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Hugh_Janus
Reviews
Briana Loves Jenna (2001)
Genius
Easily one of the finest films ever made. Beautiful, pneumatic blondes, a techno soundtrack and some bizarre sub-plot involving Jenna and a "psychoanalyst." Intellectual this ain't but there's plenty of action. My favourite scene is actually in the outtakes at the end - Jenna, Briana, giant black strap-on. Briana to Jenna, "Ow! Now that's what I call penetration!" See this movie... 10/10
Glitter (2001)
Mariah's Assets
Two words can describe what Mariah Carey has managed to bring to this movie. Great Funbags. Other than that, it has to be said she brings nothing. Mind you, it wouldn't have mattered if Mariah had brought an Oscar-worthy performance to this tepid, shallow, mind-numbingly awful film. Much like her high-note warblings, you just want this film to end before your ears start bleeding. Or before you gouge out your eyes. 0.1/10 (funbags get recognition)
Timecop (1994)
Amazing
What's amazing is that the producers decided to go ahead with making this movie. The one consolation is that I have now vowed never to watch anything with Jean-Claude van Spam in it ever again. 1/10 (Mia Sara sex scene warrants several points, otherwise this could have been a negative score)
Out for Justice (1991)
Why oh why
This is film is actually quite enjoyable. In the same way as being diagnosed with an STD. Only it is more embarrassing to admit to having seen this film than explaining an STD to your wife/husband/girlfriend/boyfriend. 50/50 as to which is more painful. The only thing saving this film is its mercifully short length. And Gina Gershon. 0/10