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Red Dawn (1984)
Good Attempt, Ridiculous Presentation
Though I'm not American myself, I am used to the propaganda and flag-waving idiocy in the American media, having reviewed such horrible titles as "The Patriot". This was a bit different, but in the end, it's the same thing.
The plot is rather hectic and sudden, but that's war I suppose. The film opens with normal classes going on at a high school in the Midwest America, and suddenly waves of troops, later shown to be Spetsnaz, flood over the quaint town and completely take it over, putting in into occupation. That's right, the number one fear of every American in the Cold War: complete Soviet takeover. Well, not exactly complete.
A group of teens manage to escape into the woods and mountains surrounding their town, and become dead-set on taking their town back. This is where a plausible, guerrilla situation takes a turn for the stupidly worse. The rest of the film is of little importance. It basically shows the students, now in a group known as "The Wolverines", fighting and beating the you-know-what out of every pesky Russkie that comes there way. Eventually, the entire group is killed, but it is hinted the invasion was beaten back.
In the Cold War, America's view of it was simply hopeless. Everyone expected either to be nuked into dust or swarmed over and taken control of by the Soviets, but this movie provided a different, albeit implausible, outlook. The film gave hope, showing that if the Soviets attacked, the Yanks could still win (why they needed morale-boosting propaganda in the late 1980s, when the Soviet Union was on the brink of collapse anyway, I haven't a clue).
Here are the worst complaints I have though: 1. A group of teens couldn't defeat Soviet forces. Obviously the directors were hard-core patriots, but they need to come-to with reality: 4, 5, or 6 teens aren't nor could stand up to even a handful of Soviets, unless of course the Soviets just gave up and killed themselves.
2. There is no real plot. It's just repeated scenes of attack and attack by the Wolverines.
3. The Soviets are portrayed as their typical, bumbling selves.
Though as a propaganda piece, I suppose it served its purpose, but as a movie, it failed fairly poorly. This was a good attempt, but it had ridiculous presentation.
High School Musical 3: Senior Year (2008)
Serves No Other Purpose than to End the Series
Finally, the series known as High School Musical is over. No more atrocious singing, acting, storyli - oh wait, there's one last piece of trash to throw away: High School Musical 3: Senior Year.
One must ask, "What purpose does this movie serve?" Well, it serves no purpose. The acting is worse, the singing is worse, and even this time, there is no storyline whatsoever to it.
It's the last year of school for Troy and Gabriella, and they can't wait for the senior prom. Is that it? Yes. There literally is no other plot than this. There are multiple, stupid songs sung by the cast before the ending, but nothing leads up or makes up a storyline. In the end, it was all just a random display of musicals with no plot.
Overall, High School Musical 3 serves no other purpose than to end the series, and it really isn't so much a movie as it is a collaboration of poorly-made songs thrown together for times' sake. This movie could've ended in 5 seconds had there not been a one-and-a-half-hour time filler of various songs, and even then the same events could be shown: Troy and Gabriella talk about the prom, go to the prom, end credits.
High School Musical 2 (2007)
Hasn't Gotten Any Better Than The First
Following up from my previous review on High School Musical (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0475293/usercomments-778), I'm continuing with the next installment in the "Trilogy of Terror 3". It's High School Musical 2. However, this title is entirely misleading, as it has nothing to do with a high school musical at all. In fact, it's not even set in a high school.
The story (which is so non-existent, it basically isn't a story) is that it's summer vacation, and Troy and Gabriella have gotten jobs at a country club in Colorado. For whatever reason, the entire school seems to have gone to this exact same country club, and again for whatever reason, they continue to work at this club though they make it evident they aren't getting any pay. Yeah, good idea; waste your summer vacation working a boring job getting no pay. As I said, non-existent storyline.
So what is this movie in general? Well, it's a rip-off of the first. Nothing is different. It's the same lip-synced songs, the same moronic actors, the same stupid storyline, and the same rubbish as before.
This is one of those sequels that doesn't accomplish much if anything that its predecessor didn't manage to accomplish, and of course, it hasn't gotten any better than the first.
High School Musical (2006)
Is There Really Any Point?
There are some movies in this world that are so outright-stupid that they are literally painful to watch. One of those atrocities is the "Trilogy of Terror 3" as I dubbed it, which consists of 3 crimes to humanity, the High School Musical movies, and unlike Trilogy of Terror 1 and 2, which were decent and rather scary at times, this one is indeed scary to watch, but takes on a comedic role, as it is simply so awful, it's hilarious.
So, obviously, it's a movie about a musical in a high school. Sounds simple enough. Considering Disney's made some decent musicals in the past, this one won't be so bad, right? Well, if you think that's true, you're completely wrong.
The movie begins with Troy (Zack Efron) and Gabriella (Vanessa Anne Hudgens), meeting at some sort of singing competition, lip syncing to a "song" (considering it's senseless, I wouldn't call it a song), then falling in love.
On from this point, it simply involves a few lip-synced songs, the she-devil Sharpay (Ashely Tisdale) and her brother, Ryan (forgot the name, but don't really care), who seems to be lacking of brain cells, using antagonistic tactics to bring the downfall of Troy and Vanessa in the high school's upcoming musical (HEY GET IT HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL SO FUNNY LOL).
Is this all the movie is? Indeed. A few lip-synced songs, a non-existent storyline, the end.
This rubbish thankfully however didn't plague the theatres, but instead plagued TV screens worldwide. Through brainwashing or whatever other methods Disney used, this "film" became an instant success overnight.
This movie makes one ask "Is there really any point to this movie?" To answer this question, no, there is no point to it. This excuse for a movie stands only as a testament to what subliminal messages can do to a worldwide population high on wasted time, low on intelligence.
Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (1964)
Brilliantly Terrible, Horribly Funny
Why did I, a very critical reviewer, give this movie 10/10? Because it is the best comedy I have ever seen.
The plot is set in Cold War-era United States and Mars. Santa Claus is accepted as real by the world, with TV interviewers flocking to make a report on this years' Christmas. However, elsewhere on Mars, the Martians see how cheerful children on Earth act compared to the Mars children, and after discussion with the Martian leader, they decide to go to Earth to kidnap Santa.
Is that it? Yes, but this film is a comedy and nothing but.
The obviously bad acting, obviously fake effects and props, the ridiculous plot: all are evidence of an intentional parody.
Looking at this movie from the perspective that it is a Sci-fi movie, it's an atrociously bad movie. Looking at it from a perspective that it is a comedy movie, it's brilliant.
The directors intentionally made every mistake possible while making the movie, used as low of a budget as possible, and basically did everything to make it so bad, it's funny.
Cinematic Titanic recently made a rather funny parody of this movie, but this movie was nothing but a hilarious comedy at the start.
It's brilliantly terrible, horribly funny.
Twilight (2008)
The Equivalent of Watching Paint Dry, but Much More Boring Still
I watched this bloody atrocity for the sake of reviewing. Saying my expectations were low is an understatement. Words can't describe how low my expectations were for this movie. I turned out to be right.
Twilight tells the story of Bella, a depressed, emotionless teenager with paper-white skin, falling in love with the equally depressed "teenager" Edward Cullen.
My first argument is the attributes of Bella. She lived in Phoenix, Arizona, but is whiter-skinned than a piece of paper. Considering Arizona is basically a large desert, this makes no sense.
My next argument is the acting. To put it simply, a rock has more emotion than all of the main characters in the movie combined. Bella speaks in dreary, almost morbid monotone the entire way through, as does Edward. This sort of acting does not add to the atmosphere, it's utterly stupid.
Basically, the movie is nothing more than scenes of Bella and Edward falling in love. Considering it's a vampire movie, you'd expect vampire-like action scenes, and there is one, but it's about 2 minutes in length, and that's it. The rest is nothing but whiny, mopey, overly-goth vampires whining about their lives, and playing baseball in the rain for whatever reason.
Another fatal flaw is found in one ridiculous scene. It's an established fact vampires die in sunlight. However, Twilight decides to have a different approach. When vampires step out into the sun, they sparkle.
You may ask, "Is that it?" Well, yes. They sparkle.
This senseless, idiotic scene made the movie terrible, among other countless flaws. After seeing this movie, I wouldn't care if they even stopped the film at this point and started playing Star Wars Episode IV, I'd still give it this rating. Vampires don't sparkle, bottom line.
All-in-all, this movie is a terrible waste of time and money. Brainwashed fans will love it, but the rest of the world will despise it.
The Patriot (2000)
A failed action movie that distorts history in every way possible.
We all know and have seen the bias that is almost always presented in books such as American books of history. For example, many historical books I've read praise America no matter what circumstance they're in (such as during the Revolution or Civil War). Even during such tragic events as the 1833 "Trail of Tears" Indian massacre, you'll rarely read any criticism of it in the typical history book.
Why? Because it's about America. America has built up a false image of itself; America is shown as omnipotent, with no nation able to even hope to match its power, and it shows America to be a pure nation with few if any faults.
Obviously, we all know that that image couldn't be farther from the truth, as America has numerous faults, and many nations have the same if not more power than America.
But unfortunately, America won't stop brainwashing the public and make them aware that this image is false. "The Patriot" is a prime example of this propaganda.
Basically, Mel Gibson plays as an invincible farmer who has a vendetta against the British, as he does in almost all of his historical movies. Once again he plays the role as someone who despises the British more than any other human on Earth. I didn't watch this whole movie, mainly because I am simply too disgusted to watch it. Though a few parts of the movie are historically accurate, such as the decisive British victory at the Battle of Camden, but the rest of it is nothing but American flag-waving idiocy.
One scene that I really despise is when Gibson and his two sons fight a squad of British troops who are taking a prisoner away. His sons have dead accuracy, and Mel displays super-human strength, as he kills over 10 British troops - including their officer - without taking a scratch. Historically, any rebel foolish enough to attack even two British troops would quickly be killed. But no, the directors made the movie as far from historically accurate as possible, so Mel slaughters the troops. Another scene I hate is when the British are shown to burn down a church, trapping the people inside. What were those idiotic directors thinking!!? Great Britain's state religion was Protestantism; even if a British officer ordered a Protestant church to be burned, he would executed for high treason against the church. Burning churches was something the Nazis did, not the British, but apparently the directors were so brain-dead that they decided to make the Britsh do this. Another scene I hate is when Tavington kills an innocent civilian for no reason. Tavington is based on the real-life Colonel Banastre Tarleton, an excellent Britsh commander of cavalry. He was an excellent general, not a cold-blooded killer, and most likely, he never shot an innocent civilian in cold blood.
All-in-all, this movie is just plain terrible. The fact that it is so incredibly historically inaccurate simply ruins the movie entirely.
Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008)
Terrible
Despite being a Star Wars fan, I can easily say this and the other Star Wars: The Clone Wars animated movie upon which this is based are just plain terrible. The story lines are generic with no creativity. The cartoon never mentions anything about the Clone Wars era itself, such as the underlying evil of the Republic or the fact that the CIS wasn't led by Grievous or Dooku, but was led by Sidious (Palpatine), so there really isn't much of a connection to this and the the actual movie (the live-action one, not the animated one). The battles in this show range from stupid to horrendous. One Clone trooper apparently can slaughter 1500 Battle Droids with relative ease, and all the droids really do is make some kind of idiotic self-insult about their own stupidity. Even when they do try to kill the clones, they rarely hit anything:
Imagine if a platoon of 500 droids stood 1 foot away from the side of a barn, and if they fired for 15 minutes straight with their regular blaster rifles with the accuracy they're shown as having in the show, they wouldn't have hit the barn a single time. It'd take them 45 minutes to hit the side of the barn, and that'd only be 1 hit; that's how bad their accuracy is shown as in the show.
Anakin is shown as an immortal being, capable of destroying millions of enemies without taking a scratch. Obi-Wan rarely plays any important roles in the series, and for some inexplicable reason, he's always wearing Clone shoulder armor. Yoda looks ridiculous; his eyes are gigantic and he's even shorter than he is in the movie. The music is decent.
All-in-all, the show is nothing but overrated garbage. Star Wars fans will be disappointed with the show, and non-Star Wars fans will utterly despise it.
Mighty Morphin Power Rangers (1993)
Absolute Rubbish
Worst show I've ever seen. The story is about a group of teenagers who, for some inexplicable reason, have super powers, and when they use some special device, they morph into strange, poorly designed suits. The acting when they're not in the retarded-looking suits is decent. Definitely not good, but not the worst acting I've ever seen. However, when wearing their suits, the actors' acting goes from bad to worse; much, much worse. The hyper-animated idiots have a myriad of unnecessary motions they do. Even when they talk they look like they're having seizures. The villains are stupider than the Rangers. Every episode, some weak, idiotic villain comes up with some plan to destroy the Rangers. He/she then sends a force of hyper-animated aliens to attack the Rangers. The Rangers then initialize their 10-hour transforming animation, then they annihilate the aliens. Then, the poorly designed villain, which can either be an armored villain that actually looks and acts evil, to a humanoid ladybug-like creature with trumpets attached to its back that shows obvious signs of mental retardation. The Power Rangers fight the villain off, then the villain turns into Godzilla, whether it be by a rain cloud or a nuclear missile (yes, they fire nukes at the creatures and the creatures turn into giants). The Power Rangers spend 5 minutes acting hyper-animated and summon their Zords which are obviously toys that the producers of the show used special effects on to make them look real. The Power Rangers win, the villain gets mad, they all teach a "valuable" lesson, and the show ends. That's it. Twenty-five minutes of brain-washing, fake kung fu fighting.