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Reviews
Micheal's Storm (2005)
One of the worst I have ever seen
I saw this movie when it came out with two other independent films including a great documentary called "Code of Silence" by a smart and talented film student named Amy Happ. This movie seemed to involve some kind of bizarre problems with the television cable of this house and vague threatening phone calls. The main character seems completely weird, boring, and gives us no reason to like him or care about him. The movie was confusing including the ending which made no sense. The material I have seen written about the movie seems to think it is about self discovery and forgiveness. If Micheal learned something I wish he had shared it with his perplexed audience. Forgiveness; I think the producer of this film should be asking forgiveness from those who were cursed to have suffered through it. I've sat through cat food commercials that gave me more enjoyment that this movie. A pretentious film that tries to make you feel you are not as enlightened as it is. I say a film that does not have the slightest idea of what a "plot" is !Thank God this movie only wasted 21 minutes of my life.
The Touch of Satan (1971)
But what can I, a single puss, do ?
**This review is based on the MST3K version of the movie.**
This is a movie about a direction-less, spineless, and unlikable "hero" ( or at least the producer's idea of one) named Jodie who drives out to the country to eat his sandwich and meets a farm girl named Melissa. Melissa has a slight problem being that about 120 years ago she sold her soul to Satan and with our "hero" Jodie ( a male ) on the job the chances for correcting this problem do not look good. Jodie ends up spending a couple of days with Melissa at her family's walnut farm with her drab family who we do not care for or find interesting except for her old and ugly sister who makes a few appearances to murder people.
The acting is bad but what will really get to you is the SLOW dialog between the two main characters. If you edited out half the gaps between their words the conversation might actually appear to flow normally but since this was not done you are simply left with big gaps where audience members ( the smart ones that is ) will run out of patience and leave the room. It is amazing that the editor left these scenes in; "Yes, no room for improvement here. Another perfect take HA HA!" Speaking of amazing, the song "Amazing Grace" is featured about half a dozen times toward the end of the film. It would have been interesting to have seen this in the theater to see how much the audience groaned when the song started for the third or fourth time. I am sure that a collective "Not again !" drowned out the first measure of the fourth, fifth, and sixth renditions of the song.
About the only good thing about the movie is the woman who plays Melissa. She is most pleasant to look at. You think with a few, make that A LOT of acting lessons, her career could have been salvaged but it was not to be. With the mean-spirited and well-crafted remarks of the Mystery Science Theater gang the viewing experience will be about an 8 1/2. This is one of their best projects. They really tear this movie apart which is exactly what it deserves. Without them I only issue this warning; DO NOT WATCH THIS FILM ! YOU WILL BE SORRY ! I GAVE IT A 2 OUT OF 10 AND I MEAN IT !!!
**** SEMI-SPOILER AHEAD****
Our "hero" Jodie lets us down right to the end of the film. No surprise that a guy who takes THREE DAY lunch breaks is not a champion overcomer of adversity. Non-Christians will find the ending unclimatic but Christians will probably find it offensive much like I did. Remember, throwing a rock or an empty beer bottle at your television will not hurt those who are responsible for this film so just write a scathing review like I did. God Bless Mike and his robot friends.
Run, Joe, Run (1974)
Wasted time on a Saturday
I remember seeing the promos for this series and my brothers and I thought it looked kind of interesting but after a short time it just became repetitious and depressing. A stately, do-gooding dog who is falsely accused of attacking his trainer is chased from town to town, never able to just become the beloved household pet that all dogs long to be. The series was certainly original in that it was the first (and thankfully last) German Sheperd soap opera on television. Rather depressing and I am not surprised that it is not in syndication the way other Saturday morning shows from my youth are like Scooby Doo. How the writers thought that this would become a big hit with children I will never know and what a premise ???!!! In 1974 our military couldn't come up with a task force to look into how exposure to Agent Orange harmed our troops but they evidently had the time and personnel to chase this one dog all over this great land of ours. Even at age 9 I should have realized how ridiculous this idea was. By the way, I am shocked that this series is actually remembered by 4 people outside of family. This is one OBSCURE show.
Blade Runner (1982)
Most overrated science fiction film ever ?
I finally saw this movie on DVD about a year ago; Boy was I disappointed ! A critically acclaimed film ( How did that happen ? ) featuring Harrison Ford during his Hans Solo years sounded like a great way to spend an evening. A brief summary is to say this film is WAY TOO BORING. I once constantly thinking " OK, they are just laying some important plot groundwork now and I am sure that in 5 minutes some really great action is going to start ". Those 5 minutes ended up being the last 20 minutes or so of the movie. The rest of the time you get an interesting view of a 1982 director's concept of the era which we are now living in but the rest is JUST SO SLOW. As my friend who brought the DVD over was taking it back out of the player, he turned to my brother and I and said " I'm sorry " and that pretty much sums up how I had felt about having wasted my evening watching this film. I did learn one thing from watching this movie ( Other than IT SUCKED! ) and that is now matter how imaginative science fiction is, without a healthy dose of action you are almost doomed to boredom. Why some of these reviewers would willingly choose to watch this movie more than one time is beyond me. For great science fiction I will cast my vote for the original " Star Wars ", ( Good job Mr. Ford )and the original " Star Trek " TV series. Honorable mention also to " The Final Countdown " and " War of the Worlds ".
The Gods Must Be Crazy (1980)
One of the few who found this movie terribly unfunny
So here I am finally a member and able to write user comments and I have decided that my first task is TO BASH THIS MOVIE !!! OK, perhaps bash is a bit strong but considering I had heard that this was such a great comedy when I saw it way back in 1985 and almost every other user is just talking about it as if seeing this movie was such a positive and life-changing experience I had to warn those who have not seen it about the awful truth ; It is JUST NOT FUNNY .To be fair, it was interesting in a National Geographic kind of way and the bushman is certainly a likeable fellow but as a comedy, it is completely overrated.I remember having a FEW CHUCKLES during my viewing but to go in with expectations on the scale on Monty Python's Holy Grail I must say that I came out of the theater feeling like my money had been stolen under false pretenses.If you ignore my warning and choose to watch this movie hoping for loads of laughs,I can only hope that you have a collection of Three Stooges or Simpsons episodes to watch because brother you are going to need them to get the bitter taste of disappointment out of your mouth.