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The Return of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1994)
A Moviemaking Massacre
I caught this on cable at 1 a.m. in the morning so towards the end I zoned in and out of consciousness, but anything I missed didn't make a difference; it was confusing from a half-hour in with references to some kind of government/CIA/FBI connection never explained.
Anyways, I give it a 2 out of 10 rating. The only reason I bump it up from a 1 is the fun of seeing Matthew McConaughey torture Renee Zellwegger for an hour. Matthew's charismatic presence is the only thing this movie has going for it, though I found his girlfriend rather attractive and interesting in her routine acceptance of this family as being normal. There is some overlap with the original but that 1974 film was very frightening because of its low-budget documentary style (was it black and white?, I can't remember). I didn't see any reference to cannibalism in this one; they eat pizza here.
One continuity glitch: In a homage to the original, a female character is hung up on a meathook alive and we hear the hook go into her back. However, 20 minutes later she is still alive and lying on her stomach in the road and we see that the skin on her back has no marks or insertion points at all. A terrible oversight and sloppy filmmaking.
Shadow of a Scream (1996)
Surprisingly Good Performance By David Chokachi
Caught this one on Showtime the other night. It is a serviceable "female cop goes undercover to investigate a suspected murderer/sex criminal" movie. Athena Massey is attractive and decent in the lead. Her rough sex loving cop boyfriend is a little annoying. I give it a 7, moving it up 2 points for the surprisingly nuanced performance by Baywatch's David Chokachi as the main suspect. Like the rest of the Baywatch cast, he was given little to do but look buff on that show. But he can act. His stunning good looks and physique do get in the way a little though.
Scooby-Doo on Zombie Island (1998)
Very Scary For Toddlers
The production values of Zombie Island are high quality and teen and adult viewers will find it as interesting as a live-action horror flick. But the monsters are real this time and the zombies and werecats are frighteningly rendered for the under 5 set. The original series was very reassuring to little kids because the monsters always turned out to be fakes. Not so here. My 3 year old understandably was quite scared. So parents of little kids beware. You might want to stick to the corny old stuff and the lame 80's movies like the Boo Brothers and the Reluctant Werewolf. Of course, then you'll have to contend with the annoying big-mouthed Scrappy Doo who everyone hates.
The In Crowd (2000)
The In Crowd Belongs In The Outhouse
Some movies are so bad that they are good. Not this one. The screenplay must have been written over a weekend. It's amazing that a movie with a cast this good-looking is so unsexy. Why on Earth didn't they have some decent sex scenes to make up for the lame plotline? A good, sexy scene between hottie Susan Ward and adonis Ethan Erickson might have justified giving it more than a 2 on a 1-to-10 scale. Reading another commenter's remark that this was one of the best movies they had ever seen makes me wonder if they have only seen Pauley Shore and Tom Green movies.
Killing Zoe (1993)
A Movie That Goes Horribly Wrong
Yet another entry in the seemingly endless series of films about a crime that goes horribly wrong. (The original such film from the 1950's, "The Killing" by Stanley Kubrick about a botched racetrack heist told from multiple viewpoints was clearly a big influence on Quentin Tarantino and his former friend Mr. Avary).
When I rented this movie a few years ago, I absolutely hated it. It has no redeeming value; I don't even recall any clever dialogue. It was a dud at the box office and for good reason. I am puzzled by some of the positive user comments and wonder if those users have ever seen a movie that they didn't like.
Rightly or wrongly, the French come off very badly in this film. The bank robbery itself is very violent. If only there were some good dialogue, the violence would not be so offputting.
Killing Zoe is a bad way of killing time.
Planet of the Apes (1968)
One Of The Defining Films Of The 1960's
Science fiction was revived in 1968 with the release of Planet of the Apes and 2001: A Space Odyssey. Planet has a true 60's feel to it, but holds up well and is not dated. The script by Rod Serling and Michael Wilson is brilliant and contains lines still quoted today on TV shows like The X-Files and The Simpsons ("Take your stinkin' paws off me, you damn dirty ape.") The Jerry Goldsmith score really enhances the action sequences.
The famous final scene is the most visually stunning ending ever and should be seen on widescreen/letterbox video or DVD.
If it hadn't been for the unexpected financial success of Planet, 20th Century Fox would not have taken the gamble on Star Wars. Both projects had been turned down by all the other studios.