Change Your Image
happymf
Reviews
Autumn (2009)
This movie will crap in your mouth and call it a sundae.
Imagine that Ulli Lommel and Uwe Boll created an autistic clone together and gave it a low budget as well as a cast of failed alcoholic Shakespeareans, aspiring gay porn stars and homely film school girls and demanded that it create a film so bad that by comparison they're own cinematic abominations seemed like high art. Now imagine that that same film had not even one novel plot element, interesting visual affectation or a single sentence of believable dialog. In many cases these might be the ingredients for an unintentionally hilarious film experience, but it as at that level it fails most of all. Not a single aspect of this film was redeeming on any honest or ironic level. It felt entirely contrived by a group of unimaginative filmmakers whose compulsion to just get in there and make a film blinded them to the possibility of making a good film. Or a film with any artistic or entertainment merit whatsoever. This may not be the worst film I have ever seen, but it is the worst one that I can review without be reduced to the primal compulsion to urinate on my keyboard and throw my own feces at the monitor. And that threshold was nearly crossed several times in this single para...SPLAT!
Diary of a Cannibal (2007)
Starwipe
The only interesting part of this movie was the true story which inspired it, however, even that is lost in a never ending parade of cuts, fades and pointless scenes. There are certain unspoken rules about the appropriate number of scenes, the repeated use of single scenes and timing that Ulli Lommel (Director) either doesn't understand or chooses (unfortunately) not to obey. The characters are whisper thin, and the story almost absent. Top this off with ultra low budget digital film quality, poor acting and a hollow cliché of a soundtrack. Unless you really just enjoy bad films, there is no reason whatsoever for me to recommend this to you. This movie, like Lollels other work, is a waste of time, money and space.