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Zombieland (2009)
Zombieland is amazing, and although I won't go so far as to say it beats Shaun of the Dead as supreme zom-com, it does stand proudly beside it. See it right now!
From the moment I first saw the trailer to Zombieland, I knew that this horror/comedy hybrid road picture would be right up my alley. But as we all know, trailers can be deceiving – they can make a bad movie look interesting and vice versa. I'm pleased to say that not only is Zombieland an awesome flick, but it's one of my favourites this year. Booya!
The film starts with Columbus (Eisenberg), seemingly a rare surviving human in post-apocalyptic Earth – now dubbed 'Zombieland'. Although being on the Woody Allen side of neurotic, Columbus explains that these neuroses are what have kept him alive all this time, written as a list of rules for survival (Rule #1 – Cardio: 'When the zombie outbreak first hit, the first to go were the fatties'). On his journeys he meets up with Tallahassee (Harrelson), a gun toting redneck whose one mission is to find a Twinkie in Zombieland before they all expire. They then stumble across charlatan sisters Wichita and Little Rock (Stone, Breslin), whom after they con the two men out of their truck and guns join together in their journey west to theme park Pacific Playland.
Running at a brisk 81 minutes, Zombieland is non-stop entertainment juggernaut and although it is more on the comedy side than horror, there is plenty is violence and gore at hand but it is more slapstick than gross-out. Director Fleischer does a wonderful job in pacing the film so that we get equal amounts of character development in between the hilarity. After watching this I could say that his style is a cross between Zack Snyder and Greg Mottola (through obvious and not-so-obvious comparisons).
The first 10 minutes of this film is absolutely golden, with Columbus' first on-screen encounters with zombies and the genius way of going through the list of rules as they happen, and the incredible opening title sequence (done in a style similar to this year's Watchmen and Wolverine) perfectly set to Metallica's For Whom the Bell Tolls – a track that has been on constant play on my iTunes ever since. Not to say that the rest of the movie is a disappointment, but they certainly put their best foot forward in creating a tone for the rest of the movie.
Performances are astounding all around amongst the main cast (which, bar zombies, is kind of the only cast) but get outshined by an amazingly cool performance by Woody Harrelson. It's kind of like it's the role he was born to play and I give him props for going completely over-the-top without tipping over into cheesy self-parody territory. I might also mention a movie stealing cameo that I will not give away here, but I will tell you that he co-starred with Harrelson in 1996.
They Live (1988)
If you don't like this movie I hate you.
An unemployed drifter on the move, George Nada (Piper) finds work labouring in an LA construction site as well as discovering some lodging at a local shantytown. Soon Nada discovers that a nearby church is a front for a mysterious rebel group which possess motives of unknown nature. When the shantytown and the rebel front is bombarded and destroyed by police, Nada finds something that the insurgent group was stockpiling – rad 80's sunglasses. These sunglasses, however, hold much darker secrets – they allow the wearer the see the world as it truly is – full of subliminal advertising aimed at controlling humans, and all at the hand of aliens living among us! A paranoid Nada is now on an unstoppable path for answers: he's here to kick ass and chew bubblegum, and unfortunately for the ghoul-like aliens, he's all out of bubblegum.
No-one does 80's style B-movie classics quite like John Carpenter. A Sorry I'm Late.com favourite, Carpenter here, as always, has a message to deliver – this one about corruption, commercialism and 80's style excess. His throwbacks to 1950's paranoia themed movies, such as Invasion of the Body Snatchers, are evident - even down to the out-and- out cheesy special effects (Go, flying saucer, go!). Sublimely slow paced and low-key, They Live is probably Carpenter's most intelligently written observation of the times (still relevant, perhaps?), but don't let that fool you – this movie has enough silly B-movie shenanigans to make a truly entertaining feature. What may said shenanigans be, you ask? Well...
- One liner's? Hell yeah.
- Killer, low budget action set pieces? Umm, yup.
- Piper giving the finger to the aliens in one final act of defiance? It's right here.
- And the final coup de grace of awesome, when Nada's only ally (perennial bad-ass Keith David) won't wear the sunglasses, what happens? A five and a half minute fistfight, that's what. Awesome. Definitely a moment of filmic significance, even parodied on South Park's Cripple Fight episode, blow for blow.
Plucked straight from the squared-circle of the then WWF, "Rowdy" Roddy Piper gives an amazing performance. He looks like a guy that has been through a lot, and really underplays the paranoia and disbelief for a while. That is, until he hits a moment where the character seems to snap and he's on a mission for answers and he'll take everyone with him. Performing in front of thousands of people in a wrestling ring was great practice for when Nada snaps, because when Piper hams it up, he hams it up with force. It's just a shame Hollywood never caught on to Piper, because he plays cheesey-80's-rugged action-hero very well.
But it's not perfect. The film's slow burn dies in the final act as a jarringly fast series events speed towards the conclusion. And as with many Carpenter flicks, his ideas are larger than his available palette of tools to work with, and although that's what many, myself included, find charming about his films, audiences nowadays are spoiled with even the lamest trash getting decent budgets.
Did I say the word 'awesome' a lot during this review? If I did it's because this movie's awesome! A true cult classic in every sense. If you don't like this movie I hate you.
Paranormal Activity (2007)
Full review available at http://www.sorryimlate.com/reviews/paranormalactivity.html
It would be an understatement to say that Paranormal Activity makes its long awaited arrival on Australian shores with some hype attached. Fuelled by an impressively strong viral marketing and word-of-mouth campaign to gain interest – not to mention the personal approval by one Señor Spielbergo – Paranormal Activity is the proverbial little film that could, slowly gathering screens and demand, and ultimately beating out the dismal - yet popular Saw IV - at the US box office. Triumph all around!
Paranormal Activity revolves around young couple Katie and Micah, the former of which is plagued by an uninvited demonic menace Hell bent (yep) on causing mayhem, misery and other bad words starting with the letter 'M'. Embellishing the plot any further would do this film a disservice as this is a tale best viewed cold, the chills within are best kept shielded and then unleashed on your maiden viewing.
The film is shot in the Blair Witch-esquire hand-held 'found footage' style and it works wonders in giving you those first-person chills. The use of the static-cam during the night scenes (when most of the action happens, mind you) and the use of silence ups your senses tenfold as you concentrate on picking up any activity of the paranormal variety, ultimately making the frights more intense when they do happen. This is the reason Paranormal Activity's inventive, discreet scares are far more unnerving than lopped limps and exploding skulls (no matter how awesome they may be).
The story of how this film came into fruition is actually just as interesting and jaw-droppingly staggering as the tale itself. Shot on a strict 7 day schedule by a first time filmmaker (Peli – a man with no film training) in his own home with a store bought hand-held camera and on a measly budget of around $15,000 – Paranormal Activity's modest production may lead to one of the most profitable films in history (currently grossing around $100,000,000 and climbing). For you math fiends out there, that's a victorious 98.5% profit. Yowsers! It was even planned to get a big-budget makeover but sane heads prevailed and released the original in modified form.
This really an event film that needs to be seen at the theatre with a few people, for then you can scrutinize the picture on a large screen as well as enjoying the (mostly lack of) sound in a completely ambient environment. This movie is all about senses and imagination! I have also seen the version going about the internet and passed around on cheap DVD's. This version sucks camel cock! Not only do you lose the vital ambiance but it is the original cut which is missing some cool scares as well as having a terribly different ending involving police. Steer clear of this version, it's an abortion. See it at the movies (out this Thursday).
Paranormal Activity is an inventive breath of fresh air in a stale and musty horror environment. Be sure to catch it on the big screen and avoid spoilers. It is limited, but works within these limits with grandiose confidence. Big budget or gore-seekers need not apply.
http://www.sorryimlate.com/reviews/paranormalactivity.html
Terminator Salvation (2009)
Full review available at http://www.sorryimlate.com/reviews/terminatorsalvation.html
The fourth instalment of the Terminator franchise sets us directly in the post Judgment Day world of tomorrow (2018 to be exact), where John Connor (Christian Bale) is forging on as the destined leader of the human resistance against Skynet's robotic army of Terminators. The appearance of the mysterious Marcus Wright (Sam Worthington) seemingly alters the future in which Connor was lead to believe, an uncertain outlook which leads both Connor and Wright into the heart of Skynet to save a vulnerable Kyle Reese (Anton Yelchin) and uncover Skynet's secrets to take them down permanently.
Off the bat, let it be known that I am a massive fan of this franchise. Hell, I even think Terminator 3 had some strong points (some). With that being said, I found the above synopsis incredibly hard to write. Why? Well, there isn't that much of a story to write about. Don't think I'm saying that as a bad thing though. On the contrary, I walked into the theatre to see pretty much one thing, robots getting blown the sh*t up.
I got my wish. Although the 'family friendly' rating severely limits the amount of violence shown, especially against humans, an 'M' rating apparently allows to let rip on cybernetic humanoids to no end. So I guess ratings are based on violent behaviour against living creatures and not kick ass robots.
In many ways, this movie could not possibly fail. How the hell can you fail an epic war of man versus machine? There is a rule of cool that renders that impossible. With that being said, all we have with this movie is one action packed scene jumping to another with minimal cohesion. The sets pieces are amazing, powerfully gritty and yet frustratingly stupid when you think about it. These Terminators, these 'killing machines', sure do have a hard time doing the one thing that they are programmed to do. It almost seems that whenever they have a chance to actually terminate, they will instead play with their food, throw it around a bit, and basically stall until our indestructible heroes can find a way through.
For the first time in memory, Christian Bale seems to be half-assing this one, with this version of John Connor, although thoroughly intense, painfully one-dimensional and overshadowed (two times running now, thank you Heath Ledger) by Worthington's mysterious Wright (slipping accent aside) and an amazing performance by Yelchin, who channels Michael Biehn's Reese to the last mannerism. The rest of the cast is decent if forgettable, with Bloodgood's Blair Williams getting the most, dubious though it may be, character development, and a role for personal favourite Michael Ironside.
Fans of the franchise, die-hard or casual, are sure to pick up on the many throwbacks to the previous films, from catchphrases, to full lines of dialogue, to John Connor receiving his facial scars that we have seen in the previous incarnations' flashbacks. As you would expect the sound is pumping, with shrapnel flying all round through the adequately plotted pacing and extraordinary action sequences. The one place where this movie fails on a tremendous scale for me was the cheesy and lame (yes, simultaneously) epilogue, which features a baffling and unnecessary sacrifice on behalf of one of our major characters.
As far as summer blockbusters are concerned, this could be a lot worse. There's enough excitement on show for the average punter as well as enough references to the previous films for fans to sink their Uzi's into. Only an insane person would watch this expecting anything more than just a dumb, loud ride which ditches the story of this war to actually just show it. It's not so much of ruining the franchise, as I have read, but more a continuation of a story spawned from far superior origins. At least no one said 'Talk to the hand'.
And McG is still a douche.
Fully flawed, yet utterly entertaining. Nowhere near the perfection that is the magnificent original two, but it's an easy, yet frustrating, couple of hours of robot carnage. Enjoyable, brainless fun.
Fanboys (2009)
Full review available at http://www.sorryimlate.com/reviews/fanboys.html
It's 1998, and for four die-hard Star Wars fans (they're fanboys. Get it?) anticipation for the new Star Wars movie, The Phantom Menace, to be released in nearly fifteen years has reached boiling point. Upon revealing that one buddy Linus (Marquette) has terminal cancer, and with not enough time to live to make the theatrical release of the film, the group (Huntington, Baruchel and Fogler) embark on a cross country journey to George Lucas' famed Skywalker Ranch and steal a rough copy of the film. Joined by nerd-girl Zoe (Bell), road trip fun and shenanigans ensue on their very own hero's journey.
Don't be turned off by the very clichéd road movie plot, because although Fanboys follows similar tropes seen in many that have come before it, the film is just too damn charming to not like. And it's quite possible that it couldn't have been. Producer Harvey Weinstein's vision of this much maligned film (originally set for release in 2007) was a final cut that saw the cancer subplot ditched for, well, nothing apparently. A big mistake it would have been, our friend Yoda would have said. The cancer subplot drives the entire narrative, and was never played with too much emotion but enough for to get a connection with the audience without being depressing. Kudos to the filmmakers involved who stood for their original vision, even though it delayed the release by years.
Also, without the cancer plot, the driving force and emotional core that it is, this movie would have been in major jeopardy of receiving a Dr. Ian Malcolm. Not cool.
Although watchable by non-fans of the Star Wars series, knowledge of Super Star Destroyers, Wookies, Corellian Crusiers, Greedo and Admiral Ackbar go to great lengths in a true appreciation of the many references involved. Obviously the target demographic was Star Wars fans which can expand to Sci-Fi fans and general movie fans with awareness of all things Vader. Outside that small, devoted niche lies the rest of the world, and I can't see Average Joe getting as much enjoyment out of this as opposed to other mainstream comedies on the market.
There are a lot of familiar faces though, so let's pound through some: From Star Wars we get Carrie Fisher, Billy Dee Williams (smooth as ever, this time with a hilarious name) and Ray Park, and a who's who of today's comedy elite including Seth Rogen (getting his Sellers on in multiple roles), Kevin Smith and Jason Mewes, Craig Robinson, Danny McBride, Joe Lo Truglio, Ethan Suplee, Will Forte, Danny Trejo and William Shatner. That's a hell of a list and a big reason why this film entertained me so damn much, I couldn't wait to see who was next.
Fanboys got a very limited release worldwide, be it due to the issues with the final cut, subject matter or something else I don't even know. Especially in Australia. In fact I was waiting for this one to go direct to DVD as is the case with fare which does not perform in the States. So it was with revelation when I found out that it was being shown in a limited run at the Australian Centre of the Moving Image in Federation Square, Melbourne. So props to those who decided to show it on the big screen before its eventual release on DVD, as it deserves the big screen treatment, even if it is just for a little bit.
The ACMI season is now over so definitely one to check out on home video.
Although light on the belly-laughs, an entertaining mix of obscure Star Wars references and an impressive cast of cameos and bit parts ensure that Fanboys rises above what would have otherwise been another tired road trip movie into an enjoyable experience that is sure to leave you with a smile on your face.
My Best Friend's Girl (2008)
Full review available at http://www.sorryimlate.com/reviews/mybestfriendsgirl.html
Tank Turner (Dane Cook, Good Luck Chuck) is a call centre worker with a side business: dumped boyfriends pay him to take out their slighted ex-girlfriends, and in that date be such an asshole to the degree that they come running back to the boyfriend who looks angelic in comparison.
Things get complicated when he is hired by his roommate and best friend (the one from the title, you see where this is going yet?) Dustin, played by Jason Biggs (American Pie 2), to take out his co-worker and "friend" Alexis (Kate Hudson, Almost Famous). Things go pear-shaped when Tank actually falls for Alexis, putting her between the two best friends. Tank is torn between loyalty and love, while Dustin desperately tries to keep himself as an integral part of Alexis' life.
Needless to say that the storyline for this movie is nothing special, but when it comes to comedies the story isn't important, what's important is that I'm entertained. And was I? This movie is pretty much a vehicle to get a large part of Dane Cook's stand-up routine onto film and looking at it from that perspective I would consider it great success. Now, don' be fooled by the trailers and the posters and the Kate Hudson, this isn't your standard Hollywood feel-good chick flick barf fest. It's vulgar, really, really vulgar and at times very mean spirited. Awesome for me, but if you're the type of person that complains about sh*t like McDonald's commercials during kids TV or trying to get movies censored, then you should really not go anywhere near this. Actually, you shouldn't go near anything because you're just gonna COMPLAIN about it, aren't you? What are you ever doing reading this? Let's move on.
Cook shines when he turns up the arrogance, turns up the vulgarity and let's loose. It's easy to see that the man was given a lot of free reign when it came to improvising his lines and it shows. There are stages in the movie in which the guy has to actually act a bit in which he struggles, but rest assured that soon enough Cook will be off again cussing and doing what brought him to the dance. He pretty much saves this movie from receiving the Sorry I'm Late.com Kate Hudson Award (an award no film aspires to achieve).
Now Cook is a man with very vocal critics, a group of which I am not a part of. I find the dude hilarious when he just goes nuts and cuts loose, but that also seems to be what the haters call him on. So here's the tip: Like Cook = watch this. No like Cook = no watch this. Simple, right? The other standout is Alec Baldwin who seems to be relishing his recent career stint as comic foil as opposed to world's greatest actor. Going out on a limb, but I'd say the man spent a bit of time studying Dane Cook on stage because in this movie, he plays Tank's father Professor Turner, the man who taught Tank everything he knows about womanising. Baldwin chews up desks, chairs and any other scenery he can get his hands on in this outrageous and OTT portrayal, which ultimately is a fun but forgettable chapter in his career.
Everything else is honestly a bit meh. Biggs is serviceable, Caplan is underused but why, oh why did this movie have to have Kate Hudson in it? The one-trick-pony Hudson and her popcorn fart romantic comedy sensibilities have no place here. The entire thing basically comes to a standstill in the second act when Tank is trying to be the good guy around her, a part of the movie in which we are supposed to sense their connection. But there is no connection as we know who Tank is (an extension of Cook the person), and Hudson just doesn't work. She tries the dirty stuff but it just seems forced. This thing really needed someone who could stand their own on screen against Cook. Bad casting. Bad.
Sadly, because it's a guy's movie disguised as a girl's movie a feel that this one is going to be lost in the shuffle of movies that aren't sure of what they're supposed to be, or better put, movies that are marketed to be something than what they indeed are.
Not the best thing going around, but has its moments of brilliance, mostly when Cook and Baldwin's leashes are loosened and they go all out. A few patches of blandness, mainly on the part of Hudson, shouldn't stop you from at least giving this one a crack.
Drag Me to Hell (2009)
Full review available at http://www.sorryimlate.com/reviews/dragmetohell.html
Sam Raimi returns from the multi-picture Spider-Man juggernaut to return to self-penned (with brother Ivan) horror/slapstick amalgamation Drag Me to Hell, in a style not seen from the director since 1993's Army of Darkness – the third in the Evil Dead trilogy.
Drag Me to Hell sees Christine Brown (Lohman), a loans officer of the proverbial mild-mannered variety, longing for a promotion to assistant manager at her branch - a position which co-worker Stu Rubin (Reggie Lee, whose middle name should be awesome) is also gunning for. To impress her boss and to prove that she can make the tough calls, she denies old gypsy woman Mrs. Ganush (Raver) a third extension of her mortgage and thus sealing her fate as the curse of the Lamia is placed on Christine by the scorned Ganush – a curse which will plague and torment Christine for three days until finally dragging her straight to Hell (It's not just a clever title). With her cynical boyfriend by her side (Long), Christine must seek the aid of psychics Rham Jas and Shaun San Dena - the latter which has encountered the Lamia before – to help abolish the evil spirit before it is too late.
With most films released under the banner of his production company Ghost House being underwhelming at best, ('Knock knock.' 'Who's there?' 'Boogeyman.' 'Oh really, Boogeyman? Nah go away now.'), back comes Sam Raimi to invigorate and revitalise a genre which, as a whole, has been stale for a while now. Bringing with him an originality sorely lacking in modern horror, Raimi blasts your senses with tension, scares, action, and comedy – a whole gamut of emotions which take the viewer on a non-stop ride which never fails to entertain.
The one element that sets this apart – and above – horror fare of late is the previously mentioned sense of comedy, a notion lacking in most recent releases. No qualms about it, this movie will scare you, but you will be scared with a smile on your face. Raimi is the master of taking something truly horrifying and adding that wee bit of slapstick and amping up the awesome. Normally a 30cm ruler into the eye would be pretty cringe-worthy normally, yeah? In this case it is cringe-worthy but with a Three Stooges twist. When viewed with an audience you will audibly hear emotions from beginning to end.
Stepping into the lead of a Raimi horror, one would expect to be given a right flogging, and Alison Lohman is no exception as she gets the sh*t beaten out of her. Lohman does a wonderful job of confusion at the beginning of the ordeal, which then leads to fear, desperation and in the third act angry determination – even spitting out a few one-liners to make Bruce Campbell proud. The rest of the cast does okay but Lorna Raver is excellent as Ganush going from disgusting old lady to psychotic old lady in the blink of an eye.
One thing you need to be aware of before seeing this is that it is loud - like really freakin' loud. And there are plenty of jump scares as well, and combine the two and you have one Hell (whammy) of a film-going experience on your hands. A special mention also needs to be made of the excellent soundtrack by Christopher Young, which is about as epic of a horror score as it gets.
Drag Me to Hell is a future cult favourite film from a cult favourite director. If you were not a fan of this style to begin with then this is the flick to convert you. A crazy roller-coaster ride from 'go', you will leave feeling exhilarated after such a tremendous cinematic experience. Near perfect for what it is.
Legend (1985)
Full review available at http://www.sorryimlate.com/reviews/legend.html
Legend is director Ridley Scott's attempt at 80's style fantasy, starring Ferris Bueller's Mia Sara as Princess Lili and as her love interest a pre-Top Gun Tom Cruise as forest dweller Jack. In a convoluted series of events, Jack takes Lili to see some sacred unicorns - which he shouldn't for some reason – and then she proceeds to touch one – which she shouldn't for some reason. This turn of events leads minions of the Lord of Darkness (Tim Curry, in top form) to chop off the stallion's horn – an item of coveted power – and kidnap Princess Lili, both to be brought before Darkness in a master plan to bring eternal night to the world. Now the 'heroic' Jack, aided by his misfit band of elves and dwarfs, must rescue the princess and save the world from its inevitable pitch-black doom.
The massive problem with this movie, and there are copious issues, is the fact that it takes so much pleasure in being so damn dark that there's minimal fun to be had – a crucial element of fantasy. Take similar genre films from the time – Labyrinth had the music, Willow and Princess Bride had charm and characterisation, and the one thing that they all shared was a sense of wonder. Legend is too dark and scary for children yet the plot and pacing is too juvenile for adults.
Which leads me to the plot – or lack thereof it would seem. We have some basic thematic elements such as good versus evil and all that crap, but it's amazing that with such a simplistic storyline that nothing that is happening on screen is ever really clear, instead it seems to rush through the motions of the plot without focus. This is partly due to the fact that these characters are just so damn one-dimensional that we as an audience simply don't care.
The acting by the leads is really appalling. Mia Sara is just plain terrible with an accent that slips in and out constantly, and it's amazing that the fledgling superstar career of Tom Cruise was not affected by this. The major, and dare I say only, highlight of Legend comes in the form of the Lord of Darkness. Tim Curry is super intimidating as the red-skinned demon, delivering an awesome performance with a really fantastic makeup job to boot – Darkness is one of the greatest and most iconic villains in cinematic history.
I do also need to point out the elf Honeythorn Gump, played by David Bennett – I was constantly creeped out by the fact he looks like a tween Anthony Hopkins, running around in a loincloth.
I understand that this was a troubled production – the sets located on the legendary Pinewood Studios were completely lost in fire and replacement sets were thrown together at the eleventh hour – but it doesn't really excuse this abortion of a film. Although Ridley Scott has made some masterpieces (Blade Runner, Alien) his track record of films such as this make me sceptical of his revered status in the film community.
And I am also aware of multiple versions of this movie existing as well. The one that I have viewed does not seem to be the patented Ridley Scott director's cut, but a 90 minute offering with a score supplied by composer Jerry Goldsmith – the original European release if I'm not mistaken.
The Lord of Darkness alone cannot save this heaping pile of unicorn crap from being one of the lamest and boring films of the genre. Legend = 100% ironic title.