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heelveelbierman
Reviews
100 Million BC (2008)
Another Asylum one that reeled me in
Like a prehistoric crocodile inside some shaky cam experience that looks as bad as it looks fake, I fell for the name luring bait once more. I saw the name in the tv guide and thought it was 10000 bc. But that added 0 is exactly the rating this one deserves.
It's asylum, the first 2-3 seconds tends to make you realize the mistake.
It's a fun movie to poke at...and boy are there many things to poke at.
Worrying about time travel paradoxes while the clue where the lost expedition is could have already caused the paradox. Hell, one guy is drawing ufo cave drawings for fun...
Bringing a grandpa as the sole person with a clue how to get back while the process of arriving has a random chance of fusing you in a tree or such. He's huffing and puffing from exhauston most fo the movie and would make ideal prey for the very very very fake dino's. Not that the navy seal team bothered to do any research or get a proper prep, cause they are all useless too.
I think the only reason some of them survive is cause the dino's realized letting such bad actors continue with their struggling career would be more cruel than eating them.
There's really nothing in this movie done well. The story sucks. The acting is abysmal, some of the situational response just made me shake my head. The effects are laughable too; the eye shot, the raptors...or when it jumps to bite a helicopter...just LOL. The sound design is all over the place. At one point I reset my sound bar cause I thought it had desynced with the picture...but yeah, it was not the sound bar's fault.
And yet, I watched the whole thing. WIth a beer and a chuckle/groan.
Knight Rider: Knight Rider (2008)
truly pondered to stop watching
well, it was a .......interesting experience. Though one mostly filled with irritations. While i didn't mind the lead guy nor the voice of kitt, the whole ford show did become a nuisance. And kitt was disappointing, it had a nice miles per gallon ratio, great for every environmental concerned viewer and it could tap into security systems...ooh and change color and then blatantly drive past the baddies who really do not seem to notice it is the same car with a different color. The plot irritated me most of all though...it is clearly not even remotely as bulletproof as the car is. we have a genius, who works together with the pentagon to create an uber control system that could start wars and bring down pretty much anything. I don't know what the pentagon's general attitude to 'working at home' is but i reckon such a project might end up being a bit better protected, on account of it causing global terror and such. so when the genius and his double are suspicious of bad guys, they split up....instead of just getting in their super bullet proof car.... which also has every code needed to use the project. and then the fbi steps in....oh it might just be a heart attack so we'll just send someone over....we're still talking about someone having a super high tech world y chaos creating development right? i reckon the place would be swarming with government personal to at least go and pick up all that sensitive software that should still be there. but no, let's just send out one agent, who still gets no full backup when the doomsday terror information is gone........ so therefor, when she gets to hear the location of the two people to decrypt the info and the car with the decryption, she puts the phone on speaker so that some locally picked up small town sheriff can listen along...yes very good Miss Fbi, must have slept trough the 'dealing with sensitive intel' class eh? this leads to 3 bad guys with guns entering the last possible location where the much needed genius could be. Our heroes must think they will also take a coffee break there cause they are having an emotional moment a few meters outside of the motel. Not smart, especially not if your Kitt car is running on windows xp, as it's defense against hacking is rather pathetic. so the genius is able to write an unbreakable encryption for his hard drives, but the car this encryption is on is protected by a 30 sec hackable system? of course the fact that they actually get in these problems is cause the girl refuses to go to the fbi after her father might be killed and she's driving around with a top secret machine. Throwing a little fit and he, of they go to face bad guys so she can stand around and be utterly useless. this very distressing 'my father might be dead and we have to get the bad guys' is quickly forgotten though as they make time for a 'why did you leave me' interlude. and there's some more holes i the plot...well OK, it's mostly holes with some plot really. the only thing that did amuse me was in the end when the baddies car crashed and the fbi agent checks to see if the small town sheriff is dead and smiles when she finds out he is. i immediately thought 'she's glad the one witness to her completely stupid information leaking is dead so she can't get her ass fired for it' so a disappointing movie, though i somewhat appreciated how they tied this knight rider to the old one and didn't just go for the easy road 'there was no kitt and Micheal Knight, they did not exist' way. but the awful writing just really took most of the fun away for me. but at least it made me slightly less annoyed about bad cg effects and lack of general character depth.