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Reviews
Maid in Manhattan (2002)
Caution: Review contains hazardous criticism
Well, you gotta hand it to Wayne Wang, he's brought the comedy-romance genre to a new level of cra-! I always thought these types of movies are always a bad rip-off of Pretty Woman, but Maid in Manhattan is even worse. I mean, everything in the movie is bad; the acting, directing, plot, music, costume-design, cinematography, even make-up (anybody notice Jennifer Lopez's sweaty armpits?). Let's start with the acting...the movies best actor was that little kid, and he stinks! After this I don't want to watch any other movie containing any of these actors (including good movies like The English Patient with Ralph Fiennes). The plot is even worse! The screenwriter must be really proud of being able to cram in all the clichés imaginable in less than 2 hours. When writing this cra-, the guy surely had the Romantic Comedy for Dummies guidebook by him...and what's the deal with that stupid speech-clips thing? C'mon, the guy used the first office material he could find for that! And plot-holes anyone? Jennifer's character complains about maid stereotypes but the movies presents her as the very same stereotype! Go figure! The soundtrack is just as bad since the same spanish theme repeats every half-hour and most of the movies music is from Nora Jones' new album. They bought the cd and used as much music from it as possible. I guess I could be glad J-Lo doesn't sing. How many times did the cinematographer choose the New York skyline for transition scenes? I counted at least 6 times..but then again, I might've dosed off a few times. In summary, this movie suc-s; it suc-s bad! I mean, unless you're a suicidal depressive maniac who doesn't treasure life a bit (although I guess this movies is even too bad for these types), you will detest this movie and will want to die a horrible, horrible death! The tagline alone should be reason enough to stay away from this: This Christmas...love checks in! I can't even start saying what's wrong with this. I hated this movie and everyone who liked it and was in it! 0$ out of $$$$!
Breakfast of Champions (1999)
What the hell!
I know when a movie stinks, but this one hit me in the face like the smell of bad cheese! This movie is so bad in so many levels I don't know where to begin. The acting is horrible, it's confusing and inconsistent, monkeys could do a better job! The directing is even worse than the halfass acting, and the story is just horrible! I didn't understand anything, I only know it envolves a car salesman. I never read the book and after this garbage, I never will! This movie is so bad, im considering buying it and using the roll as toilet paper! Oh God, I couldn't watch the whole thing and believe me, I've seen some really bad movies in my life. Poor Bruce Willis, this must've really looked bad for him. Well, he brought it upon himself. Anyway, garbage, this is what this is. ZERO$ out of $$$$$
Blue Crush (2002)
What can I say?
Hey, I had an ideia for a movie! Let's get a cool sport and a bunch of hot girls and make it happen! No need for a story, just rip off other movies! I guess this is exactly what the producers of Blue Crush said. Well, you can't expect much from a movie like this anyway. Monkeys could act better (of course they're not as hot as Kate Bosworth) and also write better. The story, female surf "Rocky" trains for competition, meets love of life and bla bla bla, is just useless and stupid. The only thing good of this movie is the surf scenes (which is the reason why I watched it, besides the hot chicks also). They are cool and well done, but really, would a even halfway descent story hurt anyone? This movie is nothing to classic surf movies like My Summer Vacation. I wonder if the movie would be better with acting monkeys?...hmmm, this is a good ideia, I might try it one day. Anyway, this is sun tanned trash! $ out $$$$$.
Lost and Delirious (2001)
Lesbians!
Ahh... gotta love those love stories, especially if the love part is with lesbians(who are quite popular nowadays) and the story part is descent. I had high expectations for this movie and wasn't dissapointed. The story is about a girl, Mouse, who lost her mother a couple of years ago and goes to a boarding school where she becomes friends with Tori and Paulie, who happen to be in love (ahhhh...). When Tori denies her love everthing breaks apart and Paulie goes thru a major depression. The actors in the movie are good, but kuddos for Piper Perabo as Paulie, she really makes you feel the characters angst and loneless. After Coyote Ugly I never thought the girl could act, proven wrong here. Léa Pool also does a good job directing, although there are some slow scenes. Also, some scenes tend to look like sappy teen movies (like the one where a slow pop song accomponies Paulie's crying). Anyway, if you like love stories watch it, or watch it for the lesbians. $$$$ out $$$$$
Gangs of New York (2002)
What happened?
First of all id like to say how truly disappointed I was with this movie. I think Martin Scorses is a great director but this time he finally blew it. This movie, which tells the story of early America in the 18 hundreds, isnt a bad movie, but it also isnt a good movie. Its simply average. Leo de Caprio was just horrible, he defitenatly helped ruin this movie which had so much potencial. His acting was just that bad, I wont even comment on his accent. Cameron Diaz was okay I guess and Daniel day-lewis was great! His performance was truly the best thing in this movie. Martin Scorses did a normal job directing this one, very violent (like most of his movies), but he could of have done a much better job. I guess he got a little overwhelmed with the big budget process and decided to use exaggerated and false scenes than just good and creative ones. Overall $$$ out of $$$$$
Femme Fatale (2002)
great director
sexy women, complicated turn of events, violence and good camera work.. this is definitely a brian de palma movie. Although his previous work is much better, my all time favorite is still scarface, this movie is one of his best lately. Kuddos to the lesbian scene(the best thing in the movie)! Rebecca Romijn-Stamos isnt a great actress but fits nicely in the role, although i prefer the character more in the begining. In fact, the movie is great in the begining.. its a very good sequence, but as the time goes it tends to lose its glow and become not so great. Antonio banderas i wont even comment because i hate the guy and the supporting actors just do their job. The story is nice, but has predictable "surprises". really the only thing in this movie which is above average is the director. This movie has excellent camera work. Overall, average movie, good director= $$$ out of $$$$$
Simply Irresistible (1999)
sarah michelle gellar! Cmon!
Warning SPOILERS ahead (if such a basic movie has it):ok, so the movie isnt that good! i know it, you know it, we all do. it has a predictable plot (oh my.. everything works out perfectly, thank you magic crab!) and this movie could really use a sideline story because the main one doesnt hold the movie by itself. but cmon give it a break! i mean.. only by seeing the cover you can guess this is another stupid plotless comedy-romance. the fact is that it stars sarah michelle gellar, this brings a whole new light to this movie and it is its ace. face it.. these types of movies survive only on the actors in it and the chemestry between them.. its a pity Sean Patrick Flanery doesnt hold his end of the deal. In summary, this movie is really bad, if you consider it as a normal movie, but its quite good in the comedy-romance genre. and the fact it has such a beautiful creature in it( sarah michelle gellar! not the crab!) this movie has a slight advantage over others.. $$$ out of $$$$$