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Wrobiony (2016)
No plot, no action, no logic, Terrible!
Many Polish actions movies are really good. I decided ti give it a try,,, and that was a mistake. With all due respect there is nothing interesting in this movie. The idea of the plot seem interesting at the beginning but the further the action progress the worst it became. The worst is lack of any logic in the developments as well as totally random events that very often has nothing to do with what comes next (or at best very little). The entire movie looks like a collage of separately shot scenes that were somehowe glued together in postproduction. Also the actors are medicover at best. Sometimes you have the impression that they were forced to play or that hey were not paid enough. In general the movie is terrible so it should be avoided.
Star Wars: Episode VII - The Force Awakens (2015)
The Force...perverted
SPOILERS!SPOILERS!SPOILERS!SPOILERS!
At the beginning a quick resume for those who does not want to read the whole list of complaints. Definitely THE WORST of all Star Wars saga movies. I would prefer to watch full length Star Wars Clone Wars or even Star Wars Rebels instead of this. By this single movie Disney destroyed all the epic atmosphere that stand behind Star Wars.
Going down to detail let me start from the high calibre guns. Even in worst of previous Star Wars movies (The Phantom Menace) you can almost feel the force. It presents itself in dialogues, style of fight and all other small elements associated either with Jedi or Sith. In this movie THE FORCE, the most important element of all Star Wars movies, is treated like a boost to natural skills that you can activate but very often charges of that boost is depleted. First scene of SWTFA is very promising. Kylo Ren, new superhero of dark side, is stopping the blaster shoot. I can't remember anyone else to be able to do it. Even more. Distracted by interrogation of captive he is still able to maintain that blast within his power. However a few minutes later he is defeated in mind duel by Ray, a new bright side hero. The problem is Rey is still not very aware of his powers. I could understand Kylo is not able to penetrate Ray's memories but the outcome of that scene is more than obvious - he was defeated. Another completely not understandable situation is when Kylo is revealing his true face. Maybe Adam Driver (actor playing Kylo) is so hungry the fame but that single moment destroyed the mystery Lucas was able to maintain throughout 3 episodes. The worst however came later. Even Darth Vader was not (at least at the beginning) so powerful he could dictate its will to all commanders of the Empire forces. On the other hand even Emperor felt awe. In case of Kylo his boss is treating him like a one of stromtrooper when confronted by general Hux. The climax of this reducing the importance of the Force is presented when Ray and Finn are fighting Kylo. First of all that fight is very chaotic and there is no dark force in how Kylo is fighting. There is also no mysticism in that fight. Compare it to famous duel of fates (Obi and Qui-gon against Darth Maul). Sorry, bad idea it is utterly incomparable. Kylo is beaten by simple storm trooper. It does not matter finally he almost kills Finn. For me it is unimaginable that apprentice of the most powerful dark side lord in the universe is not able to handle a single stromtrooper.
But there are also other less important elements of the movie that makes is...tragic. Lack of Force associated with Kylo or should I say very erratic use of it is not the only problem of Kylo Ren. His behaviour is also pathetic. I can understand dark force warriors are driven by passion more than Jedi and passion which means hate is what gives them strength. However the attacks of anger in case of Kylo are super pathetic. He behaves like a kid in kindergarten whose toy was taken away. How does it comply with force control.
And finally the person chosen to play Kylo. No words can describe how hopeless the choice was. He could play some role in Harry Potter but not Star Wars.
The above are the most important weaknesses of SWTFA but it is not all. There are more bigger or smaller glitches that makes SWTFA very, very weak movie.
The Hunger Games: Mockingjay - Part 2 (2015)
Below 0
I can understand movie was based upon book but even from very poor book one can make decent movie. It was not a case here. Two hours of watching no action, no logic, no anything movie is pretty grim experience. Great war in abandon city, rebellion hundred fold more powerful than hated empire (Panam). Role play close to pathetic. I am sorry but even the worst of stupid Marvel productions is much better than that. First part of Hunger Games series was watchable. Not outstanding and entertaining but quite fine. What follows first part start to decay until the apogee of hopelessness. An the biggest problem with that movie is the lack of idea among those who made that what to do to make it interesting.
Alien Origin (2012)
Eeeee...
Tratatata, bum bum. Move, move! Hide! Tratatata bum bum. Move, move. Stay low! Tratatata bum bum...well I could do it endlessly but it is not a point. That was THE WORST movie I have ever seen. THE WORST. I think - with the exception of some footage from helicopter - I could do similar movie with my friends somewhere in forests near my place of living. Maybe with stick instead of guns, bunkers instead of cave but at least my movie would have some fun twist.
There is nothing funny in watching movie that in fact is showing big boys playing "child-war-game". It supposed to be semi-documentary movie but it failed to be such. Neither it was SyFy nor horror...wait it was horror to watch it.
In nutshell if you want to see a movie about nothing, with no mystery, no fun, no special effects (apart of few smoke grenades), no story, no acting, no anything - that is a movie you have to see.
The Avengers (2012)
Is it all Holly(Łódź) can deliver?
Honestly I don't understand how such crappy movie could get so high notes. The only thing that is coming to my mind is that a bunch of people hired by producers has written dozen of opinions and made thousands of votes via different accounts.
There is nothing in this movie that can be described as funny, entertaining or eye-catching. Story line is so miserable, one can easily say there is no story line whatsoever. It is just a series of predictable, naive events without any kind of surprise or suspense.
Acting is typical for American movies - childishly bombastic. Pathetic dialogs and mimicry is so disgusting I wanted to leave cinema in the mid of the show...no show is not a good description of what I have seen.
I hoped at least for special effects but my disappointment reached the ground. Cartoon-type actions of Hulk (in fact there were no point of gathering all the heroes as Hulk himself could easily defeat entire invading armada) was the last coffin nail.
To summarize Avengers was one of the worst movies I have ever seen. It does not happen often but I wanted that movie to end before it takes a spin (what spin?!).
Drive Angry (2011)
Cage needs money - desperately
Well, there is not much to say about this crap. Not the worst of the worst but definitely not worth to waste and hour with a change. I did not have high expectations but what I have seen thrilled me to the bones. Obviously Cage is in big need for money...
No real story, bad acting, even worse effects, cliché dialogs - perfect recipe for Z-class movie. Cage has never been one of THE actors but I can't imagine anything worse than this. To be honest it is difficult to criticize anything as everything is below the lowest level of acceptance. You can't complain about about something that is no existent and Drive Angry has nothing worth of mention...sorry, there is one thing - nice muscle cars. Unfortunately I am not a funboy of American cars so...we shall remain silent on that coffin.
Control Alt Delete (2008)
Disaster...
I did not have hopes to see something really good and entertaining but at lest I expected to spend two hours in relaxed atmosphere. Unfortunately it did not happen. There is really nothing I can say about this movie because first of all I do not have a clue what was it about. Sexual problems? Y2K threat? I do not know. You could watch that movie in scene random order and it would not make a difference. You could switch actors - no difference. You could watch it without sound - also no difference. It is like tasteless chewing gum at 10th hour of chewing. I can't say it is the worst movie I have ever seen because I watch it from the beginning to the end. Why? Well I do not know but sometimes when you chew a gum long enough you continues to do it just because you used to and switch of the brain. Control Alt Delete is like that it makes your brain to switch off because of its (movie) lack of any taste any sense and any value.
Valhalla Rising (2009)
Mixed feelings
It is quite difficult to write a review or opinion about this particular movie. It was not entertaining and it was not "deep" in terms of emotional layers, hidden messages and alike. Apart of few pretty landscapes there is nothing memorable abut Valhalla Rising.
I have however strong feeling that director wanted to give us something more than just bloodshed - which by the way is rather miserable - but at the end of the day he twisted himself into willing to tell something but do it indirectly. The result is movie that has no action and no plot or rather plot that is too entangled to be spotted.
The only bright star is Mads. But even he can't win the game alone. I gave 3 stars only because I feel somewhere in the back that...or maybe I am too looking for something that has never existed. The only undoubted fact is that I have been watching this movie be pressing very often "forward" key.
Avatar (2009)
Some interesting observation
A lot of words has been written so far in relation to Avatar so it makes no sense to write the same again. I fully agree with people who claims that this particular movie lacks innovative plot, subtle script an so on. But who cares?! The sole purpose of this movie was to introduce REALLY stunning visual effects and the purpose has been achieved in 200%. Leaving the cinema I felt like 30 years before when I saw Star Wars for the first time. And I don't care if others claim Avatar is shallow in terms of intrigue.
I made however quite interesting observation. I have scanned through opinions of people who rated Avatar 0 of 10. More then 30% of "worst" opinions has been written by people who did it for the first time. Another 30-40% has been written by those who previously have written maybe 3 or 4 opinions. It was also quite interesting to see what kind of movies they referred to. I have found maybe 2 or 3 persons whose attitude was quite "stable". They had also write quite negative opinions for other SciFi movies - well I can understand that. They do not like this kind of art. I have found however one person who knocked me down. He has given Avatar a 0 score and at the same time rated Transformers at 7 or 8. With all due respect Transformers are in every aspect inferior to Avatar. Special effects - fine but Avatar is a class for itself. Screenplay - give me a break. Transfomers are so childish, infantile I couldn't bear some parts of it. And finally actors. Avatar is not outstanding if acting is concerned but at least there are no superheroes like MacGyver able to defeat a huge army of adversaries with a lighter or swiss knife.
Stargate Universe (2009)
SG.U(C) - Stargate Ultimate Crap
So we have reached episode number 17 and apart of very short period between 11th and 12th episode, SG.U is diving deeper and deeper into oblivion.
I think it is quite obvious I DO NOT like SG.U. I don't even have to compare SG.U to SG-1 or SG.A. This movie is weak, boring and hardly resembles generic SciFi. It defies any classification - it's a crime, it's a soap opera, it even gave us some amateur psycho experience but it is NOT what we expect it to be - SciFi energetic movie. The creators of SG.U has wasted so many occasions to move forward that I have doubts anyone is really holding the grip about the plot of this movie.
Definitely THE WORST things about this movie is lack of ANY perspective what we can expect from future episodes. From episode 4th or 5th SG.U looks like a puzzle where no pieces stick together. There is no continuation of anything. We could watch it in reverse or random order and the overall impression would remain the same.
I do not want to talk much about actors. Some of them are acceptable some not. But contrary to all I have written so far and I am going to write acting is the best part of SG.U, even if below average. That's very sad that we have to enjoy and complement things that's are average just because there is nothing else to admire.
And finally something that makes me believe that authors of this movie did not do their homework at all and give us a crap with hope that the brand name it is played under will compensate all weaknesses, flaws and so on. Things I am talking about is a lack of even basic logic standing behind the movie. We all know Ancients were a supreme race of...living creatures...and their technology was superb to anything else. I can't figure out how could they build the ship that from one perspective is an extraordinary piece of technology but lacks some basic functionalities that are common even for us, human beings. On one hand the ship is capable to replenish energy - if necessary - by plunging into the star but on the other hand it cannot repair some basic damages like air leaks. Ancients were creators of replicators and replicators have reached such advanced level of complexity they even resemble their creators. How it's possible Ancients didn't came to an idea they could use replicators in its basic form to provide ship with self-repairing means. We could see that Destiny is so wise it could detect lack of things necessary to survive like fresh water or air cleaning ingredients but at the same time it does not have a means to collect in an automated way those key materials form planets. Even NASA is able to collect rocks and other stuff and make analysis of that without involving human presence. Some of you may think that matters I am writing about are of minor importance. I disagree. If such flaws would have been removed we were not be tortured by at least five or six of episodes when the sole purpose was to do things that could have been done by Destiny.
Someone has written an opinion that all negative posts are written by a group of heavy SG-1 and SG.A fans who can't see the goodness of new SG. By all means it's true but I am surprised he did not mentioned SG.U supposed to be "a better" and "more adventurous" version of previous SG series. Therefore I would kindly ask all those persons who have any influence with respect to further development of SG.U:
"Please do not pour this white powder into the tea you are drinking because for sure it is not sugar".
---------- Season II Update ---------- I do not know how it happened but I did start to watch second season of SG.U. And again old hopes confronted with movie reality failed and fell into oblivion. First tree episodes were acceptable or even good if compared to first season but the last one - Pathogen - joined the misery of first season. In my opinion the biggest problem of that particular movie is the absence of any idea what is going on. Either the makers does not believe it survive more than 2 - 3 seasons and do not care or are unable to develop any intriguing idea. In short "nihil novi sub sole". Misery continues...
Gran Torino (2008)
A masterpiece!
I have not seen such o good...perfect movie for a long, long time. On a very rare occasions one can see a masterpiece worth to spend two hours just to see its end. A final shot, last 5 minutes, last scene. This is such a movie. Simple in its visuals, not overloaded with effects, lacking great words and fine speeches. So what is left? The climax of the end. For this I would sacrify another two hours and maybe entire night. It is like watching last few seconds of NBA final with Jordan.
As someone said Eastwood presents a mature art of directing a movie and playing main character. I would say it is even more. He has reached Mt. Everest and still climbing higher.
Happy Feet (2006)
Boring, boring, boooooooring ...
I would probably never seen this movie but kids have its rights. I have read some opinions before and hoped it will not be a waste of time. Unfortunately it was. It is one of very few movies I would like to forget. The story itself is quite boring and monotonous. Dialogues without a twist. Visual...well, snow, snow, snow and once again snow. For almost 80% of the movie nobody knows what is going on and where it should go. The conclusion is super artificial and being honest ruins completely the movie. The only positive thing about Happy Feet is that my kid did like it, not very much but ... In comparison to Shrek, Ice Age it is a complete disaster.
Karol, un uomo diventato Papa (2005)
The Greatest Man of All Times
The movie is absolutely great!!! It contains some weaknesses like quite cheap special effects (attacks of German fighters, explosions,...) but these are not things that made this movie important and great. Some will say it is catholic propaganda but what else can say people that has nothing interesting to say. There are a lot of good and very good movies showing brave people who fought against evil with guns, words or irreconcilable attitude. This one is first I have ever seen where a man is fighting back by humble acceptance of everything what life had given to him. You need to be a Pole to understand life under communist governance and the importance of church and people like Wojtyla.
Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith (2005)
Almost perfect
The Revenge of the Sith was one of most expected movie over last 2 years and I have to admit I am not disappointed. I don't think it makes sense to discuss the visual effects as this part of all episodes is outstanding. What makes me feel again like 30 years ago is the climate of the movie. Once again I could feel "electrocity" when watching intrigue made by senator Palpatine and once again I could sense something intangible...THE FORCE. It is a pity that the spirit of THE FORCE was lost in Episode I when Quin-Gon discovered large amount of midichlo(something) in blood of young Anakin. Before then I was pretty sure that THE FORCE is something one has to feel and no blood or urine test are necessary to make sure that someone has it or not.
The only one thing I did not liked in ROTS is the final duel between Kenobi and Skywalker on the volcano planet. It looks to me very artificial when they were flying over melted rocks without any harm and few minutes later Anakin almost burn to death being further from the lava then when they fighting. But that's why I said "Almost perfect" in a title. Regardless of this small spoiler a grade of 10 is the only possible choice.
Troy (2004)
Great budget, great production...even greater failure
Some can say this is action movie so the historical background can be treated with certain degree of freedom - and it's true. But for Troy almost every aspect of history (or myth) was neglected. It's screenplay stands in opposition even to logic. But let's start from the beginning.
I can understand that the director could not afford to show 10 years siege but there are ways to shorten the historical time. 16 days (or maybe 17, i did not count) instead of 10 years is for me going to far.
I also cannot understand how the Greeks wanted to breach the walls of Troy without any single catapult or ballast - swords, javelins and arrows are a little bit ineffective against walls. Well, maybe they were counting that the siege will take long enough to discover powder or even guns.
There are also some quite, I would say, even stupid moments. The first one takes place when Hector is leading counterattack after first battle day. Greeks are surprised, Achilles is drinking and probably doing some nasty things but suddenly he appeared and led the attack. After a short fight Hector is killing mighty Achilles, when appeared not to be Achilles himself. I wonder how it is possible that 50 - 70 thousands men (both armies) stopped the battle within few seconds after fake Achilles died. But even more funny is to see that Hector, knowing that Greeks could be crushed, is saying to Odysseus "Come on guy, let's stop this fight and go for a drink or two."
Finally when Achilles killed Hector, being alone at the gates of Troy, no single soldier tried to stop the man who is going to desecrate the body of great Hector, no single arrow was shut, nothing happened.
To summarize the Troy was one of my biggest disappointment this year.
Avalon (2001)
Bad, boring, beeee
To bo honest I did not manage to go through entire movie but first half an hour was such a struggle. I can't find anything good about that movie to say. If it is gonna be a computer game I would noy play that. If it is gonna be a movie it is too artificial. Poor shooting, poor sound and deplorable, artificial and schematic dialogs. No less no more - waste of time and general stagnation.
Ghosts of Mars (2001)
... no comments
Before I rent this movie I have read a number of comments. I knew it was not the "best of the best of the best" of Carpenter's movies. What I saw however was what I did not expected even in my worst dreams. Almost everything about "Ghosts of Mars" is wrong. The music - well I do not like it but if you turn the volume low you can survive. The idea - what the hell is this all about. When the crew unsealed the door the ghosts were fast like a hell. When they are fighting them they are slower than a turtle. I do believe that the fire needs oxygen to burn. If the atmosphere of Mars is low in oxygen so how the hell there is more fire than in Rambo II. And finally the actors and actresses. Every single persons seems to more tough than Arnie itself. The dialogs are so artificial that after 20 minutes of watching this crap I tempted to switch it off. Definitely it is _not_ John Carpenter. Maybe he was ill, had long hangover or the movie was made by his half-brain brother (if he has one). For me it was very traumatic experience.