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Reviews
Amityville: Mt. Misery Rd. (2018)
Die, Guido, die
Per the nature of found footage movies, you know that all the principle characters will die, so the movies usually spend the first scene establishing that the characters deserve to die, or at least making you not care if they do. They all have some flaw, like greed, self-absorbtion, or arrogance. In this case, that flaw for both main characters, a Jersey Shore reject and his ninny wife, is intense stupidity, so annoyingly intense that you want them to die within seconds, literally seconds, of their appearance on the screen. The biggest drawback of the film is they didn't have the budget to show the main characters' faces melt, then have them burst into flames and eventually explode. The only other thing I can say is I had to pause the movie during the last 15 minutes so I could finish eating, because I was laughing so hard.
Factory of Paranormal (2017)
Ground garbage
OK, here's my theory. The two actresses playing the girls in the film decided to do a "found footage" film for some high school media class. It was supposed to be 15 or 20 minutes long. They did that. Because they had no budget, their monster was a black sheet. They also tossed in a baby doll. The bald guy was one of the girls' stepfather or uncle or unemployed family friend who had access to the closed factory, and they roped him in to play a bit part.
After the girls made their film, the bald guy, listed as the "director", told the girls they might make a little money on it if they let him edit it. He basically stretched it out by editing together the footage from both cameras, so you basically see every bit of dialog twice, and then do flashbacks and flash-forwards of every scene two to four times until the run time is close to feature length.
So, the "director" took a minimally amusing amateur high school project and managed to butcher it. That was his contribution. Had the girls turned in the hacked up hamburger the "director" ground out, they would have undoubtedly failed their class. In other words, this movie could have been improved by high school kids.