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6/10
Dinosaur Eye Candy and not much else.
16 June 2015
Warning: Spoilers
I won't go into my love for Jurassic Park, my hatred of Jurassic Park 2 or my brainless enjoyment of Jurassic Park 3.

Basically Jurassic World gives us a lot of dinosaur fun but seems to forget what made the original so special- character.

The fact that I saw the movie last night and the only "character" name I remember is "Blue" is very telling. Basically, you have "The Chick", "The Dude", "The Creepy Older Kid" and "The Creepy Younger Kid" as characters in the film.

The Dude and The Chick are the classic cliché of a couple that hates each other to start and ends up liking each other at the end. No surprises, and not a whole lot of interesting development there although there is still more romance in the relationship between the two than in the whole of the Twilight series.

As for the kids- man I don't know what the director was thinking with the older kid and all the creepy brooding and starting he was doing. We fail to understand why this teenager A) has a cute blond girlfriend who apparently loves him to begin with and B)if he was so sad about leaving her, why was he creeping on EVERY teenage girl that came into his eye-line? There are no character developing moments, no character at all really to be determined from the two kids, and we don't really care about them other than the fact that they do stupid things that move the "plot" along. The younger kid is apparently "special"? I don't know if it is a savant-type thing or what and it's never explained. He cries once speculating that their parents- who we don't care about- are getting divorced. The older kid has one speech on brotherly love that doesn't really make sense and by that point we could care less about either of them. Lex and Tim they are NOT.

The funniest moments in the movie are the simply honest ones: once where Control Room Geek #1 goes to kiss Control Room Geek #2 and she tells him she has a boyfriend and that she didn't talk about him because, you know, WORK.

The second honest moment comes at the end with a moment of mutual "ok, I'm too tired to get into a pissing contest with you so... peace?" between T-Rex and our favorite Raptor, Blue. Respect yo.

Gomer Pyle plays the evil "lets weaponize these animals, nothing could go wrong!" guy with about as much energy as old Vinnie looks like he can muster these days with that serious spare tire around his waist.

No, the most developed relationship in the movie is between The Dude (and I just looked it up, Pratt's character's name is Owen evidently) and the four raptors: Charlie, Echo, Delta and Blue. It's not chummy as the raptors would just as soon eat Owen as look at him, but it's a relationship built out of respect. Kind of like a trainer and a tiger I suppose. He never once forgets or does not respect how dangerous these creatures are.

So yeah, things go to pot and dinosaurs eat people, yada yada yada. Next time, find a director that can actually make his characters a little more fleshed out and these movies can always be a fun ride.
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6/10
Flawed Film with interesting concepts.
10 February 2015
The biggest failure of Jupiter Ascending is in the choice of leads and the poor job done of exposition. Too much of the exposition in the movie is done via mumbling or overly breathy dialogue that forces the viewer to strain to try and understand what is being said.

Mila Kunis and Channing Tatum were simply out of their depth in this one. Mila's character Jupiter never REALLY fits into the movie one way or another and while I like Mila, her acting talents are more suited to comedy or supporting roles. Tatum seemed to have a really difficult time making his character into something that was cohesive and he just came off as flat and uninspired.

All that said, I applaud the Wachowski's for continuing to try and bring new sci-fi to the big screen. While the underlying themes of the film are not new, the film itself had the fresh and unique feel of something that might have been inspired by Dune or The 5th Element- two other films that attempted to break the mold for sci-fi and have ultimately found a lasting audience despite somewhat lacklustre box office performance.

The special effects are phenomenal in the film and the concept of Tatum's character's boots was really unique and incredibly well executed in the film.

Check it out if you like sci-fi but don't expect to fall in love with the characters.
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Reign in Darkness (2002 Video)
1/10
Pretty bad.
6 March 2003
Warning: Spoilers
I don't know if it was the hand-held video feel to the movie or it's pointless droning on, but this was horrible.

******************SPOILERS*********************(If you care.)**********

Watch out people because as we speak, the K-17 virus may actually exist...

this is the knowledge they start you off with so you'll feel like the plot could be possible... riiiight. What's with the Aussies and the synthesizers? This film was made in 2002 and yet it contains an almost porno soundtrack. I think they actually spent the whole budget on the title sequence, where everybody's credit came before the title. Too many thoughts to organize them properly, but here goes: humans have developed an immunity to vampire bites so they can't reproduce, in fact just breathing our air may kill them, which is why the few remaining vampires have a 4-stage air filtration system in their lair. Scary. These vampires also don't want their food source (humans, apparently they never thought of raising pigs, or cows) dying off from aids. So they get Michael Dorn, don't forget the name because they say it like 5000 times during the movie, to create a vaccine to cure HIV, but it also turns the subject into a vampire?? It makes just as much sense as an airline pilot being afraid of heights. Throw in an unresolved sub-plot featuring a renegade vampire killing humans, a guy trying to be a crazy Texan, an unresolved issue with Michael Dorn's sword(?), his dead wife, his amazing tactile skills, (apparently he can come up with an idea and then just make it)some badly casted parts, a 5 minute speech to cure insomnia and you've got yourself a blockbuster... in Melbourne, Australia.
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Best line ever.
11 February 2003
If you enjoy B-movies, this is one for you, plenty of nudity, a Tom Cruise look-a-like and even more stock shark footage. If that's not enough, the lead lady was actually in the first Shark Attack movie as a different character. This one makes me want to see the other two with my friends and laugh until I get sick. You really can appreciate a movie like this if you were an avid MST3K watcher. Oh yeah, contains the CORNIEST LINE EVER! You will not miss it, trust me.
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