Reviews

Before you begin, this review contains minor spoilers. No strong plot points are revealed, but you may be able to venture a few correct guesses about the film after reading this.

I saw "Grindhouse" the day it came out. First off, let's start with the overall review: the fake trailers were superb, "Planet Terror" was phenomenal, and "Death Proof" could not have been more out of place. I wish I had left after the second set of fake trailers. I would have been happier. Continuing on.

Let's start with "Machete". Brilliant trailer! The "X" rating was the perfect touch.

Let's get more thorough. As I said before, "Planet Terror" was phenomenal. Absolutely perfect. It had all the necessary touches of what the classic grindhouse has been described to contain. The film is aged, almost-integral footage is missing from the film, and it was so unbelievably campy. Every single cast member put forth their best efforts to produce this raw reinventing of the zombie film. Everything about it was perfect, including the absolute bombshell that is Rose McGowan. The driving force behind PT is it's insatiable appetite for gore, and it has officially taken the position of the goriest film ever made. No matter how hard I try, I can't think of a single flaw in PT. I would have changed the ending to suit my own preference, but Rodriguez made the right decision. I'll say it again: Planet Terror was PERFECT! The fake trailers. Following PT is a set of fake trailers to three films: "Werewolf Women of the SS", "DON'T", and "Thanksgiving". My personal favorite was "Thanksgiving", directed by Eli Roth. As far as I know, there has never been a horror film centered around Thanksgiving. Many other holidays have been blessed with their own nauseatingly campy horror films, and Thanksgiving is now no exception, as long as you ignore the fact that we'll never actually get to see it. "WWOTSS", by Rob Zombie, was enjoyable. Not much more to say about it. "DON'T", by Edgar Wright, was equally enjoyable. But hands down, the best part of the fake trailers: Nicholas Cage as Fu Manchu. Priceless. Absolutely gold.

At this point of the movie, I should have left. Ten minutes in, I should have just gone with my gut and got the hell out of the theater, because the fun was over.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I'm talking about "Death Proof". It has been my understanding that grindhouse films were supposed to be exploitations of violence, sex, and all that other naughty stuff. GH had it all until DP began. Death Proof is, by far, the most self-indulgent and mundane piece of film I've ever seen. I love the idea of using a car as a weapon, but Quentin Tarantino, who has never failed to impress me, completely lost touch of what the film should have been. DP was riddled with soul-sucking dialog and, in a near 90-minute film, had a total of less than one minute of violence, and about twenty minutes of action. Do the math; that's about an hour of nothing but dialog. I love Tarantino's dialog in his other films. It's interesting, thought-provoking, and never fails to entertain, whereas DP was plastered with conversations of "who has the weed", "who had sex with who", and "who's gonna get a lap dance". Honestly, if QT had double-dipped into the Royale with Cheese lesson from "Pulp Fiction", I would have been hooked, but the worthless drivel of DP simply does not pass as entertaining dialog. Yes, there was a car chase near the end, but it takes so painfully long to happen, and it seems to last longer. I'll also add that DP looked aged for maybe 5 minutes and then it took on the look of a modern, brand new film. Tarantino should have left GH alone and focused his work on the still-in-production-after-three-years "Inglorious Bastards". I enjoyed less than three minutes of "Death Proof", and I'm wishing that QT will come out and say "Hey, just joking, here's the real film." There you have it. Excellent film if you don't count Death Proof. This is all my opinion. Some people, including famous film critics, are calling DP infinitely better than PT, but I can't defend their argument. I simply did not like DP at all, and I consider it Tarantino's only bad movie. It will be the black sheep of my DVD collection, only because I won't have a choice but to buy it if I want PT. I suggest you see GH from start to the bitter finish and form your own opinion. You may like it. I'll be returning to theaters to see PT again, but after the final fake trailer, I'll be coming home and watching Kill Bill.

I'm giving "Grindhouse" a 6 out of 10 because, regardless of all it's many strong points, I still felt ripped off when it was over, not only for the money I paid, but for the weak pay-off after the massive amount of anticipation, not to mention a completely misleading trailer for the film.

Thanks for reading, folks. I really hope you like the movie.

The concept is great - give 6 people weapons and let them start killing each other. But when they killed Merritt Wever, the film lost it's flavor and became a crappy, yet twisted love story. Personally, I wanted Lindsay Berns to win. I'm a fan of Merritt Wever, and when her character was brutally beaten to death (by a frickin' cane, how dumb is that?), I just didn't care to watch the movie anymore. It's just not believable after that. Are we supposed to think that she got beaten to death by a 72 year-old man with a metal cane? He was barely hitting her with it!

Character development was good, for the most part. The movie focused mainly on Dawn and Jeffrey, and very little on Franklin. Everyone else is in between. Development of Connie's character was really good, as I really wanted her to die. Her first kill was tactless and she was a b*tch.

But that's just me. I'm biased. All around good movie.

This was a decent installment to the classic Peanuts series, and i was enjoying it thoroughly, that is until 10 minutes into it, when one of the children broke into a rap and they all began break-dancing. I don't know about anyone else, but Peanuts doesn't exactly scream "rap music". It revived itself after the sequence, but there was bad hip-hop/funk music during the entire program. Again, I didn't experience that classic peanuts feeling. However, this is only one of the many specials, and it's still not that bad. There are just the listed item to look past, and you should enjoy yourself, but compared to the others in the series, this is the worst one.

DEATH SCENE SPOILERS - but who cares? You shouldn't ever see this crap anyway.

This movie was bad...just bad. I would rather watch an American Idol/Making the Band/Who Wants To Be A Millionaire marathon that sit through this pile of garbage again. This movie had everything that makes a bad movie: Bad acting, bad cinematography (home-made movie look), bad special effects, ridiculous death scenes...BAD EVERYTHING! I watched 30 minutes of this movie and immediately took it back to the video store, where the manager was so kind as to let me exchange it, free of charge.

Here are the 3 death scenes I could actually sit through:

1) Hot stupid girl gets spine ripped out and is treated like a puppet, ventriloquist-style.

2) Decapitation by giant scissors. Just one clean run through the neck with giant scissors. 'Nuff said.

3) Laughing to death. The 2 cartoons begin to do funny dances in front of the 4 obligatory stupid teens, at which point one teens veins begin to dilate and bleed, followed by a hefty helping of internal organs right through the mouth.

I turned it off and took it back after that. Don't waste your time. If you want a good/great movie, rent "The Dangerous Lives Of Alter Boys." I had the pleasure of viewing this masterpiece of a film, but that's for another review.

As classic a story as this is, I couldn't help but notice the strikingly similar death sequences between this movie and past horror movies, most credit going to Thirteen Ghosts and Resident Evil. Although VERY well made, the death scenes are extremely gruesome, disturbing, horrifying, etc...

The opening sequence features a brutal, absolutely nauseating, and very "Resident Evil-ish" death scene in which each dancing passenger on the main deck is sliced in half by an out-of-control wire, followed by a more-than-wholesome shot of each victim sliding apart and attempting to piece themselves back together. Other death scenes include falling down an elevator shaft, drowning, burning to death, and most notably being crushed by two giant boat gears. Eventually, director Steve Beck entertains his audience with disturbing scenes of passengers being poisoned (visible vomiting not excluded), or just being shot into a body-filled pool, holocaust style.

Maybe it's just me, but this movie was purely disturbing, but not at all entertaining. I'm just glad I didn't pay to see it, or else I would be REALLY disgusted.

Bottom line: Don't waste your time. If you absolutely HAVE to see this movie, take a strong stomach with you, and leave the popcorn at the concession stand.