instead.
The Itsy Bitsy Spider (1992)
Good for Jim Carrey fans
This was a funny little animated short that was on the beginning of the Bebe's Kids VHS. The exterminator character is simply perfect for Jim Carrey, as his quips are right up his alley. Check this out if you're a fan of Jim Carrey or if you're in the mood for a silly cartoon.
Feardotcom (2002)
90 minutes I will never get back.
Feardotcom was by far one of the most painful experiences I have ever gone through. I was constantly looking at my watch, sadly knowing the end wouldn't come soon enough. The only reason I didn't leave the theater was because I paid $8.50 and was hoping there would be a resolution...and just as everyone in the movie died by their greatest fear, my greatest fear came true as well: there was no resolution. Why these people were dying made NO SENSE AT ALL. It boggles my mind how such a poorly written film can get made. I pray to the highest power that screenwriter Josephine Coyle never works in Hollywood again. Her script is full of moronic characters and awful dialogue that makes soap operas seem like Hemingway.
The talents of everyone involved were wasted, especially Udo Kier, whose only line was, "Nooooo!" I was looking forward to this film because I enjoyed director William Malone's House on Haunted Hill. I think Malone was asleep behind the wheel during production on Feardotcom. The lighting was hideous, the pacing was sloppy and logic was nowhere to be found.
If the killer of this film were to treat me like his victims and torture me, all he'd have to do is strap me to a table and force me to watch Feardotcom.