Reviews

The first one was ok, although it was blatantly obviously Star Wars remade ... There wasn't an original idea in the whole thing ... And it has some really bad colour grading choices ( probably to cover up the lack of reality and texture in the sets or effects ) ... But this !!! ... Slow motion farming ... Cliche after cliche after cliche, badly and stupidly presented ... Once again it was badly colour graded ... The slow motion was absolutely ridiculous ... I mean I can see Snyder pitching this with " I'm actually doing something unique here in actually doing my customary slo-mo shots slowed down a second time and having them have no relevence whatsoever to flow or plot line ... Seriously, start respecting your time and don't waste it on garbage, cos that is all this is.

Visually wonderful, fabulous feminist ( though I'd say humanist ) fairy tale ... I haven't read the book but the film is really well written ... The acting is spot on all round ... The people who think that this is just a sex film are obviously American ( why are those people so anti sex, but fine with violence ? ) the sex, of which there is not a huge amount, is never graphic and is often quite funny, there isn't anything erotic about it, its just an important part of the main characters development ... Its funny and thought prevoking which is a rare thing of beauty in these days of mediocrity in the arts in general ... Adventurous cinema for those with brains that haven't fully shut down and accepted mediocrity as the norm that is best for all of us ... They are SO SO WRONG.

Why bother to watch these dreadful Branagh Poirots' when the Peter Ustinov Poirots' are ten times better and more entertaining ... This at least had the potential of not being another unnecessary remake, but failed on all levels ... Its too short, there's no decent character development, there is no humour or horror ... Its looks decent enough but is full of nothing new or inventive ... The main interesting casting point leaves far too soon, with the only story thread that could have led it into new territory ... It just has nothing to recommend it and is limp and of little interest ... What could have been a great modern rendition of an old dark house movie ends up being a just another flaccid piece of Hollywood cluelessness ... Shame.

I have no idea who is giving this film such bad write-ups ... Obviously the critics aren't going to like it cos it ain't deep and it ain't self obsessed and arrogant ... But it is fun and feels like a breath of fresh air after the horrors of Barbie, which is the most over rated piece of brainless prole fodder to splatter our screens in years ... There is no bad acting, this ain't trying to be Shakespeare ... There's no complex plotting that misses the mark on explaining anything but one strand by the end of it ... The characters are all just ordinary people with ordinary peoples problems and getting on with life ... And there's UFOs of course ... And Bigfoot ... And it's fun, which is a rarity in film these days.

THE GOOD ... Its bright and colourful ... Rhea Pearlman shows genuine heart ... Helen Mirren is fine as the narrator ... THE BAD ... I didn't laugh once, this is a complete wet rag as a comedy, in fact it is not better than an epitome of mediocrity in all departments and it is embarrassingly over sentimental in places ... ... The music is dreadful, you can't tell one piece from another ... If this is what studio writers are thinking is creative these days , then the fact is they are wrong and at least as regards Hollywood, AI probably could do better and you should sack the lot of them ... You need to learn that if you write stuff to satisfy the cultures ALL around the world and not upset anyone in the slightest, then you write stuff that doesn't satisfy anyone ... This had immense possibilities, but instead turned out to be a geriatric Barbie who had lost her dentures.