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shawnsaunders-68923
Reviews
Cade: The Tortured Crossing (2023)
What am I missing?
I guess the CGI is good. But the script and acting was horrible. I guess that is why the theater was laughing? I saw zero humor in this waste of digital dust and fell asleep in the movie. And was subsequently kicked out because the theater is a bar and you apparently cannot sleep in a bar.
I'm any event, the movie was a waste of time. I would say money, but I have a movie pass and it cost nothing. The people giving this tragedy of a film accolades are most certainly not within the sweet spot of people who enjoy movies. More so like to toot a horn full of, well, I won't say....
I need to submit 16 more characters.....
Beau Is Afraid (2023)
GOD- PLEASE GIVE ME BACK MY 3 HOURS TO DO SOME GOID IN THIS WORLD
I WILL NEVER GET BACK THOSE 3 HOURS OF MY LIFE:
There are spoiler alerts that follow, however, it would be a compliment to this disaster of a movie to afford it a spoiler....
The only core plot I could get out of this movie was a somewhat stolen valor from Psycho as it pertains to the mother-son relationship. The living arrangements of Beau made absolute no sense, considering at the end of the movie tried to tell a tale of a mother loving her son and doing anything for him (yes, she is a narcissistic woman who had it all wrong). Why would such a high wealth individual let her son live in squalor? Also the outside setting was too overdone and unrealistic.
Then the plight of Beau to get to his mother was over creative to the point of stupid. If I had not ordered fish and chips, I would have left after the family kidnapping scenes. Once I finished my meal, I was already over two hours in and just had to see how this horrible excuse for entertainment ended. And it did not disappoint. While the scene where he finally bedded his childhood sweetheart was funny, it was unbelievable in the sense of just how does this woman show up at the funeral late just in time for Beau to finally get lose his virginity (and not die). Just horrible writing. Some better writing would have been to remove some of the very very long scenes that could've been cut by 75% to explain how this woman stayed in the ecosystem of Beau for so long to actually end up at his mothers funeral. The childhood love scenes of Beau and Elaine were actually a rare highlight.
And then comes the scene in the attic, where some monster which did not really fit the movie appears, and apparently his father is locked up there. Was it the mental genius of the writer to make us connect the monster with the mother? Oh, how creative! And the mentally disturbed veteran assassin somehow (after clearly being shot by his own weapon multiple times in the shoulder) bursts through the window and shoots the monster and gets his head impaled by its appendage. This was so stupid to be laughable out loud in the movie. Horrible.
And the ending absolutely did not disappoint. Somehow Beau gets in a boat and ends up in a Colosseum like surrounding being judged by his mother, while a bunch of people watch, and in the end the boat he is sitting in explodes. Cut the credits. I wanted to throw up at this point.
The only reason I went to see this movie is that I was three minutes late to the movie I wanted to go see, and I have a season pass at the Alamo Drafthouse. So it was essentially free. I was already at the theater and had the time to waste. And waste it I did.
This movie is not even good enough for free at the theater. Don't waste your time and more importantly your money.