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Reviews
Thumbtanic (2000)
Just Plain Stupid
I watched this on a whim because it was available and I'd heard the Thumb movies were funny. This one was not. The majority of the jokes were based around "Geranium's" physique and, in turn, Kate Winslet's. I think it's really pathetic of the the "Thumbtanic" creators to stoop so low to make jabs at a respected actress just because she (heaven forbid) doesn't starve herself into the model of ideal modern beauty.
My favorite part was the line that goes something like, "Hey, I have a great idea! Let's swim over to this makeshift raft that no one else seems to see!" Thirty seconds of amusement out of a 26 minute movie does not redeem its value.
Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid (1969)
Another plot less movie
So Butch and Sundance run around being chased by some men they don't recognize, and whom they never see up close nor confront. They could give up their lifestyle and try a profession other than robbing banks, but no, they go to Bolivia (because they'll really blend in well *there*) to get away and rob more banks. Pretty soon (but not fast enough) the natives catch on that the two of them are the same white honkies that have been robbing their banks and after a bunch of killing and running, surround them with soldiers and shoot them dead. Hurray.
This was a boooring movie, despite my mother's assurances before we watched it that it was great. I think she just thinks Robert Redford was hot when he was young.
Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World (2003)
A high seas ramble with great attention to detail
After hearing so much about this being a great movie, I decided to rent it and see for myself. The only good thing I can say is that now I've seen it, but I should have saved the five bucks. I loved how accurate everything was, but
Here is the plot: A warship (the H.M.S. "Surprise") captained by "Lucky Jack" Aubrey does battle with the "Acheron" and then chases her around...and around, and around. We see brief glimpses of the men's lives, but not ever enough to care about them or see their struggles. (Yes, Hollom struggles with being an outsider, and other men struggle with losing their friends at sea, but there is never enough of any one person's struggles to make it interesting.) They keep *almost* catching the "Acheron," but never quite do. At the end, they take her, but Jack assumes the "doctor" (actually the disguised French captain) is telling the truth and the "Acheron" and her captain get away. So Jack and Stephen sit down and play a lovely piece by Bocherinni (the best part of the movie, I thought) to pass the time. All of this is accompanied by a strange selection of classical music by Bach, Mozart, Vaughan Williams, and Corelli that does NOT go with the moods portrayed on screen.
I was impressed that Russel Crowe learned to play the violin for the movie, but that did not make up for a two-hour ramble on the high seas.
Marie Antoinette (2006)
"Less" than I expected; plot less, emotionless, humorless, pointless, the list could go on...
The trailer was interesting, but not enough for me to go see it in theater. I found it strange that there wasn't much talking, but thought there would be more in the movie.
Boy, was I wrong! The entire film probably had 200 distinguished (and by that I mean ones that could actually be heard, not just muttering in the background) lines! That might have been okay, if it had been a very stylized movie with a PLOT, but unfortunately there is no plot, either. There was *one* point in the movie, which lasted no more than two minutes, where I actually felt something for one of the characters, and felt like the character was feeling something, not just wandering around in a daze of manners and expensive gowns speaking in a bland voice.
In my opinion, movies have to have at least two of the following: drama, romance, action, mystery, or a highly convoluted plot. "Marie Antoinette" had none of those.