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joe-elliott2
Reviews
Dead Space (2008)
Stunning! Words cannot describe this game!
But I'll do my best... First off, you can tell Dead Space is going to be something else, for years the survival-horror genre has been ruled by Resident Evil, but now it has competition, SERIOUS competition. From the moment the game begins, you know its going to be scary, the dark rooms, the sounds that you recognise but still get you. Savour the lights of the sun and the entry lounge, there'll be few others from now in. You immediately get the feeling of terrible isolation due to the change from the traditional HUD layout (now built into your suit) and the nerve-shredding audio and gruesome visuals lock you into a horrific floating haunted house... It is clear that serious work has gone into this game, it is evident through every media that something SERIOUSLY bad has happened. Think mass infection and mutation followed by a systematic slaughterhouse on a gigantic spaceship.Voices scream from the shadows with gruesome messages scrawled onto the walls. And then there's the Necromorphs... I cannot think of a scarier and more disturbing game villain and the strategic dismemberment is a stroke of genius. And they're clever too. That's the scary part, the AI is incredible, the basic Necromorph can follow you, ambushing you through the vent system, and occasionally side-step bullets, impersonate corpses only to leap out and grab you, oh and still keep coming with no legs, head and only a single arm.
Everything about this game is incredible, the audio, the visuals, the monsters, the story, the gameplay, everything... Buy it. Buy it now! 10/10
Predator (1987)
The Essential Action Movie!
Having not being born when Predator came out, the first I heard about any sort of Predator was the Alien vs. Predator franchise. Therefore I was never too bothered about seeing this movie. And what I was missing out on! I want to start by saying that this is, alongside The Terminator (also staring Ah-nuld Schwazenegger) this is probably the action movie of the eighties. Nothing comes close to the suspense and pure brilliance of this film. The Predator and the lack of it visually creates a genuinely terrifying antagonist who ruthlessly butchers his way through Ah-nuld's elite squad. Ah-nuld himself is brilliant as Dutch, the ripped leader in a film strewn with brilliant one-liners (knock knock!), Ah-nuld was perfect for the role as someone fighting on the side of good rather than the evil monster-type role. Everyone else has a great part and the characters are developed well in the opening scenes, before they're mercilessly butchered. Overall, the action movie to see. Predator-10/10
Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan (2006)
Borat: Cultural Confusion in U S and A make glorious laughter for us
I can think of nothing not to like about Borat. THis isn't some weak comedy held together by a central character, this is a GREAT comedy held together by a central character, and the best comedians of them all, the unsuspecting public... Every set piece from the Kazakh village to the glorious sunshine of California produces non-stop laughs and some of the most horrifically graphic VISUAL jokes (in the hotel(s)) I have ever had the fortunate to see in a hilarious film. I say this not as some sort of paedophile but as a comedy lover who truly fell over laughing at the innocent antics of the lovable Borat Sagdiyev (Kazakhstan's fourth most popular celebrity and don'you forget it!) COngrats to Sacha BAron Cohen(oh by the way, how can you be so racist to JEws, being one yourself. I'm not religious, its just y'know. I dunno if I could do that.) Still, a brilliant film 10/10!
The Day the Earth Stood Still (2008)
Meh, I say, MEH!
First off, I have not seen the original. On a unbiased opinion I thought that this film merited a meh, I've seen better. For a 'Hollywood Blockbuster', I thought this film was flat. Klaatu couldn't work out if he was good or bad (killing a guy then bringing him back to life merely to announce he was going to destroy the whole human race), and Helen something who had a more important role in her family than stopping Klaatu. I couldn't understand the moans about the lack of 'Gort'. From what I can tell, he appeared after Klaatu was shot, was restrained, he destroyed missiles and smashed planes and tanks. Then he is taken away, they try to kill him and he dissipates into lethal dust and begins killing everyone and everything. GOrt did plenty and was well on his way to committing genocide. To that I will hear no moans of 'where's Gort????' OK. The plot was a bit thin, and some of the acting was odd (particularly, deadpan-and-beginning-to-rot Keanu) but I didn't think the film deserved the bad press. Sure its not a 'classic' but it deserves higher recommendation. Meh, I say, MEH!
Alex Rider: Operation Stormbreaker (2006)
Absolutely Awful
I am a big fan of the Alex Rider books and was so excited when this came out. I never had time to watch it at the cinema so I borrowed it from a friend and watched it. Oh my God. What had happened to the slick action scenes, the witty one-liners, the grudging personality. It was all replaced by utter tripe. I have to say that this is probably the most DISAPPOINTING film I have ever seen. The characters were completely re-invented, the tense moments were removed, the whole ending was redone, the film had nothing on the book. No car chase, no mine swimming, no witty remarks nothing. I was amazed to see that Anthony Horowitz had written the screenplay, it was awful. Try harder in future, guys I mean come on. It was a joke! 2/10. I'm being generous here.
Doctor Who: Blink (2007)
Absolutely F***king Terrifying!
I have to say, Steven Moffat has got to be the best writer Doctor Who has ever had! His stories always stand out head and shoulders in any series, sometimes even eclipsing the finale! And Blink is no exception if anything, its his best yet! The plot, while incredibly complicated, is brilliantly acted and well told. The monsters in the form of scary statues were the scariest f***king things ever in fact the whole story even when the Angels weren't around was menacing with the knowledge that the creatures can shoot around in the BLINK of an eye. Best of Series 3, if not every series so far. 10/10 never more deserved, a chilling story that should be a movie with an at least 15 certificate!
Family Guy (1999)
Disgusting, vulgar, adult, Random, BRILLIANT
This is a brilliant series along the same lines of Simpsons. Following a family as they go through life and problems etc. Slightly less realistic than Simpsons, talking baby and dog anyone? Family Guy goes where SImpsons or Futurama dares not, reaching past into the sicker jokes and more racy gags. And believe me, it works! Almost all the gags hit the mark and they'll have you in stitches(especially the random, frequent flashbacks!) When my brother first showed me this I wasn't hooked but after a few episodes I was hooked. You will be 2. 10/10 for a truly brilliant show. COngrats to Seth Macfarlane for bringing this show to life. :)
Big Brother (2000)
Wreckage of what should have been a great idea.
This show may have started off half decent but it ages badly and got old quickly. It seems to just be a stage for some truly vile people who now seem to be the average Joe. The worst part of this show is that it COULD have been so good. I mean think about, people under surveillance 24/7. See the average people put in odd situations and locked away from the world. But sadly it was ruined when every chav, tart and odd mental patient signed up. And in an attempt to be 'ground-breaking' the producers picked them. Learn from your mistakes. Stop making this tripe.
I mean did the celebrity version not make enough people vomit for the producers to be satisfied?????
1/10 all the way... PS. If you want to see these people getting what we're begging for, then watch Dead Set by Charlie Brooker. Stress-relief...
Stand by Me (1986)
Charming coming-of-age film
'Stand By Me' is the story of four kids who set out to find the body of a friend, they learn about each other and their friendship grows. Stand By Me is a fantastic film, a kind of guilty pleasure.
The story is simple, four kids look for a body, see? simple. I was expecting more blood or gore from Steven King but it is very restrained and there is very little violence etc. for a 15 (at the time i guess, and it is a Steven King). The other, older gang is pretty tough and happy to speak and act in all kinds of outrageous ways, talking about progress with girlfriends or carving words or pictures into their arms with a knife. Believe me, this is shown pretty graphically in the film. The acting is top-notch, all the boys are portrayed well by brilliant actors, the late River Pheonix gives an especially great performance. Overall, a simple, but charming coming-of-age film. 8/10, a great film that rightly deserves its place in the top 250, if not the top 100. Star Wars? Move over!
The Incredibles (2004)
Incredible! Best superhero movie EVER!
I know it sounds lame but the Incredibles is a masterpiece of movie-making. OK so the Spidermans, Batman, Iron Man etc. are thrilling and epic and so on, but The Incredibles looks at the superhero genre from a different angle, superheroes are outlawed and forced to live normal lives. This is where the whole Incredible family comes in. They are 'accidently on purpose' called in to stop a crisis on an island somewhere that spread to, uhhh, a city somewhere. I forget where. The film is fantastic, 'acting' great, the plot to eliminate all 'supers' works well and every character is great. Watch out for Edna, a great character they should have developed more. Overall, a resounding 10 out of 10 Incredible!
Bruce Almighty (2003)
Averages out to be pretty good
Bruce Almighty is the story of Bruce Nolan, an average man who feels God is messing up his life. God confronts him and show Bruce the error of his ways. Of course, giving someone God's powers could take a turn for the worse. Bruce Almighty is a good comedy, Jim Carrey is good, as always Morgan Freeman is first-rate and seems right at home as God and the cast brings the plot together well. The jokes are almost always on target, although sometimes they resort a bit too much on Carrey's facial expressions. I liked the fact that the movie actually portrayed God, not only that but also as a black man. I thought this quite well, especially with the brilliant Freeman. There are some hilarious scenes, the opening cookie scene for instance, others miss the target slightly but still a good film. 6/7 out of 10
Casino Royale (2006)
Bond is Back!
OK. So there was a lot of controversy over Daniel Craig's appointment as James Bond, 'he's blonde!' etc. But seeing Casino Royale,I can't see what all the fuss was about. Craig is Bond. He fits the role perfectly, tough but with a more emotional side seen surprisingly often. The whole movie, from the crane leaping start to the Venice sinking end, Royale packs a punch. The fight scenes are intense, realistic and brilliantly acted. Shame about no gadgets, but still. Nice cars, nice women, Royale still contains Bond trademarks, there is even a 'Bond, James Bond' at the end. This movie will become a Bond classic! 10/10 this movie deserves nothing less.
MythBusters (2003)
Spoils some old myths and stories but makes entertaining TV
Mythbusters takes ordinary facts or stories and sets out to prove them. Fair enough good idea.
But I have to say, I begin to dislike this series when it begins to spoil movie stunts. OK of course they're not going to work, they're from movies! It does ruin some stunts by disproving them but some of the results are good to see. The guys doing it clearly know what they're doing and some of their experiments produce interesting results, the 'bullet in the crotch' for example. At best, a mediocre 5 out of 10. Sorry I couldn't give it more, after all it is an original idea that SHOULD work but unfortunately after seeing a few episodes at a friends, I'm afraid the show doesn't work for me. Sorry if I have offended anyone in the process of this review.
The Bourne Ultimatum (2007)
Good, all-round Action Flick
The Bourne Ultimatum picks up after the events of the first 2 films, with Matt Damon, aka. Jason Bourne, tracking down a reporter who has been writing articles about him and he tries to find the man's source. After that, the film returns to the traditional 'Bourne' style, a long chase across a whole continent... Bourne Ultimatum packs more of a punch than its predecessors, the action is more intense and the plot is more developed. Jason Bourne again, is a mythical figure in the eyes of the authorities, 'My God. That's Jason Bourne!' and this time he fights the new assassins across half the globe. The acting is great, Matt Damon, perfect as the amnesiac assassin and the rest of the cast play their roles perfectly. The 'shaky' camera may not be to other people's tastes but it adds extra intensity to the fights. Of course, there is the traditional Bourne wit, the 'if you were in your office we would be talking face-to-face.' the gadgets and of course the action. The thinking-man's James Bond. No additional frivolity, just a simple plot brilliantly portrayed. 10/10
Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991)
Fantastic. A must see movie.
Where do I start describing Terminator 2? Opening with a terrifying view of the robot-controlled future that sets the scene for the film, it doesn't slow down once. The acting was superb, the Terminator was tough, the T-1000 suitably creepy, John and Sarah Connor perfect as the crazed mother and renegade child. The dumb thugs, the violent bikers, the suffering police, everyone played their part perfectly. If it was possible for any film to surpass its original. Its this. The fight scenes were perfect and while not too heavy on the gore, the shocks are delivered very well, incuding one characters death, pinned to a fridge. Nasty. Also watch out for the brilliant Cyberdine building fight. Pity Dyson is killed. Ahh... well. He was a good actor. All in all, a brilliant sci-fi action thriller. A must see for any action fan. In fact, watch it anyway. You won't be disappointed. 10/10 if only 11 was an option...