I don't like to write reviews about movies I hate, for the obvious reason that people don't all have the same taste in movie genres. I particularly dislike what I like to call "brainless comedies", and I particularly find Vin Diesel completely untalented for anything remotely related to acting, which further biased my experience with this movie. It was pretty obvious that I should have expected a complete nonsense of a script, and the movie won't let you down in that particular aspect. There are some particularly silly moments - which I believe are supposed to be funny - and other less silly and actually funny moments, which makes this movie at least better than the latest installment of the American Pie series! Unfortunately, the acting in general is as bad as you would expect, since the main star is none other than Vin Diesel. It's actually painful to watch a few of the scenes unless you really couldn't care less about what's going on on-screen. With that said, this movie is ideal to go with a date, as you probably will spend your time and attention on something other than this film. Lucky me I didn't pay for the ticket.
Reviews
14 Reviews
Blade II
(2002)
Pure nonsense
11 September 2004
Blade 2 is yet another Hollywood action-packed sequel that manages to both insult your intelligence and bore you to death at the same time. The good thing about Blade 2 is that it's not like other sequels made for money, it's actually not worse than its predecessor. It's just as bad. Realising that the movie doesn't quite try to depict reality in any way, it does have some insulting moments to the average human being that passed Physics class in high school. We are treated to several scenes that surely will go to the hall of fame of insulting science as we know it. As an example for the readers that haven't seen the film, in one particular shot the hero decides that the best way to deal with a horde of foes is to blow up an UV bomb. Unaware that such UV radiation would be deadly for any human being - I'm also aware that he's supposed to be half-human half-vampire but if the UV radiation doesn't affect him the same way it does the vampires then it must affect him like it does to humans! -, whoever decided this scene should be in this film also decides that UV radiation should travel in a purely fabricated way through tunnels and also that it wouldn't travel in water. Of course, one nonsense is not enough, and we're also treated to a couple of vampires spotting the light and managing to avoid being hit by the UV radiation by going underwater. Be aware that light travels at approximately three hundred thousand kilometres per second. Maybe it's the made-up material "nitro-vacuum", whose name doesn't even make sense. Blade 2 is cinematic disaster, a film to avoid at all costs. Watch it only if you manage to shut your brain off during the whole duration of the movie.
Twisted
(I) (2004)
You've seen this already.
13 August 2004
Warning: Spoilers
Before I start commenting on this film let me tell you that although I won't reveal any spoilers it really wouldn't matter if I did since you already saw this movie. The reason you already saw this movie it's because the movie is generic and predictable. This movie has every possible and imaginable cliché a "who done it" movie could have: there's the disturbed hero that had an unfortunate childhood trauma and happens to be the prime suspect of the slaughter, there's the unrevealing partner who seems to be too nice to be true, there's the mentor who took over the hero's guardianship when her parents died, there's the ex-love interest who's far from the perfect date, there's the jealous co-worker who's trying to take the hero down, and there's the predictable plot twist at the end. Does this remind you of something? If you're thinking "A Time To Kill", "Eye Of The Beholder", "High Crimes" or "Double Jeopardy" you've got it! Ashley Judd only takes part in generic "who done it" films. What's even funnier is that the posters for these films look exactly alike. The acting itself has its highs and lows. Sam Jackson is, of course, the star of the company alongside Andy Garcia and both eventually have to carry the whole movie since Ashley Judd can't even wake up convincingly. Some moments in this film I thought I was watching and amateur group. Filmmaker Philip Kaufman seems to like going ups and downs in his career and create generic and bad movies (Henry & June, Rising Sun, Twisted) after brilliant movies (The Unbearable Lightness of Being, The Right Stuff) so this seems to be yet another low point in his career thought he can't be blamed that the plot is so generic. A movie with this cast should have done a lot better, and Ashley Judd's career needs better scripts. She's not totally untalented, she just doesn't do these sorts of rules any justice. She's definitely not suited to be wear the "tough girl" gimmick. Only watch this movie if you have nothing else to do since you've already watched it anyway. Too generic.
Cube
(1997)
Overhyped
9 August 2004
Cube is usually hyped as being a cult horror movie but it clearly gets lost along the way. The problem with this movie is that it's way too long for what it offers the viewers: repetitive action, completely useless chat, characters that we just don't - and won't - care about, and extremely poor mathematics. In the end it's just another mindless low budget sci-fi movie that is commonly overhyped and definitely over rated (I am amazed how it has the same score as 28 Days Later, which is an absolutely superb movie by Danny Boyle and far superior to Cube). Cube has already spawned a sequel that is nothing but more of the same, and it seems like it will spawn a prequel which may be a ray of hope for this trilogy if the screenplay evolves in quality. Cube is not the worst movie you will ever see though, it's entertaining and it does bring curiousity to see what happens in the end, but it's also not a work of art. If you're a horror/sci-fi fan you'll enjoy this if you can look past the horrible mathematics displayed in this movie.
Rock 'n' Roll Nightmare
(1987)
The worst bad movie ever.
3 August 2004
Since I've read a few reviews from other users I've realized that this movie was a must-see. Although I don't regret having watched it, I do feel sorry for the poor souls who had any connection with making this movie, since this has to be the worst movie ever. But it's so bad, it becomes extremely entertaining. I don't really see the point in telling you why this movie is so bad, because there really isn't a particular reason as to why it is! Everything in it is utter trash. The direction is bad, the cinematography is bad, the acting is clearly missing, the plot is worse than Pearl Harbor's and the soundtrack is cheesy. But, since you're probably curious about the movie, I'll list a few things to open your appetite.
Although this movie certainly isn't worth spending 50 cents, I would strongly recommend it, specially if you're a filmmaker (or with to become one) as you will learn what you are NOT supposed to do. Avoid this movie, or watch it obsessively. The choice is yours.
- Puppets aren't wired or puppeteered. No, they aren't CGI either. They seem to be tossed around and eventually end up crashing with something (the floor, or the actors most of the times).
- As the opening sequence will tell you, regular house ovens can burn people in a matter of seconds. Being a housewife in Canada is not for the faint of heart. - I don't like to spoil plot details but there's someone in the movie who actually has sex with sunglasses on. I guess he thinks it's cool.
- Satan has a boyfriend. And *it* has sex with *its* boyfriend.
- At the beginning of the movie the cast arrives at the super-oven house and you are treated to 5 minutes of absolute nothingness as you watch a car moving around doing nothing.
- The plot twist at the end of the movie is a marvel. This one you'll have to see for yourself.
Although this movie certainly isn't worth spending 50 cents, I would strongly recommend it, specially if you're a filmmaker (or with to become one) as you will learn what you are NOT supposed to do. Avoid this movie, or watch it obsessively. The choice is yours.
The Matrix Revolutions
(2003)
This is Science Fiction
5 November 2003
The Matrix Revolutions is fabulous. No joke here, this movie is everything I hope for in a Science Fiction movie.
I've read some pretty bad reviews about this movie and I can't seriously find what movie did those reviewers watch but I can't believe it was this one. The Matrix Revolutions is an amazing piece of cinematic history and closes the Matrix trilogy with the golden key. As anyone would expect this movie is Reloaded Part 2 so, if you didn't like/understand Reloaded, you won't like/understand this movie as well.
The Wachowski's this time have fewer surprises in store so the story is pretty straight to the point in Revolutions. A noteworthy aspect to this movie is that all the questions that may have tormented you after seeing Reloaded are pretty well answered - there are those, of course, who will say they aren't simply because either they didn't understand, or it isn't how they expected.
This movie is, for me, the definition of Science Fiction itself. Revolutionary special effects and a brilliant storyline that doesn't insult the audience's intelligence. Although I could have hoped for nothing better than this closure to the Matrix saga, I must warn those that didn't like or see either of the two first Matrix movies that they should watch it before Revolutions to properly enjoy this film.
I've read some pretty bad reviews about this movie and I can't seriously find what movie did those reviewers watch but I can't believe it was this one. The Matrix Revolutions is an amazing piece of cinematic history and closes the Matrix trilogy with the golden key. As anyone would expect this movie is Reloaded Part 2 so, if you didn't like/understand Reloaded, you won't like/understand this movie as well.
The Wachowski's this time have fewer surprises in store so the story is pretty straight to the point in Revolutions. A noteworthy aspect to this movie is that all the questions that may have tormented you after seeing Reloaded are pretty well answered - there are those, of course, who will say they aren't simply because either they didn't understand, or it isn't how they expected.
This movie is, for me, the definition of Science Fiction itself. Revolutionary special effects and a brilliant storyline that doesn't insult the audience's intelligence. Although I could have hoped for nothing better than this closure to the Matrix saga, I must warn those that didn't like or see either of the two first Matrix movies that they should watch it before Revolutions to properly enjoy this film.
X2
(2003)
Xcentric
17 May 2003
I must confess that I was hoping for a lot better. This happens a lot to me because I watch some films with too many expectations - X2 was the case. I really loved the first movie although my favourite X-Men characters (which are Nightcrawler and Colossus) didn't take any part in it - in fact, only Nightcrawler takes active part of this movie since Colossus' role is more like a cameo. X2 isn't a bad movie, in fact it is quite good. The problem is that it isn't any better than the first one, but it isn't any worse as well. I was expecting some evolution other than a technical one and Matrix-lookalike special effects. The storyline is as good as you usually get in a comic book adaptation and the use (again) of black suits instead of the traditional Yellow-Blue X-Men suits adds a bit more reality to this movie. I liked this movie a lot although I think it could have been much better. Being a comic book fan and guessing what the story of X3 is going to be like - which is easilly guessable by any comic book fan just by watching the ending of X2 - the wait for the third installment will be unbearable.
Catch Me If You Can
(2002)
The Real Pretender
15 February 2003
For those who don't know the story behind Frank William Abagnale Jr I promise I won't disclose any information that can ruin your experience watching the movie. Frank (Leonardo DiCaprio) was the greatest con in the history of the US. He decieved 12 countries and all 50 american states while running from an FBI team led by Carl Hanratty (Tom Hanks). And guess what? He did this all before he was 19.Frank was probably one of the most gifted persons in American history - even though he used his gift for breaking the law - and it was only fair that he was portraied by a gifted actor. Leo DiCaprio gets into Frank's skin perfectly with, probably, the best performance in his career. Tom Hanks is the same great actor as usual and they both make a very funny and interesting duo throughout the film. The story is always interesting and keeps the viewer attached to the end. Of course, the directing is flawless by Steven Spielberg. He returns to the subjects that started his career - the broken home - and achieves one of the best films I've ever seen. A quick special mention has to be given to the author of the opening generic - sorry for not remembering his name. He achieves a masterpiece with an animation short film. An overall superb film. Don't miss it.
Can it get better?
4 February 2003
I never thought a fantasy movie could achieve greatness after Star Wars (although Star Wars has his percentage of science-fiction, it still is a fantasy movie) but Peter Jackson seems to want me proven wrong. And he accomplished it. The Fellowship Of The Ring came pretty close to the top and The Matrix still has to pass the test of having a capable sequel, but The Two Towers can easilly be already acclaimed the best fantasy movie ever - at least until the release of Star Wars Episode III. If you are one of those die-hard book fans who can't stand when the wrong character says that favourite line of yours then you shouldn't watch this movie hoping that it is a perfect adaptation of the book. It isn't. It is based on the book, which is a great masterpiece in literature, but it can make it better and come to life. Viggo Mortensen does a great job with Aragorn and Ian McKellen is... well... Ian McKellen but the greatest of all actors in this movie is a CG character named Sméagol, or Gollum. This movie is worth paying the ticket just for watching Gollum come to life. Absolutely amazing work. If you think the CG characters in some popular movies like Star Wars or Spiderman looked real that is because you haven't seen Gollum yet. Gollum is the best actor in this movie and if it wasn't for being a CG creation then I would say give him the Oscar right away. Of course if the Academy Awards go on with the pathetic decisions they made last year The Two Towers will probably win nothing but technical awards. Go watch The Two Towers, go watch it again, and again. I'm sad that there isn't an 11 in IMDB's rating scale because this is the best fantasy movie ever. No doubts. It is fantastic, it is epic - and the soundtrack is brilliant -, it is beautiful. It is... precious. The wait for The Return Of The King is unbearable.
Spider-Man
(2002)
Oh... they made a comic-book movie...
4 February 2003
This could have been it... it should have been the best comic-book adaptation to film ever. But it isn't. Why? Because it's a comic-book movie. I thought that when you put together such a high budget and expectations on a movie you should be obliged to, at least, do something really great. Sam Raimi didn't achieve what he should have achieved. Don't get me wrong, this isn't a bad movie, it just isn't likely to make you believe that Spider-Man could be real. X-Men makes us believe that, Batman (the first two, that is) makes us believe that. Spider-Man doesn't. The CG character is only average quality for nowaday's standards and the acting is pretty basic. The plot seems to take a leap sometimes with no understandable reason and they have altered the comic-books so much that it hurts. If you want to make a comic-book movie you MUST obey the comic-book's rules. They made Peter Parker a wimp. They made him Clark Kent. I am a fan of the Spider-Man comic books and I am disappointed with this movie. It could have been so much better. I hope Sam Raimi does read the books before he finished Spider-Man 2 and not just pretend he has been a fan all his life.
Die Another Day
(2002)
The best of Brosnan
20 January 2003
We have to admit that the actors that have portrayed James Bond in 40 years have been both great actors and bad actors. Pierce Brosnan fits in the first category. Brosnan is probably the second best Bond after Roger Moore - Sean Connery was great but being the first didn't give him too much visibility, George Lazenby was a very sad choice, and Timothy Dalton was unlucky enough to have 3 not-so-good movies although I really appreciate him as an actor. What was lacking in Pierce Brosnan's 007 career was a really good Bond movie. Die Another Day is that movie. Of course I've realized that the plot is senseless and silly... so what? All James Bond movies are about great action sequences, car chases, women and, naturally, Bond getting out of the most wicked situations in the most unpredictable way. In Die Another Day, 007 achieves it all. He surfs, he runs, he jumps, he drinks, he drives and he fights, all the time with flawless hairstyle & tux. This is, after all, James Bond's finest trademark. Two notes go to Toby Stephens (Gustav Graves), the first since Christopher Lee (Francisco Scaramanga) in The Man With The Golden Gun to level up with Bond and face him eye-in-the-eye, and the great Monty Python John Cleese (Q) whose performance is equal to the late Desmond Llewelyn (and who will always be Q in the hearts of James Bond fans) if not even superior. Die Another Day is probably the best bond movie since A View To A Kill because it is the first of these to have all the classic James Bond elements. All 007 fans should definitely watch this movie but viewers that are not into the genre should not get high expectations about Die Another Day. It is a movie for the fans, and what a great James Bond this is!
The Sixth Sense
(1999)
The best horror movie of the last decade
8 January 2003
The Sixth Sense can achieve the title of best horror movie of the 90's with little trouble. Is has an amazing script, a brilliant director, and top-class performances. Haley Joel Osment does a fantastic job and presents himself as a firm promise for the future of acting. This movie will keep you interested to the end and awards should be given to those who anticipated the fabulous plot twist that the final ten minutes of this movie present us. Although this movie was released on what was probably the worst decade for horror movies ever, it will surely take his part in history as one of the best the world will lay their eyes on for many years. This is movie presents enormous maturity and interest and even those who are not fans of the genre will surely appreciate The Sixth Sense. You should take note that this movie is not frightening for its visuals though. It is frightening for its fabulous acting and the psychological fear it can induce on the viewer.
The best of the sequels
8 January 2003
How unfair can a movie rating be? If you looked at these scores you would never guess that Dream Warriors is the best movie of the Nightmare On Elm Street series. Although Freddy's Revenge, the second installment on the series, was a bit lame, Dream Warriors actually take Freddy's saga to a next level. Plotwise, this movie is also of extreme importance as it starts to unravel a few of Freddy's background and the emerging of his arch-enemy, Nancy. The legacy left from this movie is also noteworthy. Films like Scream have obviously taken their inspiration from Dream Warriors' plot. If you are a fan of the Nightmare On Elm Street series then this movie is a must. If you are looking for a thrill, or just tired of failed Screams sequels, watch this movie and you won't regret it.
A Nightmare on Elm Street
(1984)
Horror movies as they should be
8 January 2003
First of all it should be noted that I am a big fan of the Nightmare On Elm Street series so I'm afraid that some readers may find these comments biased. A Nightmare On Elm Street is probably the second biggest reference in the world of modern horror movies - alongside with The Exorcist. Freddy Krueger is one the greatest horror characters ever to be created and that alone should attract you to watching this movie. Although this movie isn't really scary for The Exorcist's standards it still can give you a chill if you aren't an usual viewer of horror movies. This is the first of many sequels and I must say that it is, as usual, one of the best. It is purely original, defining an era of horror movies, and giving you a thrill that you won't find in any post-1990 horror movies. If you like horror movies - even if you don't - you will like this movie. If you find movies like Scream of I Know What You Did Last Summer frightening then you will have the fright of your life with A Nightmare On Elm Street.
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