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Reviews
The Witches Hammer (2006)
B Movie Goodness!
B movies are supposed to be a thing of the past. Cheap graphics, half-formed stories, and bad acting was supposed to have stopped around the same time as black and white. Not so with this movie. It's got everything you expect from a B movie, and much much more.
However, as B movies go, it's actually a fairly decent flick. The actors are clearly taking themselves very seriously, and the fact that they can do so is almost humorous. If you're into B movies like I am, this is actually one worth seeing just for kicks. If not, let me explain why the movie is horrible by modern standards:
The fight scenes are preformed in the rigid choreography associated with such films, and the fact that no more than two moves are ever seen together in the same shot leads one to believe that they never actually fought, but instead filmed move-by-move, and then ineptly mashed together.
The storyline is clunky at best. It's fairly clear that the author never actually planned out the story, but instead put a bunch of ideas that he/she thought was awesome into a semi- understandable order, and ran with it. The odd stale joke is thrown in for good measure, though I have to admit that I found myself legitimately chuckling at some lines. If you've seen Black Sheep, it's sorta like that, but unintentional.
I'm not going to comment on the graphics. It's a B movie. You can probably guess for yourself.
Overall, I'm gonna give this a 5/10. It deserves less, but the ridiculousness of the movie is almost a bonus in a strange way.
Jumper (2008)
More holes than a minigun target
This movie was not awful, but it certainly wasn't good by any stretch of the imagination. It COULD have been, but it wasn't.
The movie doesn't tell you how jumping is achieved (wormholes) until maybe 70 minutes in, and even then you have to look for it to catch it. And how do people create wormholes? Well, if you read the description of the movie, you'd learn that its a genetic anomaly, but not only does this not make sense, but it's not mentioned in the movie.
And how do you jump? Well, you have to have a picture of it. Or do you need a memory of it? Or do you just sorta choose where you want to go, and you're there? By the end, the best answer you'll have is "you go where the script tells you."
The antagonist is just strung full of holes. It's some guy who wants to kill jumpers. No, wait, it's a team of people. No, it's just one. No, it's a team. OK, it's a team, but only one person on that team is really important, and the rest are just along for the ride or something. And his/their reason is about as vague as how many there are. They want to kill jumpers because they think jumpers are evil. Why are jumpers evil? Well, because they're evil. Good luck breaking it down any further than that.
There is the occasional action scene, but for an idea as cool as "jumping," the scenes are incredibly mundane. Punches, kicking, fire, explosions. Some sorta wire that stops people from jumping, but only if the plot allows for it. Even without plot, the action scenes could have been phenomenal. But they weren't.
The acting, graphics, and sound in the movie were all very good. But unless you're willing to sacrifice plot to have those three, I would highly suggest not seeing this movie.