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New Amsterdam (2018)
Going, Going, Gone.
I never drop a series mid-season, but after doing a 3-episode blitz in mid-season-3, I'm just done. There's a difference in discussing social topics, and having them cut off your head to ram them down your throat. It's SO over the top with appeasement politics that it has become essentially unwatchable. Adios.
Name That Tune (2021)
Utter and absolute shlock.
Honestly, I just don't get it. Jeopardy and Price is Right are two of the most popular and long running game shows of all time. What do they have in common? Simple approach, fast paced, NO MANUFACTURED DRAMA!
Why can't US game shows just K.I.S.S.? Awful pacing, phony hosts, live music that only bears a passing resemblance to the radio hits (mitigating the entire point of the show), absolutely HORRENDOUS audience-reaction prompting.
Just total trash.
John Wick: Chapter 3 - Parabellum (2019)
Huge miss. All toothless bite, no bark whatsoever.
Here's the script:
irrelevant talking
too-long fight scene
irrelevant talking
too-long fight scene
too-long fight scene
irrelevant talking
too-long fight scene
too-long fight scene
stupid conclusion.
Rarely have I seen such a movie that says absolutely nothing, but takes 2 hours to do it. Besides that, the death toll makes absolutely NO sense. Can't say more without adding a 'Spoiler' tag... but what an action-packed bore. Worst movie of its kind since Transformers.
Deep Blue Sea 3 (2020)
Great cinematography, but virtue signaling at its worst...
First half of the movie is all about climate impact. Which is fair, and I DON'T have an issue with. There are certain things (like sinking islands) that absolutely 100% cannot be debated. What irritated me about this one was the rampant sexism.
Relatively early on, the star (female) makes a show about not needing a man to take care of them, with one of the male leads saying that there's nothing wrong with a man protecting a woman. Yadda, yadda. Typical mindless drivel. On to the movie.
Injury - Female, assisted by Male /
Death - Male /
Death - Male /
Death - Male /
Injury - Male, assisted by Female lead /
Death - Male (while engaging in self-righteous indignation) /
Death - Male (while protecting a Female) /
Death - Female* /
Death - Male /
Death - Male (Heroic sacrifice) /
Death - Male
*Oh look, she was just hiding the whole time!
For a movie with a female lead, and that obnoxious speech about equality, and not needing a man, and all the setup for the lead to be the hero...... aaannnd no. Men make all the sacrifices. ALL the Females live. ALL the Males die. Sounds like modern equality to me, right?
Funhouse (2019)
Set your expectations appropriately, and you'll be content.
This is not an AAA title. It clearly isn't, and hasn't been marketed as such - so what's the point of complaining about it not being up to those standards. Take it for what it is - a poor-man's Saw or Hostel. It's not a great movie by any measure, and the action scenes are immersion-busting - but again, that's to be expected, and it has a solid enough premise. As others have said, this would have been a good Black Mirror episode.
Turn off the brain, and just enjoy it.
The Human Race (2013)
Sticks with you... In a good(?) way?
I watched this ~5 years ago when it first came out, and every now and then, I just get a flashback - particularly of the 'emotionally cruel' opening sequence, and I just had to give it a re-watch. I understand why others have hated this and 'didn't understand why' and call it a 'waste of time' - but IMO, they are so wrong. This is Game of Thrones in Death Race form. Nobody is safe. Everyone is capable of cruelty. Set up a hero, and they fall. Set up a villain, and they fall. They fall victim to the watchers. They fall victim to human cruelty. They fall victim to human fragility.
For those who say it's poorly acted..... Maybe - but that's not the point of the film.
For those who say it's poorly written... I disagree - nothing here gets stale or repetitive. Is it Homer's Odyssey? Of course not, and it doesn't try to be.
"Race or Die, Only One Lives" - This movie is EXACTLY what it claims to be, and full credit to the production team for that.
Hell's Kitchen Australia (2017)
How is it possible to screw up this badly?
What works for the REAL Hell's Kitchen is that they are REAL chefs, with a REAL prize - and massive career exposure in the appropriate industry.
Then you have this. NOT chefs, NOT able to keep their own prize (it goes to charity), and ultimately just a self-promotion tool...... of people we know little about, and care even less.
The fact that food is prepared in advance by sous chefs takes something laughably poor and makes it truly offensive. 700k people watched the first episode. I expect that to drop by 90% by week 3, unless they re-market it as a comedy, in which case the numbers might only drop by 80%.
Hope Lost (2015)
Somewhere in the Middle for me
With one overwhelmingly positive and overwhelmingly negative review on the books, I will take the middle ground on this polarizing film - much like the * ratings so far, there is very little consistency. As the 1-Star reviewer indicated, there is very little positive in this movie. Where I disagree with them is that the world isn't all sunshine and lollipops - therefore why should our cinema? Hostel and Saw are in no way pleasant movies, yet are highly regarded in their genre.
While calling this "entertainment" is an extremely debatable and subjective, the fact is that the movie accomplishes what it sets out to achieve. I don't know the reality of what's in here - which makes me quite happy (sometimes ignorance is indeed bliss) - but it's portrayed in an extremely viable way, with acting that is quite strong, and actually far above expectations given the B-list lineup. And in all fairness, there are many things this movie could have done to push the torture-porn boundary, but it is really quite scaled back with more effort paid to character and motivation.
While certainly not a masterpiece in any sense of the word, but if you're a fan of the genre, it is a quality addition to the group. If you're not, then simply avoid.
Interstellar (2014)
Not Really a Review - A Text I Sent to My Ex!
There are tons of reviews out there. All saying the same thing depending on your point of view: Epic (good) or Long (bad) Visionary (good) or Nonsensical (bad) Kubrick-like (good) or Kubrick-LITE (bad) etc, etc, etc.
So instead of a review, here's what I wrote my ex: "Have you watched Interstallar? If you haven't, DON'T! 3 hours of some of the most tedious and dreadful bore. Put it this way... I was doing taxes at the same time, and a) felt no need to pause the movie at any point, and b) taxes were legitimately more interesting.
"It has an amazing IMDb score, but clearly people just want to feel smart with themselves. If you read the 1* reviews, those are the ones that cut thru the nonsense and just say how it is. Avoid at all costs."
So there's my review...
CSI: Cyber (2015)
Everyone else says Awful. I agree. Here's the worst part.
Gotta love how they bought themselves 30 minutes by agreeing to re-open the auction site in the middle of the day in Baltimore, then set up with a SWAT squad in Jersey, late at night... Plus the bad guys were all just sitting in a warehouse playing cards instead of, you know, using the tech? So what exactly was the point of that 30 minute window Arquette was so proud of? There are shows that are bad because of concept or budget... This was just bad because there was clearly no interest in making it good. Reminded me a LOT of NCIS: LA. Over the top, silly, and trying absurdly hard to be cool (therefore failing miserably, because it's impossible to TRY to be cool).
GMO OMG (2013)
If you don't understand it, don't complain about it.
** Being a documentary, I don't think "spoilers" really apply, this is really just talking about the first few "chapters". ** The first issue brought up is regarding Monsanto seeds, which is a very legitimate complaint - but it's a complaint about the wrong thing. The business around Monsanto seeds is that they are sterile; meaning you have to re-purchase a crop on an annual basis. There is no discussion about whether this seed is superior or inferior, just that it's "bad", "expensive" and "traps farmers".
Then they go into a grocery store, and get outraged that some of the pre-packaged foods are *possibly* sourced from GMO ingredients. I turned this awful piece of trash off soon after this - the fatal blow to my sanity was when; while talking to another parent about whether she is concerned about GMOs; her two <5 year-old kids were both grabbing for a piece of icing-topped cake, and the author says "it's making them violent"...? The reality is that humans have been modifying food for as long as agriculture has existed. For example, wheat is not a naturally occurring plant - it's a grass with microscopic seeds. Thru selective breeding, humans have turned this inedible plant into a global food staple. GMO is what is successfully feeding the world.
*** Look at the other reviews on this page. The three 10-Star reviews were written by people with ONE review in their library. The two that gave it 1-Star have many diverse reviews in their logs. Who do you believe is giving you an honest answer?
Joy Ride 3: Road Kill (2014)
Missed the Point
What made the first two interesting is that the victims were legitimately less-than-wonderful people. This one starts off right with two crack-heads trying to trick Rusty into being robbed - their deaths were justifiable.
The rest of the movie is Rusty trying to get even with SIX young adults, because ONE had the nerve to splash gravel on his rig (ooohhhh nasty - definitely deserving of a death penalty). The primary female victim is the most innocent of the bunch, wanting to go to the cops to tattle on her FRIEND.
Joy Ride has been built around the "Revenge Thriller" premise - and completely missed the boat on this one... It's just a psychopath killing for fun.
Much Ado About Nothing (2012)
Poor Shadow of the Thompson/Branagh Version
OK, using "Shadow" in the title is a poor attempt at a pun over the use of black/white film... Which never works because there's never enough contrast. There is no Black, there is no White... It's tedious Grey, start to finish. Comparing this to the 1990's version is completely unfair, as in spite of 20 years of technological upgrades, the "original" sounds, looks and just feels better. This is using a TV-actor cast, and it unfortunately shows, as it's just wooden. The charm, banter and wit of the original (movie or story) is completely lost because nobody looks like they are actually enjoying themselves - making for a very strange "comedy".
I had to watch the Thompson/Branagh version as soon as I finished with this, just to get the poor taste out of my head - and I'm glad I did.
The Aggression Scale (2012)
Ignore the budget and the "special" effects, and you have a good movie
Things that bug me about the movie: Made-for-TV quality acting / Special Effects that are truly "special" / Stereotypical cute-but-useless girl/sister that causes more problems than she solves / Rampant and unnecessary/pointless murders
Everything else, you know what? Not too shabby. An interesting and well written flick, well worth the time to watch - perfect for Netflix or movie channels.
IMDb - WHY DO YOU NEED 10 LINES!?!
I have nothing more to add. If you get a chance to see this on the cheap (or even free), definitely do it!
On the Inside (2011)
I Don't Get Why This is Only a 5
Is it an epic masterpiece? No. Is it well and appropriately written? Yes. Is it well acted? Absolutely.
OK, some of the back-story is left a little lacking in flashbacks that are extremely short and for the most part lacking in development. But the present is well thought out, follows a natural character progression, and there aren't any unnecessary character trait flips to create artificial drama. The ending is appropriate for the progression of the story. Even the audio is perfectly developed.
Basically, this hits the mark on every mark except special effects (which would feel completely tacked on and unnecessary anyway). I don't get why there are so many poor reviews for something very solid!
10,000 BC (2008)
For a Movie that Tried to be Good, It was HORRIBLE
OK, this wasn't the worst movie I have ever seen. However, of all the movies I've ever seen that TRIED to be good - this is by far the worst. Aside from the utterly ridiculous time-crossing and locations of the ancient creatures (exactly how long do you expect a Woolly Mammoth to survive in Egypt's desert?) And what were Mammoths doing around the time of semi-civilized man, considering they died out ~60,000 years ago... Did the writer / director forget the name of their own movie? And, ummm, predatory ostriches? Then there's the geography... Let's just hop from what seems like Northern Europe to Central Africa, won't take too long... And backtrack to Egypt - to continue the the stupidest love-interest story in the history of film.
And beyond all those "technical inaccuracies" - the acting is atrocious, the writing is pathetic, the green-screening is amongst the worst I've seen this decade - regardless of budget, and there isn't a single likable character in the whole mess.
Like I said, this is a movie that refuses to makes jokes of itself when it's obviously needed, therefore, (at least I think) is trying to be good & serious... And for that absolute utter failure, it is truly appallingly bad. Considering the expectations one would have for this film (including budget & marketing), I have to call it the most disappointing movie I have ever seen.