emphedokles's Reviews

The Pyramid (2014)

7/10

Do not believe the bad ratings - Thats a good ol horror flick with fresh ideas

5 June 2015

It happens often that a bad flick is massively overrated at IMDb, but bad ratings are normally trustworthy. Since now i only found a few cases where the bad rating was totally wrong. The Pyramid is one of them.

Lots of people write about the bad acting in that movie. Well to be honest at the first 10 minutes of the movie the acting or lets say the script is not that brilliant. And thats normal for this kind of horror movies. You have to always bear the boring beginning where every character is presented and the connections between them are explained. But in The Pyramid that scenery is refreshingly short before the main plot starts.

The movie is about claustrophobic sceneries, mystery and the supernatural. And this is done very well. The creatures in that creature horror movie are well made, animated and their background story fits perfectly. This is without any question a professional crafted flick and nothing looks cheap.

The whole movie delivers exactly what you are expecting. But in that case with really fresh new ideas and a story which was completely new. And this is great in a time where even high end productions are mostly cheap ripoffs of older movies or new interpretations of stories which where told a hundred times before.

The end is also surprising, because in that kind of horror movies you normally can spot out the person which will survive with a 100% accuracy if you are used to that genre.

As others mentioned before. The modern concept of "men in movies are always useless idiots and all women are hard boiled" is also a part of this movie and its a mood killer. The way the horror movies are made nowadays is that they just replaced the usual two guys of the group which are somehow tough with women and left the rest of the more fearful and useless characters to the men. It does not fit. Light dressed beautiful women in horror movies are there to be eye candy, to mix in some beauty into the horror. And you can spice up the plot with a helpless women which has to be saved. If you do not do that you can just cut out the women and make a male only horror flick, because it will not make any difference. I guess that is the main reason for the bad ratings. A busty pretty girl in a ripped tank top as fan service for the guys and and a bearded muscular hard boiled guy in a dirty white t-shirt as fan service for the girls would have done the trick and the movie would have gotten at least a two point higher rating.

But altogether The Pyramid is a well crafted creature horror movie which i have enjoyed very much.

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The Last Man on Earth (2015–2018)

1/10

Its like school theater made up by eight year olds

29 March 2015

You know that when you ask kids to make up an own story and the first thing they do is just take ideas from movies they have seen about that topic before? Its exactly like that. This series is like an endless very boring deja vu of all that "one guy is somewhere completely alone" movies you have ever seen. The additional "ideas" are about: What kind of things would you do when you have a whole city for yourself and no consequences to fear. Their answer to that is: Destroying stuff. Again just like what an eight year old would came up with.

Also the male protagonist is unbelievable annoying. But not in any funny way. It is just a permanent pain in the a** to watch what a complete moron he is. The female may have been planned as the crazy part. But she is not somehow funny crazy. She is also just annoying and talks all day long about diarrhea.

Except of the very bad story and characters the whole setting does not make sense in any way. For unknown reason they eat all the time horrible food mixed out of very unfitting ingredients. Just like dried and canned food was never invented.

To summarize that. I have never seen any series which is such an complete failure on every level and i really wonder how it is possible that it was not trashed after two episodes.

This show gets on IMDb a rating of 8 and there are several very positiv reviews with a rating of 10. I really hope and pray that this is somehow made up by a fraud. Because if not, humanity is lost.

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Stargate: Atlantis (2004–2009)

3/10

The show was obviously made in five rooms and a forest

13 March 2015

I love scifi. I have over 200 scifi books and watched over the years nearby every Scifi movie or show which is worth watching. I also loved the original Stargate Movie. When the first Stargate series came out i stopped after a few episodes because it was just frelling boring and had nothing of the magic of the movie. Some of my friends are Stargate Fans so i thougth why not give Stargate Atlantis a try. The concept sounds grate. Another galaxy, far away from home in a mysterious town full of alien technology.

Well i watched the whole series to the end. Just to finish it. And it was a pain. The whole series was made in like five different rooms, a forest and now and then a crappy made village showed up.

Scifi does not have to be physically correct with everything but it has to be logical. SG Atlatis was highly illogical. The fun with scifi series like that is often about solving complex technological problems. They go in the whole series like that: No matter if it is a never seen alien technology or a 10.000 year old computer working in a foreign language the science dude looks on it says oh i need two weeks to solve that. Then he hits three buttons and its solved. Without any explanation what he did or why he solved it this fast. The only explanation in the whole series where he does exactly that for a 100 times is: He is a frelling genius. No he is not. What he does is called magic, because its not possible and it does not even make the tiniest sense.

In the whole series the only aliens they ever meet are this funny space vampires and one time a giant bug (which is also a space vampire)

They are in a ancient city of a highly developed race. Guess how often you see them exploring the city or finding something interesting there? Its like three of four times in whole series. Because they had only this frelling five different rooms to film the whole series.

And for the love of god, why the hell everybody in the whole freaking universe including the aliens speak English?

So there are only two explanations why this series is loved so much. The fans are mostly 12 years old. That would be oki because in that age you love every kind of scifi no matter how goofy it is. The other explanation would be that TV's are in real a brain sucking alien technology which are dumbing people down to a level where they are incapable to notice even the most obvious logical failures.

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One Shot (I) (2014)

2/10

Do you want to see a guy running through the desert for 1,5 hours?

17 February 2015

I am a big fan of scifi movies. Even when they are cheaply made. As long as they have a intelligent made or even just interesting story i am entertained by that. On Shot did not entertain me at all.

There is a sniper who is somehow observed from a military space station using an infrared telescope. Thats the whole scifi part of this movie. This guy does what a sniper does. Lying in the dirt, sniping and running to his next position. After watching for 15 minutes a sniper running through the desert, shooting "aliens" which are just guys with contact lenses and fancy gas masks i started to fast forward. >> More desert >> more sniping >> more guys with contact lenses and gas masks and so on. All non military "Aliens" look very arabic by the way. Maybe because people which live in deserts automatically dress like arabs ... even if they are aliens.

If you cut out the few parts with the space station you could easily retitle the movie to "Afghanistan sniper adventure". Some people would maybe wonder why the Afghans have all blue eyes and what unusual brand of gas mask they are wearing there, but most people would not even notice that it was meant to be a science fiction flick.

This is probably a somehow acceptable sniper movie, but it completely failed at being a science fiction movie.

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Predestination (I) (2014)

6/10

This movie can be everything between good and greate, it depends on who you are

13 February 2015

Predestination is technically very good. The actors are doing their job well, costumes and camera is also good. Nothing in that movie is outstanding but a good piece of high quality cinema.

All together I have really enjoyed watching this flick. I just can not share the opinion that this movie is somehow brilliant or that is has a surprising end.

For all who have not seen to much time travel movies (who has not since Dr. Who became very popular since 2005) this movie will be a wild ride full of unexpected happenings and a real brain teaser. For everyone else ... well soon after the start of the movie everything will happen mostly like you expect it.

To be honest. The movie includes some really fresh ideas about time travel which where not shown in any other movies or described in books that I ever reed. That's what makes the movie still interesting.

One thing is really greate for a modern movie production. The time travel machine is not explained in any way. Also the implications of time travel and paradoxes are not mentioned. This is very refreshing, because it regularly bores me to death when a movie waists the first quarter of it to explain how and why everything works.

The movie could have been easily half an hour longer if they would had used the full potential of the story.

All together it's a well crafted movie which is enjoy able for the most. But only really surprising for a young audience or for people which are not into science fiction and/or have not seen much time travel movies.

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12 Monkeys (2015–2018)

2/10

Lots of obviously payed writers here

21 January 2015

I am a big fan of the original movie Twelve monkeys. The movie was ingenious in many ways and for sure one of the best movies ever made. So i was quite sure that a TV show based on that movie is doomed to fail. Anything below great would be just not enough.

Based on the critics on IMDb i though it may be worth to give this show a try. The on IMDb celebrated pilot was supposed to start with a boom and the second episode was described as also very well.

The pilot was a loose copy of the first 30 minutes of the movie mixed up with some timetravel mambo jumbo. To be honest, i fell asleep at my couch before the end of the pilot. I watched the rest of it the next evening and wondered where people had sawn the boom and the greatness of this pilot. The second episode bored me so deeply, after 10 minutes that i started to do something else in the meantime, just listening to it and then switched of the disturbing and senseless noise after five more minutes.

Who ever wrote about that this show is great or started with a boom is either payed to write that or is unbelievably easy entertained. If the last guess is right i recommend for that people to watch some grass grow or paint dry for great excitement and amusement.

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The Signal (2014)

1/10

A good idea failed on every level

23 November 2014

It started like most kind of this movies with way to much foreplay. This is always the cheapest solution to introduce your characters and safe money for special effects and ideas for the real story.

In the whole movie there was only one exciting scene, when the guy saw the first time his new legs. This was kinda freaky. The complete rest of the movie was a mixture of ideas, scenes and story lines from several other successful scifi movies. And the complete movie felt like that. Like from one scene to the next it just does not fit really together.

For someone who is a scifi fan and who has seen a lot of movies from this genre the whole movie is like a cheap deja vu. You leave the movie bored, unsatisfied and slightly angry because of the several rip offs in the movie.

For a teenager who has not seen the scifi classics till yet, its watchable and probably slightly entertaining.

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Z Nation (2014–2018)

7/10

Under rated and misunderstood

13 November 2014

After we got flooded during the last five to ten years with all sort of zombie movies and TV shows i was not sure if i really wanted to watch an other one. But Z Nation really surprised me in a positive way.

The big difference is that this show takes place years after the zombie apocalypse happened and that killing zombies has become a usual thing for the survivors. No big panic or fear takes place when zombies show up. And so is the whole show made. Unexited zombie killing without gory closeups or fast action scenery. What i like most is that they did not include children and love scenes. Children in such shows are only there to cheaply create dangerous situations out of nothing and love scenes ... well they are normally added as fan service for women. But come on ... Women which are watching this shows are already like this genre.

This and that the show does not take itself very serious makes it really entertaining and fun to watch. While shows like The walking dead focus of the suffering, pain and horror during a zombie apocalypse, Z Nation is more like a road movie with zombies.

In my opinion its the most enjoyable zombie show/movie that i have seen till yet.

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The Last Ship (2014–2018)

2/10

OK got it, its star trek

4 August 2014

A ship far away from home without any chance of support. Sounds familiar. After watching the first episode it was clear that "the last ship" should be a star trek situation like scenery. But they made everything wrong they could. When you have dozens of over muscular guys with short hair in uniform this is just boring. Its even hard to keep this actors apart. The script is pretty boring till yet because 85% of the scenery is just emotional talking. Its a warship for gods sake! More Boom, less driveling makes this scenery interesting. I do not think there will be a second season. They search for a vaccine, they have to refuel now and then. I do not think that this scenery will get any more interesting.

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Survivor (I) (2014)

2/10

Run pretty girl run! (Thats all)

28 July 2014

This "movie" is about a running blond pretty girl. Originally she came from a spaceship, but that does not matter very much. The story is paper thin or to say it precisely, there is no story. It is one of that stories which is that flat, that it bends time and space and you know not only from the beginning how this movie will end, you will just know the complete plot. Thats because you have seen this story in 10 other equal cheap "Oh no! My spaceship crashed!" scifi movies. I am pretty sure the screenplay was not longer then. "Ships having an accident, then pretty girl runs around, kills some evil dudes, finds a horse yadayadayada the end." Its one of that movies you can watch when you already planned to fall asleep at your couch or when you are drunk like a skunk and want to watch some easy nothing. If you watching it sober, you will for sure fast forward half of the movie.

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Revolution (2012–2014)

5/10

When electricity stops working it seems to stop also logic

26 April 2014

After watching half of the first season i am a bit undecided about that series. I like dystrophic stories very much and this one has a really nice concept behind it. When electricity does not work any more it will cause a lot of problems which would result to a lot of unusual solutions. Well at that point they could have be more creative. They just created a world where everyone is back to horse riding, swords and muskets because ammunition is rare. Well the smallest problem if you have a few million guns in you're country is the ammunition. You do not need electricity to make a bullet. It may not be as good as the factory produced but a bad bullet is still better then a good sword. You also do not need electricity to make simple steam engines. So this world could have been a bit more interesting, if they just had asked them self: Which machinery may would have been created to compensate the lack of electricity.

The next thing where they could have done better is the survival situation of the traveling group of the main characters. They all have a tiny backpack which surly includes no tent, not much food, water or clothes. They are actually running around in the same cloth all the time. Do that in the wild for two weeks and you look like a tramp. Espetially the girls which have to wear in any survival situation a tank top and maybe a small jacket. I guess there is a secret rule for girls man do not know. "If ever an apocalyptic catastrophe happens - Wear a tank top!(And never change it) "

The story itself is a bit flat. They search for the brother on and on and it never ends. After eight episodes i so much hoped that this little bastard dies, only that they could stop searching for him and concentrate on the much more impotent issue about the shiny magical necklace. The characters itself are out of the "Making a war-like- situation series"-factory. The unbelievable great warrior, the bad ass heroin (to do not get bad critics from the feminists), the fat nerd who can be brave too and the pretty girl which is tough now and then, but deep in her heart very emotional.

So all together. The series is a cheap made time killer. If you close one and a half eye to do not see the logical problems its fun to watch, because of the following mysteries:

1. Whats up with the shiny thingy?

2. How is it possible that the pretty teen gets fifty times punched in her face and still is pretty?

3. What wonder is behind that, that the fat guy walks half through America for months without food and manages it to still be fat?

4. What is the mystery of the permanently wrinkled forehead of the pretty teen girl?

I will keep on watching, just because i am curious which miracle will show up next.

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Snowpiercer (2013)

2/10

Class warfare on a train. Really?

15 April 2014

Warning: Spoilers

This was the most idiotic high budged SciFi movie i have seen in a long time. A train riding around the earth over a frozen planet. The big question is: Why? Why on earth would you taking the risk of traveling at high speed through the snow with a train, when you have an incredible machine that gives you all the energy you need for electricity and heating? The basic story is about some kind of class warfare where people at the end of the train start a revolution to get to the top of the train and then control it. There is not even an explanation why the people in the first place got separated in "poor" and "rich". They have endless energy, heat and food (which is made out of cockroaches !?.) Why should they put hundreds of people in total pureness into one or two wagons? So the only and very stupid explanation to that is: Rich people are evil. The solution to that in that movie is. The poor just kill all rich people. And after that everybody is free to freeze to death. Except of a Chinese chick and a black boy which gets eaten by an polar bear. Thats maybe because all humans are evil in the mind of the creators of that moist movie dream of all socialists? Well the stupidity of that movie just starts with the really senseless story of "All humans deserve to die but rich people first". A SciFi movie do not have to be physically correct at every point. But they have to be logical and have to makes sense. And that movie is illogical from the beginning to the end. After watching it for the first 20 minutes you will be so busy with counting the logical failures which appear every few minutes in that movie, that you are not even able to concentrate on the story any more. SciFi fans, stay away from that trash. Only if you are a communist, a member of peta and also drunk like a skunk, then the movie may be fun for you. Poor kill rich, then the rest of humanity gets killed and the polar bear gets a free meal. Nastrovje!

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Hellfjord (2012)

10/10

If you're horse is in pain - kill it

31 January 2014

I have not laughed that much while watching a TV series since a long time. The humor in this series has a lot of monthy pyton style in it. Its from the beginning to the end totally absurd, in a twin peaks way, but way more funnier. Today humor in TV is often just based on total mindless stupidity. Absolutely everyone in the hellfjord series is also stupid to the max. But its done in a very intelligent way and the dialogs are brilliant. The secret star of the series is definitely Kobba. You have never ever seen such a horrible, ugly, bad and unfriendly person that you will like that much. The only thing which i did not like was, that there was way to much puking involved. In my opinion, the best scene in the series was. Setting accidentally the head of a corps on fire, then trying to put the fire out by shooting it with a shotgun.

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Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (2013–2020)

3/10

The title should be: Agents talk about their feelings

25 January 2014

I really love series like that. But in the case of Agents of SHIELD i do not. Its just endless boredomness with a few replaceable pretty girls and some dudes flying on a scifi plane and facing more or less wiered incidents. The most times (like 80% of the time) they talk to each other about their feelings and about what a great team they are. When they are through with that they tell the same boring nonsense to other people around them. No matter if this are other agents or the enemy. The summarize of the real story of the whole first season is told in two minutes or sentences. Chemical powered Superhero shows up, big bad organization is behind that, a rich dude shows up who is somehow involved. Then you learn that the hardboiled agents are not that hardboiled at all and that nerds can be brave too. Thats basically it. I trade easily watching five minutes of Doctor who against the whole first season of this show about "Agents on ecstasy talking drivel about their feelings". Btw. I am pretty sure the budget of that series was unbelievable low. You see the plane, two or three colorful painted paint ball guns as scifi weapons and a few quadrocopters. That are all gadgets they included. Every other gadget they show (tablet, laptop, smart phone) would have been impressive if the show where made in 1990 but now every 13 year old has this gadgets in his pocket. When the superhero gets his Hightech-power suit whatever, its something like a black jogging suit. If you are a fan of scifi stay away, if you are a fan of marvel, stay especially away to do not ruin you're marvel fandomnes.

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Behemoth (2011 TV Movie)

6/10

Good old gigantic monster movie

28 October 2012

I just watched the movie on a Sunday evening and i am satisfied with it. Because it was exactly what i had expected and what it was made for. A nice entertaining time killer when you have nothing better to do at Sunday evening.

The acting was plausible and realistic to enjoy the movie and the cgi effects where also like expected. They would have looked cheap in a high budget movie of course, but for such a SciFi channel movie good enough. The monster itself was very well animated.

I reed a few comments about how that feminists may not like the movie because the female characters did nothing else then scream and being helpless. Well, that is just what the most women do in emergency situations. They do not pull out two guns and save the world, like it is very popular in lots of movies at the moment. They mostly scream, do not know what to do and hope that the men saves the situation. So from that point of view the movie was much more realistic then the most comparable movies ;).

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Aliens vs. Avatars (2011)

1/10

Most unnecessary nudity in movie history

11 July 2012

I watched that flick a few days ago. Of course not completely. I guess nobody ever did.

The most interesting fact about that movie is that it was directed by Lewis Schoenbrun. I did not knew that guy till yet. But it seems that he is some kind of mentally ill reincarnation of Ed Wood.

The movie is really not worth any description. There is a blue avatarish creature in a spaceship orbiting earth, a Pretator like other creature and a Lost in Space (1965) look a like robot. Also some college students. All of them interact somehow without any sense or story line. They walk around on grass, now and then you see a tree. Guess the whole film location was not bigger then 100 square meters. (Maybe somebody's garden or a lawn beside a motorway station?) Oh! Also there are some laser beams in a 1970s movie stile.

I was fascinated by the most unnecessary nudity plot ever added into a movie. Its somewhere at the beginning of the film. Some chicks hike to a cabin. Then one of both instantly starts undressing while the other one walks without any reason a few meters into the forest. The conversation and the music gives you the feeling that you got accidentally the wrong disc and you are watching some kind of weired hiking soft porn. The second chick undresses during she walks into the forest and apparently just throws her cloth on the ground. Which really makes no sense in any way. After making sure that you have seen enough breasts, the predator thing shows up and kill her or whatever, i do not care.

Well if you wanna see the most unnecessary nudity scene ever, then watch the movie to this point. Then hit the stop button and bump your head for the next 40 minutes rhythmic against the wall. I guarantee you! It will be much more fun and hurt less then watching the rest of the flick.

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I Am Number Four (2011)

2/10

Do they use story text generators for such movies ?

17 December 2011

Who the hell is writing such totally meaningless and illogical stories. And how is it possible, that anyone pays a dollar to produces such flicks?

You need five minutes to watch, to realize that this is "Just another teen superpower crap". After 10 minutes you get aware that you will watch nothing else, then a mixture of common scenes that you have seen 100 times before.

The movie does not even have a story. Its only a alien beach boy with superpowers, fleeing from ugly bad aliens. Sorry for that spoiler. That was the whole story. You will not learn anything about why he is on earth or why he has that superpowers. And how in gods name he was able to grow up even if he does everything to get caught every five minutes. But there is still hope that he is getting killed in the next movie, before he is able to reproduce and spread his genome. And here is why.

He is hunted by evil aliens which want to kill him. They are using *Yaaaawn* the internet to get him by detecting uploaded photos of him.

* Well there is nearby no one in that movie, who he does not allow to make a mug shot of him. Every freaking two minutes.

* Using a mobile phone seems to be totally not risky, if hunted by high tech aliens.

* Telling every one who asks that he is an alien with superpowers is no problem.

* Using super powers in public also. Even if your superpowers let you glow like a Christmas tree

* If you hunted by evil aliens which already directly behind you, go with the girl you met two days before into your school and start an one hour session of developing your photo negatives.

There is no scene which is not meaningless and illogic in this movie.

And by the way. Its a teen movie so you migth expect:

* A blond bimbo which he falls in love with for no special reason.

* A tough girl with guns who is totally cool and much more hard boiled then any men around her.

* A nerd who got bullied by football guys and is protected by the protagonist

* A bad guy which father is the sheriff of the town

* Bad foster parents

Yes they are all there. You remember them from one hundred equal stupid teen movies.

Why i give a 2 instead of 1? I spare the 1 for the sequel.

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Sucker Punch (2011)

1/10

Mentally ill whores are sexy?

20 July 2011

I really love action, scifi and fantasy movies. I also sometimes like pointless movies with just violence and hot dressed babes.

I saw this sucker punch movie yesterday. From the beginning to the end i had a question mark floating over my head. I really do not get if there should be any lesson told with that flick. Or for which kind of audience it was made. I even did not got the movie genre.

It surly has nothing to do with watching a popcorn movie with hot teenagers. Its just to sad for that. Are there really people out there who think that mentally ill women, which are hallucinating that they are whores are in any way sexy?

Also the "action" scene did not do there job. Well, yes it was common ninja, gunfire, dragon, Nazi zombie whatever stuff. This is normally fun. But it is not when you are aware, that this is only something like a last broken-hearted dream of a mental patient, one second before she is lobotomized.

And finally the true story behind that dream scenes are not connected to the rest of the movie. Sure the dream scenes should be something like a reflection of what happens in real. But that is not a twist in the story or something. Everyone is aware of that from the beginning.

This movie is sad and pointless in any way. And the sadest thing about it is, that so many people waisted 90 min of there lifetime to watch it.

But i think there is one hidden joke in it. Maybe the whole story of the movie is not a reflection of the patient. What if the movie should be a reflection of the audience? That is the only thing which would make sense for me. If the message of the movie would be: Only lobotomized people are hallucinating sense and a message into a pointless movie. Even if it is noting more then a collage of uninteresting drivel combined with missing logic and a collection of random action sequences.

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BloodRayne: The Third Reich (2011 Video)

4/10

Return to Castle Wolfenstein meets Vampire Sluts gone wild

11 June 2011

Warning: Spoilers

Sure there is a bad rating on IMDb for that movie. But hey, what can go wrong, in a movie with Nazi vampires?

Nearby everything. They tried to make something between a Nazi vampire fun movie, combined with a bit historical correctness. That works with medieval movies, but surly not with the 3. Reich. Every time a flick about the 3. Reich contains some realism, it will be just to sad to be fun. Who wants to see real war scenes and a lager in a pop corn movie? Also they had not the budget to create real realism.

The biggest problem of that movie is, that it plays in a strange 3. Reich universe where only Nazis, the resistance and vampires exist. There are no other people anywhere. :)

Also the fan service has gone wrong. There is a brothel which is filled with lots of prostitutes. Prostitutes which are involved in sexual intercourse or part of the story line are really pretty. All the other prostitutes are ... well as ugly and exhausted as real ones. Again the problem with to much realism, for a movie which should be just entertainment. The second "love" scene is somehow artificial. (and boring) Maybe they decided at the end of the filming that there is to less copulation and threw a dice in which scene Vampirella should be *** again.

The bad guy is not bad enough. He is just regular Nazi bad. The Nazi doctor is not crazy enough. He is just historical correct crazy, in a very disturbing realistic way. Total Supervillainess of the bad guy and completely madness of the doctor would have done the trick.

During the whole movie, from the beginning to the end, you can feel in every scene, what they had tried to create. But they just did not manage it. You can nearby hear the voices of the financiers during the filming. "No!. Thats to much fun! Give it a bit more historical correctness, to do not be politically incorrect." And that killed the whole flick.

I gave it a four. If you are really bored and had some beer, you can watch this movie to kill time. Its a scene with Hitler as a vampire in it. That was fun. :)

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Dark Relic (2010 TV Movie)

2/10

A religious debate group in halloween costumes

24 February 2011

I give this flick a two because of the good idea. Finding a part of the real cross and being attacked by demons, could have been a good story.

But ... At the first pictures of the movie you see crusaders after the war in clean cloth, with clean faces and fingernails. Well thats the point where you have to realize that it will be something like a lame Scifi channel production. But it gets worse.

The discussions are what makes this movie really unrealistic. From the beginning of the movie everybody permanently tells the crusaders that the crusade maybe was a bad idea and it may not have been a holy war. When this the first time happens i got a smile on my face because i thought: All right heretic, that were your last words and now the slaughtering starts. But the crusaders in this movie are real open minded. They are open to discuss everything. Its allowed to call the crusade a bad idea all the time, its allowed to tell them that muslims and christians are basically the same religion and it is also allowed to tell them that Jesus was not the son of god. They are fine with all of that. The Muslim warrior which joins them later is also open for all this questions. The crusaders and the Muslim warrior do not have any problems with each other because ... the war is over.

Oh, by the way. Now and then some bad made CGI creatures appear and disturb their discussion.

I did not watch the movie to the end. If i want to see a hypocritical debate about religion which includes some ugly creatures, then i just will watch the next TV debate about this subject.

So what is this all about? It seems like someone wanted to make a movie about religious tolerance between muslims, cristians and atheists based on the example of a happy group of crusaders and Muslim warriors. Well, good for him. But next time he should show this to his left wing lesbian vegetarian discussion group in private and do not publish it and steal 1,5 hours of the live time of fantasy movie fans.

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Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus (2009 Video)

1/10

This movie needs 20 minutes to watch

9 December 2009

This movie needs around 20 minutes to watch. The reason for that is, that you will hit the fast forward button every time when the scenes switch from totally stupid and boring to totally meaningless and very boring. This happens every two minutes.

80% of the movie is just cuts from some nature movies where you can see fishes and some water and ice. Between that scenes a few "actors" are talking without any motivation through a script which was sure written by a 8 year old kid.

There are a few scenes where you can see a shark eating a plane, a bridge, a battleship and a submarine and a octopus crushing a oil drilling platform and an other submarine. (thats the whole storyline, sorry for that spoiler) Well if you reproduce the same scenes with a few toy ships and a sock puppet painted like a shark it will look more realistic and much more amusing.

Do not waste you're live time with watching only one minute of that movie. This is not that kind of B movie which is funny because of all the logic failures in it. This movie is that bad, that it is affront of the director against the audience.

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S. Darko (2009)

6/10

Its no real Darko but it is still good

7 November 2009

Well, i reed a lot of comments about how bad this movie is. Normally i trust the comments on IMDb, but this time i decided to watch the movie.

And hey, it was not that bad. If they did not had named it s.darko i would say it is a greate movie.

It really has not anything to do with Donny Darko. But except of this it is very entertaining. Cute chicas which looks like 17 are stumbling through a kind of screw back time horror movie.

The story does not make any sense and there are way to much Beverly hills 90210 look a like people in it. (including the nerd who looks totally cool after he took off his glasses and changed his shirt)

But it totally entertained me. There are greate pictures of wide desert landscapes in it. The girls are pretty and the story is mystical without looking like a cheap scifi channel story.

If you are bored and open for 90 minutes of easy entertainment, then it will not be a waste of time. (except you wait for darko greatness. this will not happen)

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Yeti: Curse of the Snow Demon (2008 TV Movie)

6/10

We have hunted a rabbit, lets cook a chicken

30 August 2009

Warning: Spoilers

*** This comment contains spoilers ***

Well, its the only yeti flick i have ever seen.

I give this movie a 6 because it made me laugh so hard.

Normally i do not care to much about that a Fantasy/Horror movie is not realistic in every detail. But Yeti:Curse of the Snow Demon is unrealistic and unlogical in every detail. Do not understand me wrong. This does not make this movie bad, it is what makes this movie entertaining. Because every new scene you will be totally amazed how wrong all that stuff is that the protagonists do to survive. They do not need a yeti. In reality they would be dead after one hour.

I do not know where to start. At the beginning you see a historical scene from 1977 where a bunch of guys try to shoot a yeti. Then the pistol freezes(???) and the yeti eats them. Thats all, there is no more connection to the rest of the movie.

Next scenes are making sure that you know the names of five members of a football player team which travels to japan for a match. Do not care that only two of them look like football players. The rest of them looks like math students.

Then the plane crashes i a total unrealistic way. No wings, no tail, but still able to fly a few miles and land savly. For no special reason its seems important for every one to leave the wind protected rest of the plane. There is no fire or any other danger. Then the guys hanging around directly in front of the plane only dressed with jeans and t-shirts. And yes, they survive that for hours in the middle of the himalaya at -4.0 °F.

The best thing is. Everybody who is injured is doomed to die. Even if only his leg is broken. There is no rescue effort for them and even if the team starts a fire, the injured have to sit in the plain and freeze to death. Again with no special reason. For example the injured pilot gets his scene where he tells where to search for the radio, then everybody leaves without a comment and he is free to die alone :).

Later you will see a burned corpse from the plane crash. Which is a bit mystical because the plane did not burn and every other corps is perfectly unburned.

But the best thing what i have ever seen in movies is the unbelievable rabbit chicken scene. They hunt a rabbit. Then they cook and eat a chicken. I do not know that, but is it a problem to buy a rabbit at an American supermarket if you need one for you're movie?

And there is much, much more. Look forward to a movie with riped of arms used as a splint for a broken leg, fire which burns with wet wood, storms which you can not see (everybody is talking about the storm. There is no storm in the whole movie), cannibalism after two days without food, cutting frozen flesh with a piece of glass, having perfect makeup after a plane crash and five days in the woods, burning freezed corpses to ashes with a stick ... i do not know where to stop. There is no scene which is not totally wrong.

Oh by the way ... the yeti looks a bit more realistic then King Kong (1933). (Yes, it is a guy in a halloween costume)

If you are having fun with watching movies just to laugh about how bad they are, then its the perfect movie for you. I have enjoyed it.

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Zift (2008)

10/10

Thats a movie you have to watch

22 August 2009

In a time where brutality in movies only count when you see tons of blood, sex only count when it looks like porn and the story only count when there are 20 story switches with three parallel stories in it, the Bulgarian cinema brought us a movie which have not any of this in it and although it is ten times better.

I am finished five minutes ago watching this movie. And there is no way for me to describe the reason why i give that flick a ten.

Not one minute of that movie is boring, nothing in it is hyperbolical. Its lyrical without being intellectual.

Just watch it. You will not regret any minute of you're live that you will have spended for watching this movie.

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Shin-gi-jeon (2008)

7/10

Divine Weapon is entertaining from the beginning to the end

25 April 2009

Shin ge jeon includes all that i am looking for at a historical epic Asian movie.

Greate costumes, evil generals, a lot of sword fight, a hero and a few interesting historical details. Also of course great landscape pictures and battle scenes with fire and explosions :).

It is for sure not the best Asian movie ever. And there is no compare with high end martial arts movies like Tiger and Dragon or Hero.

All fighting scenes are made more realistic then in the most other movies from that genre. If you like to see warriors flying all the time and a hero who can kill 100 men with a stick in less then a minute, then this is the wrong movie for you.

If you like historical Asian movies in the stile of "a small country is trying to defend it self against an empire" then you surly will enjoy it.

The movie includes a bit to much different characters. At the end of the movie i lost it completely who were all that guys which are died with great heroism :).

Also the love story, which seems to be essential in such movies, was not as disturbing as normal.

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