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Kingsman: The Secret Service (2014)
Fun Movie To Start Off The Spy Year
Kingsman The Secret Service is based on a comic book, The Secret Service by Dave Gibbons and Mark Millar. I can't say how the movie compares to the comic, because I haven't read it. I'm told the story differs substantially. It's a fun return to the 60's spy movies where the emphasis was on style, gadgets and cars. It's also a very British movie, which will confuse the American audiences. It's still a lot of fun and I can't recommend it enough. Could've done with out the abundant CGI effects. The prologue has several spies hanging in from a helicopter as they wing into the compound of a middle eastern warlord. One of them is killed in the mission and it's up to agent Galahad (Colin Frith) to deliver the terrible news to his fallen comrade's wife and young child. He gives the widow a medallion. It has the letter "K" on it and he tells her to call them if they ever needs anything. When the widow refuses the medallion, he hands to the toddler,reminding him to take good care of his mother.
Forward to the present. The toddler has grown up to be Gary "Eggsy" Unwin (Taron Egerton) a talented young man with not much of a future. His mom has taken up with a thug and has another child. After getting tossed in a cell for stealing a car from a local tough, Eggsy remembers the medallion he wears, calls the number on the back and asks for help. Suddenly he's a free man and walks out to meet Agent Galahad, AKA Harry, the same man who brought the horrible news to him and his mother about his father's death. Harry is from the John Steed school of British secret agents and looks dapper in a suit with an umbrella. He tells Eggsy about the secret service organization his father and him belonged to. When some of the local hooligans show up looking for revenge over the car theft, Harry takes them all out with combined martial arts and his gadget- enhanced umbrella.
At the same time, we are introduced to the criminal mastermind every good spy movie needs. In this instance its Richmond Valentine (Samuel L Jackson), an internet billionaire who dresses flamboyantly and speaks with a lisp. He's decided his private efforts to stop ecological disaster have been a waste of time. Now he's come up with a new plan: eliminate the source of the problem, i.e., most of the world's human population. But Harry's private secret service organization, the Kingsman, has Valentine in their sites. Will they be able to stop him before he realizes his sinister plan?
Much of Kingsman The Secret Service concerns Eggsy's training. At the beginning of the film, one of the Kingsman operatives is taken out by a anchorwoman of Valentine. Since there are only 12 active field operatives at any given time, each of the other agents nominate a successor. Of course, Harry nominates Eggsy and he moves into the training compound with the other candidates. The training is rigorous and the trainees are informed by the their instructor, and Kingsman tech specialist, "Merlin", some of them may not survive. There's unexpected encounters with weapons, potential drowning and a particularly scary scene with a high altitude sky dive. Naturally, most of the other candidates are Cambridge and Oxford snobs, making fun of Eggsy's working class accent.
The actual Kingsman organization is something of a mystery. In the comic the agents simply worked for a branch of the British government. Like Mr. Bond, it was a "ministry" always seems to be some shadowy government branch overseen by men in bowler hats. But the organization in Kingsman The Secret Service is an independent organization. Harry takes Eggsy to their headquarters early in the film and it turns out to be a high-end tailor shop, "The Kingsman", which has been making uniforms and suits for the British government for centuries. As Harry describes it, the firm was wealthy, but lacked heirs. Concerned if they did nothing, there might not be a British government to clothe, the company decided to put its vast money into toward a secret society designed to serve Britain and humanity. Although, like UNCLE HQ, the outside of the shop may look ordinary, it's the doorway into a vast organization with its own weapons, finances, and technology. Running the show is agent "Arthur", played by the venerable Michael Caine.
Another topic Harry occasionally talks about is how gentleman are born, not made. The smart suit worn by a Kingsman is his suit of armor. It's also bullet proof. "Manners make the man", Harry proclaims just before he locks the door behind him to deal with some punks. Even when meeting in virtual, the 12 Kingsman agents sit at a table, not round, but rectangular. It's an amusing application of Thomas Malory to the modern world.
Looks like 2015 is the year of the spy movie. Kingsman The Secret Service shows it's off to a good start. www.spysafehouse.com
The Last Will and Testament of Rosalind Leigh (2012)
Lost Will
The Last Will and Testament of Rosalind Leigh by Rodrigo Gudiño is his first feature-length film. He's accomplished much with his Rue Morgue magazine and video line, but this is a new direction. When interviewed, Gudino claimed he was trying to make a religious horror movie, for example The Exorcist. He also mentioned how he wanted it to be a literary horror movie. His overall concept was for the movie to be watched by an individual, much as one person reads a book by themselves. Video is a perfect medium for one-person viewing. A young man returns to the house of his deceased mother. He's an antiques dealer and discovers she has been filling the house with things she's discretely purchased from him. We know his father was the leader of a renegade angel worshiping church. We also discover his father committed suicide. During the course of his stay in the house strange things happen. Statues disappear and reappear. Ominous shaped appear in the background. An unseen caller at the door warns him of a beast wandering around the neighborhood. Is it all in his mind? Or is it someone else's mind?
At times this movie reminds me of Del Toro, other times David Lynch. It is a very original concept: a haunted house movie with one actor. 95% of the film consists of Aaron Poole encountering the house. Vanessa Redgrave exists in voice-overs. She introduces the film by reading a letter; it's all part of her last will and testament. Through her readings we learn the back story of the movie. Poole encounters other people only by voice: over his cell phone. Here is one modern horror movie where the director doesn't dispense with the cell phones in the beginning!
The atmosphere is what makes this movie scary. The sole actor is stuck in a house filled with creepy antiques. Some are religious in nature. Whoever designed the set for this film deserves countless awards. From the outside, the house resembles any upscale stone fake medieval McMansion. It does have a heavy-duty dungeon front door (you can buy those at Home Depot). So you are never sure if a shadowy figure in the background is a statue or something worse.
Being a modern horror film, it has the contractual CGI monster. The viewer doesn't see much of this one until a dream sequence, so you are never sure if it is supposed to be real or a hallucination. This one is first glimpsed on a security monitor while the protagonist is trying to contact the security company. Just as the image shows up on the monitor, he loses connection with the technician.
Rosalind Leigh is a dark and melancholy film. It clocks in at just under an hour and a half. It's open to many interpretations, which was probably the director's intent. http://wp.me/p3OBFI-4L
Altered (2006)
Alien Avengers
In Altered, the director puts the "alien abduction" scenario on it's head. We've all seen movies and TV shows about alien abductions. They're a genre into themselves. But what happens when the abductees decide to kidnap an alien themselves? This is the question the director attempts to answer in a movie which can be taken as serious or comedic. Years ago, four friends were kidnapped in the wilds of Florida by aliens from outer space. They were eventually released, but only after the invaders had "done things" to them. Now they are grown men and the laughing stock of their small town. Nobody believed them at the time, nobody does now. Finally, tired of the ridicule, three of the four head out to a remote farm where the aliens have established a hidden compound. They manage to capture one of the aliens and haul it back. Their prey secured in a van, they take it to the last member of the four, Wyatt, who lives on an isolated compound. Wyatt is horrified; he's got a girlfriend living with him and still has vivid memories of what the creatures did to him. He's also in a psychic link with the aliens and knows they will be furious at having one of their number captured. All hell breaks loose when the captured alien breaks free in the compound. And, worse, a whole ground force of aliens are on their way to rescue their fallen comrade.
The plot is tight. The film opens with the capture of the alien, then speeds to Wyatt's compound, where most of the action takes place. The actors who play the trio responsible for snaring the beast all do a top- notch collective performance as a bunch of confused and scared rednecks. The actor playing Wyatt has just enough fear and bravery to make him a great horror movie hero.
Plus points to the team who did the effect work on the alien costumes; it was done without CGI. More plus points to the people who did the stunt work.
I recommend giving this film a chance. You might be able to find a cheap used DVD.
http://cinemaofhorror.com/altered/
Kiss of the Damned (2012)
Vamps Done Right
Finally, someone puts the Vamp back into bloodsuckers and does the medium justice with Kiss of the Damned. Directed by Alexandria "Xan" Cassavetes (daughter of John Cassavetes and Gena Rowlands). the film has recently been released to DVD and Netflix. Kiss is an homage to all the "sexy' Euro-vampire movies of the 70's which lit-up the Drive-ins and city theaters. It has a continental European feel, unlike the British Hammer movies of the time, where the action was more important than the mood. Jean Rollin would be impressed.
Hunky Paolo (Milo Ventimiglia) is a screenwriter working somewhere north of LA on his latest assignment. One night he gets writer's block and decides to visit a video rental store (making the movie a period piece) where he meets the sultry Djuna (Josephine de La Baume). Smitten by her looks, he asks her out one evening and both end up at her palatial mansion in the forest, which over-looks a lake. You know something's not right with her since we've already watched the maid come in and daintily clean blood off the marbled floor.
Djuna kicks Paolo out when he tries to get to close to her for no obvious reason. Not to take no for an answer, Paolo begins stalking her and one night just shows up at her door. She keeps the chain locked, but they begin kissing through the gap. Djuna bites his mouth, drawing blood, and he finally leaves.
This time when Paolo confronts Djuna she confesses: she's a real life vampire. Paolo refuses to believe, but, totally in love with her, chains her to the bed as the only safe way to have sex with her. In an unbelievably hot scene, Djuna sprouts fangs and feral eyes as she tries to put the bite on Paolo. Instead of running for his life, Paolo unlocks her chains. Djuna plunges her fangs into him, not to kill him, but to exchange blood, thus infecting him withe Living Dead curse.
After Paolo has been vamped, the audience discovers some very interesting things about the breed: they have extremely long lives, don't succumb to natural diseases, and heal instantly upon injury. The need to feed is a by-product of their condition, but vampires have learned to over-come their desire for humans by going after game animals such as deer (could use a whole vampire coven in the national park near me). The blood drive is always a problem and through-out the movie you see Paolo and Djuna staring at people's necks, fighting back the urge. Human servants are chosen from those with blood disorders, so the won't be a temptation. Vampirism is portrayed as alcoholism with benefits.
But Djuna and Paolo's sojourn comes to an end with the arrival of Mimi, Djuna's sister. You know Mimi is going to be trouble from the start when she arrives. Soon Djuna has placed a call to Xenia, one of the Undead Elders to find out what can be done about her problematic sibling. Xenia assures her the younger vamp is "having some issues", but she has a safe house arranged for her in Phoenix. However, Djuna has heard all this before....
There is plenty of discussion on the Internet about how this movie resembles a 70's vampire movie in its form and style. I don't feel such comments are criticisms, but an observation of how low the medium has sunk in the aftermath of Rice and Twilight. Yes, Kiss is a very Gothic movie, but Karnstein goth as opposed to Bauhaus. It has the same dreamy set-pieces which Lemora tried to copy back in 1975. Here, they work extraordinarily.
It is also a very erotic movie. The love-making scenes between Paolo and Djuna nearly melted my HD screen. But this is Daughters of Darkness sexy; the sort of scene you might have saw on the bottom half of a double bill in 1975. Subtle, not at all what you'll find surfing the Internet.
The only recurring problem with film are the accents. The director choose French fashion models to play most of the lead women vampires and their way of pronouncing words in English does add to the sexiness. But sometimes it is hard to understand a word Djuna is saying. I'll have to buy the Blu-Ray just to turn on the subtitles (watched it on Netflix).
I highly recommend this movie as an homage to all the great vampire movies of the 70's. http://cinemaofhorror.com/kiss-damned/
Antiviral (2012)
Bloody Apple
Antiviral is a complex and bloody film. Gorehounds looking for a quick fix and going to be in for a major disappointment. There is plenty of the red stuff in this movie, but it is spew not by knife wounds, but nasal discharge. If you have an issue with needles, as I do, you're going to be looking away from the screen a lot. And if you enjoy A, B, C plots, you'll be scratching your head trying to figure out what happened.
In the film, Caleb Jones plays Syd March, who works for the Lucas Clinic selling designer celebrity diseases to fans who want to experience the same illness their favorite star has endured. For some reason, it makes them feel closer to their idol. Syd is a young guy with long, messy hair who manages to look good in a suit and connect with his clients. But he acts sickly, probably because he's intentionally infecting himself with the designer germs and selling them to a pirate operation. The custom diseases cannot be transmitted to anyone other than the purchaser as they've been designed that way. However, Syd has managed to get hold of a machine, which he stashes in his apartment, to break the viral code.
The plot becomes very sinister when Syd infects himself with a virus from a celebrity model. It's announced a few days later she died from the bug and now he's in early stages of the disease. Furthermore, the disease he carries is valuable because her massive fan base wants to experience the same sickness. Syd, becoming sicker as the movie progresses, is now being hunted by different factions who want the celebrity virus and will stop at nothing to get it.
To discuss the plot further would be to give most of it away. But there are scenes which just scream Cronenberg the Elder: a butcher shop where people can purchase artificially grown slabs of celebrity meat (imagine: a place where you could buy a hunk of Heidi Klum). artificial skin patches harvested from celebrity skin cells which you can have grafted to your own body. A virtual reality tank where you can tell a model what to do to herself. The kid is taking his dad's ideas and going very far.
Malcom McDowell has a few brief scene stealers as Dr. Abendroth, who runs a private clinic for celebrities. McDowell is one actor who has became creepier with each passing year. Alex from A Clockwork Orange is now an elder man, but the gaze remains.
This is a very scary film with plenty of blood. Watch it in a Hazmat suit.
The Old Dark House (1932)
Dark And Stormy Benighted
One dark and stormy night,a group of travelers are stranded in the Welsh countryside at a sinister mansion. The door is opened by a mute butler named Morgan (Karloff). The travelers, two men and one woman, are soon greeted by the matriarch of the family, who owns the house, Rebecca Femm. She is accompanied by her strange brother, Horace Femm. Later the group is joined by another couple. As the evening grows, the visitors learn there are two more people in the house: Sir Roderick Femm, an invalid; and Saul Femm, whom no one wants to talk about.
As in the novel, most of the movie consists of the various characters sitting around talking. Whale is able to make these static scenes shine by using his actors, who would go on to other brilliant roles in cinema. Charles Laughton steals the show as the good-time nouveau rich. The director even managed to keep some of his monologues from the book, where you learn about the pain his jocular exterior is hiding. The only character who didn't make the transition very well was Melvyn Douglas, who comes off as a playboy. In the book, he was still shell-shocked from WW1.
As this was an early sound movie, the medium shots work very well. It gives the actors plenty of time to deliver their lines while not having to lug the huge cameras behind them. There's no music score.
It was a real shock to realize the Gloria Stuart in The Old Dark House was the same Gloria Stuart who dropped the diamond in The Titanic. What a difference 65 years can make!
But the real scene stealer is Saul Femm, a character from the book who didn't have any lines in it. In the film version he's one of the creepiest madman imaginable. He makes his entrance slowly down the stairs and claims to have been imprisoned wrongfully in the house. But a few minutes into his cry for mercy you quickly realize he's a full-blown lunatic. I don't think I've ever seen such a well-rounded pyromaniac.
Ernest Thesiger, who would go on to play Dr. Septimus Pretorius in Bride of Frankenstein (1935), is my favorite character. You soon learn he's on the run from the police and is hiding out in the house. We never do find out why he's wanted by the law. He plays the role with just the right amount of droll humor to keep it moving. To bad the didn't use the best line he had in the book:
'We'll play Truth,' said Penderel. 'It's just the moment for it.'
'So they have turned it into a game now, have they?' cried Mr. Femm, in his thin, bitter voice. 'It was high time they did.
The movie didn't do too well when it was first released. Which is a shame because it's the best example I can find of Universal horror movies from the 1930′s.
Last Kind Words (2012)
Atmospheric Southern Gothic
First-time filmmaker Kevin Barker has managed to create an atmospheric ghost story with Last Kind Words (2012). The title, taken from an old folk song, where the "Kind" refers to something taken "in kind". It's not a bad little movie, just confusing as to the plot. You can tell Barker had all the right influences in his direction and loved the place where he was filming. However, the plot has trouble hanging together and key points are whisked out of thin air. Still, a good little film. Right now it's streaming on Netflix. There's even a dedicated Facebook page for it. The movie begins with Eli (Spencer Daniels) moving to rural Kentucky with his parents. You never know why they've decided to leave "the city" and return to the farm life, other than there's some mention of Eli's dad Bud having lost his job at a factory. They move into a mobile home on the land of Waylon (Brad Dourf), who lives in a picture-perfect big house. Eli instantly meets the mysterious red-haired Amanda (Alexia Fast) the moment he tries to take an apple from a tree. Bud, who proves to be an abusive father, scolds him for grabbing the apple, but Eli doesn't tell his father about Amanda. When Eli asks Waylon about Amanda, the older man warns him to stay away from her, claiming she's dangerous.
Much of the film consists of Eli wandering around the farm. You rarely see anything else, save the occasion trip to the store. While the land is beautifully photographed, the actor playing Eli just doesn't generate enough presence to make these scenes memorable. The actress playing Amanda, however, lights up the screen every time she steps into the frame. She has the right amount of ethereal personality to create a supernatural effect.
The other actors are all capable veterans. Brad Dourf, a character actor who sold the character of Piter De Vries in Dune, is amazing as Waylon. The man simply cannot give a bad performance. His name is in front and is the reason I watched Last Kind Words in the first place. I'd like to see more of Sarah Steele in the future; her brief appearances as Eli's city girl friend are memorable.
There's plenty of scares. All of which involve bodies hanging from a tree. The opening sequence involving a hunting tragedy is creepy and mysterious. You have to wait to the end of the movie to have it resolved. It's not the most satisfying of explanations, but works within the context of the film.
Terror in the Jungle (1968)
Odd Little Jungle Movie
It's not the little blond kid who spends the entire movie whining. Nor is it the Peruvian Indian tribe who got their garb from the Sears discount rack. No, it's not even the plane full of passengers who create the most annoying group of people in history. It's the synthesis of all parts of this movie which takes it to new levels of bizarre. Here is one of those films from the past which makes you ask: "What the hell did they have in mind?" Jungle movie. Then why the extended scenes with the irritating little kid? Family entertainment. Would someone then explain all the graphic knife stab scenes? Adventure film. Where's the hero? This had to be somebody's vanity production. I just can't figure out who. Can't be the director Tom Simone, he went into the gay niche adult film minor leagues after this, his debut. What really makes this oddity such a question mark is it's few scenes of brilliance. Such as the little whiny kid floating away from a plane crash in a coffin. And a jaguar transformation scene toward the end which comes out of left field. Not to mention another scene involving quicksand which would have Children Services breaking down the producers door if filmed today. Strange little film which begs for a remake.