Reviews

About a week ago, I ventured out to see this movie. The story of a young attractive family being torn apart by a fatal illness, is the sorta thing, with which I gently smile myself to sleep at night, and them being Dutch - not to mention seeing Tree-hugger Van Houten slowly deteriorating- would only add to the amusement.

Unfortunately, the characters where bland, emotionally distant and typical cookie-cutter Dutch cinematic personae; So laughing at their misery was thwarted. However, the movie featured many unintentionally funny scenes; one of the best being, that after the dooming diagnosis, when beef-in-briefs Stijn and mono-mammary Carmen drive away from the hospital the license plate on their car reads DD...ah, hilarious.

The raw and gritty drama consists of nothing more than some involuntary bodily functions, Stijn driving around sweating and smoking, listening to Belgian hardstyle trance or something and aggressive sex-scenes that really don't do for me, because of pantie-jungles of "the Tart of Darkness" vastness and a scrawny cheese-head (however, "The Blonde tearing off one of her chest-icles-dream" was insanely hot.)

In fact any claim to the pure tragedy is nonsensical, since Sinead O'Cancer (Carmen) dies basking in pure luxury, along with trips to New York, Milan, Hawaii, etc. She lacks for nothing and makes an angelic end. Even her make up is perfect during her prolonged sickbed)

Any chance for drama - be it manipulative or not - is never explored, like how do they raise their child, when they are self-absorbed and non-present. (Oh wait, We Dutch have been doing that since the sixties ,thank Marx for socialist education factories) Although the two scenes in which the child is confronted by her mother's immanent end, were funny; I love people who attempt to sweeten their tragedy with humour but lack any wit to do so. The box they made for kiddo and the final scene in which she and "Stijn-head stone for my wife" open the box, is not used to any dramatic resolution, but apparently learning to surf is - probably the newest fad for the Hypermosaean bores.

Fine secondary characters by which the two lead could have any resonance are woefully under-scripted, but finely acted by Jeroen Willems and the ever wonderful Sacha Bulthuisen.

I must however compliment the production-design, costumes, sets, stunts, those where all of the highest quality and there where some interesting camera angles.

so my scoop for this poop: (...Remember Carmen, dirty pants, clean botty) The movie was entertaining, but more as a study in exploitative cinema directed at menopausal women, their vapid daughters and masochistic tweens who project all suffering unto themselves.

Oh yes, what was up with all the vagrant mopeds that littered the frames?

Guillermo Del Toro, who's highly decorative and detailed art of film making gave us some reasonably interesting films over the years; now after his Roman Triumph - to which it is equal in decadence -, The Goth-girly fantasy fest of the overrated "Pan's Labyrinth", attempted to make a sequel to his earlier far more enjoyable Hellboy flick.

But this time, to draw in the emo cash-cows, with more kitschy schlock after they were saturated with The Jackson abomination, Guillermo saw it fit to trim Big Red of more than his horns, namely Red's trouser twins and make Hellboy a big softy. If Red wasn't bald he would probably have a emo haircut. (I felt like giving you a long list of hyperbolas expressing Red's new sensitivity , but I'll leave you with the superlative, That Del Toro would have made him wear a Jack Skellington hoody if he had his way)

All through out the movie Red's usually phlegmatic one-liners lacked any impact; because Liz would pop up and "shook his manhood" and Red just took it like a sort of Jerry Lewis character.(Oye, yes dear.) From a dramatic point of view, wouldn't Hellboy's violent temper, his isolation and his inability to get love Liz even though he has won her heart, serve as a more interesting premise? Apparently the teenage relationship they have in this movie, will appeal to all the sensitive teeny crybabies out there, who would hope that the real Drama would be Liz and Red dealing with Red's metro sexuality after Liz forced him to read Naruto yaoi.

Dealing with metro sexuality; there were elves...ELVES!! When have elves ever been a good idea in a movie! They are the Ewoks of mythology! Oh, now and not just pointy eared elves; No! All new, dark Gothic elves. That being sad, the antagonist was one of the most boring villains I have ever seen,even more boring that Sauron. Most likely he could only be more boring if he were played by William S Macy. And the annoying show-boat kung fu! Kroenen was fun, but this Kung fu was nuking the fridge.

The plot is basically copy-pasted from Lotr and thereby equally dull, and the plot as well conveys the platitudinous sensibilities of alienated and grief-lecherous weirdo's, who identify with the freaks in this movie, Yes Freaks, because that what The Hellboy characters this time have truly been reduced to. Real Tim Burton freaks, who's isolated eccentricities themselves make them superior to the awful humans, that always kill what they don't know! How incredibly pathetic, I for one was cheering on the human assault in the horrible animated puppet-show prologue.

The only real perk of this flick, was the incredibly asynchronous Character of Krauss, voiced by Seth MacFarlane who used the same voice for...Krauss, the ex-DDR Olympian Ski-jumper goldfish. In fact, I expected a goldfish to swim his Krauss' helmet and him to say: "Ah, Lizz I kan zee yor Schmutz-plätchen." He was ridiculously entertaining.

Still, like many people said, a monster film is always entertaining, even a bad one, like Hellboy 2 and I can only attest that the production value was phenomenal, and it featured a lot of Animatronics which is a welcome departure from all the CGI, deluding movie magic these day. But if you dress up Steve Buscemi like Frank Sinatra, you are still left with an ugly weirdo in fine threads, this applies to Hellboy 2 as well.

one more thing; "What ever happened to Danny Elfman? His works is going the way of Zimmer, all thunder, no substance"

People love to rip Shyamalan's films to pieces, though the only bore-fest he made, is hailed as his masterpiece. Well, I enjoy Mighty Nighty's apparent schlock. He always has something meaningful to say about everyday life and this time it apparently was...be nice to..plants(?) and in extension of that message, respect mother earth. (I was hoping of a shot of a crying Indian...sorry native-American to conclude the film)

Yes granted the premise what incredible or incredulous - take your pick- of all plant life giving off pheromones to entice us to seek our own graphic and painful demise, (Some science for you; the actual pheromone featured in the film, is the organic equivalent of the electronic impulse your TV generates when the new Ron Moore's Battle Star Gallactica is on.) Once again, Shyamalan writes a strange screenplay. It is not bad, it of course does not reflect how real people communicate; the script and drama are stylized according to the major conflict that has bearing on all that takes place and Shyamalan tries make us think about human nature. In his old movies, he did this with broad dramatic strokes and clearly definable moments of dramatic importance. In "Lady in the water" and again in "the Happening" the drama becomes smaller, not breaking beyond the characters, it's all recognizable drama, not towering with great bravado of human existence like "Unbreakable."

There is of course one major flaw, the movie creeps on and on, never revealing enough to keep you on the edge of your seat, the actual threat is a swiftly divulged mystery and there's no "Holy Macaroni" plot-twist, but lot's of gory deaths kept me interested.

As for the acting; In a world where Russell Crowe gets nominated for an Oscar, I can live with a bland Marky-Mark playing the blandest of all high-school teachers (save for math-teachers); a quirky biology teacher.

So Granted yes, "The Happening" is the least happening film in Shyamalan's current oeuvre, but it isn't bad. It fairly thrilling and it has some nice characters.

And France was next of Mother's earth list of retribution! So that's a perfect ending.

I saw this movie about a week ago. I expected a goth-girl fantasy-fest with monochromatic visuals and I got....a goth-girl fantasy fest with monochromatic visuals and a Lot of brute violence! Whoopee, Inner-ruffian satisfied!

Like I said the visuals are really girly; think if Allen Lee and Tim Burton were lesbian lovers. Pan is like a Smurf version of Tim Curry's "Darkness" who acts like Dennis Hopper in "Apocalypse Now" and makes just as much sense and the most frightening monster (of the three you get, that's a lot, isn't it kids?) is a octogenarian old man who's eyes are in his palms. Seriously, I expected him to yell: "Ye young whippersnapper!" when Ophelia ate the grape and that the snail-like chase would end with him falling and breaking his hip.

Set design in this movie is simply fantastic; beautiful earth-tones and withered designs.

The CGI is a bit unconvincing at times, the praying mantis (or whatever) moved like one of those government projects where they administer caffeine and speed to insects for what ever reason, but that's only a small adverse point in this goth-girly Fantasy-fest.

But the best part of the movie was of course captain Vidal. I love that guy! When he smashes that bumpkin's nose in with a bottle and then that wonderful line follows like the catastrophe to the old comedy - when it is proved the hill-billies were speaking the truth - "Next time search them before you waste my time." Makes me applaud the cold neglect and harsh upbringing that create men like Vidal. His contemptible expression for life and people and his forced unfelt smiles are balm to my misanthropic heart... and the guy stitches up his own cheek, how awesome is that!

The ending was very sad though; Mercedes lived, unfortunately.

All in all, a very enjoyable movie. Enjoyable for all above 10 years of age. To be relished by men through the cruelties and human-right violations by Captain Vidal and the sappy fairy-princess story to be savored by girls, especially those who hoped there would someday be a black colored "My little Pony".

(Now lets watch the bottle scene again in slow-motion!)

After reading so many lauding reviews, as well as those who revile this film. I wasn't sure to add my own opinion in fear of simply repeating what already has been affirmed by so many. But here I go!

MotU is breathtaking and, yes, it's cheesy, but cheesy in a good way. It combines like all good pulp a perfect synthesis of pop-cultus mythology and some real poetry.(yes, I said poetry) The principal flaw or merit of the film take it as your allegiance veers towards the 80's cartoon, is the deviation from the Filmation rehashed, vapid, cell-recycling cartoon. (Don't get me wrong I have the entire DVD set even She-ra, so I love it, but now I enjoy it on a different level)

We don't get the epic world of Eternia, but here in a classic 80's twist, the Eternians are whiffed away to our world. (probalby to save a buck)Never the less the plot is acceptable, thanks to David Odelle, the screenwriter. A great part of the movie's power is due to the wonderful screenplay by Odelle. He creates characters with ease, using effective lines to paint their personality and like all those who love the film, I join the chorus is praising that Skeletor is one of the great screen villains of all time, thanks to David Odelle, of course Almost everything Skeletor says portrays regal villainy. ("...Let them rot, let them rot), pomposity ("The people must know I am Greyskull..."), rage ("You are all aware of the penalty for failure!") Vanity ("I demand the destitution and loneliness of scorn, it is my right, my destiny!"), delusion (just see his god-speech and you'll know what I mean, best villain speech ever) and even Loneliness ("Tell me about the loneliness of good He-man, is it equal to the loneliness of evil?") Of course the lines written by Odelle are transformed into a tour-de-force portrayal by Frank Langella, everything is fantastic about this role, form his dark brooding voice to wonderful overly dramatic gesticulation. (My friends and I have endless fun, quoting and impersonating Skeletor.) He-man on the other hand is dramatically underwritten, even the stand of between Skeletor and the muscle-bound hero, the blond Scandinavian has little to say. But you'll have fun to see Dolph Lundgren speaking his lines with a thick accent and believe me it just as much fun as Arny.(to bad He-man has no cheesy one-liners

The movie is also greatly helped by a fantastic score by Bill Conti. There's an amazing main-theme that in all it's triumph and victorious blazing seems to put the Superman theme to shame to which it bears similarity there's great action music with beautiful trumpet "solo's" and there's the majestic pompous theme for Skeletor (that develops as the movie progresses and reaches it climax during Skeletor's bombastic travel to our world)

If you want a sci-fi/sword-n-sorcery flick (those two are never combined enough) and a trip to the eighties in all it's glory (watch Krag's hair and you'll know what I mean), and are a sucker for a lager than life villains that takes center stage in a film, I think you will enjoy this movie. So gather your friends, pop a dutch-beer and chew down on pizza as you are whisked away into the world of the film version of Masters of the Universe.

I have the power!

This truly is a great adventure film.

Like many others, this Film was part of the canon of my childhood's imagination and fascination, now more or less mature or at least bearing a manly hair on my chin, this movie still captivates me. In fact it has aged like a fine whine, to use a snobbish metaphor.

The movie's plot is decent but a little rhapsodic, nevertheless the story progresses in such a way, that it keeps your attention. The Script is witty and spiced with enough simple poetry to create the world of medieval middle-eastern lore, despite creating characters that are slightly void but still serve as interesting players in this tale.

Of course there's the mouth-watering Carolin Munro, whose customs only seem to grow more revealing as the movie progresses. Her sweaty, glistening décolleté during the climactic battle between good and evil, seems almost to "doubly" upstage Harryhausen's effects.

But of course the special effect take center stage in this film. This movie still features one of the most beautiful scenes of stop-motion animation. The dance sequence of the Kali statue (To all those who have critique that it is not Kali but Shiva: go burn some incense and watch boring fantasy-trilogies, ye hippies!) and subsequent fight between Sinbad and the six swords wielding Goddess is simply breathtaking. (I still get little jolts of pleasure every time I see Kali descending the stairs from her shrine and hearing the metallic clangs of her feet as she slowly dances down the steps, her arms sensually moving.)

Not only are the effects beautifully executed,the entire cinematography surrounding the creatures is brilliantly done, building suspense and delivering an exciting sequence when the "monsters"(Sorry Ray) appear. (There are no ill-filmed scenes of ugly designed monsters simply bursting through doorways with out tension-building here, thank God)

And Miklos Rosza's golden-age film score only adds to the enjoy of this Movie

I highly recommend this movie to those, whose senses aren't dulled and surfeited by decadent CGI effects of these days and would like to see a stimulating visual feast.

Booyah!

Today cynicism reigns supreme and imagination is dead.

That probably why this movie is so reviled as bad. But. "Goodness to the vile seems vile" and although I myself am a cynic, this film holds a special place in my heart. I was moved more by this "incompetent" fairytale than all the battle speeches and high-school ethics of the fantasy "Masterpieces" that are all the rage and seem to follow me as a bad stink.

Granted the movies script jumps from childlike humor to drama and horror. Yes, the philosophical speeches and ideals where blatant and unrealistically incorporated in the film, but that doesn't diminish their message of hope and their human warmth.

It's the human warmth that makes this movie so enjoyable. I liked the characters, I did not find them caricatures, despite that some of them had unrealistic quirks. In fact I know a lot of people who bear a resemblance to these fictional people.

Perhaps a reason why this movie is dismissed as bad, is because it touches -gently, with the reassurance that we all have a purpose- places in our personalities we consider weak and flawed. I for one felt very uncomfortable when Paul Giamatti's character spoke of God in prayer-like plea for Story (the Lady in the water) to heal, because like most people I find that these concepts, Religion, hope and faith, point out a void most of us feel and fly from condemning them as sentimentality and "infantility".

I think that every cynic who dislikes this movie finds a familiar note in Mr Leeds' words: "I wanted to believe, more than most. I needed to know that there's more than all this awfulness around us! I wanna be like a child again." (Oh yes, in the extra scenes on the DVD, he gets his wish.)

This movie will touch you, but only if you let it. Accept the incredulous and child-like logic as a "Donné" Make it your guilty pleasure for schmaltz and sentimentality even.

I know I did.

This is an entertaining rendition of Bill's dark and moody play.

Shakespeare's play about the rise to power and overthrow of Macbeth is not something to be made even more heavy by too mush subtext. Let's leave that for the Scholars who tear apart Shaky Bill's works with over zealous need to analyze this plays.

MacBeth is not a hero, he's a villain, plain and simple. A villain plagued by his guilty conscience that deprives his of his wholesome sleep and eventually his mind and enjoyment of life. He resorts to very masculine measures to assure his usurped throne and retain some dregs of life. Violence, plotting and eventually black magic. He is torn between wavering guilt and dynamic force to change his wretched state. In the end he sub-comes to a monomaniacal assurance of his own power and to a fatalist view of life. (MacBeth is not a profound character study like Hamlet, and any such "in depth" speculating only takes away from the performance) These two things tear him asunder. What makes him so appealing and tragic is his manly defiance and power.

Nicol Williamson portrayal of Macbeth incorporates all these things, most of all Williamson captures MacBeth's masculine force. People might argue that his acting is reminiscent of a 19th vaudeville villain, So what! (So it isn't as inventive and ceremonial as Ian Mckellen's excellent McBeth.) I loved the way Williamson ranted and sneered and his theatrical gesticulations that bordered on over-acting, but it takes a great actor to play a ham enjoyable and Williamson acting was excellent and enjoyable. (Many things seemed heat of the moment,which I like)

The Rest of the cast was adequate, though Ian Hogg's Banquo used what I call the "Shakespeare finger" a bit to much an some of his acting was strained. Tony Doyle as MacDuff too, his acting lacked in any real enjoyable dramatics, I did not find his lamentations concerning his murdered family moving. The gatekeeper wasn't funny at all(well, not that Shakespeare's humor is funny, frankly I find it dull) If you want a good solid "comic" performance of the gatekeeper watch Ian McDiarmed in the Trevor Nunn directed version.

As for Lady McBeth. I found Jane Lapotaire's interpretation strange, yet not bad. I agree there are discrepancies between Shakespeare's meaning and her performance, but She was incredibly seductive as Lady MacBeth. Which made her inducement to MacBeth to murder Duncan a great sensual piece of acting. (Who can say no to a bad girl, right.) Though her madness in the end lacked some of the dignity and power of Judy Dench's version of the role.

This version of MacBeth is not a simply a good version you can enjoy intellectually by yourself, but one that can be enjoyed with your friends drinking beer 'n booze, eating pizza, due to it's "go-for-the-guts" virility. It'll have you cheering on MacBeth as he murders, plots and rages. In fact this movie is a great instructional video how to be a real man, in an age where metro-sexuality castrated most men.

"...Give to th' edge o' th' sword His wife, his babes and all those unfortunate souls that trace him in his line." Heck, yeah!!!!

Krull died at the box-office and in the years that followed it's death went unwailed and mourned. Many believe Krull to be Fantasy at it's worst . I to sported that opinion, when I was a pretentious teen, in the secure delusion that Fantasy epics should feature great battles and a lot of archaic pompous words, preferably in fictitious dull languages. But folly is the custom of the young.

Now in my late 20's, I love this film. Krull has a disarming charm to it, like one critic once said: "It's almost a chivalrous film" and I agree. The film is light-hearted and devoid of any gravy-thick delusions of Grandeur like some Fantasy epics that give me heartburn. Krull is wonderfully free from ceremoniousness and there leaves room for playfulness, like it's script and the inherent interaction between the characters.

Thereby I love the design of the film; the usage of uniform colors for clothing with vibrant accents, the armor of the slayers, the beautiful sets and of course that most awesome of weapons; the glaive.

The characters are delightful with nice quirks though a little vapid, but not more than other characters in any other fantasy-film. Over the course of the film I cared for many of them because of their little human flaws that made them interesting. Freddie Jones as the wise Ynyr is a pleasure to watch, like Freddie Jones always is.

The special effect are decent, though not impressive. But the landscapes and elaborate sets compensate for this flaw.

But what most impressed me, was the screen-play by Stanford Sherman. Krull's script is usually condemned as corny and ill-written,to which I vehemently protest. (Guess, there weren't enough expressions like: "The Dark Lord craves power!, I feel it in the earth...and Give up the Halfling she-elf", to appeal to the unjudicious who probably believe that using the word Potency instead of Power is good screen-writing. But I'm ranting now) I love the script of Krull. It has many charming light-hearted conversations between character that make them warm and friendly. I still believe the discourse between Ynyr and the widow of the web is a wonderfully delicate love-scene, with some simple philosophy that makes me smile and nod. Sherman doesn't result in to simply using the most declamatory or academic words, but crafts a script that surrounds the characters and paints their personalities with a few lines. (like the comically boastful speech of Ergo.) I for one welcome a script that plays with what the characters ARE, rather than what character are saying.

Krull does have some flaws. Kenneth Marshall is adequate for the role of Colwyn but does not make a hero with stage-presence and the final battle in the Black Fortress is rather boring and too long.

But if you like innocent fantastical fun with delightful characters for which you care, because they are as familiar as your friends and free from the overbearing self-importance that is usually the core of Fantasy, than Krull will entertain you and might become a pleasure to watch over and over again, although perhaps a guilty pleasure.

I love this film.

When the world awoke form it's boring funk, disco, brown-yellow-orange-colored slumber after Star Wars shook it awake and revived sci-fi, heavy metal appeared during the aftershocks and created albeit for a small public a visual feast.

Heavy metal is usually described as a void fest for stoners and granted with the proper intoxication the movie's charm is increased greatly. What makes heavy metal so appealing is what many people call it's principal flaws, the pubescent jokes, violence, plethora of nudity, the crude animation and often its bright explosive colors. But these are not flaws, in fact to anyone with a fun-loving nature and imagination these are virtues.

The script is wonderful, with lot's of crude jokes, that make excellent one-liners during parties. "Death, death to all who oppose us" has to be a classic introduction-line for a villain (who is menacingly one dimensional. And has anybody wondered where his helmet comes from?)At moment the script even becomes epic, like during the sequence where the council of elders summon Taarna.

Although the animation maybe dated and even downright ugly, it gives the movie it's charm, the same as Ralph Bakshi's animation gives it, it's cult-charm and those with imagination see what the animators tried to accomplish. The backgrounds are simply stunning. From epic landscapes with cycloptic animal skeleton's cradling entire cities to impressive space-vessels and space-stations(Mark the brick-motief of the space-station during the Sternn sequence,hahaha) The color schemes of these backgrounds are daring and vibrant.

And there are boobs, lot's of voluptuous big-breasted women! I think this needs no further clarification.

The music is excellent. The soundtrack features a lot of decent hard rock tracks(I'm not writing heavy metal, because of inane debates by metal-purists (mostly with ugly goatees) that these are not metal-songs. Thank god, No!)And there's the majestic score by the late Elmer Bernstein. That simply blows you away with it's beauty (Listen to the Den sequence when the queen flies on the dragonflies, how the trumpets and the lower brass are sequestered by two themes, one rising, on descending.)

So in a dull world where tedious monochromatic fantasy trilogies pass for a good time, Heavy Metal is the lost jewel, that fortunately is discovered every generation. So gather your friends, get some beers and pizza-bagels and watch this movie, you'll love it.

Yes, what a great adaptation. It really captured the essence of the book; long winded tedium. Well, at least it didn't have the kid wearing flair-pants jeans like you would expect from such drivel that finds it's macramé sensibilities from that inane decade; the seventies. If it wasn't for the appearance of Jan Decleir -Who is like the only classically trained Actor the Benelux has- I actually would have risen from my seat during the screening, and cried: What am I doin' here! (I viewed the movie-screening with some friends who asked me along) This book stole precious hours of my life, and now I murder time, that I could have spent in the pub. Oh, yes. Alsemus is a wimp by the way, I mean who gets himself killed by a bunch of kids. And if my kid would deliberately loose a soccer match, I would give him high praise.

Now I'm going to watch "Lionheart" which is a far superior film about a young man confronted with the harsh realities of the crusades.

Yes,of course it is a better film, it's not dutch.

As I sit down and drink my Chambertin,(Not Merlot of course, "Sideways" showed the folly of that swivel) and take an escapist demeanor form my busy work as a high-school math teacher, I can't not begin to express my admiration for this film. It speaks the truth that lies at the core of every great work of art, including that social comment is art. (Oh, I miss the sixties). The truth of White-collar America being right!

This movie proves WE are not only the voice of reason but great artists as well and in touch with that adorable pop-culture.

Of course WE understand the danger of the situation first and with our course of high-school psychology we are in an enlightened position to tell people: "It's all right to be scared." We are not being condescending at all. We are truly concerned, because WE are better people after all. When someone has third degree burns, naturally you ask one of US to treat him; WE have been to college and having a master 's degree in arts or any degree at all, make us skilled to act as a physician.

Theists are all fools prone to rant and should feel the logical corrective slap of the dainty hand of a blond woman, and if all else fails they should be shot, but don't worry WE mourn for the loss of life and the devastation of reason. (I am more of a Buddhist deep down.)

It shows a fact that I've suspected all along, blue-collar workers –manual labor, shudder- drink and follow those who preach "salvation"; of course I know salvation is just a big fat check away.

There was this lovable store-clerk who had embraced OUR way of thinking and I felt like giving him some gourmet-cheese to reward his compliance.(Here boy!) The ending was brilliant, its poignant symbolism of leaving the tyrannical religious lower class and WE white-collar saints only, possessing the courage the traverse the unknown. Brilliant! Oh yes, the clerk had to die by the way, he still was working class after all.

And the heart-breaking ending is simply stunning; the fog lifts and the man of reason has shot his son and his lackeys all in vain. Oh, the Irony! Than WE scream, scream, scream and scream some more.

The only thing I didn't like is the fact many insects had straighter teeth than I. An amazing movie that makes you think, by which I mean it preaches the white-collar intellectual gospel that I made my own during my late teens in the soul-wrenching suburbs.

Thank you, Darabont.

Now I am going to read the novella, because the book is always better than the film. (Darn, who do I like better? Steven King or Dan Brown?)