Reviews

Ghost Trap (AKA Little Ghost Getter) is a low-budget film with little going for it. Shot for a buck twenty-nine and some Green Stamps, the effects, acting, editing, and script never manage to take flight. I bought the film from a video store in the cheap, used, section. I thought it might be cute, but it is no Girl Vs. Monster (a Disney flick that also shadows Ghostbusters). The reviewer who said it makes Ed Wood (of Planet 9 from Outer Space) look like Shakespeare was spot on. Having watched the movie, I doubt I will view it ever again, unless I wish to torture someone into a confession.

In an unusual move for a direct to video release, the original soundtrack by Livingwithanangel has been released on CD, and MP3, as Ghost Trap (Ost) with the Ghost Trap Theme, BarageGand (revisited), Let's Do This, I Love To Boogie (Jig Mix), Dangerous, Capture Rapture, Ghost Trap Theme (instrumental), Effectively Yours, Ghost Dog (edit), Gearing Up, The Courtroom, Dazed and Confused, Arrivals and Departures, & The Capturing Suite. The music is not inspiring and sounds more on the order of cheap video game sound.

Warning: Here there be spoilers

The plot itself starts alright; a bright young student, named Cynthia Carter, creates a small rocket as part of a science project. Two of her friends speculate if this experiment will result in disaster as so many others have. Upon firing the rocket it quickly goes out-of-control and causes a number of accidents each of which build into a Rube Goldberg sequence resulting in an old woman, named Isabelle Gotham, being injured by a skateboard. Cynthia is before a judge with a lawyer saying Mrs. Gotham wants the kid sent away to prison for her crimes; the judge decides to sentence Cynthia to community service by helping Mrs. Gotham with meals, cleaning, and anything else until the is able to help herself. Cynthia keeps hearing a dog, where there is no dog and noises where there are no people. We quickly discover that Mrs. Gotham is involved in the occult, but it turns out she is only trying to contact her dead husband and clear his name. She needs 3 people to summon her husband and has managed to capture 3 ghosts: Me-Myself-and-I, a Librarian Ghost, and a Judge Ghost (who for some reason wears an English barrister's wig) to help, but the connection cannot be established. How does one call up 3 spirits, but cannot call up another? I have no idea.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch… school, the science teacher shows Cynthia a device that allows the wearer to see electromagnetic energy and, when she tried it on, sees Me-Myself-&-I. In cleaning the basement, Cynthia manages to capture the ghost dog and takes it to the teacher. The dog escapes, but the teacher's devices do hold it briefly and the three children are equipped with gadgets go back to the house and taking care of business. Me-Myself-&-I, has to be caught three times (which is never explained, but then they never explain why he is eating stuff from the refrigerator either.) During the chase a picture falls off the wall and reveals a letter proving Mr. Gotham was innocent, but that the current mayor of the town did the crime. A brief reunion between the husband and wife ensues and he leaves. The Judge Ghost walks Cynthia through a court proceeding to vacate the conviction of Mr. Gotham and start an investigation of the mayor.

A family inherits a Romanian mansion and discovers the family's secret When the Sands family inherits a Romanian mansion, they travel to the old country with the intention to sell the spooky property. The caretaker Madame V (Brooke Shields) resembles Frau Blücher from Young Frankenstein, down to an animal sound whenever her name is spoken (a wolf, in this case). Jordan and her brother, Hunter, come along to enjoy the sites, but (in another Young Frankenstein nod) discover the hidden lab. Jordan comes into contact with the blood of a werewolf when she steps on a broken vile and becomes a werewolf. The father becomes interested in a local real estate agent, Paulina, who is offering to sell the property for the family. Paulina seems to return that interest; however we soon learn that she has her own reasons for wanting to gain control of the mansion. Hunter turns to Madam V who informs him that his family has been the protectors of the town for centuries and werewolves are good things, but there is a formula to cure Jordan's condition. Some people are bloodline werewolves, while others are not. Without a bloodline werewolf, the vampires will rise up and the world will suffer. When Paulina turns out to be the vampire in charge, things begin to get interesting and lead to the Sands family being chained up. Hunter surprises everyone when he suddenly turns into a bloodline werewolf, breaks his chains and a battle begins. The vampires loose and Paulina seems to have been destroyed. The family keeps the mansion, inherits a large amount of money, Jordan is cured, and Madam V has a home and a job for life. Returning to America the family returns to "normal" life and the father takes them, and a date to the movies. As they leave a moving van is parked across the street and it is revealed that Paulina is moving in to continue her efforts to establish the vampire realm. There is nothing in the movie that hasn't been seen before, but the treatment is fun and the acting good. OK, it is not Shakespeare, but come on folks; it is a werewolf Vs. vampire movie for kids. Turn off the old think melon and enjoy a bit of silly entertainment.

I have to admit, I agree with most of the complaints about "Butt Ugly Martians;" however, I feel it did have one redeeming quality about it and that item was Robert Stack as the voice of Stoat Muldoon, Alien Hunter. In my opinion, the only reason to watch the show is to listen to Robert Stack as he does a take off of his old TV "Untouchables"character. In most of the episodes the over-the-top Stoat has his mind blanked after discovering the Martians. The mind wipe ends with Stoat folding onto the ground and saying something along the lines of, "I don't like the darkness, Mommie." I only tuned into the show because I learned Stack was to be on the show and continued to watch because of him, but I was not supervised to see it canceled.

One of the all-time-best episodes of the hit show, "Shady Deal at Sunny Acres" tells the story of how Bret is cheated by a small town banker and gets his $15,000 back. For most of the episode Bret sits outside the hotel whittling and telling people, "I'm working on it." Meanwhile, Brother Bart rides into town and convinces the banker that he has a sure-fire scheme to make a bundle of money. Banker Bates, played brilliantly by John Denher, is taken in completely and, and after an audit suggested by Bret, ends up in jail when the bank's funds turn up $15,000 shy. As Bret leaves town everybody turns to look at the rocking chair Bret had been sitting in and trying to figure out how he did it. I remember watching this when it first aired and it has always been my favorite episode.

Tornado! came out a few days before the more famous Twister, but has almost the same concept behind it. Scientists are trying to put an instrument in the path of a tornado. There are storm chases, a rival meteorologist, a love interest, and surviving a tornado by tying themselves down to an object on the ground. The plots are not absolutely identical, the love interest is an accountant, nicknamed The Terminator, who was sent from Washington to kill the project, the rival meteorologist eventually helps the hero of the piece, and the effects are minimal; however, as I watched I kept wondering if writers have all run out of new ideas or if cross-pollination existed between the two movie productions. Global warming is dragged in as an excuse to explain the desire to cut the project's funding. I think the plot would have been better if it would have stuck to just a simple budget cutting and not tried to piggy-back environmentalism onto it. There are a lot of Senators and Congressmen who come from tornado prone areas and a simple budget cut would be a much better argument. The oddest part of the movie has the characters tied down to the instrument pack when the tornado hits and then running to the storm cellar while they are in the eye of the tornado. The eye of the tornado is dead calm and lasts, at least, five minutes during which the grandfather tries to prevent the rock-steady data package from blowing away. Remember, the data package is the same object that kept three people from blowing away when the storm first hit. The acting is alright, though not terrific, and it is an adequate movie to watch.

The show follows the adventures of a milk-toast accountant who is a dead-ringer for a dead foreign agent. The dead man is a super agent in the James Bond mold. Phyfe is recruited recruited to impersonate the dead man, but is hampered by being completely unqualified for the job. In one episode, Phyfe, as the dead agent is supposed to torture an American agent to get information. Phyfe, trying to stall until the good guys arrive, keeps pacing back and forth and saying things such as, "I could do... No, they are too well trained for that." The problem is that Phyfe's shoes squeak and the American agent has sweat dripping off his forehead and he watches, in horror, the shoes going squeak, squeak, squeak. The poor agent is going nuts listening to the shoes. The other enemy agents are getting impatient for something to be done when the American agent, suddenly, cracks and says that he will tell them anything they want, but only if they make Phyfe remove his shoes. Naturally the enemy agents are impressed by the master spy's ability to get information. At this point the good guys arrive and keep the information from being transfered. The show was funny and well written, but never caught on.

I watched "Chariots of the Gods," as it was known as in the United States, when it was originally released and was rather bored by it, if it were not for the great footage of sites from all over the world I would have probably fallen asleep. The narration is bland, uninspiring,and uninformative. There are a few cases where the narration is unintentionally funny. When discussing a 40,000 year old bison skull the movie states the bison was killed by a high speed bullet and, "The beast was alive when killed." I didn't mean to say it out loud, but I said, "Most animals ARE alive when they are killed. How else could they be killed?" and got a good laugh from the audience near me. As is typical in this sort of film things are taken out of context, questions are asked, but not answered, and simpler explanations are ignored. I bought my copy as part of a double feature DVD issued by EastWestDVD.com. The second feature on the disk is a turkey entitled "Astral Factor" and also known as, "Invisible Strangler." I think the most telling thing about this movie is that the credits say it is "Based upon the novels" by Erich von Däniken which indicates that the producers felt the premise of the film was fictional. I have never understood how the movie was ever nominated for an Oscar in the best documentary category, because as I was leaving the theater, everyone I heard talking about the film felt they had wasted their money. At $1.00, or 50¢ if you divide it over the two films, the movie is worth watching for the location shots.

A rather pathetic movie with poor dialog, poor music, poor acting, and isn't quite bad enough to be funny. "Invisible Stranger," also known as "Astral Factor," follows police efforts to track an insane killer. To make things more interesting the killer has managed to learn how to make himself invisible. I am amazed that the movie, filmed in 1976, was not released until 1984. I would have thought the company would have wanted to get something out of this turkey. I got my copy from a DVD Double Feature, produced by EastWestDVD.com, at a dollar store because the disk also had "Chariots of the Gods" on it. At 50¢ the movie is still overpriced. I enjoy watching a lot of the "so bad they are funny films," but this one is just bad.